The (Dead) Guy Next Door

Here's something for "Law & Order: Los Angeles". Andrew Blankstein at LATimes.com reports on a man found dead close to the Playboy Mansion. The initial reports had been that he had been found dead on Hugh Hefner's property, but he was actually at the adjoining Los Angeles Country Club. So I guess those dire warnings that Playboy leads to death are actually true in this case.

The man who was found dead at the Los Angeles Country Club over the weekend was detained at the Playboy mansion hours before and may have been trying to get back on the grounds when he fell to his death from a tree adjacent to the sprawling Holmby Hills property, law enforcement sources said Monday.

Anthony Washington, 36, of Santa Monica, may have been trying to get onto the grounds of the mansion when a branch he was on broke, according to sources familiar with the case. The coroner's office is classifying the death as "accidental" but did not immediately release details on the injuries suffered by Washington.

He may have been drunk, and if he was, than his motivations might not have been logical.

But let's look at motive anyway.

1. The place is famous. Maybe he just wanted to say he'd been there, although it probably wouldn't have been too hard for him to go there for some charity event. A little asking around with friends might have gotten him there for such an event. I have a brother-in-law who went to a charity event there. And, having been born and raised in SoCal, I'm like a lot of other people around here in that I am a mere two degrees separated from an actual Playboy centerfold playmate of the month. In other words, someone I know very well knows her. I'm not aware of anyone I personally know having appeared nude in the magazine.

2. Since the place is famous, maybe burglary was his motive. You know – steal something, sell it on eBay, or keep it as a trophy.

3. Maybe this was a prank he was put up to by buddies.

4. Hot young women.

That last reason is why so many men do so many stupid things. But assuming there were actually hot young women there at the time, would an intruder get anywhere near them? Probably not, And let's assume he was actually invited there. Hot young women, even ones who do nude pictorials and videos, may not be friendly, or friendly to certain guys – never mind getting to see any skin. Yes, hot young women are friendly to Hugh Hefner. On camera. For money. It doesn't mean they'd be friendly to Anthony Washington.

As far as the "hot young women" thing, I think back to a story Dennis Prager tells. He once saw a sign announcing an appearance by a Playboy playmate, and he figured he was in for some good eye candy. So he went, and if I recall correctly there were a few people sitting at a table (perhaps it was a book signing) and he actually had to ask which one was the playmate. He reasons that since he had to ask, then how much more beautiful than any other woman could she be? Of course, when someone's sitting at a table and wearing a cap and sunglasses as she probably was, she's not going to look anything like she does in pictures – and, attractive women tend to hang out with other attractive women. Regardless, though, there is truth to what Prager says. A lot of it is lighting, make-up, photo retouching, etc.

The most important thing to land that gig is the "right" facial features. If a woman is not already famous and thus wanted by the magazine editors, then she doesn't stand a chance of being featured unless she has the face for it. After that, she has to be very thin. Bust size doesn't really matter all that much, contrary to stereotype. The face, and a thin figure with proportions that will work on camera – if a young woman has those two physical attributes, and can model, then they can work with her. The people who put those images together are experienced professionals and they've done research into what turns on their target readers and know exactly what they're doing in regards to the posing, the makeup, the lighting, etc.

This is a long way of saying that just because there are hot pictures in that magazine does not mean that the women will look like that in person.

It ain't worth your life. It wouldn't be worth it even if they did look like that.

And ladies, your husband doesn't care if you don't look anything like one of those playmates. Nothing is more beautiful to him than a woman who loves him, respects him, treats him right, and enthusiastically makes love with him. Static magazine pictures or video, even of smooth skin and toned legs, just can't hold a candle.