DON'T WANT TO LOSE HIM IN THE U.S.A. wrote in to Dear Abby with something she should not have had to ask someone else about:
My boyfriend is pressuring me to take his camera cell phone with me into the girls' locker room and take pictures of the other girls with little or nothing on.In doing so, you'd be breaking several laws, not to mention violating the trust of your classmates.
He says it has always been a "fantasy" of his, and that if I really love him I'll help him fulfill his fantasy.No, loving someone means doing what is best for them. You'd be making a criminal out of him in addition to yourself if you went along with this. Really loving him would be going to his parents and telling them he needs serious help. The tactic he's trying on you demonstrates that he does not love you.
He promises to keep the pictures secret and says that what the other girls don't know won't hurt them.His promise means nothing, since you can't even trust him – what would he do to those other girls? What they don't know can certainly hurt them, and there are many examples of that I'm sure you can think of on your own. Even if he really would keep the pictures secret, that still wouldn't make it okay, and the pictures could still get out to others through mistakes, hacking, and theft.
He offered to do the same for me and take pictures in the boys' locker room, but I'm not interested.He thinks that makes it better. and hopes it will make it all okay in your mind. It makes it worse.
I know it would be wrong to do it, and I wouldn't want someone secretly taking pictures of me.So why is there a question here?
He hinted that if I refuse he will look for another girl who will.Tell that to his parents.
I'm scared of losing him because I'm not much to look at, and he's the only boy who has ever shown any interest in me.Okay, I’ll be the first to admit that looks do matter - that's just reality. But I'll get to that in a minute. Let's assume for the sake of argument that you're ugly and you won't get another date in a long time. So what? It is better to have your integrity rather than a criminal record and all of the other girls justifiably upset with you. Better to be ugly and clean rather than ugly and a criminal. Better to be ugly and dateless rather than ugly and stuck with a creep. You should be focusing on your studies anyway, not dealing with this drama.
But there will be other guys, and you're probably much more attractive than you think. And if you aren't, you can and likely will be in a few years. Some of the hottest women in the world were teased in school for being "not much to look at". You're still maturing. And there's probably some classmates of yours – decent guys – who would ask you out as soon as they found out you weren't stuck with this creep anymore.
You're going to get more attractive outside – and inside, if you do what is right.
You are so much better off letting this creep go – actually, dumping him. Dump him.In the long run, you'll feel so much better that you did.
Actually, I would consider filing a complaint with the police. I would not be surprised if this guy has taken pictures of you without your knowledge. At least make it clear to him that if any such pictures exist, they'd better be deleted immediately. If the police seize his stuff, they can find the pictures and get them out of his hands.
Now, on the flip side, a good number of those girls probably have taken pictures of themselves and sent them around already, or would send him pictures of he showed them a little attention. So he should already be able to get enough of his fix if it is really about seeing flesh. But it is probably more about violating someone else. Also, in some states, he can walk in there himself. If anyone tries to stop them, he can claim he's trangendered, and threaten to sue if he is stopped.
Dear Abby's advice was perfect.