Answering Marriage Seller Assertions, Talking Points, and Questions - Part 11

 

Read Part 1 here and Part 2 here and Part 3 here and Part 4 here and Part 5 here and Part 6 here and Part 7 here and Part 8 here and Part 9 here and Part 10 here.

Marriage channels male sexuality.

This is an unproven assertion. It depends entirely on the opinions of the person asserting it and how they are defining terms. The words used can mean different things. But there is no definitive, clear way to prove that John Doe is better behaved because he married, or his dis-likeable behavior is because he's unmarried. It's one of those statements that sounds good, and marriage sellers simply rely on people nodding their head in agreement rather than questioning what it even means.

Most marriages in the USA (and maybe another country you're in) involve the expectation of monogamy, or at least the wife's veto over the husband's sexual desires. This is usually what the marriage seller means: beating a man down. Putting him on a leash (and not in the kinky way). Putting aside swinging, threesomes, hotwifing (ask Jerry Falwell Jr. to explain that one to you), polyamory, "plural marriage," and other forms of having the wife officially on board with her husband having other partners, many married men still have mistresses and affair partners, flings/one night stands, or go to prostitutes.

It might help to ask the marriage seller who uses this argument "What do you mean by that?" Maybe they will hallucinate about an imaginary person, or they will tell on themselves.

What exactly are they afraid would happen if even fewer men married? Men who want to have sex with women can't have sex with women unless those women agree or unless it is rape. So are they worried that a man who decides not to marry is going to rape? Or that he's going to get consent from many different women? Or... what exactly? If they're worried about rape, what they're telling you is that a woman should marry a rapist because they think it's more likely he'll only rape her. If they are worried the man is going to conceive children he won't take care of, well, plenty of married men do that. But how about encouraging vasectomies? If they claim "children without fathers" is their concern, ask them if it would be OK if he had a vasectomy, or was only with women incapable of conceiving or they always avoided intercourse.

It's funny that some of the same marriage sellers who make this assertion also say that married men get more sex. So... unmarried men have "unchanneled" sexuality, but aren't having much sex? That would be their claim, anyway.

This assertion might boil down to "I don't like the way you/other unmarried men are carrying on." So what? So what if this other person doesn't like it? I see husbands and wives do a lot of things I don't like.

Again, varying replies might work, depending.

A) Running game also channels male sexuality.

B) Male sexuality can be channeled without a terrible state contract.

C) I channel my sexuality very well without a terrible state contract.

D) Men can be monogamous or otherwise restrained or responsible in their sexuality without a terrible state contract.

E) Marriage starves male sexuality.

As with many other things in life, do not simply accept assertions and claims as true without questioning them. So many of the arguments marriage sellers use are flimsy and depend on you simply accepting a platitude.

What a Woman Can Do With Your DNA

There are some simple facts of biology. Men usually produce millions of viable sperm cells on an ongoing basis. A man is able to do so starting in puberty and lasting most of the rest of his life. Sperm cells can leave his body while he's asleep. He doesn't have to have an orgasm to expel sperm cells.  New human life takes place inside women. Women get pregnant, men do not.

There are some basic realities of current law. Once a woman has possession of a man's sperm cells, he has lost any control, legally, he has over them.

When a sperm cell leaves a man's body, he loses all control of his own DNA.

Here are the things a woman can do with YOUR sperm cells, men:

You Did NOT Enjoy What You Chose to Do For Ten Years

Had to check in about a call during the first hour of Dr. Laura's show on Tuesday, September 17, 2013. Whenever I have a bone to pick with Dr. Laura, I point out that I listen to every minute of her show and I follow what goes on with her website and Facebook page, and I read her books. I think she usually hits the bullseye and I think she has done so much good for many people, me included. Blah, blah, blah...

Dr. Laura's advice and comments over the years have made it clear that she, like many other people, subscribes to the idea that men should have to buy sex one way or another, preferably by signing a contract that shifts over half of everything they’ll ever earn to a woman. That is not how she would put it, but it is the end result of what she says (including that men always pay for dates) and the use of phrases like calling women who shack up or otherwise regularly fornicate as “unpaid whores”.

She took a call from a woman who'd not been honest with her husband about her sexual past (as the husband had supposedly been with her) in that she had previously not disclosed to him that from her late 20s to her late 30s, she'd had a lot of one night stands as part of evenings stated off by clubbing. The caller said the encounters had been fun, at least for a few minutes each time. Dr. Laura denied they had been fun. Isn't it interesting how Dr. Laura can speak to whether something was fun for another person and tell that person they didn't have the feelings they did?

EHarmony.com Gets Slammed By Christians, Conservatives

Many atheists, Leftists, swingers, cheaters, players, depressed people, people who have been divorced several times, and homosexuals are upset at EHarmony for not being geared towards serving them, or, in the case of the atheists and Leftists – purely because EHarmony.com was founded by someone who previously associated closely with Focus on the Family.

Now, an outcry from Christians and Conservatives has caused EHarmony.com to pull an advice piece dealing with one night stands. The piece was called “Navigating the One Night Stand” and was found here: http://advice.eharmony.com/?page=articles/view&AID=1961

There’s also anger over this piece:The Girl’s Guide to Camping at Your Boyfriend’s Place, originally found here: http://advice.eharmony.com/?page=articles/view&AID=1969

According to Dr. Warren, one of the reasons he founded EHarmony.com was to lower the divorce rate and strengthen marriages. I think that is a good goal. Based on what he’s written, I can reasonably conclude that Dr. Warren is against one night stands and fornication in general – and believes that saving sex for marriage strengthens marriage. Let me say right now that I agree.

Having said that, if EHarmony.com is going to reach out to serve people who do not follow Biblical morality, there are areas where they can still offer advice to people in situations that they shouldn’t be in n the first place. However, when doing so, they should be careful about their tone and guide the reader to material that will explain why and how to avoid such situations in the first place, for the sake of increasing the chances of having a strong, happy marriage. To me, it is like a doctor treating an STD. Someone shouldn’t have an STD to begin with, but once they have it, they should be treated.

Now, let me go through the first article.

So you’re a swinging single and you’ve had a one-night stand.

Bad move, if you are marriage-minded. It’s like going through a fast-food drive-through on the way to a seven-course gourmet meal at the best restaurant in town.

What’s the etiquette for establishing boundaries, calling the day after and getting out without hurting feelings?

Feelings are likely to be hurt no matter what. But I do agree with minimizing the damage.

While most of us are looking for that special someone to spend our lives with, the single life dictates that sometimes the opportunity for companionship presents itself in the form of a one-night stand.

This is part of what gets people riled up, but it is reality. Some people are weak, and they mess up. Yes, “mess up”. It is definitely a mistake, if you are EHarmony’s target market of someone looking for lasting love. In that case, you should just say "no".

One night stands are often the goal for those who just want sex and nothing more. But they aren’t the target audience of EHarmony.com.

While a one-time roll in the hay isn’t exactly emotionally fulfilling, sex in any form can be relaxing, enjoyable, and fun.

While this is true, the tone could have been a lot better. Some sins are fun, at least in the moment. That doesn’t mean they aren’t damaging to your soul and risky for your body.

So maybe it’s closing time and you haven’t found Mr. or Ms. Right.

Kind of hard to do in a bar or a club anyway. But if you’re in this situation, that’s when you GO HOME and get some sleep. But players take note of advice like this... the advice is a one night stand is okay as long as you haven't found the right person. Players read advice like that, and they resolve to NOT be Mr. or Mrs. Right, because that person has to wait for sex, while a jerk doesn't. Why? Because someone doesn't want to be seen by a potential marital partner as being morally loose, even though that it is exactly what they are. I write from experience.

If you are up for it, you can enjoy a romp with Mr. or Ms. Right-for-the-night. But when you find yourself in a position to get lucky, you should heed a few rendezvous rules to ensure a seamless one-night-only performance.

How about “take a cold shower instead”?

Be Up Front
As consenting adults, it’s absolutely fine for both of you to do what makes you happy.

Fine by whom? Legally? Yes. Morally? No. At least not in this case. And short-term happiness isn't the same thing as long-term, especially in this case.

The key is to make your intentions clear with your date and call it what it is: sex with no strings attached.

Oh, come on now. If you’re going to tell someone how to score a one night stand, at least give good advice. (Hmmm, was this actually a clever attempt to make one night stands more difficult?) There are many women out there who engage in one night stands, but very few of those do so without the “plausible deniability” of the unspoken hope that it could lead to something more. Most women still need an “excuse” to do such things, and one major one is “I thought we had something special starting.” Another is “I was drinking.”

Once both of you have appropriate expectations, you can appreciate the spontaneous lovin’ for what it’s worth.

What is the street value these days?

Do the Safety Dance
Keep a cell phone with you, and if you can, tell your friends where you will be and your date’s name.

How do you even know it is your date’s real name?

Guys should keep a cell phone so that they can claim they got a call and have to go. Great excuse for not spooning.

Further, always use protection. Without the risk of sounding like a high school health teacher, protect yourself from STDs and pregnancy every single time to avoid lingering consequences.

Condoms are not 100% effective, nor do they prevent the transmission of all STDs.

Don’t Spend the Night
Unless invited, don’t sleep over.

Don't even if invited. Get out of there.

Snoozing together is too official, and it should be reserved for an established relationship.

Too official? But having a stranger inside you is unofficial?

Gather up your belongings and make a respectful exit.

There’s nothing respectful about any of this.

Don’t try to leave a trail of personal “bread crumbs,” such as a wallet, a purse—or, worse, your unmentionables—as a gateway for a second meeting.

Any guy who finds a one night stand’s stuff in his place should throw it away, and if she asks if he has it, he should say no. It is a trick. She'll never make that mistake with you again.

Hanging around implies desperation, pegging you as the sad Clingy Clarissa or Hopeless Harry.

Uh, giving it up on the first date doesn't imply desperation?

Don’t Call
One-nighters need not call or check up on the whereabouts of the person they shared the evening with. Acting as if your near-anonymous night of passion was a first date will just confuse sex with love.

This is good advice for players, but bad advice for someone who is trying to adhere to morality. Such a person should call and apologize, and let things cool off before considering seeing that person again.

Keep Your Mouth Shut Don’t crow about your conquest or the amazing time you had with this lover to your friends like an adolescent.

Good advice. Guys often tell their buddies that they "hit it". Women, however, will tell their friends exactly what went on in very detailed descriptions. Nobody should talk, except in a prayer for forgiveness.

One-night stands might solicit spontaneity and liberation, but you ought to know enough not to participate in short affairs unless you are capable of the detachment they require.

If you are, there may be something wrong with you.

If you have the ability to live in the moment and not demand a long-term relationship afterward, then you are golden.

Golden to players. You shouldn’t be fornicating in the first place.

What a mess.

Moving on to the second piece - The Girl’s Guide to Camping at Your Boyfriend’s Place:

You’ve met a great guy on eHarmony and so far things are going well. The two of you are going out, spending time together, and once in a while you’re probably crashing at his place. Here’s your guide to looking great by using what you’ve got.

By crashing, you’d better mean the non-fornicating kind.

When you find yourself wearing his T-shirts and sometimes even using his toothbrush (ew), it’s tempting to ask him if you can stash some stuff at his house. However, there’s always a chance that this will come off as if you are moving too fast–as if you want to move in after knowing each other only a few weeks.

There should be NO stashing unless marriage is pending in the next few weeks.

It looks like EHarmony may be facing some of the same problems that happen to musical acts who start out appealing to a Christian audience and then try to go mainstream. One problem is losing their moral compass. The other problem, even if they don't lose their compass, is accusations of "selling out" by some of the original audience.

If EHarmony does things right, they can bring Christian principles to the mainstream practice, thereby strengthening marriage.