Answering Marriage Seller Assertions, Talking Points, and Questions - Part 10

Read Part 1 here and Part 2 here and Part 3 here and Part 4 here and Part 5 here and Part 6 here and Part 7 here and Part 8 here and Part 9 here.

Single men waste a lot of time and money running around chasing women.

So do a lot of married men!

But seriously, when a man signs a terrible state contract, his money and time are no longer his own. They are controlled by his wife. Marriage sellers think that is a good thing, and not wasteful.

The men who try this argument reveal that they considered what they did/do when unmarried to be a waste. And maybe it was. Whether the time and money he spends is a waste is up to him to decide.

But many unmarried men, especially free men who know what they're doing, which might include running game, don't waste much time or money and are very much happy with being unmarried.

If a man runs game, he won't be spending a lot of time and money. He's definitely spending less than a husband, though a common complaint of wives is that their husband isn't spending a lot of time and money "chasing" her. How is buying overpriced flowers that will be withered and discarded soon, or chocolates for an obese wife NOT wasting money? You know what a waste of money is? Paying for two sets of divorce lawyers because you entered into a terrible state contract even though you didn't need to.

If you're really so worried that "single" men are wasting time and money how about showing them how to live the life they want for less time and money spent, instead of urging them to sign a terrible state contract?

Part 11

Use This Neat Trick to Have More Free Time, Money, and Happiness

DO NOT MARRY! Don't live with a woman. Do not promise exclusivity to a woman. Do not spend money on women (at least not more than $60 per date.)

That will leave you with more free time, more money, and happiness as you'll have a peaceful home and get to do what you want, when you want, how you want.

Stay free. Stay a Free Man.

You can have a full, happy, productive life without ever marrying.

Most men shouldn't marry.

You weren't born with a wife.

You don't need a wife.

There's a lack of marriageable women. Red flags abound.

Marriage is a bad deal for most men.

Most marriages fail.

Here's my open letter to Dennis Prager countering his encouragement of men to marry.

Be Smart About Food Costs

As you know, food prices are significantly higher. It’s even worse if you live in certain “blue” states and cities. As I write this, fast food prices have just been driven up again in California by legislators micromanaging those places and the wages they pay. [This has been boosted up from December 2024, but this keeps happening.]

If you’re a very high earner so that your time is expensive, it is relatively inexpensive to hire someone to prepare your home meals. They can even do it once per week for the whole week. It’s certainly less expensive than a wife!

For the rest of us…

While it can take some time, planning, and other effort, you can save money (and be healthier!) by eating more home meals.

You don’t need to be a chef, but you do need some basic kitchen safety habits. It’s never been easier to prepare your own meals. There’s an endless supply of free information online, there are books, there are free or inexpensive local classes, informing you of everything from tips to recipes. You can also recreate your favorite fast food tastes at home, if you really want to.

In general, unless you’re homesteading, the cheapest way to eat is getting your groceries from supermarkets, superstores (like the larger Walmarts), membership stores, and the like. Don’t dismiss places marketing to ethnicities different than your own. Yes, using their club card, app, or credit card will mean they will track everything you buy and keep it in a file about you. Do you really care? It will make your purchases cheaper (as long as you never carry over a balance on the credit card).

Pay attention to those ads and coupons that come to your physical mailbox. Just as you can find food prep and recipe tips online, you can find shopping tips online that will save you money.

In general, the more “raw” and less processed the food, the less expensive. Yes, you can buy frozen cheeseburgers complete with buns, but you’re probably saving money if you buy ground beef to cook yourself. But stores are increasingly offering prepared, “grab and go” meals that might save you over fast food joints and other restaurants.

Buying in bulk can also lower costs, providing what you’re buying doesn’t go bad before you consume it. Don’t buy more than you need.

If you’re not already doing it, you’d be surprised how tasty and filling it can be to simply eat a vegetable (like a carrot) or piece of fruit. You don’t even need to cut them up and process them.

You can have air fryers, slow cookers, blenders, bread makers, coffee makers, and other food processors at home. You can have a thermos and other containers to make it easy to take home prepared meals with you to work or wherever else you’re going. You can make most of your meals for an entire week in one afternoon or evening, especially if you’re willing to make more than one meal out of the same dish.

Pay attention to the drinks you’re buying when you’re out. Fancy coffees, shakes, booze, teas, sodas/pop ain’t cheap. Driving? Take water with you or whatever drink you make at home (no boozing and driving!) and if you must do a drive through, that alone will save you money. Getting table service? Nothing wrong with water.

Fast food prices have risen so much it can make sense to instead order pickup/takeout from a table service place instead. For example, if you want a burger or chicken sandwich, there are places like Red Robin and many others. Order it to go using an app, website, or phone call. Even better if you’re going to be out running errands in the area anyway. A minimal tip will suffice. The total cost won’t be much more than a lower quality fast food order.

And, finally, you’re saving a lot if you’re running game, because you’re not paying for the meals and drinks for a woman (and her kids or friends!). Even if you’re not running game, but just not dating at all, that saves you money, guys. 

I feel bad for small business owners suffering because of government interference and inflation. I feel bad for the people who won’t get jobs or enough hours because of these government-imposed labor costs. Automation will increase. But as a consumer, your priority needs to be your own finances. 

If you you will be enjoying fast food or other restaurants, consider local “mom and pop” places and be aware that some other places are corporate-owned, others are franchised. Franchisees can be large or small. Bottom line: Who owns the places you’re considering? A big business or a small business? It’s possible your local McDonald’s is actually a small business.

It Costs More to Raise Children Now

“People in the past had (more) kids even though they had less wealth.”

That statement is made to try to cajole people into having (more) kids, as though other factors haven’t come into play.

Life has changed.

More people used to live on family farms or above family shops. The kids were working in the family business as soon as they could walk. Or the kids were going to work in factories, mines, or other income-earning jobs.

If mom and dad weren’t working the family farm or shop together, dad could be working his entire career for the same employer, in the same town.

High school is not much more than a century old, and a much smaller percentage of the population went to college.

Now, for many “professional” or career-type jobs, at least a Bachelor’s degree is required by employers. Landing a job, and subsequent promotions, often requires jumping from company to company and relocating. When you have kids, that becomes very difficult. Layoffs don’t help! If you’re getting your health insurance through your employer, it’s much less of an issue if you’re childfree.

Kids were financial assets from an early age, now they are liabilities for 26-plus years.

Most people don’t think it’s good or even acceptable anymore to have kids, especially kids of the opposite sex, sharing small bedrooms, so each additional child can mean needing an additional bedroom. Even if you’re willing to cram your kids into a small place, housing costs have outpaced inflation.

As have automobile costs, and each child needs their own seat, with a special child’s seat contraption, and then a booster seat, almost until they’re ready to drive themselves. This isn’t the old days of packing onto the floor of a van or the back of a station wagon. Speaking of driving themselves, there are more restrictions on teens driving. Having kids usually means needing larger automobiles.

Healthcare costs have also outpaced inflation. Oh, there are glasses/contacts, dental work, orthodontics, therapy…

College costs have also outpaced inflation. But before college, there’s hiring tutors. Public schools involve certain costs, too, but if you find them unusable, how much do you think private schools cost, hmmm? Oh, “Just homeschool!”? Who’s paying off mom’s student loans then, eh? Homeschooling usually isn’t entirely free, and means much less time and ability to earn income.

I won’t even get into the costs of day orphanages (daycare).

Birthdays. More kids today have a party every year. That doesn’t just mean you have to pay for your own kid’s party every year. There’s buying gifts for, and attending their friends’ parties, too. The time itself is costly. And of course there’s the really big birthday parties: Sweet 16, quinceañeras, bar and bat mitzvahs, which are rivaling weddings for expense and trouble.

Recreation and entertainment costs have gone up. Do you know what it costs to visit a major theme or amusement park now? Professional sports games/matches?

Are you going to pay for your child’s wedding??? 

None of this is even taking into consideration that your child might get involved in something as simple as a schoolyard fight that, nowadays, will require you to hire lawyers. Those aren’t cheap.

What if your child has special needs or a disability? This can not only be costly in money, but time, effort, and freedom as well. And that might continue the rest of your life.

Let’s not forget taxes and all of the other ways government of various levels collects money from us that have increased.

And what happens if the person you made the kid with decides they don’t want to be married anymore? How much is a divorce and ongoing battles over custody, support, and other matters going to cost? How much will the support cost? Therapy for the kids?

No matter how much the fertility rate panic pushers try to gloss over things, children are expensive, draining, and limiting.

People often want to have the same “things” others have, if they see it’s a better life. People also see what other people go through and realize they don’t want that in their life. Many childfree people see what parents deal with, and say “No thanks!” The panic pushers don’t want people to believe their “lying eyes.”

Maybe some of those people in the past or elsewhere are poor mainly because they had more children? It’s also possible poor people have (more) kids because they are something that is “theirs” and they think they can control. Everything else is only theirs until it gets repossessed or their landlord raises rent.

None of these people telling you to have (more) kids are going to be there to pay your bills, or deal with the toils and troubles. No, that will be up to you. And some of those people will be first in line to criticize you if you don’t handle parenting exactly the way they want you to. Because it isn’t simply, “Have kids.” No, no, no… it’s “Have kids, then do everything else the way we say, too.”

They want you to feel guilt and shame for wanting to be somewhat secure, wanting to enjoy your life and freedom, not wanting to struggle. They’ll say what approaches “But you CAN afford kids! You can rent a few square feet in Montana & live in a tent!”

Haven’t we heard over and over again that people sacrifice and struggle and work hard so that future generations have a better life, and can live better than previous generations? And yet if you try to actually fulfill that by living a better life, these panic pushers freak out. These fertility cultists seem to be saying, “No, not a better life for you! Someone else, down the line!”

In addition to monetary costs, many people staying with the default of being childfree also think children should have parents who will stay together, cooperate, and treat each other well, but are perceiving, correctly, that they can’t provide that, or there’s a significant risk of not being able to provide that.

The claim that concerns about the costs of raising children aren’t warranted doesn’t withstand scrutiny.

The Costs of Raising a Child

Is Getting Married a Smart Short-Term Financial Move For a Man?

I was listening to podcasts from the Dr. Laura Show from mid-June 2015, and she took a call from a woman whose grown daughter was in a five-year relationship, and NOT shacking up with the guy. Both of them had been pursuing graduate degrees. The reason the guy had given to the caller's daughter about not yet being married was financial. Dr. Laura scoffed at this and noted he's supporting himself and paying rent, so there would be no cost to to marrying and moving in the caller's daughter. [This entry has been bumped up.]

I've heard Dennis Prager express similar ideas.

Dr. Laura did acknowledge that having children would increase costs.

A lot of guys fall for the mistake in thinking that moving in a wife or a shack-up honey will be 1) financially efficient and 2) a good financial decision. Let's just stick to moving in a wife, since shacking up is a horrible idea all around, and Dr. Laura would discourage it. [Marrying is almost always a horrible idea for men, too.]

The reality is, it isn't as simple as "Oh, now she's here so she can contribute to rent." The ideal portrayed is that, after marrying, these two will continue to earn at least as much as they already are in their respective jobs, and they will eliminate redundant expenses. and would be able to buy some things they'd usually buy separately "in bulk" together. But how often does it really work on that way?

In no particular order:

1) Moving a wife in means getting married. While Dr. Laura often tells the joint biological parents who are shacking up to run down to the county office and get married (because marriage is correlated to benefits to the children), it is highly unlikely this woman, who has been dating this guy for five years and not shacking up with him, would agree to that. Instead, an expensive wedding and related expensive events/purchases would be "necessary".

2) Once married, women tend to push for children (and others also apply pressure to have children) or "forget" to take contraception.

3) Most likely, his utility and grocery costs will increase, along with his vehicle maintenance and operation costs.

4) She will start buying all sorts of stuff they don't really need, since she won't feel like she needs to be tight with her money for survival. His money will now legally be her money, so she won't feel the need to be thrifty. Also, she will insist on redecorating, and throwing out and replacing everything from cookware to furniture, especially if some other woman he had sex with ever touched any of it.

5) For much the same reasons as #4, she might push for a bigger apartment or a home purchase.

6) She will pressure him to work less and avoid networking happy hours, to make social engagements she's arranged, and to keep him from spending time with other women, who are now fully integrated into workplaces. She will also likely discourage him from taking promotions that would involve moving or changing health plans or might put him on the radar of women she thinks are more attractive than her.

7) She will likely work less.


Don't even try the "married men earn more money" line.

There's probably a bunch I'm forgetting. The point is, dismissing financial concerns as unfounded fails the reality test. Now maybe he's just using it as an excuse. But it isn't necessarily the case. And  these things  are just the short-term, because that was the issue. The claim was that the man wanted to be on better financial footing before marrying. For the long term, marrying will definitely be against his financial advantage, as at least half of everything he'll earn will be hers by law.

Don't Do Things You Can't Afford

Matt Walsh writes a lot of good stuff. I follow him on Twitter. I haven't listened to his podcasts or read his book. Every once in a while, I disagree with what he writes, and this is one of those times. [This is bumped up from May 2017.]

This time, Walsh wrote to encourage people to go ahead and have children young. Walsh is greatly disturbed that so many people his age are still living with a parent, but even if they're not, he's still bothered that they're not marrying, and not having children. And it probably bothers him a lot (though he doesn't say it in this column) that most of them are fornicating and/or masturbating.

I generally do think people should move out of their parents' home when they finish with college or before, but it doesn't bother me in the slightest that people are not marrying and not having children.

I was 27 and broke when we had kids.

And that was irresponsible of Walsh.

They were twins, so we became a family of four right out of the gate. We didn’t really know anybody where we lived, and we were about 600 miles from the nearest family member.

Bad planning.

I wasn’t making much money at my job, we had nothing in savings, and we were pretty far in the red because of medical bills and my wife’s student loan debt.

This is what you SHOULD NOT DO, kids.

...it’s clear that we were not in what our society would consider the “ideal” position to get married or have kids. We weren’t ready. We couldn’t afford it. And yet we did get married and we did have kids.

Which was irresponsible.

And here we are. All of us (five of us now). Still breathing, somehow.

Yes, it is called debt, handouts from family, and, for a lot of people, public assistance in one form or another. If Walsh avoided all three of these things, I'd be very surprised.

My generation has been stuck in neutral for years, not wanting to get married, not wanting to have kids, refusing to move out of mom’s house and be adults, always insisting that we aren’t “ready.”

People can be living on their own and still not want to get married and even if they do want to marry, still not want to have kids.

The Importance of an Emergency Fund

Less politely, they are called "F--- You Funds."

You need a minimum of six months, ideally a year, of liquid funds. This would be enough to cover your hard expenses if all of your income stopped: mortgage/rent, utilities, vehicle/transportation, clothing/laundry, medical/health visits and costs, groceries, necessary memberships and subscriptions, etc. You can get an over-estimate by looking at every outgoing payment out of your bank or credit union account for the past year, and totaling that up.

Why? Because your employment might change. Life changes. Emergencies happen. Disasters happen.

You want to have the fund in place so that if your employer(s) disappear, or become too much trouble, or decide they don't need you anymore, you can walk away and be OK. Do you know what it is like to be at a job mostly for the fun of it, knowing that if things are no longer fun, you can walk away and be OK? I had a time in my life like that. (Unfortunately, I made the mistake of marrying, so that changed.) Having an emergency fund doesn't turn a blah or lousy job into a fun one, but it does give you peace of mind and a lot of flexibility.

If you're truly living paycheck to paycheck, without an emergency fund, something is wrong. You need to change that somehow. Cut expenses. Get a raise. Get more work. Change jobs. Sell some of your stuff. If you have debts, pay those off, starting with the debt with the highest interest rate first.

You need to put aside as much money as you can on a regular basis until you have a full fund. Have it automatically move from your checking account to your savings account, if you can. Or into some relatively safe, liquid account like brokerage account. Once you do have that fund in place, consider continuing the diversions, to an investment account. Unless you're elderly or terminal, you should be investing and saving up. Think of it this way: plan, budget, save, invest, and insure.

Guys, this is much easier to do if you don't have a wife and kids for which to pay. If you have an emergency fund and you make the mistake of marrying, at least ensure, with a lawyer, that your emergency fund stays separate. It will help you if there is a divorce. Do what your lawyer says: Do not co-mingle that fund, do not spend it on stuff for your marriage, or for your wife. ALSO, if you get an inheritance, work with a lawyer to keep that separate as well. THAT can be your fund if you don't have one already.

A Detrimental Partnership

Some things in your life, you do well. You know a lot about those things, maybe from experience, maybe from formal education and training, maybe from educating yourself. You do those things well and will likely be able to do those things well until you die or unless you get serious dementia.

Imagine if someone came into your life who clearly, objectively, provably, wasn't very good at doing one of those things, or at least nowhere near as good as you, yet you now were compelled to partner with them in the matter, meaning they would get to make a lot of the decisions, or you were expected to clear every significant decision with them.

This is what can happen when a man who has his financial act together marries.

Dennis Prager Doesn't Understand Putting Financial Stability Before Getting Married

On the Male/Female Hour of his show today (Wednesday, February 3, 2021), Dennis Prager again took the opportunity to try to sell people on marrying by bringing up how people, especially men, will say they don't want to marry until they have financial stability, and claiming he's never heard a good explanation for that. [This entry us bumped up because it is still relevant.]

I was hoping for some callers would do what I recommended here. One sounded like he might. [Dennis isn’t doing his show since he had a spinal cord injury.]

I wish I could call in, but I can't. At least not yet. 

Most men shouldn't marry at all, but if they are going to do something so foolish, they should definitely not marry until they have financial stability. There are many reasons this is so. In no particular order, here are just some reasons as to why:

• Marriage is difficult enough. It is even more so when you're poor. Finances are one of THE most common reasons spouse fight and people get divorced. 
• People trying to reach financial stability have less time and energy to spend on a spouse.
• Men who are better off financially can get a more attractive wife.
• Why should you take on another person's debts? Why should they take on yours?
• Wealth acquired before the marriage can be more easily protected from divorce than wealth acquired during the marriage.
• Most women want to marry a man who can support them.
• If kids are a possibility, it is best they have a parent raise them, not have both parents unavailable and tired out from working jobs.

Rather than further repeat myself more, see what I wrote here and go ahead and look through the Dennis Prager tag on this blog. 

Dennis Prager, being unmarried is the default. MEN DO NOT NEED A REASON TO AVOID MARRIAGE. Instead, they need a good reason TO get married, and most men don't have one!

Answering Marriage Seller Assertions, Talking Points, and Questions - Part 3

Read Part 1 here and Part 2 here.

Two can live together for less than separately.

What this means is if you're paying $3,000 per month and a woman is paying $2,500 per month, if you marry and move in together, she can stop paying rent or a mortgage and some redundancies will be eliminated, and the overall cost of living for the two of you will be less. Allegedly.

That benefits her. Unless you're already paying her way through life, which you shouldn't, how does that benefit you? IT DOESN'T. Even if she plans to contribute to rent or the mortgage, she will likely push to live in a bigger/more expensive place, there's no guarantee she will even keep working and financially contributing, and you're better of NOT allowing her to develop a claim to a home you owned.

Having her move in to your place puts your place at risk. She can have you kicked out of your own place, compel you to keep paying for her to live there, and claim at least some ownership. Don't allow that! DON'T MARRY! Don't let her move into your place!

Having her move in with you or you moving in with her will also will increase your utility bills and grocery bills, and she will likely insist on removing and replacing many items (especially if she thinks another woman touched them), and that will be costly.

Always keep in mind that divorce is very expensive, and even without divorce, at least half of your earnings are legally shifted to your wife. Wives make 80 percent of the spending decisions.

Stay free and keep control over your own assets and finances. Don't pay a woman's way through life. Respect their independence, their capability, their girl power. Believe women who say women don't need a husband.

Part 4

Prager U Gets it Right on Some Career Advice

Prager U doesn't always get it right. After all, they've posted multiple videos trying to trick men into thinking what we now call marriage is actually a good thing for them.

But they got this one right.

I have encouraged you to Know Thyself. This, below, is also great advice, especially in conjunction with knowing thyself.. It's "Career Success and the Proximity Principle" featuring author Ken Coleman. The video is below, but I'll include much of the transcript below. And, if for some reason, the YouTube embed isn't working, try this link.

Marriage Sellers Should Start a Fund

There are many reasons people are on a marriage strike, whether they call it that or not.

One big reason is the enormous financial costs, limitations, and risks.

Marriage sellers, like Dennis Prager, Matt Walsh, and so many others, are extremely concerned about plummeting marriage rates. That means they should be motivated to actually do something other than lamenting reality.

Here’s one thing they can do.

They can reduce the financial negatives.

Create a fund. Pledge to cover at least the following:

• The difference between the income the lower earning spouse brings to the marriage and the costs they bring to it
• Marital counseling/therapy
• Family law/divorce attorneys, from prenups to separation agreements and divorces
• The lost income when a someone can’t take a promotion/job because their spouse discourages it
• Any lost income as a result of the spouse wanting/causing someone to miss work
• Replacement costs of assets lost in a divorce and reimbursement for relocation 
• Any alimony/support
• Reimbursement for paternity fraud costs 

This is just dealing with certain financial concerns. It doesn’t address loss of freedom, loss of sex when someone is expected not to have sex with others but is rejected by their spouse, and countless other reasons people are refusing to sign that terrible state contract.

Come on, marriage advocates! Put your money where your mouth is.

Offer this fund to someone reluctant to marry.

Wedding China

I don't know how long it has been a tradition, and I don't know if it is falling out of favor now, but when we got married, my wife put a china set on our gift registry. Having a china cabinet, full of china, is important for some women.

So we have a dedicated cabinet, a china cabinet, full of expensive china.

We've been married "a long time" now. How often do you think we've used that china?

Go ahead. Take a guess.

...

If you guessed ZERO, you are correct.

It just sits in the corner of the room, collecting dust.

I found out after we married that one of my wife's family members told one of my family members people shouldn't bother buying the china for us, because it would never be used. That person was right. The people who spent the money on that could have bought us gifts we actually would have used.

This is just one of many ways modern marriage and wedding culture is impractical.

Avoid it, guys!

Success Sequence

Certain behaviors and accomplishments are associated with personal success, meaning that if you do these things, you are unlikely to officially be, or stay for long, in the designation of "poverty." Some of you, especially the older you are, haven't stuck to all of these things, but you can start. And if young people are able to adhere to these, they are likely to be successful.

Know Thyself - Knowing thyself will help you avoid wasting energy, money, or time, which is even more precious than money.

Avoid Crime - Serious crime puts you in touch with bad people, limits what you can do, subjects you to extortion, and makes it more likely you'll have to deal with expensive investigations, prosecutions, and lawsuits. It also tarnishes your reputation.

Avoid Substance Abuse - You've got one body. You've got one brain. Don't abuse it. That goes for alcohol, legal and illegal drugs, tobacco, and food. Substance abuse is costly financially as well as in limiting your choices.

Exercise - You don't need to join a gym. You can walk, swim, bike, play, lift heavy objects, do pushups and situps. Exercise may help you avoid or delay significant health problems. You don't need to exercise for two hours per day. But if you're not getting enough movement in while working, you need to do it on your own time. If you're not worried about being vulnerable, things like NOT looking for the closest parking spot, but rather parking far enough to get some brisk walking in, can help, as can taking stairs or steps instead of elevator or escalator.

Good Hygiene - Nobody wants to be around someone who smells bad or looks unkempt. Washing your body, keeping your hair and hands clean, taking care of your teeth are all important. Dental problems are expensive!

Build Friendships and Networks - Even if you're not religious, you should consider joining a religious congregation. Many don't require any formal process to get the benefits of networking, and with a wide variety (at least here in the USA), you can find something that doesn't turn you off. But that's just one way. Joining clubs, getting friendly with your neighbors, or any countless other ways to make friends can be help you.

Business Is Not Play - When it comes to things like employment, financial transactions, purchases, etc., get things in writing. Make sure you've read and understood anything to which you're agreeing. Know what's going on. Know your rights, entitlements, obligations, and options.

See Doctors - A lot of health problems will be much smaller if diagnosed early. Go to your doctors.

Develop Systems and Habits That Work For You - This goes for just about any area of life. Maybe getting your exercise when you first wake up is best for you. Maybe you're better off doing it just before you go to bed. Maybe you're not the kind of person to ever have a spotless house with nothing at all out of place, but as long as you have ways of meeting your obligations without undue waste (for example, wasting hours looking for one piece of mail), that's fine.

Get Educated/Trained/Mentored - Education may or may not involve college, depending on what you need. Maybe a trade school is what you need. Finding an older, experienced person, especially if they're planning to retire in the next five to ten years, to mentor you, can be an huge help. The goal here is to be able to earn (more) money. How you get there depends on what it is you're going to do.

Earn Income and Seek Better Paydays - Get a job, just about any legal job, if you're not getting the job you REALLY want. Getting a job or getting work doesn't mean you can coast. Seek jobs or work that will pay you better even as you already work a job. Do NOT feel badly that you will need to leave behind someone who hired you when you get a better offer. In this aspect of life, you need to do what is best for you. That's business.

Plan, Budget, Save, Invest, Insure - Until you're retired, you need to spend less than you're earning, and invest the surplus. You need to know how much you're spending on what. It's better to save up to make big purchases than it is to pay interest. Actual needs come before wants. You should have an emergency fund. Big purchases, like vehicles or a home, can only be done if you're going to be able to afford adequate insurance coverage. You should have growing retirement funds. If you want a home (meaning, your own building with dirt and a permanent foundation under it), you want to be able to put a big down payment on it if not buy it outright.

Stay Free - This is presented by marriage-and-family sellers as "Get married before having children." However, it's much easier to succeed financially if you don't ever legally sign away your earnings and don't knock anyone up. Do not co-sign for anything, do not have joint accounts or joint assets. Her name should not be on a mortgage, deed, lease, rental agreement, or loan for which you have paid or are making any payments. You can stay free either by running game or going to monk mode. When you run game, you keep dates to $40 or less. A free man can earn a lot less money and still be successful, because he only has to pay his own way through life. Do not marry.

Some economists and sociologists will tell you, or at least imply, that the items highlighted in green are enough for most people to rise/stay out of poverty. But the more of these one does, the better. 

As always, there's the "fine print." There ARE people who get a high school education, are continually employed thereafter, and don't have children outside of marriage and who stay in poverty. Also, correlation isn't causation. For example, the reason someone might not complete their high school education or equivalent is that they had a parent die or leave and they had to get a job to support the family. Or they got sick. And these things kept them poor. It wasn't that they didn't complete high school. Someone can do all of the things listed above, and some crime, some disaster, some illness, some injury can keep them in poverty.

Consider, though: Doesn't it ring true that if someone is able to do those things, it is likely they will stay, or rise, out of poverty? Or, to put it another way, aren't you more likely to be poor of you don't earn income, if you don't manage your finances with any awareness or planning, if you start cranking out kids with various women from an early age?

We have many examples of people who were in poverty but worked their way out of it. Their common behaviors can indicate how others can do it.

The Costs of Raising a Child

Every once in a while, the news will report on the costs of raising a child, according to the United States Department of Agriculture. My guess is that the USDA does these reports not because children are considered livestock, but to justify welfare programs that ensure food producers get taxpayer money and then the government has programs to feed children.

Some marriage-and-family advocates (the people who try to get everyone to marry and pop out babies) scoff at reports that it costs $250,000 (or even up to $400,000) to raise a child.

But those numbers do not surprise me. Children are very expensive.

Of course we're not supposed to talk that way. "Children are a blessing!" and "How can you put a price on a child?"

But that doesn't change the fact that it costs money to raise children.

Here are some official links that explain how the costs of raising a child are determined:

https://www.usda.gov/media/blog/2017/01/13/cost-raising-child

https://www.cnpp.usda.gov/sites/default/files/crc2015.pdf

And  here's Wikipedia, which makes it fairly easy to see the basic breakdown:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cost_of_raising_a_child


Let's be generous to people who try to minimize the costs of raising a child. We'll assume that you won't need fertility treatments, IVF, to adopt, or anything else of that sort, all of which can be very expensive, as it can be if your child has special needs, and they won't assault other kids, or destroy the property of others, all of which can cost hundreds of thousands of dollars.

Let's go over the costs that everyone is going to have when raising a child.

Not Everyone Wants the Same Life as Dennis Prager

As of Friday, August 2, 2024, Dennis Prager continues to frequently mock DINKs (double income, no kids) and lament that fewer people are marrying and having a lot of children.

I’m certain he’s going to be doing this on a regular basis for the rest of his radio career/life. That everyone who is able should marry and raise kids is his foundational core belief; I’m convinced his belief in the God of the Bible and his identifying with the Jewish religion is because he sees both as supporting that core belief, rather than the other way around.  

Fridays still have his Happiness Hour and this time it included “How do you want to look back on your life?” Dennis had his foundational belief (marry, remarry if divorced or widowed, raise kids) from an early age. He often cites that married men in his childhood congregation got to wear a shawl (so what?), and that when a child is born there’s the Jewish tradition of praying for the child to grow up for good deeds, Torah, and marriage (so, peer pressure from long dead people). 

It either doesn’t occur to him or he completely rejects that other people might think and feel differently, and that it can be legitimate. To him, they must be immature or somehow defective or mistaken in their thinking. It’s almost like he wants to be a fertility cult leader.

He’s prone to trying to back up his disproportional emotional fixation by citing alleged correlations as if they’re causal in the direction he wants, and anecdotes rife with selection bias.

It’s important for young men listening to him to know he’s been twice divorced, he’s got another man’s son living with him (and will until he dies or has his third divorce), he lives in a wealthy area, he constantly travels, he never eats a home-cooked meal from his home, and he rejects the norms of modern fatherhood under which the listeners will be expected to parent.

He finally referenced that last part, correctly asking if the current norms of parenting are discouraging some people from having children. He’s previously indicated he rejects them, by the way he talks about them. He expects children to occupy themselves, sit at the table with adults to be seen and not heard, to attend a peer’s birthday party without his involvement, to be fine with him NOT attending their artistic/scholastic or sports participations, and to sometimes stay home while he (and possibly whichever woman he’s currently married to) travels for fun. He’s encouraged grandparents of means to pay for their grandchildren to be homeschooled (such as replacing income), but how many people truly will be able to do that, and have it work with the family dynamics? Some will see that as giving the grandparents too much power.

He says people shouldn’t let children completely change their life.

But they will. Otherwise, they’ll be considered bad parents. We don’t live in the same world in which Dennis raised, or had his wife raise, children.

Children will change everything about the life of people having them now.

Dennis has made it clear he doesn’t think a marriage should stay together for the sake of minor children; I’d like to ask his children about that.

I get the impression Dennis’ life would be much the same whether or not he had children. He’d still do the work he did, he’d still travel like he does, eat like he does, observe sabbath like he does, attend/run a synagogue like he does, smoke cigars like he does, divorce and remarry. Most people don’t carry on life the same way once they are parents, nor should they.

Dennis HAS repeatedly indicated children put a damper on a sex life. Even as a marriage seller, he has to admit that. He chuckles about it. It’s not funny when you live through it.

Speaking of sex, he has written columns and made statements that draw accusations of supporting marital rape. Ladies, you should be clear about what Dennis means when he says you should marry: He thinks you will owe your husband sex, sex is something women do for men, and it’s fine for your husband to divorce you if you don’t hold up you end of the contract.

But in turn, he believes a husband owes you money, attention, romance, protection, etc. And your husband should still be the father for any kids, including conceived in adultery. 

His urging you to marry isn’t simply about getting you through a religious ceremony and into a state contract. It’s about a whole set of behaviors to which he thinks you should conform. 

He thinks you, ladies, will be much more rational if you have a husband, and it’s your lot in life to turn irresponsible, even violent “boys” into “real men” by being their wife.

During that particular Happiness Hour, Dennis again asserted that a man will work harder if married. If/when true, it means a man can spend his time doing what he wants if he stays free. He also again asserted that he doesn’t understand the thinking that one should be financially stable before marrying, in part because he says two can live “more cheaply” than one. 

This is horribly misleading to young men.

One of the most common reasons for marital strife and divorce is money. And remember, Dennis wants you popping out babies right away, so it won’t be just two. Guys, you shouldn’t marry, but if you’re going to, you should definitely wait until you’re financially well off and have achieved your dream, because marriage kills dreams and it costs men a lot of money, and the more wealth you have, the hotter the wife you can attract. 

People like Dennis can’t accept that life has changed.

We deal with reality here on this blog. We deal with the way things are. And with the way things are, most men shouldn’t marry, and most of those who shouldn’t marry shouldn’t have children. Get a vasectomy. Either go monk mode or run game. Or, if you absolutely must delude yourself into thinking you can have a woman who’ll meet your needs as long as you’re exclusive to her, don’t sign a terrible state contract with her and each of you should have your own places. She can stay responsible for hers. (DINKs aren’t ideal - most men should stay free.)

Be able to look back on your life and be happy you didn’t waste so much time, money, energy, and whatever else on a woman or women who ended up hating or resenting you. 

Dr. Laura is Wrong About Prenups For First Marriages - GET ONE!

Well, it happened again. [This entry has been bumped up from May 2018.] While I agree with Dr. Laura on so much, one thing I definitely disagree with her on is the issue of prenuptial agreements for first marriages. While she urges prenups for "second" marriages when at least one potential spouse has children, she is vehemently against prenups for childless people entering into a first marriage (people shouldn't be marrying if they have minor children).

A woman called in on yesterday's show (April 30, 2018) who sounded happy with her boyfriend, but when the topic of marriage came up, he stated he'd want a prenup. Dr. Laura told the caller (and, as a result, listeners in the same situation) to dump the boyfriend.

This is rare bad advice from her that she gives consistently.

Finding a match for marriage is difficult. The caller (or a listener) could be throwing away a perfectly good match and will now seek out a man who will be willing to sign really bad contracts. Is it really a good idea to enter into a financial partnership (marriage) with someone willing to sign bad financial contracts???

The fact is, the courts already have a prenup for you. It is based on family law in your state. You might as well be encouraged to come up with your own customized one before a marriage license is issued.

Getting a prenup is no more a sign that someone is planning for divorce than homeowner's insurance is planning for your house to burn down. We buy insurance and prepare in other ways for all sorts of things we hope don’t happen or we plan the avoid. Why let the state, which doesn't care at all about morality or how either spouse behaved, decide for you, when you can decide – somewhat – for yourself?

"Ah, but this is different because you can resolve to not leave your spouse and treat them well so they won't leave you."

Let's be real.

Her Dreams Matter, His Dreams Don't

On the Tuesday, September 29, 2020 Dr. Laura show, during the third hour. Dr. Laura took a call from a married woman who wants to leave her position, which has six figures in pay, for something that will be close to minimum wage, at least for a while.

She said her husband was against doing that, mentioning the pay.

Dr. Laura said the caller's husband was "dismissive of her as a human being" and ignoring what would make her feel purposeful and satisfied, the "quality of your life," and it would be all about the money.

Dr. Laura said the marriage probably isn't going to survive. "So what if he things it is the wrong decision?"

Hmmm.

It's Not Too Early to Think About the Holidays

Guys in the USA (and some of this might apply to some of you men in other countries), Thanksgiving will be here before you know it. It's Thursday (of course), November 28. Unless you're so ignorant, delusional, or masochistic that you're thinking you want to be exclusive with a woman you've been seeing, perhaps you should set up a tickler on your phone for mid-November as a reminder that you're going to need to avoid any woman you've been seeing regularly. This is especially needed if you've made the mistake of letting her think of you as a potential husband, or a boyfriend, or committed - or you've met her family or friends.

You do NOT want to be with a woman you've been seeing regularly on Thanksgiving, on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, on New Year's Eve, on February 14, or on her birthday if it falls during that time or soon after. Same goes for any day during that time she considers an "anniversary" with you.

You need to avoid such a woman for that whole time: from at least November 28 through February 14.

Why?

1) So she doesn't get the idea that this is heading for a marital or live-in or even an exclusive situation; and

2) To avoid spending money on gifts for her, airfare, hotel rooms, parties, etc.

Be scarce. Be busy, Be "working". Don't answer her calls, texts, etc. or only respond "late" to every third or fourth one, saying you're busy. (She shouldn't know where you really live, or what you're actual phone's number is - use Google Voice or something similar.)

If she won't see you again come February 15, so be it. There are many other women, if you still want to see any.

During that time, as long as it isn't Thanksgiving Day, Christmas Eve/Day, or New Year's Eve, it's fine to see women who aren't of the "commitment" or "exclusive" thinking, at least when it comes to you. or new women, and you can see a new woman who is alone and desperate on February 14, as long as you're picking her up out and about, on the fly.

Or, use that time to hang out with friends, family, catch up on hobbies, do those chores you've been putting off, etc.

You DO NOT want to be with a woman who is thinking that because you've been seeing her for a while, and you're with her on those holidays and special days, that you're going to be exclusive with her, or living with her, or heading towards marriage. You DO NOT want to have to meet her friends and family. You DO NOT want to have to buy her gifts, or pay her way to some party or event or overpriced dinner or hotel room.

Read more:

We're Almost to February 14

Dealing With the Holidays

Stop! Don't Propose! Don't Marry!

Now is the Time, Guys

Problems With Statistics in Selling Marriage to Men

Statistics are about a population, not individuals. What happens in your life either will happen or it won't (usually depending on your choices) - so it is either 0% or 100% for you. Statistics can tell you the odds, all things being equal, but things aren't equal. Let's take college graduates, for example. The average person with a Bachelor's degree is going to earn more than the average person without a college education. Yet some of the people with the highest incomes or the most wealth never graduated from college. This includes tech leaders, professional athletes, entertainers and authors, and various businesspeople. [Please note that this entry was posted several years ago. It still holds up pretty well.]

Statistics usually can't tell you why something is the way it is. For example, statistics will tell you that if you compare 200 people in a hospital and 200 people in an apartment complex across the street, you'll see that you're far more likely to die in the hospital than in the apartment complex. What are we to think as a result? That hospitals are harmful to our health? Or that people who are seriously sick and injured go to a hospital, where some of them are going to die, but more of them would die if they hadn't gone to the hospital?

Talk show host Tom Leykis, like a lot of other people, will tell you that half of all marriages end in divorce, and that more adults are unmarried now than married, as if this is some profound shift in how people look at life. However, most of the shift in married vs. unmarried involves people getting married later in life, such as their late 20s or early 30s instead of their early 20s. Although there is a growing percentage of men swearing off marriage, it is still a small group and most people will get married at some time in their lives. As far as divorce, Leykis has had four divorces. I've had none. If you average us together, that means the average person has two divorces. That's a little misleading. First marriages have about a 40% divorce rate, which is still way too high, but it isn't 50%. It is the high divorce rate for second, third, etc. marriages that skew the statistics. (On the other hand, perhaps even MORE marriages would end in divorce if it were for fatal illness and injuries, murders and suicides ending someone's life before they could divorce – so just because a marriage didn't end in divorce does not mean it was a good marriage.) 40% is the rate for all first marriages. I wonder what the divorce rate is for people who marry into a first marriage: 1) without children from other lovers or a current pregnancy influencing their decision; 2) after about 18-24 months of being a couple (but not too much longer than that); 3) without having shacked up OR being "long distance"; 4) after six months of intense premarital counseling with a LMFT; 5) with the same or compatible religious beliefs or practices and plans for children; 6) with no credit card debt; 7) without substance abuse problems. My guess is that divorce rate for such marriages is very low.

Conversely...