Monday, November 22, 2010

Something I Thought I’d Never Do

Warning: This entry is about some details of marital lovemaking.

I've been trying to bring my marital lovemaking life up to a better place. There have been small improvements here and there as of late, and I expect there will be more in the coming months (perhaps getting us back to where we were as newlyweds) but I accept that it may never be fully where I want it to be. My wife has said a while ago that she wants me to be able to say that the best sex I've had is married sex, and she is the best kisser I've ever kissed. As it stands now, though, if my son was at "that age" and we were having a frank talk about sex and I was telling him all of the reasons why he should save sex for marriage (which I do believe in the right thing to do), I could not honestly tell him I get more and better sex being married. I have not said this to my wife, of course; I don't want what I am getting to be taken away. I also would not say it my son as it wouldn't be his business.

Now, when I write "what I am getting", it sounds selfish. But a lot of what I want to "get" is more opportunities to make my wife feel good things she's never felt before, and feel other good things more often. It will make us closer and generally improve our marriage. I very much enjoy pleasing her. And if every additional session was only about pleasing her, I'd be fine with that. Pleasing her is one thing that pleases me.

She discourages me from bringing her to climax more than once a week. She currently has a low libido and she's one of those women who will only allow herself to orgasm once a session as it is. She does offer me fellatio once or twice a week now, but discourages me from doing much to her during that session. She is usually clothed, it is in the dark and she's quiet, I'm in bed ready to fall asleep, and it is pretty much a straightforward "get it done" sort of thing, and when she senses I'm about to ejaculate, she pulls away and lets it happen like it is nothing more than an inconvenient mess, rather than the precise moment to give me the most pleasure. It is better than nothing, but I really need to start encouraging her to play with my testicles, change things up a little, and make some noise.

The other night, though, something happened that turned me on a lot and got me aroused much of the next day just thinking about it.

Okay, here's where I offer another warning. If you don't want to read about anything dealing with the anus (specifically, a woman's), then skip the rest of this entry. Otherwise, click to continue reading this message.

One of the many things on my wife’s sexual "No" list was, as she put it, "backdoor" stuff. Then a few weeks ago, during a session where I had her really turned on and she was especially passive (turns out she had taken something that made her more relaxed than usual), I was doing my favorite thing, and I put my thumb a little ways into her anal opening. I had never done anything like that with anyone before. She didn't stop me, she didn't even say anything about it – then or later. I was careful not to put that thumb anywhere else after that because I'm very mindful of her health and my health.

I have no desire to penetrate her there with my penis, and she doesn't want that, either. I don't anticipate that changing.

The other night, we were in the shower together and not rushed, and I can't remember the last time that happened. It was a practical shower – washing the hair, my wife shaved her legs and pubic area, etc.

After the practical stuff, I took the opportunity to make sure she was clean – all over. Then I sat on the floor of the shower while she stood, and did a little of my favorite thing. But then, I turned her around and had her bend forward somewhat, and I started licking her cheeks. No resistance. So then I decided to lick her in places I had never licked her, or any other woman, before. She's kind of short and not overweight, so I was surprised just how much surface area there really is in the valley between her lower back and her vagina.

There was no resistance when I went there, either, which emboldened me. Being the orally fixated guy I am, I went ahead, and with water streaming down us and everything being clean as can be, I thrust my tongue into the opening and played there for a little bit. She didn't resist, or complain, but she also didn't indicate she liked it (but then she almost never provides much indication about liking anything sexual, other than asking me to move on to intercourse, and when she orgasms).

Again, I'm aware of health issues involved in doing something like this. So when we got out of the shower, I did my teeth-brushing and mouth-washing thing.

Joining my wife in bed, she didn't want to climax so there was some foreplay again, and then some more of me doing my favorite thing, with her on her back. I took the opportunity when I was done doing that to slip a little lower and put my tongue in there again before moving on to intercourse to end the session.

The only thing my wife said about all of this, was between the shower and continuing the moment in bed, when she said that she does not want penetration there with my penis, and I assured her I don’t want that either.

I need to ask her if she liked it all. I believe the term for this is "rimming". I hope I haven't grossed you out. I suppose part of the reason it turned me on so much was that it was something entirely new for both of us and I wasn't sure she'd let me do it, but she did. Now I wonder if she'll let me do it again. The drawback, of course, is that once a digit or my tongue goes there, those things aren't going anywhere else for the rest of that session.

Comments? Suggestions?

UPDATE: Read what happened over the course of several months.


  1. Whatever works for you both and brings you pleasure in your relationship. I don't really have any comments because this is something that my husband and I have never tried though I would say we are usually fairly adventurous. Anyhow, I hope things continue to improve for you and your wife. Does she ever read your blog?

  2. snowflake, I'm certain she doesn't read this, which is why it has become sort of a diary for me to work things out. I know from previous experience that she doesn't want to hear about, say, certain things I did in my past. She doesn't SAY that... but if I so much as mention something I did (even something nonsexual... like a special restaurant), if she can tell I went with a woman with whom I had sex, even a longtime girlfriend, it puts her into a mood. Men pick up on these things, and pretty soon we stop talking with the wife about any life we had before we met her.

    There's a lot of other writing I do aside from this blog, and my wife will only tend to read something I wrote if I call her attention to it. She's busy.


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