My Core Advice To Men

AVOID LEGALLY MARRYING

One of the main reasons this blog still exists to urge most men to refuse to legally marry.

JUST SAY NO, GUYS!!!

Legal marriage is a terrible state contract that's a bad deal for most men, most marriages fail, and men can have happy, full, productive, honorable lives, getting everything they want out of life without ever legally marrying. It has never been easier to do so!

Furthermore, most men shouldn’t legally marry because 1) they aren’t suited to it, 2) aren’t positioned to do it, 3) aren’t living in a culture that supports it, and 4) won’t find a suitable woman with whom they could.

Being unmarried is our default state. Don't propose marriage, don't accept marriage proposals, don't sign any paperwork that could inaugurate a legal marriage. To get married, you have to do something. Why do those things if being legally married isn't worth it and is likely to be harmful to you? There simply is no good reason, for most men, to get legally married. The question isn't "Why aren't you married?" or "Why not get married?" It's "Why would I get married?" There's no good answer to that, for most men.

You can have much more time, money, freedom, and peace if you stop trying to find and keep a wife. Embrace being a free man. Enjoy your independence. Date or hook up if you want. But avoid entering that terrible state contract called marriage.

People who tell you to get legally married are selling you something hoping to benefit themselves.

Legally marrying takes power, money, autonomy, freedom, and choices away from you. That terrible state contract means you'll be inviting the state further into your personal life and you'll take on responsibilities, obligations, chores, risks, limitations, restrictions, aggravations, annoyances, irritations, nagging, arguments, compromises, and sacrifices without any guaranteed benefit for you, and what benefits you might get can all be obtained without legally marrying.

No, Really, I Need A Vacation

I'm not talking about a family vacation. We haven't done one of  those in forever, either.

I'm talking about being away from being a husband (butler) and father.

This is a follow up to this entry.

I think it was a year and a half ago, or so, that I got away for a few days, but that was basically to work with a friend of mine. It could hardly be called a vacation.

I don't need to go anywhere. My wife and our kids could go somewhere. The thing is, they're not going to go anywhere together without me. They'd need to be split up. Likewise, they aren't going to all be home together without me, unless it needs to be that way for work for a few days.

Work.  Heck, as long as it was working from home, it would feel like a vacation (staycation) as long as I didn't have to handle chores and errands, or deal with disputes between the rest of the family.

But... there are pets who'd need care. Pets I didn't want to get because of the expense, the mess, and I knew it would mean more work for me and be limiting as far as getting away.

I'm not talking about  need to see sights or do various activities.

I just want to relax and have a lack of stress for several days.

I want to be able to sleep as long as I want, wake up because I want to wake up and not because something needs to get done right now.

I want to read what I want to read, write what I want to write, watch what I want to watch, listen to what I want to listen to... without interruption, without someone else around who might not like it.

I want to relax in pool that isn't cold, or in a hot tub, or a bath, with no time limit.

If you're new to this blog, especially if you've never been married, you might be asking "Why would you need to get away from your wife? Don't you want to have sex on your vacation?"

HA!!! Oh, that's hilarious. Sex? Probably wouldn't happen. No, if she's around I'll have chores and errands, even if we are somewhere else. My wife doesn't crave vacation sex. She avoided it for an entire long weekend for our anniversary when I'd made arrangements for us to get away. That wasn't an anomaly: sex isn't a priority for her. That's how it is for, probably, most wives who have all the children they wanted and have reached the point in a marriage in which the husband would have to pay lifetime alimony if he left.

I want to be clear I wouldn't be fooling around with anyone on this vacation. No, that's one of the ways I'm very loyal. I'm a married man. My wife wouldn't approve of any involvement with another woman. So, it's her or nothing, which, except for a few restricted minutes every month or so, means it is nothing.

You guys who live alone: Enjoy it! Enjoy your peace and quiet. Enjoy being able to nap, or sit down, or sleep in without someone needing something from you. Enjoy being able to watch a movie or show you want to watch on a big screen, without being interrupted or disapproval or complaints.

Could I schedule a vacation for myself? Not without causing a lot trouble. And I'd probably have a stream of texts and calls I'd have to deal with at the very least.

Continuing To Make Our Point For Us

I recently posted this, about an essay claiming to give "Five Reasons Your Wife Doesn't Want Sex."

I pre-emptively wrote:

We already know why.

Either she doesn't want it or she wants to punish or manipulate us.

And later, in conclusion:

OK, so the essay tells men all of these hoops they have to jump through, all this additional effort to put in, and that mothers are going to want sex less. And yet, it is AMAZING how far more women want to have more sex with free men, including guys they hardly know and who hardly know them, and that includes mothers. Plenty of women with children are banging every day, acting like they're in the circus act or a sexual stunt show. They even seem to be enthusiastic about it, eager to go whenever and wherever. That includes women in their 40s and 50s, with guys who haven't jumped through a bunch of hoops.

Maybe it's because they feel like they have to? Whatever the reason, clearly women can be sexual at a high level; it's when the man has signed a terrible state contract, and especially when he's has a child with her or as many more as she wanted, that things change.

Learn from this, guys. You like sex? You want a robust sex life? If that's important, get a vasectomy. Believe women. Move on when a woman is clearly no longer feeling it for you. Don't burden her! Move on to a woman who wants you. Consider running game. Don't marry. Definitely stay free.

A comment has been left that backs up my point:

Clearly written by a man only concerned with the primal urges of his penis! Ladies, Move On! This type of man is not worth your time nor energy and most probably is diseased from his many exploits. Double full body rubber required should you decide to allow him into your body. Disgusting!

Pay attention, guys! Notice she didn't dispute anything I wrote. Rather, she falsely accuses me of 1) having a disease, and 2) only being concerned about my penis. Neither is true, but notice that if you want a healthy sex life, you are presented as being a problem.

So again, men, stay free. See women who either want you, or are still convincingly pretending to. When they are done pretending or their minds/feelings change, you can move on.

Valentine's Day Aftermath

Are you an unmarried guy who just spent a lot of money and effort on Valentine's Day, only to get what you used to get all of the time? Or did you get less than that?

Did you even propose marriage and give her a ring?

If you're not married, and you just made a big deal about Valentine's Day, and especially if you proposed marriage, you need to step back and think about what you've done and you are doing. Are you regretful? Are you doubting? Are you asking yourself "Why did I do that?" If not, you probably should be.

Most men shouldn't be in exclusive relationships, and certainly not marriage!

Most unmarried men, if they play their cards right, can get everything they want without spending a lot of money and energy on Valentine's Day, birthdays, holidays, or anniversaries.

If there is a woman who is planning to marry you this June, or any other time this year, you probably need to put the brakes on the relationship, especially if there are any red flags. If you're shacking up and/or if she has kids, plan your escape!

You don't need to be married. And there's a good chance that, deep down, you don't really want to be.

So, get out. And learn to be scarce so that you won't get trapped into wasting money, effort, and time on things like Valentine's Day or meeting a woman's family or friends for holidays.

If you're scheduled to get married in June or anytime soon, here's how to cancel the wedding.

If you're engaged, here's how to get out of that.

If you're in a supposedly exclusive relationship, here's how to break up.

Be a Free Man.

Unmarried Men, You Need to Get or Stay Scarce Until at Least February 15

Unmarried men, if you've been staying scarce for the last month or two when it comes to any woman who was thinking of you as husband material, keep up the good work!

For those of you who spent December and the holidays with such woman, you really need to get with the program NOW!!!

You DO NOT want a woman trying to make you her husband, and so you need to get or stay scarce. Be busy. Be "sick."

There are ads on television, radio, and websites/apps right now trying to get men to plan romantic evenings and buy expensive items because February 14 exists. NO NO NO!!!

Don't be so ignorant, delusional, or masochistic that you're thinking you want to be exclusive to a woman.

Another in a Long Line of Articles Confirming What We Already Knew

In the opening of her Tuesday, February 7, 2023 program, Dr. Laura opened up reading from and adding to an essay written by a "BJ Foster." Dr. Laura didn't want to say the initials "BJ," even though she says penis, vagina, ejaculate, whore, hump, orgasm throughout her programs. Anyway the essay is "Five Reasons Your Wife Doesn't Want Sex."

We already know why.

Either she doesn't want it or she wants to punish or manipulate us.

When I heard what the topic was, this is what I wrote:

-They already have you
-They aren't attracted to you
-They don't have the same drive
-Everything kills their moods
-Hormonal shifts

You'll see how right I got it.

Good Luck With That

The Institute For Family Studies needs to promote marriage. So Alysse ElHage has this blog entry touting a new book that attempts to address marriage problems through churches. [This entry was bumped up.]

A few years ago, I was scrolling through Facebook to catch up with friends and family when I stumbled upon some news that made my heart sink.

As I've said, Facebook is a front row seat to a train wreck.

A married couple from the church my husband and I had attended for about 10 years had apparently split up since we moved away. Both the husband and the wife were popular leaders in our church and seemed to have a vibrant marriage that everyone admired. But now she was building a life with a new man in another state, while he raised their two children alone. As I was trying to digest this news, I discovered that at least five other married couples with kids from the same church had split up over the past few years. Two of the couples had been married for several decades; one couple less than five years. When I asked our pastor what happened, he was as brokenhearted as I was over the news, but he had no answers. He’d tried to counsel with some of the couples, but the spouse who wanted out (most often, the wife) was dead set on divorce.

Pay attention, men.

1. These were supposedly dedicated, churchgoing wives.
2. They seemed to have a vibrant marriage. You have no idea what's going on behind closed doors.
3. Decades of marriage can mean the wife gets set with alimony for life. In California (I don't know how many other states are the same), ten years of marriage sets her up for life.
4. The women are the ones leaving. YOU CAN'T STOP THEM. And, quite often, the more you try to treat them well, the more likely it is they'll walk all over you and leave.
5. The pastor claimed to have no answers. Most likely, he had answers, but doesn't want to say them.

Annual Marriage Sellers Propaganda Week

February 7-14 is the week that marriage sellers have picked to be their annual publicizing of more propaganda than usual.

DO NOT FALL FOR IT GUYS! Certainly, DO NOT PROPOSE OR MARRY on Valentine's Day!

If you're not currently married, DO NOT let these people fool you.

There is no benefit to you to get legally married (or married again) that you can't get for less cost without legally marrying.

Marriage is a terrible state contract for most men.

Most marriages fail.

You can have an honorable, happy, fulfilled, full, productive, good life without ever legally marrying.

Something you're likely to see:

"Married people are happier."

For the purposes of this blog, I'm more concerned about men. Not "people." Our marriage laws and culture are gynocentric. Women get materially rewarded for marrying. Of course marriage can make women happy. (Don't be fooled, though. Women might like getting married, but many despise and resent their husbands, and don't really want to be wives.)

Briefly, because I've detailed this elsewhere, here's why you shouldn't infer what they are outright saying or trying to imply; getting married will make you happy.

1. Married men aren't always being honest or reality-based when reporting that they are happy. If they aren't assured their answers are anonymous and that their wife won't see their answer, if they don't want to admit "failure," if they think saying they are anything less than thrilled with their marriage would be a sin or a negative confession, they're not going to be honest. Most people in my life, including my wife, think I'm happily married. I'm not. But I don't let on (weekly therapy helps me keep the ruse going) because it would make my life worse if I did. I was VERY happy before I married. Unfortunately, I was ignorant and delusional enough to think I should marry.

2. Many of these husbands have no idea how much happier they'd be if unmarried.

3. Men told by their family, their religion, culture, etc. that they're losers if they're not married, and they've bought into it, are going to be happy that they got married.

4. Happier people are more likely to attract and keep a spouse. It isn't that marriage made them happy. They were already happy. If unhappy, they are more likely to get divorced and thus be counted as "unmarried."

5. Studies about this never separate out intentionally unmarried men. Rather, all unmarried men (divorced, widowed, shacking up, hoping to get married, unable to attract a wife, etc.) are lumped together. Men who have decided to be Free Men or have otherwise joined the marriage strike can be much happier than the average husband.

The other "benefits of marriage" can be debunked in the same or a similar way. Alleged correlations might sound great, but don't withstand close scrutiny. Again, these claims that marriage is of benefit to men never separate out men who are able to attract women, but have intentionally avoided marrying,

Feel free to link to, copy and paste, or steal shamelessly from this blog to counter the narratives you'll be seeing this week.

Here are just a few other posts on this blog that might help:

My Core Advice to Men

Why You Don't Want to Do That

Reasons For Men to Stay Unmarried

How to Just Say No to Giving Up Your Freedom

How to Keep Your Friends Free

You Don't Need a Wife

Dennis Prager Again Tries to Get Shackups to Marry

Dennis Prager decided to revisit last week's Male/Female Hour with a continuation of the topic for that hour yesterday, Wednesday February 1, 2023, which was about living together vs. being married.

He said he is puzzled by women who want to live together but not get married.

A caller had her screening statement read by Dennis on the air, even though he didn't take her call. She said her married friends have said that "marriage is the death of romance." While people will think that means the man stops pursuing the woman, I think the truth of it is more that most women think they are settling; most women want the same small group of men, and most can't have one them. Marrying kills their "romantic" fantasy that they'll end up with someone "better" than the guy they're with.

In addition to that, any woman who earns more or thinks she will earn more has reason to avoid legally marrying. There are also women who don't want the state further involved in their lives, and women who do not want what they see as a religious ceremony.

But back to "marriage is the death of romance." Dennis said no, having children is the death of romance. He's expressed that multiple times before, and he is someone who urges people to raise children. Take note, guys! Don't ignore the truth, even when said "in jest."

The first caller who got on the air said it was the women he's with who had been reluctant to get married. He mentioned she had been married before to a wealthy executive. Dennis was either too fixated or didn't want to ask, but to me, that sounds like she was getting a lot in alimony, which would end if she married. What Dennis did say was "Ask her, if not for the financials, would you marry?" HUH?!? That's like asking, "If there was no soccer ball involved, would you want to play soccer?" Marriage is primarily financial. It's a wealth transfer mechanism.

As he often does during the last segment of an hour, Dennis read the screening info of the callers rather than actually taking the calls. The last one said "The marriage contract is stacked against men." Too bad that caller didn't get on the air, but kudos to them!

During the hour, Dennis did bring up a question he plans to use as a future topic:

"Why do men fear marriage?"

As I've said before, fearing rattlesnakes is good sense. It is logical. But "fear" might not be the right word for this. Men have evaluated the situation and are increasingly choosing wisely.

• The state marriage contract is bad.
• Today's social marriage contract is bad.
• Most marriages fail, and divorce often screws men over.
• Wives are burdened by and resentful of their husbands.
• More women don't truly want to be wives.
• Fewer women are prepared and willing to be wives.
  
• Men can have everything in life they want to without marrying.
• Being free is the default. Men lack compelling reasons to give up their freedom and power.
  

It's not "Why do men fear marriage?" The question should be "What compelling reason do men have to marry?" Dennis cites "reasons" he finds compelling, but he mostly finds them compelling because he developed, at a very early age, an emotional fixation on being a husband. Most men aren't going to find his reasons compelling.

Again, Dennis, you need a marriage striker on your show. It would be clarifying,