Especially Noteworthy Comments

I'm calling attention to three recent comments. The first agrees with me, but I didn't publish it in-place because it has "profanities" that I want to keep off of the blog. Yeah, I know it seems silly to a lot of people, but I'm convinced that more people will find the blog if I keep profanities off it. There are two disagreeing comments I will also include before even though I did publish them in their original place.

The first one was anonymous, left after this entry about how getting married was the biggest mistake in my life. 

F---in A, wish I thought to google this s--- before I lost my mind. You are 100% correct.

Before marriage = a complete regard for the fact that this can end anytime, therefore, regular upkeep and involvement with the day to day bulls--- while tending each others needs.

After marriage = a staggering shift in staying sexually satisfied. Can't be bothered to help upkeep the house or be bothered by anything other than what is directly an interest to her.

I become a walking ATM and start to be told how crappy of a husband I am. Even though I literally put a roof over our heads, take care of all the finances and house work. After Kids = sex is non-existent but, I better jump when she says how high because of the kid. Constantly reminded of what a dead beat dad I am, while finishing my college degree and upkeeping everything else in the mean time.

Moral of the story, marriage is a way for woman to s--- on men and not contribute jack to the relationship. Is she a good mom? Yes, she is an outstanding mom and I will never deny that. But I have been a far better husband than she has ever been a wife.

And now I don't want to divorce because I came from a single parent household and do not want do not want my daughter to grow up without a father like I did. Worse mistake of my life by far. Not saying it couldn't work, but I'd be 100% willing to bet that even if we had a kid, I would be happier had I never proposed. In my experience, most men just want the love of a good woman, and most women are willing to manipulate men to get whatever they want, and then shit on them as soon as they are no longer happy with him.

So sorry, man. 

DO NOT MARRY, GUYS!!!

Yve, who has a very nice smile, contributed two very thoughtful comments, and I thank her for doing so.

The first one was on this entry about exiting a relationship with a single mother or a shack up.

Here's a novel thought: just sit down with her and tell her you want out of the relationship. The whole ghosting suggestion is weird and childish...if you chose to get into a committed relationship then just end it like a normal, rational adult.

But there's no assurance that she will be rational. There is enormous risk in him doing it the way you are suggesting. There is little or no risk in him doing it the way I suggested. If he does it your way, she might destroy his property, assault him, get him arrested, or do some other destructive thing that happens every day in this country.

If you only wanted sex, then you should have been upfront with that.

Here's the problem with just coming right out and saying "I only want sex." Even many women who are down for that won't go for it if he is that direct with his words. But a whole lot of women will choose to have sex with men who have not demonstrated they want anything more than sex. It's saying the words out loud that can be the blocker.

Its odd that most men assume single moms are trying to trap them.

But some are. Some are doing it intentionally. Some don't know what they're doing, but they are doing it. And trap or not, some will drain or damage a man as much as they can when they realize it is over. Do you think any women (who aren't into BDSM) tell themselves, "What I really want is a man who will beat the crap out of me." ? No, and yet many of them make decisions that have them getting into, and staying in, relationships in which exactly that happens, often repeatedly.

Ideals are one thing. Reality is another. 

Men who interact with women need to deal with women as they are. Female nature is such that my advice applies. Take getting sex in the first place. I used to believe that the way for a man to get sex was to be a woman's best friend, to romance her, to treat her like a queen, while being a dependable, hard-working, faithful, upstanding man. Yet, when I tried some of the techniques that I heard work better to get more sex with less time, money, and effort spent, I was surprised at how well they worked: being unreliable, being aloof, projecting the attitude of having better things to do than her, refusing to do anything I didn't want to do, trying to keep our non-sexual interactions to a minimum, and neither professing exclusivity nor expecting it. There's more to it, but that's for another entry.

They arent!

Yes, some are. Better safe than sorry, guys.

And a lot of women would go for a casual relationship if a man is straightforward.

Not enough. Many more will go for a casual relationship if they can tell themselves and their friends, "I thought it could be more." How many women are there in their 40s, 50s, and older who have been "engaged" for many years and they never end up marrying? But as long as they can tell themselves (and others) "He's my fiancé!" she'll have sex with him and do all sorts of things for him.

Lying about intentions is what makes a man a douchebag and no better than the "bad choice" he claims the single mom made with her child's father.

I generally advise men against actually lying about their intentions. They don't have to! They simply allow her to apply her fantasy thinking to the relationship. A lot of women will make plans, writing a script in their heads, about how a man is going to take her on vacations, buy her shiny objects, propose to her, live with her/invite her to move in, marry her, have children with her, even if he's never ever said anything to indicate he plans or wants to do that. All he's ever done is allowed her to talk and talk, had sex with her, and maybe bought her some drinks. 

And ghosting is just cowardice

The best self-defense is to avoid conflict. That's not cowardice, it's being smart. The laws and culture are not on the side of men. Men need to play the hand they've been dealt.

most women have more education than a man and the majority of single moms make their own money 

And yet most women marry men who do, or will earn more than they do. I'm sure you've heard about the "gender pay gap." The truth about that is that it means the average man earns more than the average woman (because they work different jobs, hours, etc.). Still. The overwhelming amount of "palimony", spousal support, and child support flows from men to women. Still. Just the other day, it was in the news that Phil Collins was trying to get an ex-wife and her new boyfriend? husband? out of HIS house! Why was that even an issue? When was the last time you've heard about a wealthy/famous woman having difficulty trying to remove an ex-husband from her house?

She also left a comment on this entry discussing avoiding women with children.

Before I had my child I refused to date a man with kids so I understand a single man's perspective. What I dont agree with is the bashing of single moms. It shows a lack of humility and character and a whole lot of self-righteousness. Everyone on this earth makes mistakes. Some got into bad relationships. Others may have chose the wrong school, the wrong job, the list is endless. The key is learning from one's mistakes and becoming a better person. And not to assume we are better than anyone else because as I said, EVERYONE makes mistakes and choosing the wrong partner happens. No one is perfect, relationships dont always work out, people grow apart, etc etc. Anyway...im single because I made the mistake of getting involved with a man of poor character. I dont expect a man without children to want or date me. I dated a single dad and its HARD, period. If for any reason a man with or without kids wants to marry me one day its going to be tough either way. So at the moment im choosing to be single. Do I hope to fall in love again one day? Sure. It could happen I suppose. But life is certainly less drama being solo.

Thanks for that. I don't consider it bashing to point out to men why they shouldn't date such women.