Monday, November 15, 2010

She Wants It More

I think it is an observable fact that men, as a group, want sex more than women as a group. Sometimes, this results in husbands wanting a lot more sex than they're getting. Every once in a while, we hear about a wife being deprived. WAITING FOR MORE wrote in to Dear Abby:

I have been married to "Ben," a wonderful man, for seven years. We have three children.
Busy!

We get along well, but I have one complaint. It's about sex. I'm always in the mood but he isn't.
Did he want three kids? Did he really want three kids, or did he just go along with it? Maybe he’s afraid of having more.

We both work full-time jobs and take care of the kids and the house.
Ah. That’s a problem. There's too much to do. Also - do you earn more than he does? Thay might be a major part of the problem. It's just the way some men are.

My best friend tells me I have the sex drive of a male and her husband wishes she was more like me.
So her friend's husband knows these details? Is something being set up here?

I am not a nymphomaniac, but I'd like to be intimate with my husband more than every other week. When we're together, I almost feel like it's a chore to him.
Maybe it is. Are you not a hot wife (see the quiz)? Does it take a lot of work to please you? The first you can do something about. The second... well, it is his duty and he should make the effort, as long as you are telling him how and taking and active role.

Is there something wrong with me?
Probably not. You're finding out what many, many husbands experience.

I have never cheated on Ben, nor have I considered it.
Good.

I feel this is an issue in our marriage, but he thinks I am overreacting.
He's feeling attacked. It is an issue. Absent some serious medical condition, the default should be for a married couple to engage in some form of lovemaking as often as either wants it. The one who isn't feeling like it should go along with it.

Sit with him in a quiet, private place. Hold his hands. Look into his eyes. Tell him all of the great things you like about him. Tell him you want things to be even better between you, but you need to be open and honest with each other. Then...

1. Ask him if he is more attracted to men than women. (Or, if he is seeing one or more other women, or if he is masturbating to porn.)

2. If he isn't, ask him if there is something you are doing wrong when it comes to lovemaking.

3. If not, ask him to visit the doctor with you to have him tested, and perhaps, treated.

Dear Abby recommented seeing a licensed marriage counselor and a visit to his doctor.

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