Fighting Angst

A few years back I heard about “quarter-life crisis” for 20s-somethings. Well, sounds to me like this girl has 1/8th-life crisis. WHO AM I? VALRICO, FLA. wrote in to Deat Abby:

I am a 12-year-old girl who is not happy with who I am.

The good news is there is plenty of time to change that.

When I was younger I always imagined what I'd be like when I was older -- and this is not who I want to be.

Twelve can be a tough age. In many respects you’re just a child and when it comes to priveledges and freedoms, you are treated like one. But you’re also starting to become who you will be as and adult, and you are quite often given obligations and expected to behave as though you are an adult.

I am the girl everyone wants to date.

You sound humble, too.

I have lost people close to me lately and made mistakes I wish I could take back.

Learn. If you really are the girl everyone wants to date, many guys will lash out when you reject them, and other girls will be jealous.

I love God and the fact that He gave me life, but I don't like myself.

Okay, for my readers who aren't theists, bear with me here, or skip to the next quote. God doesn’t expect you to be perfect. What He wants most of all is for you to know Him. Part of that is recognizing that He made you (and that makes you wonderful), asking Him for help, and fessing up to Him when you do make your mistakes. God allows you to carry out His work, knowing full well that you'll make mistakes along the way. Honor His delegation of good deeds.

People treat me like I have no feelings sometimes, and I'm tired of drama that isn't worth my time.

Some people are insensitive, and that's something you're going to have to deal with in life.

I want to change who I am to who I really want to be.

Do you have any tips on how to make myself the person I want to be, and not the person everyone else wants?

Not spefically, since you didn't explain who you want to be. Here's my advice...

Be yourself, but work on improving yourself. Accept that you're not going to be perfect, but you can learn and grow and do/be better. If there is something specific you want as part of your identity, figure out how you're going to get there from here. You can find out from others who have done the same thing how to do it. Break the process down into manageable steps.

You're too young to really be dating, so if a boy is interested in you, ask your parents if you can invite him over to play games or watch a movie or work on schoolwork or a project together. Since so many want to date you, you should be able to pick the best boys out of that bunch.

Speaking of parents, where is your dad? Is he in the picture? If he is and he's not a complete jerk, go to him and tell him what you wrote to Dear Abby, and he'll set you straight. He was once twelve himself.

Very few people your age know exactly how they want their lives as adults and actually end up with that life. But there are those that do. So if you really know how you want things to be, you're young enough that you can steer the ship of your life in the right direction.

Dear Abby had a good response.

At 12, you're not frozen into any role. There is time to change your image. While it may be flattering to be someone "everyone wants to date," you are not obligated to date anyone. Concentrate on improving your grades, becoming active in sports, developing your interests and a stronger relationship with your church. If you do, you will form different kinds of relationships that will enable you to become the person you want to be.

Yes. Learn to play the school grade game well, but also learn how to learn. Those aren't necessarily the same thing. Practicing at least one sport is a good idea, and having a hobby. The church thing is good, and if that isn't enough, find a charity to support with volunteer efforts – you might even be able to find one through your church. Avoid substance abuse, crime, and hanging out with people who engage in those things. Heed this advice, and you'll be ahead of the game.

Can any of you remember what you were thinking at age twelve?