Going Down Until the End

I'm going to graphically discuss issues surrounding particular sex acts. If that is a problem for you, skip this entry.

I'm a married man and if I get all hot and bothered, I can fulfill my desires in a godly way, so for me it isn’t a problem to discuss this. But if it will be a problem for you to read, then move on. Lovemaking is a normal and healthy part of holy matrimony, and I don't see why I shouldn't be able to write frankly about aspects of that here.

You have been warned...


I read something written by a woman who claimed that most men didn't care or couldn't tell the difference where they ejaculated – mouth, hand, vagina, etc. It was part of a thread topic discussing fellatio and how it should be finished. She was apparently basing this on things men had written, since she is not a man and couldn't possibly know what it feels like to receive fellatio.

I can tell the difference. I find it hard to believe that most men can’t, even if they say they can't. Notice that men often say things to keep the peace. Regardless, she went on to write that men don’t have to put up with the equivalent in dealing with a sticky substance emitted from their wife. True. But women don't have to put up with monthly mood swings, either, or "Not now, I’m on my period." Yes, there are differences between men and women.

Women have probably used her statement - or similar statements from other people giving advice - to avoid or restrict fellatio.

And that’s okay. People shouldn’t do what they don’t want to do, right? I mean, her husband can decide he doesn't want to take out the trash, or lift that piece of furniture, or take her out to that nice restaurant, or any number of other things. But is that any way to love each other? Never doing anything unless it is your idea and what you are eager to do?

You may be reading this and thinking, "Oh, how trivial!" Well, perhaps for some. For others it isn't. The more restrictions and inhibitions placed on marital lovemaking, the more we miss out on some experience with our spouse.

I hope I'm not surprising you, but most guys enjoy receiving fellatio immensely, and a good percentage of those men enjoy ejaculating during fellatio, and a good percentage of those enjoy it if she consumes the ejaculate. Obviously, you don’t really have to swallow. You can easily fake it without him realizing (jumping up and running to the bathroom isn’t fooling anyone). Use your imagination here or look it up online.

When a man ejaculates, it is usually a moment of supersensitivity. I have felt the difference between it happening in fellatio and having the fellatio end just before. No, it doesn't feel the same in her hand, or waving in the air. The difference in feeling is huge for me. The swallowing aspect is mostly psychological, to be sure – as I suspect it is when a woman says she enjoys the feel of his ejaculation inside her in intercourse. But swallowing isn't a necessary part of completing fellatio with ejaculation. It is just the least messy, and like I said, psychologically stimulating for some men.

Sure, most women do not naturally enjoy the taste and texture of ejaculate. Some don't let on to that, some pretend to like it, and some learn to like it. Do you think the first time we smelled your natural vaginal odor, we thought "Well, that’s just like vanilla"? No way. But I learned to love it – to crave it – because it is a sign of my wife’s pleasure and it is something that is part of her. I enjoy cunnilingus so much I would continue to do it even if my wife were to never give me fellatio ever again. I told her that if she ever decides to kill me, to please do it by smothering me this way.

Not everyone is going to like everything, but if you’re married, why not try working on doing as much as you can to experience as much as you can with your spouse, provided it isn't harmful or immoral? If you're not yet married, consider that sex involves a lot of tastes, smells, and textures – and a lot of trust and often persistence. If you think you may have a problem with those, seek counseling or consider not marrying.

And isn’t that part of the "risk" one undertakes when they marry, especially if they have saved sex for marriage? Your partner may have turn-ons and likes and dislikes and turn-offs that are not entirely compatible with yours. Hopefully, love, commitment, and selflessness will help the couple to come up with solutions that are satisfying to both. You have genitals that fit together, and many ways of pleasing one another.

For those who have not saved sex for marriage, or at least certain sex acts, there should already be some idea of those things. Someone who makes those mistakes should not make another one by taking one or more of those things out of their repertoire once married. If you were physically able to do something before you married, you are physically able to do it once married, and ceasing to do so is a nasty form of "bait and switch".

A man who can’t tell the difference between ejaculating in your mouth, hand, vagina, or wherever would also be unable to tell the difference between ejaculating in your vagina and that of another woman. Does that make both the same? Of course not. It doesn’t make the latter okay, either, but if he isn't getting what he wants from his wife, it makes it more likely.

I do not excuse adultery, but I'm sure some such affairs or flings could have been avoided if the spouse who was cheated on had been willing to accomodate reasonable desires of their spouse.

That's just one guy's perspective. Feel free, as always, to chime in.