You Can't Tell She'd Make a Good Mother

If you're looking for "the one," and you shouldn't be, you might ask "Will she make a good mother?"

Now, there are some red flags that indicate she definitely wouldn't be a good mother. But just because you don't see certain red flags (yet) and think she's compatible with you and on the same page when it comes to parenting does NOT mean she will actually be a good mother.

There really isn't any way to know for sure.

In the good ol' days, she didn't have much choice. She'd better do things your way. Things are very different now, with a culture that undermines parenting.

She might SAY she wants to raise children, but just like you, she really has no clue. Being an older sibling, or babysitting someone else's kids can cause someone to legitimately realize they don't want children, but they're not a good way to decide that one DOES want to parent. How can things work that way? Because if children irritate, annoy, exasperate, or otherwise bring you down, that's enough to know you shouldn't raise any, but even if you enjoy being around them, that's far different from being their parent, who is financially, socially, morally, and legally responsible for them 24/7/365 for 18 or more years.

Having a dog isn't being mom to a human child.

There are some definite signs, other than not liking kids in general, she's not mother material. She wouldn't make a good wife. Her career comes first or she has a highly demanding career (long/odd/extra days, frequent travel, instability/having to hop from company to company, emotionally draining/stressful, leaves her exhausted); she's misandrist; she's impatient or easily angered; she needs everything neat and orderly; she's unhealthy; she's mentally ill; she's a substance abuser; she's irresponsible; she's abusive; she isn't nurturing or affectionate.

Other things are harder to discern.

If she already has children, you shouldn't be with her, let alone making more with her or bringing your kids around her and her kids.

You can't tell with reasonable certainty a woman will make a good mother, and frankly, you probably shouldn't marry.

So you probably shouldn't have kids, or if you are going to have kids, you might want to consider not having a wife and keeping control by using a donated egg and a surrogate for gestation.

Mother’s Day is THIS Sunday, May 10

Don't forget the mothers in your life, unless they've torn up their mother card.

Don't forget people like your stepmother, if you're trying to keep peace with her/your dad (or your mother, if she’s taken on a wife) and she expects to be celebrated by you, even if she tore up her mother card.

And those of you who are foolish enough to be in a relationship with a woman who is a mother, you'd better do something for her, unless you want a fight.

Don't expect much reciprocation in June if you're a father or have taken on the role of a father.

When Someone Regrets Being a Parent

Duncan Jones recently issued a couple of controversial tweets: [This entry is bumped up from January 2019.]

I have 2 kids. 2 1/2 years and 9 months old respectively. I’ll tell you something I never see anyone admit... they are exhausting, frustrating and life-destabilizing. They are rarely fun. Sure, smiles are great, hugs are lovely, but it’s HARD and not obviously a good choice in life.

This is where people feel compelled to say “i wouldn’t change it for the world!” But you know... Of course I’d reconsider! It’s exhausting! Its banal! It’s like looking after a dog you can’t housetrain. What it is, is that it is. and they are mine. Hopefully they turn out ok.

Columnist Matt Walsh, conservative Catholic hubby and dad that he is, lit into Jones and those who responded in solidarity.

What's most concerning is the reaction these tweets provoked. In the 24 hours or so immediately after they were published, a sizable portion of the responses were entirely supportive and sympathetic. A bunch of parents decided to join the fray and register public complaints about their own children. Until saner voices joined the discussion, the thread was a long litany of unseemly parental bellyaching. And not just vague "parenting can be tough" type complaints, but much more specific and personal "my life is miserable and my kids are awful" type complaints.

Those are their experiences. Yes, they shouldn't say these things if they are using their true identity and thus their kids can find out about it. In some cases, it won't matter because the kids are already too far gone, but in most cases, sure. But let's be honest. Walsh isn't just upset that their kids might see this. People like Walsh don't want people speaking the truth about parenthood: that for some people, it brings misery. Some people aren't suited to it.

Let's not deflect from the fact that many people regret having children. Many of them aren't being great parents as a result. Let's encourage people to think very carefully about becoming parents, instead  of saying "Oh, it will all work out! You'll love it! Don't worry, just do it!"

Women who do this are told they're ignoring their motherly instincts. Men are told they're just immature.

Proof of Evil

 

Be warned: This contains reports indicating extreme and murderous child abuse.

Disclaimer: I’m dealing with a news report. I am not responsible for errors and omissions in that news report. I don’t claim any direct knowledge of the people or events described below. The mother’s last name is spelled two ways in the article.

I frequently post on X (Twitter) links to stories of terrible things happening to parents because they’re parents, and terrible things happening to children, often at the hands of their parents. This story warrants an entire blog post.

This article is from Will Conybeare at KTLA, and given how things have been going there, he might have been let go since he wrote it.

The Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services is being sued over the death of a 14-month-old who attorneys say was subjected to prolonged abuse at the hands of two Long Beach residents with past criminal convictions who had the infant placed in their care.

The taxpayers of LA county will be paying any judgement or settlement, along with attorneys fees.

An investigation into the case of the child, identified initially at Tilly S., began on Nov. 7, 2025, when officers with the Long Beach Police Department were dispatched to Miller Children’s Hospital after the toddler was found unresponsive and with signs of trauma. The girl, just over the age of one, was placed on life support but died from her injuries three days later.

On Nov. 25, 2025, two people — Alfredo Muñoz Jr. and Kelly Anelalani Muñoz — were arrested in connection with the infant’s death after detectives found she had suffered extensive ongoing abuse from them, and that her death was the result of that abuse. The couple was charged on Dec. 2 with one count each of murder, torture and assault on a child causing death.

At least there is a criminal case against the alleged abusers. No lawsuit against them? Well, their pockets probably aren’t that deep, unlike Joe Taxpayer.

Alfredo Muñoz Jr. is Tilly’s biological father, and Kelly Muñoz her stepmother; Tilly’s biological mother, Alexis Servin, the plaintiff in the lawsuit, relinquished custody for personal reasons, her attorney Brian Claypool said.

So Tilly’s mother had “personal reasons” to give up custody. Gee, what do you think those could be? What are the odds she wouldn’t be available because she was going to be working in the International Space Station? In my opinion, if I had to guess, the guess would be she was either too messed up to care for a child or she didn’t want to bother.

However, Alexis’ parents — Tilly’s grandparents — were “ready and willing” to care for the infant.

The people who raised Alexis?

Here come the blood boiling details.

Lawyers say that an autopsy of Tilly, who was “under the care, custody and control of the L.A. Department of Children and Family Services (DCFS) at all relevant times,” revealed she endured prolonged abuse that led to injuries including acute blunt head trauma with skull fractures, multiple hemorrhages, a severe spinal cord injury and multiple skeletal fractures. Skeletal findings included healing fractures of multiple ribs, the femur and the tibia that were sustained weeks prior to Tilly’s death.

“The autopsy report confirms Tilly’s death was the result of the combination, severity, distribution, and differing ages of these injuries indicate repetitive inflicted trauma,” the complaint states, adding that Tilly’s official cause of death was found to be a catastrophic brain injury, cerebral edema, brainstem compression, and hypoxic-ischemic injury.

Is there any sane person who’d say it would be unjust to have a public lynching of the murderers?

Legal representatives for Alexis Severin, in the wake of the 14-month-old’s death — one that was described as “tragic” by L.A. County District Attorney Nathan Hochman — are now pointing the blame at DCFS, alleging the department should have known that Alfredo Muñoz Jr. and Kelly Muñoz posed “an extreme and foreseeable danger to any child placed in their care.”

That’s a fair accusation, as we’ll see. But unless Alexis is alleging Alfredo forced Tilly’s conception on her, keep in mind that Alexis was in position to know Alfredo wasn’t a good man, yet allowed him to knock her up. And again, why couldn’t she have/keep custody? Doesn’t Alexis have any blame in this?

Both Alfredo Jr., 41, and Kelly, 34, had prior felony convictions for willful cruelty to a child from a 2021 case. The former was described in the complaint as having an “extensive” criminal history dating back decades:

Alexis didn’t know any of that? Really? And it sounds like Alfredo and Kelly were together for years. How did Alexis get into the mix? Did she choose to let an evil, married man stick it in her and knock her up? He was a father already, and according to a letter the article quotes, considered unable to care for the children he already had. What a turn on! What woman can resist that???

• 1999: Muñoz was convicted of assault with a deadly weapon, a felony, and sentenced in 2000 to five years in the California Youth Authority 
• 2006: Muñoz was convicted of possessing a switchblade knife, a misdemeanor, and sentenced to 30 days in a county jail
• 2009: Muñoz was charged with three misdemeanors (use/being under the influence of a controlled substance, resisting arrest and providing false information to an officer) and two infractions (operating a bicycle in the dark on a highway and not having reflectors on the bicycle pedals) — all were dropped except the resisting arrest charge, for which he was sentenced to a year of summary probation
• 2010: Muñoz was convicted of felony possession of a controlled substance and sentenced to three years of formal probation; he violated his parole in 2012 and was sent to a county jail for 16 months
• 2012: Muñoz was convicted in federal court of being a felon in possession of a firearm and sentenced to 41 months in federal prison followed by three years of supervised release. He was also required to go to outpatient substance abuse treatment
• April 2016: Muñoz was convicted of carrying a dirk or dagger, a felony, and sentenced to three years of probation. He violated the terms of his probation in 2017, for which he spent two years in state prison
• July 2016: Muñoz had a misdemeanor petty theft dismissed in furtherance of justice
• 2021: Muñoz was charged with two felony counts of willful cruelty to a child resulting in possible injury or death and felony possession of a firearm by a narcotic addict. He was only convicted of one count of willful cruelty to a child resulting in possible injury or death and sentenced to four years in state prison

Was Alfredo let out early? Or did “time served” get him out in time to knock up Alexis? Or was he allowed conjugal visits? Anything’s possible in California. Notice his light sentence for a serious crime after being a repeat criminal.

Kelly Muñoz has three prior convictions, the complaint states:

• 2012: Muñoz was convicted of possessing drug paraphernalia and sentenced to 44 days in jail
• 2013: Muñoz was convicted of methamphetamine possession and sentenced to three years of summary probation, five days of community service and a $150 fine
• 2021: Muñoz was charged on the same day as Alfredo Muñoz Jr. with two counts of willful cruelty to a child resulting in possible injury or death; she was convicted on one count and the other count was dismissed. She was sentenced to 90 days in jail and five years of formal probation

Delightful people.

The complaint states that Tilly was placed with the Muñozes not long after Alfredo Jr. had been released from his four-year sentence for willful cruelty to a child.

Again, if that’s true, when and how did he knock up Alexis? Or did he knock her up the moment he got out and nine months later, “not long,” a newborn was given up by her mother? 

“Tilly Servin’s death was caused by the failures of DCFS and the County of Los Angeles,” the complaint adds.

The “dad” and his wife had something to do with it. But again, they don’t have deep pockets.

Were the grandparents seriously shady, or did DCFS simply have such a preference for biological parent bonds that they preferred giving the girl to a convicted child abuser?

Well, there you have it. Hopefully other inmates will do their thing and carry out prison justice.

Maybe someone from DCFS will be fired. They’re probably severely overworked and constrained. But it sure looks like taxpayers are going to be, once again, soaked. I know there are millions of people in that county, but it seems like there’s always a kid being tortured to death and authorities knew about it before they are murdered.

And to bring this back to what I blog about most: How many women have allowed that guy to knock them up? How many women have polished his knob? He’s apparently what turns some women on.

Ponder that.

What's a Single Mother To Do?

Anonymous left a comment on this blog's most popular entry, which has hundreds of comments, so I wanted to call attention to hers.

I had my son with my now ex fiancé.

There was the first mistake. Conceiving before being in a stable, healthy, happy marriage.

We ended up breaking things off because he completely lied about who he was and it became a toxic environment.

Well, at least you didn't make more kids with him.

now I am a single mother who is currently picking up the pieces and doing what I can to give my son the best life possible regarding the circumstances.

It would be great if that included living with, or very close to, your nice, loving, married parents.

Despite how things ended, his father is still actively involved and we even hangout as a family periodically. 

If he's not abusive, I guess that's better than nothing.

My question is...if I choose not to get back with his father because of the boundaries that have been crossed..now what? Don’t date until ny son is 18 years old? Date a guy who is also a single father? Forever be alone? 

Good question.

1) Get your tubes "tied". Tubal ligation. Or, depending on your health history and your family health history, consider getting your ovaries and/or uterus removed. We don't need more children brought into this situation. Your son certainly doesn't need it.

2) Be there for your son. He needs parental attention. He doesn't have an intact home.

3) When your son is with his father, or grandparents, or aunts/uncles, you can date. Your son should never meet your new lover(s) until your son is 18, grown, moving out on his own. Even though people like me warn men to never date women with minor children, you can find plenty of dates anyway.

4) After your son is grown and out, you can date, be in relationships, shack up, marry, whatever. If you DO shack up or marry, be sure you get a prenup (marry) or cohabitation agreement (shackup) so that your son will be protected.

If you don't find this ideal, well, that's because your situation is not ideal. My advice is for your son's best interests out of the remaining possibilities.

Having a Family Doesn't Guarantee Happiness

Matt Walsh, who I agree with some on some really big things, is back [this entry is being bumped up] to beating the drum to marry and pop out kids. He starts off his column at The Daily Wire citing comments by former First Lady Michelle Obama. [This entry bumped up from January 2021.]

The former First Lady was interviewed by "Blackish" star Tracee Ellis Ross and the women together lamented the fact that girls "still dream of weddings" and "Prince Charming." The two agreed that some women (Tracee Ellis Ross included) can sacrifice family for the sake of a career and be "happy as a clam." In fact, it would seem that Mrs. Obama — who is married with two kids — thinks this path is preferable, given that she considers it a problem when girls aspire to marriage. Ross provided compelling evidence to prove that her decision to forgo family life was the right call: "Look where I'm sitting," she declared. Yes, the summit of all happiness is to sit on a stage with a former First Lady. Truly, this is the eternal bliss for which we were designed.

Maybe Ross is happy? I'm not aware of Walsh having psychic abilities.

Mother’s Day is THIS SUNDAY, May 11

Don't forget the mothers in your life, unless they've torn up their mother card.

Don't forget people like your stepmother, if you're trying to keep peace with her/your dad and she expects to be celebrated by you, even if she tore up her mother card.

And those of you who are foolish enough to be in a relationship with a woman who is a mother, you'd better do something for her, unless you want a fight.

Don't expect much reciprocation in June if you're a father or have taken on the role of a father.

Mothers Day is THIS SUNDAY May 12

Don't forget the mothers in your life, unless they've torn up their mother card.

Don't forget people like your stepmother, if you're trying to keep peace with her/your dad and she expects to be celebrated by you, even if she tore up her mother card.

And those of you who are foolish enough to be in a relationship with a woman who is a mother, you'd better do something for her, unless you want a fight.

Don't expect much reciprocation in June if you're a father or have taken on the role of a father.

Mother's Day is THIS SUNDAY May 14

Don't forget the mothers in your life, unless they've torn up their mother card.

Don't forget people like your stepmother, if you're trying to keep peace with her/your dad and she expects to be celebrated by you, even if she tore up her mother card.

And those of you who are foolish enough to be in a relationship with a woman who is a mother, you'd better do something for her, unless you want a fight.

Don't expect much reciprocation in June if you're a father or have taken on the role of a father.

Why Are They Surprised?

On Monday, December 30, Michael Medved sounded like he was baffled as to why more and more Americans are placing having (more) children on a much lower place on their list of priorities. Or, at least, he sounded upset. [This entry has been bumped up from 1/1/2020.]

He really needs to have someone who is proudly child-free on the show; someone who can articulate well why they don't see a need for themselves to have children or to encourage others to have children. I'm not talking about an abortion advocate or a population hysteric. Just someone who recognizes that the world has changed and children do not fit into their plans.

Being an observant Jew (of the more conservative - small "c" bent), Medved has no doubt been steeped in a subculture that encourages members to produce as many new congregants as they can (though perhaps not as strongly as Roman Catholicism or Mormonism). More individually, he's a grandpa. The days of struggling to actually raise children is a distant memory for him. Experiences as a  non-custodial grandfather are very different than those of a parent.

Children change EVERYTHING.

Not All SAHMs Are Made Equal

I do generally believe that married parenting should involve a division of labor in the sense that someone should raising the kids and someone should be considered the breadwinner.

When Dr. Laura paints a portrait of a "stay-at-home" mother, she actually doesn't want them to stay home. It's more like they are "stay-with-kids" mothers. She describes them taking their kids to parks, taking the kids along as they walk, run, or bike, and constantly playing with the kids.

And she tells women who have husbands who aren't convinced those women should quit their jobs to stay with the kids to tell the husbands that they'll be able to prepare more homecooked meals and there will be a lot more sex.

But how many of these women really live up to these things? I applaud those who do, but what about the rest?

[This entry was bumped up from late 2015. We no longer have the other two adults living with us - they were here for a couple of years or so. Most of what they did has reverted to me.]

My wife has been a SAHM since before our first child, who was planned, was conceived.

Today, the kids are in school. My wife is still a SAHM.

When Dr. Laura Tells Moms to Announce Their Switch to SAHM

Children being raised with attention, affection, a sense of security, and morality is one of Dr. Laura's top goals, which is why she condemns the use of day care and insists parents should raise their own children right up until Kindergarten, which is entered into at age 5 or 6 (boys should especially be started later, according to her). She's also big on homeschooling, but any form of daycare (including "preschool") from ages 0-4 is a no-no.

While she doesn't rule out "stay at home fathers", she says mothers are preferable from ages 0-3, and she notes that the "psychobiology" is that women prefer a man be a provider and they tend to lose respect for their husband if they earn more than him or he's home with the kids earning no income at all. Men also tend to like to provide.

So, she gets calls from employed women who are pregnant or have just given birth (again) or even have infants or toddlers who want to switch to being SAHMs, but have husbands who are opposed to that change or are at least reluctant to agree.

This is when Dr. Laura, who usually says big decisions, even getting a dog, have to have mutual agreement and if either spouse is a "no" then the change doesn't happen, leaves that principle aside. It is overruled by the importance of a mother's love. She tells the women to quit their jobs, come up with a one-income budget, to announce to their husband they will be staying home, and tell him that it will mean home-cooked meals, lots of great sex, and a more pleasant home.

That's all good, but only if the caller follows through. And only if the husband accepts the announcement. Will it be better if the family splits up than if they stay together with both parents working outside the home? Dr. Laura says men who aren't eager to be sole support for a wife and kids aren't real men, but would her opinion stop one man who is thinking along these lines from engaging in what he sees as self defense?

Don't Sign Up For This

Two letters to Dear Abby and an obituary notice are something to behold, guys.
A SECOND CHANCE wrote to Dear Abby:

Because I was sexually abused as a child, I have difficulty trusting men.

DONE. That's a big "DO NOT TOUCH" sign right there. That's how she started the letter.

My oldest sons have different fathers. While they were toddlers, I met the father of my youngest two sons.

She trusted three men enough to let them stick it in her and knock her up. Who knows how many other men have been there? Doesn't that take some level of trust?

Don't Make Promises You're Not Going to Keep

I'm convinced the most ideal family situation is a breadwinning father married to a homemmaker mother, who is a stay-with-kids mom, at least until the kids are all in school (Kindergarten or later), at which point she can work part-time. Having the father stay home instead is the next best thing.

This is what one of my favorite audio talk show hosts, Dr. Laura also preaches and teaches, much to the irritation of plenty of people, who talk as though daycare isn't almost always voluntary.

Dr. Laura claims that "in the day" men would rather die than see their wives working full time outside of the home and she talks as though men are ignoring their blaring natural inner voice when they pressure their wives to work. But how many of these men were "raised" by working mothers? How many of those mothers were divorced or never-married? A LOT! Furthermore, a lot of these men know that if their wife doesn't work, the courts are going so screw them (the husbands) over even more when there's a divorce, because the courts will say that the woman has greatly reduced earning potential and has been accustomed to being taken care of financially.

"But you shouldn't expect a divorce," say so many people.

Stop Adding Chaos To Your Child's Life

I've listed many reasons why most people should avoid having children, getting married, or even being in a relationship at all.

I know full well most people will still do these things.

If someone doesn't want children, they should ensure they won't. Men who don't want children should get vasectomies and women should get tubal ligation or have their ovaries and/or uterus removed, whatever is best for them given their health considerations.

But if someone is going to have children, they have a moral obligation to set up the best situation they can to raise those children, who have no choice in the matter except to go along with what their parents set up.

That means:

1) Finding a suitable person of the opposite sex. [1]
2) Marrying them. [2]
3) Treating that person well. [3]
4) Building a stable, suitable life for raising children. [4]
5) Then having children.

Unfortunately, there are plenty of people who do #5 before (or without ever doing) the others, even before #1. And there are also people who, because they didn't really do #1 or #3, they end up divorced or widowed or separated (physically even if not legally). So there are many children now living in what we call a broken home, meaning mom and dad are not living together, raising their child together.

Dr. Laura (and maybe others?) insists that parents of minor children should not remarry until their youngest child is grown and certainly not make more babies. She goes further and says that the existing minor children should not even be exposed to a parent's new lover. So many people think this stance is bizarre. It just sounds so radical to them because parents of minor children getting into new relationships is so common these days.

But I agree with her.

What Women Like

Today's example of what women like - like so much they will have intercourse with such men, apparently without effective contraception - comes from a recent Dear Abby column:

I have a 14-year-old daughter I have raised alone. Her father has never been in her life, nor has he been in the lives of his other children with other women. He has a long history of criminal behavior and mental illness.

Note that the guy being described has obviously had sex with many women, women who don't use contraception effectively.

Your Child, Your Choice, Your Responsibility

The mommy wars never end. Michael Medved, as I type, has Erica Komisar on his show, who has a book out about the importance of mothers being with their children from birth to age three. Of course there are women calling up complaining about the fact that children benefit from actually being with their mother. They'd rather not hear the truth, apparently. And others are complaining that their employer doesn't facilitate this.

There are thee issues here.

1) It is YOUR responsibility to plan things so that if you have children, they will have their mother* with them. Your choice, remember? With choice comes responsibility. Daycare is almost always voluntary and a bad choice. If you're not cut out to be a mother, don't become one. If you don't have a marriage that allows for you to mother your own children, don't have them.

2) It is not a legitimate role of government to compel employers to provide daycare or maternity leave or any other of these accommodations parents want.

3) Employers should be free to run their businesses as they want. If they want to give mothers paid time off to raise their children, fine, but expecting all employers to offer it is an attitude of entitlement.

Employed Parents

You remember the guy who did the worst Prager U video ever, based on my personal opinion and viewer reactions? It's the video that told men they should get married because they'd earn more money but neglected to mention that 1) if his wife divorced him, most of his money would go to her and lawyers, and 2) even she stay married to him, most of his money would be spent by her? Yeah.

Well a tweet by him caught my attention. It linked to a Bloomberg story carried by Yahoo claiming that having children is a bad career move for women. The text of the tweet was:

As if money is the only thing to live for

Yup. From the guy who wanted men to stop doing the things they enjoyed under the lure of "you'll make more money!"

Rebecca Greenfield reports:

An Ugly Truth About Parenting

Have you noticed how many (seemingly billions) websites, magazines, newsletters, books, DVDs, etc. there are about parenting? I'm not even talking about the general stuff about pregnancy and child development. I'm talking about the ones telling you how to deal with problems, how to discipline children, etc.

They don't work.

Well at least, not for all or even most children, and not for long.

If they did work, there wouldn't be so many of them.

Oh, it's easy for someone to stand there lecturing you on how to parent and either you never see them interacting with their own children or it is for a short amount of time, edited. I'm sure they respond to complaints with "You're just not doing it right, or consistently."

But that is not always so. The truth is that no system is going to work all of the time for every child. It may work on one of your children... for a while. Kids adapt. a DVD or a book doesn't. It still tells you to do the same thing it told you to do a year ago. Ever watch Supernanny? Yeah, I wonder how things were going for some of those families a year or two later. Unless your child is stupid, your child anticipates your tactics and adapts accordingly, and being a child is their job. You have a lot of other things to think about in addition to disciplining your child.

This media that promises a peaceful home with well-behaved and well-adjusted children often contradict each other.

Don't ever spank! 
Spank, but with your open hand. 
Spank, but with an object, not your hand, which is only supposed to be gentle and welcoming.

Count out loud to 3 to give your child a warning. 
Don't count as that teaches the child they can screw up twice with no consequences.

Let infants and toddlers cry it out or you encourage them to wake up on the middle of the night and cry until they get attention.
Never let an infant or toddler cry it out; instead, provide them reassurance. 

Cosleeping.
Never bring your child into your bed.

And that's just the earlier years.

I just love hearing about parents or parental figures (usually a grandparent) that "never so much as raised a his voice" in dealing with brats. Sorry, I don't buy it. Either that person wasn't the primary disciplinarian, or the kids were unusually compliant (perfect future cubicle dwellers and fry cooks), or the man was on sedative drugs or the man was secretly kicking puppies when nobody was looking. Sorry, when I'm trying to prevent my children from killing themselves or maiming other kids, I might get a little forceful in my touching or loud in my vocalizations. Oooh, I'm such a bad parent.

Well guess what? There have been some great parents who have raised several kids, and most of them turn out fine and one of them turns out to be a serial killer. Is it really the fault of parenting? Usually not, in those cases. I mean, once it becomes apparent the kid is a sadist or sociopath it is possible the parent could have done them in, but instead the parent risks dead strangers and nasty remarks rather than going to prison themselves.

My siblings and I were raised in the same home, by the same parents. Yet each of us was very different even at early ages, as my father tried to explain to our elementary school principal.

I recently realized something that should have been so obvious to me before. Not even counting sociopaths and sadists, parents can't raise their children without inflicting some (emotional, psychological) harm, even if minor. You get any adult into therapy, no matter how great of a childhood they had and no matter what great and successful and happy people they are now, and there will be something that you will discover that their parents did wrong that still has a negative or limiting impact on them. None of us is perfect, and none of us is going to be a perfect parent. The ugly truth is, it is just a matter of which mistakes we're going to make in raising our children.

A Grand Recap of Mother's Day

I failed to arrange anything special for Mother's Day.

Stick with me here.

My wife doesn't want things like flowers. She considers those a waste. Generally, when she wants something, she asks for it, and usually she gets it. She has a wish list which she prefers people use, but she hasn't updated in since she was preparing it for Christmas and the things left on it are for the kids, not her.

She pretty much just wanted to sleep in and relax on Mother's Day. I brought her a favorite drink that amounts to a milkshake with a slight coffee flavor, though it is marketed as coffee drink. I offered to bring her anything she might want to eat, but it seems she preferred food in the house she could grab herself, but even more so candy from her stash.

I wrote her a nice, positive note. It could have been more syrupy, but I kept it honest. I mean, I think we've done some lousy things as parents, as I think I've explained in other postings. I did not pick the the mother for my children I thought I was picking, and one who would be a good counter to my flaws that diminish my fathering, and for her to be a very good mother, she needed a different husband, one who could make up for the fact that she is physically a wreck, emotionally immature, and mentally ill.

But why didn't we do anything unusual for Mother's Day?

It struck me that almost every week, one, two, or three days are already Mother's Day.

1) She sleeps in as long as she wants.

2) She usually doesn't cook or clean or do any chores or those days.

3) She doesn't tend to the kids. I do. I keep them from killing each other, I make sure they are fed and washed and clothed, I take them places.

4) She gets to watch whatever she wants and play on her tablet as long as she wants.

So while I didn't do anything special for Mother's Day, she had a day a lot of mothers wish they could have.