"Why Can't Men Be Upfront and Honest?" - Part 3

Part 1 of This Series

Part 2 of This Series

Women usually know within the first five minutes of meeting a guy whether or not they'd ever have sex with him. But it isn't like they'll tell the man. That would be upfront and honest.

Unless they are asexual or something is wrong with them, men want sex. Depending on their morals, religion, strategy, etc., they might be willing to wait for sex. They might want sex AND [fill in the blank... marriage, family, etc.]. But we all want sex. If we didn't, we likely wouldn't have asked the woman to date, meet us, or let us come over.

"But women want sex, too" you might object.

Yes, most women do want sex, at least for part of their life. But the average woman doesn't want sex as much as the average man. The average man also wants sex with a wider variety of women than the variety of men women want to have sex with. The worldwide history of humanity demonstrates this. It is beyond the scope of this posting as to why that is. But it IS the case. A man would have sex with just about every woman he sees who isn't absolutely hideous.

So... in general, it is the man's role to pursue the sex, as he is more likely to want it, and intercourse doesn't happen if he isn't turned on. (Please note, I'm referring to the initiation of the relationship. Once a sexual relationship is established, of course it's great with most men if the woman takes the initiative sometimes.)

The man wants sex. Otherwise there wouldn't be a date. The woman may or may not want sex. She might be going on the date for freebies, attention, to affirm to herself or signal to others that she's desirable, leverage, or many other reasons instead of wanting sex with the guy. If he runs game, he will either smoke her out as not wanting sex with him, or he'll get to the sex with less effort/time/money/emotion than the man who doesn't run game.

She might want sex upon meeting him, but if she finds out something about him - and it depends on the woman what those things might be - she might not agree to sex. So, for the man who is primarily looking for sex, the less he reveals about his true self, the better. That's the case for most men. There are exceptions (very wealthy men, for example). She doesn't need to know any more about him because he's not there to live together, get married, and have children. He's there for sex. If she finds him attractive enough to have sex with him, between his physical appearance, his behavior with her, and what she thinks she knows about him, he doesn't want to say or do anything to change that.

But if she doesn't want to have sex with him, he wants to find that out as soon as he can so he can stop wasting time, money, and energy. She can be upfront and honest and tell him that right away.

Why would a man have an obligation to spend more effort/time/money/emotion than it takes for him to get what he wants? In these sorts of relationships, it is up to the individuals to seek out what they want, to initiate what they want, and to either agree to, or decline, what the other person initiates. These are not marriages. They are dating relationships, hookups, booty calls.

If the woman doesn't like what he's doing, she is entirely free to stop seeing him. She can be upfront and honest and tell him that it is her intention that she's not going to have sex with him (or have sex with him anymore) unless he spends more time and money on her, agrees to an exclusive girlfriend-boyfriend relationship, or whatever. Maybe he'll agree to wait or change the relationship. Or maybe he'll carry on as he has, and she will still allow him to show up for a booty call, despite what she's said. If she stays true to her word, he can either agree to the terms or move on.

This is a dance. Men will dance in a way that gets them what they want. It's generally women who either reward the dancer or not.


Part 1 of This Series

Part 2 of This Series

Part 4 in This Series

Protect Children By Parenting Your Children

"Protect Children Not Porn" is a false dichotomy.

It is expressed on services like Twitter/X as #ProtectChildrenNotPorn by the usual antiporn crusader would-be censors and the people who make a living grifting off of them, who try to make life as difficult as they can for people who make, sell, and watch any erotica.

Groups like Exodus Cry (originating from an Evangelical church), Justice Defense Fund (which is basically Laila Mickelwait, who was with Exodus Cry but might not be anymore for some still unexplained reason), National Center on Sexual Exploitation (which is a rebrand of Morality in Media) and Fight the New Drug (which insists it is NOT a Mormon organization, and we know Mormons have never tried to conceal their motives and operations before) know that very few people will support a religious crusade trying to ban all pornography, but their core supporters want that. So these groups try to fool people with campaigns that claim to be secular campaigns about children and women being abused. 

Except that we know their campaigns are really about attacking the freedom of consenting adults to make and watch erotica.

How?

1) They claim that porn websites must be shut down if rogue users violated the terms of service by uploading illegal video content, claiming that such content victimizes women and children. But these same people have never called for shutting down churches (or their Mormon equivalents) when staff is is caught making or distributing such material, or actually, personally assaulting a woman or a child. They don't even pressure banks/credit card companies to stop processing payments to/for those churches.

2) They use social media that has far more illegal videos on it than any of the porn sites they target, and they know this.

3) They have attacked OnlyFans, one of the best services for ensuring the women participating are consenting, are indeed women and not girls, and that the people viewing their explicit material are adults (they charge!).  

One of them, let's just call her Mayla Ficklewaste, has let her toddler play with her phone, even though Mayla constantly searches out illegal videos, frequently visits porn sites, and the child was able to access X/Twitter, which has rape and snuff videos. Anyone can upload anything to X/Twitter right now. PornHub only has verified uploads. Guess which service this MF attacks?

It's a RUSE.

It's a SHAKEDOWN.

It's a FUNDRAISING PLOY.

They're NEVER going to ban porn, but they'll keep collecting money from scared, insecure, gullible people who are counting on them to do so. All they can do is shake down what other people have earned, and make life difficult for models and performers. Likewise, they tell the broader public that they simply want these restrictions, but that's a lie. Their crusade would continue.

They haven't prevented one person from being abducted, enslaved, or assaulted. But Laila sure has gotten lots of attention, fed her ego, and lined her pockets.

It is not "defending porn" or "protecting porn" to value freedom of speech, freedom of expression, and free enterprise.

It is not defending porn or protecting porn, and certainly not attacking children, to point out that "leaders" in these "movements" are hypocritical, two-faced, and fleecing the gullible.

They say there's nothing stopping children from viewing porn websites. There is "nothing stopping" kids from walking into traffic, or taking an automobile a joyride, or setting themselves on fire, or burning down their residence.

Except that there is. It is called...

P A R E N T I N G

That's why I use the hashtag #ParentYourChildren

These crusaders are such bad parents that they want the whole world to change for the sake of what they don't want their kid seeing.

Here's what people can do to parent their own child.

1) Don't give your a child a networked phone or tablet. If you do, have controls and monitors on it.

2) Keep any other device that can access online content in common areas of your home, where it will be supervised. Controls can also be used on these.

3) Don't let your children go without your supervision to any residence that doesn't follow these practices.

Good Luck With That

The Institute For Family Studies needs to promote marriage. So Alysse ElHage has this blog entry touting a new book that attempts to address marriage problems through churches. [This entry was bumped up.]

A few years ago, I was scrolling through Facebook to catch up with friends and family when I stumbled upon some news that made my heart sink.

As I've said, Facebook is a front row seat to a train wreck.

A married couple from the church my husband and I had attended for about 10 years had apparently split up since we moved away. Both the husband and the wife were popular leaders in our church and seemed to have a vibrant marriage that everyone admired. But now she was building a life with a new man in another state, while he raised their two children alone. As I was trying to digest this news, I discovered that at least five other married couples with kids from the same church had split up over the past few years. Two of the couples had been married for several decades; one couple less than five years. When I asked our pastor what happened, he was as brokenhearted as I was over the news, but he had no answers. He’d tried to counsel with some of the couples, but the spouse who wanted out (most often, the wife) was dead set on divorce.

Pay attention, men.

1. These were supposedly dedicated, churchgoing wives.
2. They seemed to have a vibrant marriage. You have no idea what's going on behind closed doors.
3. Decades of marriage can mean the wife gets set with alimony for life. In California (I don't know how many other states are the same), ten years of marriage sets her up for life.
4. The women are the ones leaving. YOU CAN'T STOP THEM. And, quite often, the more you try to treat them well, the more likely it is they'll walk all over you and leave.
5. The pastor claimed to have no answers. Most likely, he had answers, but doesn't want to say them.

You Can't Tell She'd Make a Good Mother

If you're looking for "the one," and you shouldn't be, you might ask "Will she make a good mother?"

Now, there are some red flags that indicate she definitely wouldn't be a good mother. But just because you don't see certain red flags (yet) and think she's compatible with you and on the same page when it comes to parenting does NOT mean she will actually be a good mother.

There really isn't any way to know for sure.

In the good ol' days, she didn't have much choice. She'd better do things your way. Things are very different now, with a culture that undermines parenting.

She might SAY she wants to raise children, but just like you, she really has no clue. Being an older sibling, or babysitting someone else's kids can cause someone to legitimately realize they don't want children, but they're not a good way to decide that one DOES want to parent. How can things work that way? Because if children irritate, annoy, exasperate, or otherwise bring you down, that's enough to know you shouldn't raise any, but even if you enjoy being around them, that's far different from being their parent, who is financially, socially, morally, and legally responsible for them 24/7/365 for 18 or more years.

Having a dog isn't being mom to a human child.

There are some definite signs, other than not liking kids in general, she's not mother material. She wouldn't make a good wife. Her career comes first or she has a highly demanding career (long/odd/extra days, frequent travel, instability/having to hop from company to company, emotionally draining/stressful, leaves her exhausted); she's misandrist; she's impatient or easily angered; she needs everything neat and orderly; she's unhealthy; she's mentally ill; she's a substance abuser; she's irresponsible; she's abusive; she isn't nurturing or affectionate.

Other things are harder to discern.

If she already has children, you shouldn't be with her, let alone making more with her or bringing your kids around her and her kids.

You can't tell with reasonable certainty a woman will make a good mother, and frankly, you probably shouldn't marry.

So you probably shouldn't have kids, or if you are going to have kids, you might want to consider not having a wife and keeping control by using a donated egg and a surrogate for gestation.

The Modern Workplace and How It Relates to Marriage

Men are expected to "provide". It isn't just traditionalists like Dr. Laura who say this. Most women seek out and marry men they think do, or will, earn more than they do, even if they claim to be liberated, feminist, independent. Notice Oprah's lack of legal marriage. It would be difficult for her to attract a man who earns more than her.

In order to pay for a family, men generally need stable, well-paying jobs that provide a reasonable level of security. However, our economy has changed.

Men Need To Protect Themselves In the Workplace

 

Don't be fooled, guys.

It doesn't matter how relaxed your workplace feels or seems. It doesn't matter what your boss does, what other men do, or what the women do there.

You must always remember that normal adult behavior, including harmless behavior that has gone on in workplaces for as long as workplaces have been a thing, can now get you in deep trouble. Normal behaviors, normal conversations, can lose you your job, your entire career, and more.

Your job, your workplace, is not a place to find a date, or a lay, or a girlfriend, or a wife. It doesn't matter that people have done that for as long as there have been workplaces and are still doing it now. It is far too much of a risk for you. You need to think about you, and covering your donkey.

No, it's not just crude jokes, or lingering hugs, or cheesecake screensavers, or trading favors. The way you look at a woman, even if she is fine with it, can get you into trouble.

So, how do you prevent accusations?

The best way is to work for yourself, or for very small business at which no women work and no women will ever work. Even then a woman who interacts with you as a customer or supplier or whatever can make accusations, but you have more control and protection than if you're working for a large employer, especially one where misandrist feminists are in control, or at least in control of dealing with alleged sexual harassment.

But if you do work somewhere that women also work, you need to be very careful, deliberate, and consistent in what you do:

Keep your interaction with women strictly professional and to the minimum that is absolutely necessary.

What does this mean in practice?

Unmarried Women and Elections in the USA

This was originally published in September 2012. It still holds up, I think. In 2026, there are multiple “Democratic Socialists” who might win major and prominent local offices.

*****

Married women are more likely to vote Republican, unmarried women are more likely to vote Democrat.

Why?

Different people have different explanations, because even asking female voters why they vote the way they do won't necessarily get you the truth.

One explanation I think holds a lot of water is that while many unmarried women see themselves as independent, they want someone to promise them security, and they are very much dependent - on taxpayers they don't even know. Another way of putting it is some some women who say, "I don't need a man!" are counting on men (and women) who pay the taxes that fund the government programs on which these women depend. Democrats promise larger (and supposedly bringing more goodies) government. Republicans promise... to slow the rate of increase in expanding of government. So someone who wants the government to take care of them (as opposed to simply protect them from invading armies, terrorists, and criminals) is much more likely to vote Democrat.

Of course there are unmarried women who are successful and are part of the 53% paying federal income taxes to support those other women who claim to be independent. One big reason many of them are unmarried is because they will only marry a man who will earn more than they do and will promise them additional financial security. The more successful a woman is, the fewer men there will be who are more successful than she is. (Isn't Oprah still unmarried?) If she has been focused on her education and career and growing her business or climbing the corporate ladder, she may not have had the time or interest in building personal relationship with a marriage-minded, marriage-material man. And, by the time she feels like she has arrived at a level where she feels successful, the men in her age range are married, or divorced with children and nasty ex-wives, and/or dating younger women.

On the other hand, someone could argue that the kind of women more likely to vote Republican are also the kind of women more likely to be married. Not sure how that works, though, given that statistically, almost everyone gets married.

I've also noticed that Democrat operatives, academics, and leaders tend to classify people by their sex, sexual orientation, skin color, religion, income level, etc. and then tell them that if they are Latino, black, homosexual, non-Christian, lower-income, or female they then are victims of hate coming from white, heterosexual, Christian, wealthy men and the only or best way to mitgate such injustice, or course, is new or expanded federal programs and protections. Yes, unless they make the system bigger and more powerful and put the "right" people in charge of it, rich male breeder Bible-thumpin' whitey will deviously take any income, food, or home they arrange for themselves, and force them to be incubators for the new supply of child labor. Well, I'm a white, male, heterosexual, Christian, and my income is higher than average. I want people to have whatever they've earned. I want every person's rights protected. I don't want to oppress anyone. I don't want big corporations or the wealthies to manipulate the system unjustly. That's why I believe in Constitutionally-limited government and, as much as possible, power being decentralized. Congress can't give out corporate welfare if Congress sticks to the Constitution.


There other other explanations, too, as to why there is such a split between unmarried and married women, but I think the dependency/security or "I want someone take care of me but not tell me what to do or hold me accountable" thing makes the most sense, based on what I've heard from the very women in question.

Yes, there are exceptions and outliers and I'm generalizing. Of course I am. And I welcome your disagreement or agreement or citing of exceptions.

If Enough Churchgoing Men Refuse to Marry, Polygyny Will Be Encouraged

"What's next? Polygamy?"

That was often heard, especially from Religious Right people, during the successful battle to extend, nationally, state marriage licenses to same-sex couples. For a long time, religious conservatives (Evangelical Christians especially) have insisted heterosexual, married monogamy is the ideal and the only acceptable sexual relationship.

The way the marriage-and-family ministries have talked about polygamy, or anything that isn't monogamy, you'd think the Bible emphatically condemns anything that isn't monogamy. 

But it doesn't.

The Biblical case that "monogamy is the only way" is a very weak one. It is based on trying to say that polygamy (polygyny, really) in the Bible led to problems. You won't find any passage in the Bible that actually says monogamy is the only acceptable relationship. On the contrary, many heroes of the Bible had multiple wives (and more). 

I have a prediction.

If more and more men, including churchgoing men, go on a marriage strike, some of these religious organizations that have warned against polygamy will switch to encouraging it. For the LDS church, that would be familiar territory. These organizations will encourage it because they want women to marry and have babies, and lots of babies, and if there aren't enough men, they will break down and encourage women to share husbands. 

Just wait.

Cult of the Cubicle

The lockdowns associated with the 2020 pandemic widely revealed something that some people had already discovered:

Thanks to technology, many office jobs can now be done entirely or almost entirely from home, or some other "remote" location.

Some employers embraced this for the long term, significantly reducing the office space their company leased or owns.

Others, steeped in what I'll call the Cult of the Cubicle, have been trying to get everyone back into their cubicles, or even worse, their "open" workstations.

If responsibilities can be handled through telephones and computing devices (smart phones, tablets, laptops, desktops, etc.), they can be done through "telework" or remotely. Presentations done on screens can be presented and experienced remotely. Meetings can be done remotely. Trainings can be done remotely.

There are tasks, there are personalities, there are home situations which make it preferable for some people to work in the common office. Some collaborations are going to be better that way.

But for others, why not let them work from home/remotely full-time, permanently, if that is what they want? Either they can do quality work at the quantity needed or they can't. If they can, what is the problem? I can't think of any except for a desire to have a feeling of control over people.

Commuting has costs and risks. For many people, their residence and their employer aren't going to be close, or the commute is going to be slow and stressful even if the physical distance isn't all that far. In the greater Los Angeles area, it isn't unusual for people to have commutes that are over an hour one way, and that's without an accident that stops a commuter train, or closes lanes on a freeway or tollway. The saving grace for people in those commutes is usually radio, podcasts, or audiobooks, or they might do phone calls as they move slowly along the roadways.

But that's about the employee's quality of life. How does allowing more people to work work "from home" more of the time benefit employers? There are many ways. In no particular order:

Answering Marriage Seller Assertions, Talking Points, and Questions - Part 7

 


Read Part 1 here and Part 2 here and Part 3 here and Part 4 here and Part 5 here and Part 6 here.


Why aren't you married/Why don't you want to be married?

One problem with these questions is that they are asked as though marriage is the default. It isn't. One must do a series of voluntary things in order to be married. If someone doesn't do those things, they won't be married. Once you realize that the default is being unmarried, deflecting these questions becomes easier.

Yet again, there are several ways of answering this, depending on your situation and your interactions with the person who is asking.

A) I was born without a wife.

B) Marriage is voluntary. I am naturally free. The real question is "Why should I get married?"

C) I don't have compelling reasons to marry.

D) I don't voluntarily sign terrible state contracts.

E) I haven't found a compatible woman.

F) I don't want to inflict myself on someone.

G) I have too much respect for the independence of women than to do that.

H) I refuse to perpetuate such misogynistic patriarchy.

I) Just lucky, I guess.

J) (Turn it around.) Why did you marry?/Why are you marrying? (They will usually cite something they could have had without a terrible state contract. It's up to you if you want to point that out or not.)

Most men don't have a good reason to marry. When men stop accepting without question that marriage is a must and a if not married, a man must seek to get married, and flip things around to place the burden where it belongs, which is on the marriage seller, most of the marriage marketing campaign crumbles.

Part 8

Time

 
Time is limited.

Life goes by fast.

Memento mori.

I knew this from an early age. Unlike many other people my age when I was a kid, I wasn't always looking forward to being older. I knew that I was only going to be 11, 12, 13, etc. once. I knew that time moves in one direction. I suppose part of it is that I had a generally good childhood. My parents, for the most part, were really great parents. It wasn't all a bed or roses. But I look back on it mostly fondly, and I think my parents generally gave me a better childhood than my kids are getting.

Ask any lucid old person who isn't in constant unbearable pain, even someone on their death bed, and they'll tell you that life is short.

I'm at the age where I most likely have fewer years ahead of me than behind me.

I bring this up because it is one reason I encourage men (and women!) to be, stay, and enjoy independence. Enjoy life. Stay free. Don't waste your time.

There are things we must do even if we don't want. Others, not so much. For most men, what we now call marriage isn't what they really want to do, and they shouldn't. But this doesn't have to be about marriage. It can be about staying in a job when you are able to survive without it. Or putting up with a "friend" who brings more bad than good to our life, or trying to keep a relationship with a relative who isn't a good person, or continuing an activity that has lost overall benefit to you.

It's why you shouldn't give scam calls/texts/emails or door-knocking salespeople or a movie you find lacking in purpose to you a second more time than absolutely necessary.

Time is slipping by. Each of us has less time in this life every second that goes by.

Life is short. Time is precious. Don't waste your time.

Running Game - Your Presentation

Many young, hot women quickly have sex with "jerks," especially jerks they think have money, power, or fame. The guys who appear to be dependable, stable, reliable, and nice - the guys who will be their puppy dog - these women hold those guys off until the women have "had their fun," and have a lot of baggage and fading looks, and need a man to play Captain Saveahoe.

If you think you need to be an "upstanding", successful man with a great job, honest and upfront, and romance a woman and pay her way in order to get sex, well, you've been lied to.

Even if you're not looking for sex, your presentation, like most of running game, can still protect you.

You can get sex in three inexpensive dates or less with one woman. Running game helps you find and enjoy the women who are either 1) sexually attracted to you based on your appearance or 2) will consent to have sex with you because they think you have, or are about to have, a lot of money, power, or fame. Of course there will be women who won't play, but running game smokes them out before you spend much time, money, or energy on them. It protects you from being a doormat, beaten dog, errand boy, or walking wallet.

You want the appearance of David, not Rick.

Marriage Material Men

As anyone who has skimmed through this blog can tell, I'm a huge fan of the Dr. Laura Program and the hostess herself. As such, I listen to every minute of the show and thus I think I've discerned what she would consider the basic requirements of marriage-material men; in other words, what she tells her female callers to look for when it comes to finding a husband.

In no particular order, here they are:


1) He is 28-35 years of age. That might slip down to 27 and slip up to 38 or so, but guys in their earlier 20s are not considered marriage material and men in their 40s or older who have never been married (see below) aren't married because either they really don't want to be or there is some serious flaw with them. Now, she doesn't oppose people remarrying when their children are grown and there is a prenup to protect those adult children and they meet all of the other criteria. However, the focus of this entry is on first marriages.


2) He is the same age or slightly older than the woman.

3) He has no minor children and has never been married before (with the possible exception of widowers). Even if he doesn't have kids, having been married before makes things more complicated and can make divorce more likely. Remember, we're talking about guys in their late 20s and early 30s.

4) He is done with his education and training.

5) He is not in debt.

6) He doesn't abuse substances and is physically and mentally healthy.

7) He doesn't play video games and has no Facebook or social media account.

8) He is Alpha, not weak, and not a momma's boy nor does he allow a problematic mother (or anyone else) to control or negatively impact his life.

9) He earns enough to be the sole support of wife and children in a nuclear family home without others (and he wants to), to pay for private school or homeschooling plus activities, to pay lawyers to "go to war," to pay to care for elderly or disabled relatives to have the care they need, to pay for you both to avoid ever being burdens on your children, and many other things.

10) He has a job that pays as much as described in #9 and is steady, stable, and secure, and yet it doesn't require moves, frequent travel, semi/pseudo-social situations with women, working/commuting long or odd hours or extra/odd days that would intrude into family time, communicating outside of work hours, nor has dangerous conditions, and will allow him to be home for dinner every night.

11) He has a compatible religious background to the woman. Saying "neither one of us is very religious" doesn't count if the religions are in conflict. For example, Jewish (non-Messianic) and Catholic. This is only a must if there is a possibility, however slight, of having children.

12) He is otherwise fundamentally compatible with the woman (major goals, raising children, personalities, etc.)

13) He is willing and able to be completely monogamous for life (no threesomes, swinging, swapping, group sex, polyamory) and would never ask the wife to have sex where others might see nor to watch others have sex in-person.

14) The woman is strongly attracted to him, including physically.

15) There are no red flags in addition to anything covered above, including things that would be red flags if they happened more often or on a larger scale. (You can't come back later say, "It wasn't this bad!")

I personally disagree with #7. I think it is simply something she didn't grow up with and she has an unreasonable bias against such technology. Otherwise, I think these are very good rules for a woman looking for a husband.

In today's world, the combination of #9 and #10 is increasingly rare, especially fitting into the criteria of #1. However, since the priority is family and children, these are necessary things. This is why she frequently gets female callers who say that they "have to" work, or whose husbands aren't home enough or the right hours/days, or whose (potential) husband is older. But remember - "everyone", deep down, wants to be with someone.

UPDATE: It has become painfully apparent with COVID-19 shutdowns that #10 is exceedingly rare in the sense that very few jobs are secure, steady, and stable. They can be removed by government fiat at any time.

"Marriage Matures Men"

How often do we hear that crap?

Age and life experience mature men. Of course you're more mature now than when you got married. You're older!

Think about people who say that marriage matures men and that's one reason they want men to get married. They want women to marry immature men. Go ahead, ladies! Pair up with an immature man.

Men can be unmarried and mature. How about we focus on how to make that happen, if it really is so important that more men get more mature? Just like I tell men to go to their doctor, why not cut out the "middle man" (the terrible thing that what we now call marriage usually is) and go for the ultimate goal, if that's really what you're concerned with?

Marriage can actually keep men immature. They never figure out how to be independent and make decisions. They marry because someone else will tell them what to do and they think she will pick up after them.

When someone says "marriage matures men," it is fair to ask them what they mean by "mature." It might mean "does what I want them to do."

Depending on how they define it, other things that mature men include:

• Being tortured in an internment camp
• Natural disasters
• Poverty
• Battling cancer
• Combat
  

No thanks!!!

Marriage kills the dreams of men and turns them into beaten dogs. It sucks the fun out of their life. People mistake that, or the natural effects of aging or life experience, for marriage maturing a man.

"Marriage matures men" is one of those things said to try to shame, trick, or pressure men into marriage. Don't fall for it. You can be a great, productive, happy person without ever marrying.

Save the World, Ladies!

 

There are people who appear to be very, very worried about adult media or erotic media or p-rn.

They say it’s ruining men, exploiting women to the point of trafficking, and even destroying society.

Wow! That sounds dire.

Something has to be done about such a serious threat.

Fortunately, men who are regularly, perhaps daily, with attractive, naked women and climaxing, especially through methods like enthusiastic fellatio, tend to watch much less p-rn, especially if they are getting those experiences for little or no expense.

So, ladies, the solution is at hand (so to speak).

Women can greatly reduce men’s viewing of erotic media by giving men lots of great, enthusiastic sex for little cost. Surely it’s worth it to do this, if erotic media is so destructive.

Get to it ladies! Approach a man today, tomorrow, and every day and save the world!

Running Game - What To Do On Dates

When a man is running game, here's how the ideal date goes:

It's dark out. You haven't seen her in a week or more.

You get a text from her that invites you over.

You go to her place.

Within five minutes of arriving, you're doing what you want to do.

After you're done doing what you want to do, you leave. You're not there to stick around to cuddle, snuggle, spoon, move furniture, fix the garbage disposal, or any of that.

To get to that point, though, you'll probably have to have other dates, first.

Explain What You Mean in Telling a Husband to Man Up

I've posed this question before, directed at Dr. Laura, but a lot of people tell a husband to "man up" or "grow a pair" or "use your balls" or something similar in dealing with his wife, usually when there is a disagreement or the wife is behaving in some way that is immoral, irrational, unfair, or destructive. I'd very much like to know what someone who says such a thing means by it. What do you they expect the husband to actually do?

He can assert his opinion or demand. His wife can easily ignore or dismiss it.

Then what?

He can't force her to comply, and even if he can physically take unilateral action, she can use the force of law to stop him. He can't withhold his earnings from her (at least in Dr. Laura's scenario, a first marriage wouldn't have a prenup keeping finances separate). Anything he refuses to do for her, she can pay someone else to do using his earnings.

Managing Danger

Many years ago, a significant earthquake hit where I was, and without even thinking about it I was under an extremely sturdy table as fast as I could get there. I didn't even have to think about it, because I had thought about it many times before.

Thinking ahead and paying attention can help protect you.

"What if...?" can help you.

How many people get into accidents while driving because they weren't paying attention? How many accidents have been narrowly avoided because someone was paying attention? We count on other drivers driving safely and following the rules of the road, but sometimes they won't or can't: They have have a medical problem, they're drunk, they're fighting with a passenger, they're distracted, their vehicle has a mechanical failure, they're angry or set on committing a crime, a pedestrian/animal/other object gets in their way, etc.

Driving or anywhere else...

Running Game - Why Not Be a Romantic Gentleman?

Most of running game involves going AGAINST what you might think, what you've been told, works.

Don't go on dates arranged by coworkers or family members.
Don't buy her gifts.
Don't bring her flowers.
Don't meet her for lunch or coffee.
Don't take her out to a nice dinner.
Don't call her the next day.
Don't shower her with compliments.
Don't make holidays, her birthday, and anniversaries special for her.
Don't seek to make a good impression on her family and friends.
Don't be yourself or be your best self.

It works better for you if you don't show that you care, if you don't tell her everything about you, if you're not agreeable to everything she wants, if you don't show much effort, if you're not available most of the time, if you don't agree to see only her. Refusing to help her with her problems, compromise, or jump through hoops to impress her; acting like you have better things to do; and going after what you really want works.

Why would media lie to you? Because most media tries to appeal to what women want to see.

Why would your mother, grandmother, stepmother, aunt, sister, female coworkers, female neighbors, female friends lie to you?

Few, if any, of them are intentionally lying to you. They will say what they think sounds nice, or think they're supposed to say. But their goal isn't to get you laid, unless you have a very unusual relationship with them. Their goal is to get you paired up with a "nice", agreeable (to them) woman who will be their ally, their friend. The women in your life will tell you what they want men to do when they use those men for finance, labor, status, access, attention. Of course they want to be put on a pedestal and treated well. Oh, sure, they like it a lot when a man takes them out to a nice, expensive restaurant. Wouldn't you like it if someone paid for your nice dinner? Wouldn't you like someone to signal they will make your life financially easier? But that doesn't mean they'll be a great lover to the guy who does those things; usually quite the opposite. Even most articles, books, videos, or forum threads with women giving men advice on how to get laid will tell you what they WISH worked. But what actually works to get you what you want with as little trouble as possible is running game.

Romantic Gentlemen spend a lot of time, money, and effort, and what they get - if anything - is waiting for one woman until she's done "having her fun," is jaded and saddled, often, with debt, diseases, and kids. This woman might be available to him sometimes when it comes to what he wants. She'll always be available to let him pay for things and do chores for her, though.

Meanwhile, the guys running game enjoy the company of many different women without doing or dealing with much they don't want to. They don't spend much time, money, or effort to get what they want, and they do get what they want. Ask me how I know.

Running game works. Being the Romantic Gentlemen might work, if you want to be a doormat, a butler, and walking wallet.

A Very Tiny Pool

"Refuse to date men use porn!" was tweeted out by one my favorite antiporn accounts.

First things first: Of course people can and should set any standards or requirements they think are best when it comes to who they'll date.

Two very important words in the tweet were "use" and "porn". What exactly are we talking about here? Is a guy who stares at artistic nudes once or twice per month or enjoys the annual Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue just as out-of-the-question as a guy who is viewing hardcore videos 2-3 times per week? If so, there's going to be almost no man who passes this test. And "use" implies it is ongoing. Given how much we are told  by antiporn activists that porn damages the brain, shouldn't men who used porn be out of consideration, too?

Being Older and Childfree

Ever obsessed with getting other people to marry or remarry and have children and completely baffled that there are people who want a different life from his, Dennis Prager asked (rhetorically, not as a call-in topic) during Hour 1 of his Wednesday, May 22, 2024 radio show what childfree people think as they get older.

I’m not childfree. I invite anyone who is “older” and childfree or has heard from someone who is, to leave a comment.

I’ll give a few examples of what I’ve heard:

Wow, I am enjoying retirement so much. Staying childfree allowed me to retire, and do so with enough money and freedom I can do the things I want.

Thank goodness I don’t have to deal with problematic children or grandchildren, like my classmate, who’s always talking about the drama she’s going through.

It’s great having the house I want and having it the way I want. It’s clean, orderly, set up for adults, and not all run down and dirty.

So glad I didn’t have to pay for college and weddings for kids and grandkids like my coworkers did. They’re still working while I’m retired.

Go ahead and add what you’ve thought or heard.

Answering Marriage Seller Assertions, Talking Points, and Questions - Part 14

 

Read Part 1 here and Part 2 here and Part 3 here and Part 4 here and Part 5 here and Part 6 here and Part 7 here and Part 8 here and Part 9 here and Part 10 here. and Part 11 here and Part 12 here and Part 13 here.


Married people have more children, and we need more people. They are a resource.

The main reason married people have more children is the same reason they are married:

Either they believe they are supposed to be married and having children or they believe they have stability in their relationship.

In the Western world, there is very little, if any, stigma left in unmarried parenting.

Again, depending on your situation, there are different way to answer.

A) I don't want any/more children.

B) I can't have any/more children.

C) Water wells are a resource. How many have you personally dug? Food is a resource. Are you producing on a farm more than you're consuming? Food and water are resources yet you don't tell me I should be providing them. Other people will continue to provide children. I will continue to contribute in ways I prefer.

D) People can have as many children as they want without a terrible state contract.

E) I am not obligated to keep supplying to your government ponzi schemes.

F) Be honest and direct and try to encourage people to have more children, rather than telling them they should marry. You can appeal to the people who are already married to have (more) children, if you have a qualm with unmarried parenting.


Don't you want what is good for society?

This makes the assumption that marrying is good for society. You can try asking them to explain how exactly marrying is good for society. They will probably cite things we've already covered in this series: having (more) children, having cooperative parental involvement in raising the children, unmarried men being violent, and unmarried women being dependent on government. As we've shown, all of those things can be addressed without a terrible state contract.

A) The claims that getting a terrible state contract is good for society is based on perceived correlations or things that can be done without a terrible state contract. Signing a terrible state contract isn't good for society. What's good for society is in how people behave. It won't benefit society if I get a terrible state contract, other than to remove a woman from the teat of government. But I wouldn't take on a woman like that anyway. How about encouraging women to be independent?

B) Explain exactly how me entering into a terrible state contract would benefit society?

There is no evidence whatsoever that signing a terrible state contract is beneficial to society.

How to Keep Your Friends Free - Rescue, Recovery, and Restoration

Despite your best efforts with Prevention and Intervention, some of the guys you know are going to sacrifice themselves for what will likely be a lost cause. They're going to get married, or shack up, or otherwise entangle themselves in a woman's life in a way that gives away their freedom. Or maybe they did so before you had the chance to even try to instill in them the value of freedom.

The good news is that many of those guys will be dumped or will escape, and thus gain back some of their freedom, albeit heavily damaged and, often, compelled to make ongoing payments.

That's where you come in with the rescue, recovery, and restoration.

Of course, this depends on you having either stayed in contact or having left the door open. If these guys can't find you or don't think you want to hear from them, you're not going to be able to help.

 

Hopefully, if you knew them before they climbed down that ladder and were able to warn them, they'll remember that while so many other people were encouraging them to make what was perhaps the worst change they've ever volunteered to make, YOU were telling them the truth, even if they didn't like hearing it.

I've written about this before, but that was with a focus on you. I'm expanding here on what you can do for these guys. Some of these guys will have forgotten how to live as Free Men, or how to enjoy life, or even make their own decisions.

• If you can, and you don't have reason to believe he'll become a permanent mooch, offer him a place to crash.
  
  
• Refer him to a good family law attorney, if he doesn't have one, and if he needs one. He WILL need one if he was married, has a child, or co-mingled accounts/assets with her.
   
• If he seems to need it, refer him to a good Free Man-friendly therapist.
  
  
• Get him back to having fun doing the things he enjoys doing. Don't be discouraged if he doesn't seem to be immediately enjoying himself. He might not have given himself permission to enjoy his freedom yet. Yes, there are some things he may never resume, but he needs to at least give himself the opportunity.
  
  
• Listen carefully to what he says. Try to listen as much as possible, but you might need to point out, even interrupt him when he talking to remind him, that he is reclaiming his freedom, and to stop thinking like a husband. He needs to stop limiting himself and deferring to her or what she wanted. She doesn't get to decide anymore, and can't punish him anymore.
  
  
• If he ever talks about missing her or wanted to try to work it out with her, remind him of the terrible things she did and that going back to her would be throwing away the freedom and autonomy he's regained.
  
  
• There is the risk of him thinking "Maybe it was just her." The risk of him feeling like he has to be a husband. Consult the Prevention entry of this series. Go back to the basics. Especially if he has kids, it's even more important to stay as free as he can. Also, second marriages or marriages in which there are stepchildren have a much higher divorce rate. His children don't need the chaos having new women to meet. He needs to keep any involvement with new women very casual.
  
  
• He might miss the sex, even if it was infrequent and bland. He needs to know how to run game or sublimate.
  
  
• Set up regular get-togethers and outings, especially on Fridays and Saturdays, either with a group of guys or just the two of you. The more fun a recovering man has as a Free Man, the better!
  

This is the end of the series for now, although I will probably write and entry that addresses how to apply this when dealing with your own son.

How to Keep Your Friends Free - Prevention

How to Keep Your Friends Free - Intervention

Why Men Date Single Mothers

Inspired by this comment, I'm going to explain why some men date single mothers. For some men, more than one of these reasons will apply. These are in no particular order.

1) It never entered his mind that there are alternatives. He's taking what he thinks he can get or what has been offered to him. He doesn't realize that with a little game, he could find women who are childfree, and how much better for him that would be. He could even be desperate. Maybe he thinks that, if he has kids, he should date women with kids, but having his own kids should be all the more reason to NOT date a woman who also has kids. Meanwhile, the fact is, there have never been so many young, hot, childfree women. Women are waiting until later to have children, if they have them at all.

2) It's what he knows. He was raised by a single mother, and this is what he knows. He might even be trying to fix what he saw was wrong with his own childhood. He's going to be a better man, in his mind, than his biological father was, or the other men his mother dated.

3) He's playing Captain Saveahoe. He wants to feel like a rescuer, like a hero, like somebody needed him, so he's "saving" a woman in distress.

4) He's looking for a mother. He actually identifies with her children. He figures she's already used to taking care of dependents, and he wants her to take care of him.

5) He wants kids, and he doesn't have viable sperm or doesn't want to further his own genes. Rather than adopt, he's going with a ready-made family.

6) He has a cuckold fetish. He gets off on raising the biological children of other men.

7) He's a predator. He's hoping to (continue to) "have sex with" (abuse) at least one of her kids, with or without her. Think about pedophiles. If they have an option of a woman with kids or a woman without kids, guess who they're more likely to choose?

It's important to keep in mind that television shows and movies are FICTIONAL. You may have watched shows and movies in which a guy dates and even marries a single mother and everything turns out great. Yeah, that's extremely rare. Literally. The vast majority of times, things will NOT be great. 70% of marriages in which there are prior children divorce, and that's just divorce. It doesn't even count the terrible marriages which never legally divorce.

Dating a single mother is usually going to be trouble; it will almost certainly be extra work for less reward. Marrying one is even worse than marrying a woman who doesn't have kids yet.

There ARE alternatives, guys! Let me say it again: There have never been so many young, hot, childfree women. Women are waiting until later to have children, if they have them at all. Get a vasectomy and date younger women.

You can find childfree women even if you're not rich, even if you're older, even if you're out of shape or not attractive, and even if you have children of your own. All you need to do is run some game.

You are NOT obligated to date or be with a woman with kids. In fact, the way I (and people like Dr. Laura) figure it, you're morally obligated to AVOID dating single mothers.

If you're dating or with a woman with one of more children, here's how to get out.

You can leave comments below, but this is also a good place to comment.

Keeping Boundaries as a Free Man

It’s Not Too Early to Form Your Holiday Game Plan

Free Men, and men who want to be, it's NOT to early to think about the holidays, and by that, I mean Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hanukah, Christmas, New Years, and Valentine's Day. 

There are two main considerations for you:

1) Dealing with family and "friends" who will be asking you (or pestering you) about your status as a free man. You know how it goes. "When are you going to get married?" Questions like that.

2) Avoiding spending those special days with a woman who wants to take away your status as Free Man, or will be expecting you to spend a lot of time, money, and effort on her.

Don't do something something foolish and start thinking there is "the one" to whom you should hand over your freedom. Don't be so ignorant, delusional, or masochistic that you're thinking you want to be exclusive with a woman.

Answering Marriage Seller Assertions, Talking Points, and Questions - Part 10

Read Part 1 here and Part 2 here and Part 3 here and Part 4 here and Part 5 here and Part 6 here and Part 7 here and Part 8 here and Part 9 here.

Single men waste a lot of time and money running around chasing women.

So do a lot of married men!

But seriously, when a man signs a terrible state contract, his money and time are no longer his own. They are controlled by his wife. Marriage sellers think that is a good thing, and not wasteful.

The men who try this argument reveal that they considered what they did/do when unmarried to be a waste. And maybe it was. Whether the time and money he spends is a waste is up to him to decide.

But many unmarried men, especially free men who know what they're doing, which might include running game, don't waste much time or money and are very much happy with being unmarried.

If a man runs game, he won't be spending a lot of time and money. He's definitely spending less than a husband, though a common complaint of wives is that their husband isn't spending a lot of time and money "chasing" her. How is buying overpriced flowers that will be withered and discarded soon, or chocolates for an obese wife NOT wasting money? You know what a waste of money is? Paying for two sets of divorce lawyers because you entered into a terrible state contract even though you didn't need to.

If you're really so worried that "single" men are wasting time and money how about showing them how to live the life they want for less time and money spent, instead of urging them to sign a terrible state contract?

Part 11