Tuesday, November 09, 2010

Get Out of That Rut

Lisa Cericola offered five tips for reviving a relationship.

No matter how much you care about someone, falling into predictable patterns is inevitable when you’re constantly spending time together. And while a little familiarity is nice, too much can make once-happy couples feel bored with each other - and possibly itching to get out of the relationship entirely.
Which is what a lot of people do, and why some people, especially guys who just want sex, try to avoid committing to exclusive relationships.

1. Introduce your mate to your interests
I would assume that if the other person was so interested, they would have asked to be included more. And if they do ask, they should be indulged.

One couple's case history: "When Aaron and I moved in together after a year of dating, we quickly fell into a routine - I’d come home from work and cook my heart out while he lounged on the couch, mesmerized by baseball.
Shacking up is a bad idea.

"So we came up with a plan: Every so often, he'd buy a ticket for me to accompany him to a ball game. In return, I'd take him out to the restaurant of my choice."
In other words, you... dated.

Love lesson learned: Mutual interests, whether it's a love of dogs or shooting pool, are often what bring a couple together in the first place. But taking interest in your partner’s entire life — including facets you don’t initially take a shine to — is what will keep you together in the long run, says dating coach Liz Kelly, author of SMART Man Hunting.
Actually, for a lot of couples it is better if they each have an interest the other isn't into, so they can have time to themselves or with friends. What is more important are shared values and compatible goals and personalities.

2. Daydream about the future together
Sure, as long as you work on the here and now, too.

3. Break some rules
That depends on what rules we're talking about.

One couple's case history: "When my long-distance girlfriend and I moved in together, we thought we'd have tons of fun, but it didn't take long before we got caught up in our work schedules," says Brenden Smith of Orlando, FL.
Again with the shack up. Bleah.

"One Wednesday night we were both lying around, exhausted, when my girlfriend jumped up, grabbed her bag and announced, 'Come on, we're going out!' We went to a club down the street, and had such a great time that we stayed out until two in the morning! Sure, we were even more exhausted the next day, but I couldn’t stop thinking about how great it felt to 'break the rules' and stay out late on a weeknight.
In other words... you went on a date.

4. Plan the unpredictable

"To spice things up, I suggested that we try planning 'surprise dates' for each other. Not only was my boyfriend a good sport about my idea, he totally charmed me by taking me apple-picking last fall.
In other words... you went on a date.

5. Escape the ordinary
What that one came down to was take a vacation or otherwise spend time together without a bunch of distractions.

If a relationship is problematic and boring and you aren't married, then split up. If you are married and things have gotten stale, then yes, make sure you are dating each other and not just going through the motions when you do. Remember what attracted you to that person in the first place, and try to discover new reasons to admire them. Boost the lovemaking – surprise your spouse with new ways in new places at different times.

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