When Marriage Sellers Say Married Men Live Longer

"Married men live longer."

Wow, that sure looks like strong reason to marry, right?

But... as usual, the realities behind the statistics being used to sell marriage to men can tell a different story.

1) Women are more likely to marry and stay married to healthier and wealthier men. Guess what? Healthier and wealthier men tend to live longer. If a couple is living together but she won't marry him because he's ill, then again, he's counted as "unmarried."

2) Divorced men are usually counted as "unmarried." If a man gets ill and his wife divorces him and he dies, he is counted as "unmarried." The suicide rate for divorced men is high, too. What if, instead, those men had learned to be happy without ever marrying?

3) Men who die young are far less likely to have married. What ages are the statistics counting? If they are counting "men 16 years of age and older," that means any unmarried guy who died at 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30 can skew the statistics in comparison to the fact that most men who live 40 or more years will have married. To put it simply, if you look at 10 guys who died before age 40 and 10 guys who died in their 70s or 80s, chances are, the older guys were married. It doesn't necessarily mean that marrying kept them alive longer or that the men who died younger died younger because they didn't marry.

Do you see how the statistics might not be making a clear indication that marrying causes a man to live longer?

It is possible that having a woman in his life who nags him to go to the doctor can keep a man alive longer. That's a reasonable consideration. But a woman can do that for a man without a terrible state contract. In fact, I urge men I'm not married to and I will never marry to go their doctors. More people should do that, instead of telling a man to sign a terrible state contract because it might appear to be correlated to longevity.

Finally, even if it could be definitively proven that marrying does, in fact, extend a man's life, let's consider what that would mean. It would mean that he trades decades of freedom, peace, quiet, control over his own finances and life, and everything else about life that Free Men enjoy that the average husband doesn't, for mere months or a couple of more years of convalescence, when he might not even remember who he is or be able to feed or wipe himself. Consider that carefully, guys.

Indeed, the stats are likely turning out as they do because an elderly man’s wife was there to call for help when he collapsed. So he lives a few months longer. If you really want to live longer in that condition, guys, technology can now monitor you and summon help, for much less cost than a wife.

Hey, what about women? Oh, what do you know - married women don't live as long as unmarried women. Shouldn't men avoid being selfish by avoiding marriage, since it appears to rob women of life?

To What Should Males Aspire?

I heard Dennis Prager ask to what men would aspire if not marriage and raising a family. He's repeatedly said that guys are not real men if they aren't husbands and fathers. This is something heard from various corners of our culture, along with other assertion of what makes a guy a "real man". [This entry has been bumped up.]

Notice you never hear what makes a real woman. You never hear "What a real woman does, is..."

What is a guy if he isn't a real man? An artificial man? A transgender man? Of course, that's not what people are talking about. They are saying a "real man" as opposed to a man who is somehow lacking, or, as they might say, a "boy". There's nothing wrong with boys, at least not beyond the general thing of humans being fallen creatures. Again, you don't hear this with women. Women will refer to each other and themselves as girls and nothing negative is meant by it.

A real man is any adult human male who isn't fictional. For example, Prince Charming is fictional. Christian Grey is fictional. Jack Sparrow is fictional.

If there was such thing as a "real man" as opposed to an adult male who isn't a real man, that real man wouldn't give a piece of dung what other people say makes a real man. because when someone says, "What a real man does, is...",  what they're saying is "What I like men to do is..." Because real men urinate unless they have kidney problems, real man have weaknesses, and real men mess things up sometimes. But you'll never hear "What a real man does is urinate." But it's true.

Getting back to Prager's question...

Don’t Marry or Let Your Friend Marry This Weekend

 

June, traditionally wedding season, is winding down.

If you, or a man you know, is set to marry, there’s still time to prevent disaster.

There’s a wealth of posts on my marriage strike tag about why legally marrying would almost certainly be a huge mistake and how to avoid entering into that terrible state contract, even if the wedding is rapidly approaching.

For most men, there’s nothing to gain by legally marrying you can’t get otherwise for less cost. But there’s much to lose in entering that contract.

Answering Marriage Seller Assertions, Talking Points, and Questions - Part 12

Read Part 1 here and Part 2 here and Part 3 here and Part 4 here and Part 5 here and Part 6 here and Part 7 here and Part 8 here and Part 9 here and Part 10 here. and Part 11 here.


Single men commit more violent crime.

This can be true without the implication being "More men should sign a terrible state contract."

A) Do you mean to imply that if a violent criminal signs a terrible state contract, he'll become a good citizen? Are you telling women to marry violent criminals?

B) Maybe, just maybe, women are less likely to marry and stay married to violent men?

C) Younger men tend to commit more violent crime AND younger men are less likely to be married.

D) There is no proof that getting a terrible state contract will make a violent person less violent.

E) Do you think I'm going to go around committing violent crimes if I don't sign a terrible state contract?


Unmarried women do damage to society including by dependence on government.

This is one I've heard from Dennis Prager. Most people probably dismiss it immediately. But I'll address it just in case someone tries it with you.

A) I'm not obligated to sign a terrible state contract to modify the behavior of a woman.

B) Maybe that's why they are unmarried; because they are destructive?

C) We can encourage women to be better and independent without sacrificing men to do it.


Even if marrying could be conclusively shown to make men and women better, that wouldn't mean it is an obligation or the only or best way to do it, especially with current state contracts.

Another Joyful Experience With a Wife and Child

Being a married father:

1. Avoid waking your wife so she can sleep in so she can continue her habit of staying up late. (She doesn’t have a job apart from being a wife and mother.) Prepare what she likes to consume when she wakes up so it’ll be ready for her when she wakes up, which could be any time in the next three hours.

2. Give up relaxing on your day off, to take your kid out for fresh air, exercise, and play, because your kid requested it and you believe it’s the right thing to do, and you’ve already paid for the activity.

3. Find yourself in the doghouse* after your wife wakes up and realizes what you’ve done, because you were supposed to know automatically that your kid would be grounded due to acting out in the middle of the day yesterday on the mental conditions said child inherited from your wife.

4. Have wife seclude herself when the two of you return home, probably for the rest of the calendar day, if not longer.

5. Have wife decree specific punishment for the child without consulting you or so much as informing you before issuing the decree.

6. Struggle to prevent your child from self-harming after the degree is issued, as the child recounts being a toddler and witnessing mom having a psychotic break, which itself was a traumatic experience for you back when it happened, and you were an adult.

And that’s just within a span of half a day.

*What does being in the doghouse mean? Hostility. Chances are, we weren’t going to be having sex anytime soon anyway. And there’s not much else she does for me. She’ll be less attentive to the needs of the kids. That will mean more for me to do. Should she be punished for being hostile to the kids? It’s a pointless question because she’s an adult and legally has all the power. But the kids recognize they get punished for doing some of the same things their parent does.

Guys, avoid this. Stay free.

Is This How You Want to Live?

From a recent Dear Abby column, COVERING MY EYES IN TENNESSEE wrote:

I'm so disgusted. My wife has started walking around the house with no panties or bra, letting it all hang out, so to speak. Then she makes comments like, "Doesn't this look good?" I'm sickened by her behavior. I feel violated. How do I tell her to stop without hurting her sensitive feelings?

What a strange thing for a man married to a woman to write.

Why is he reacting this way?

Most men would LOVE this!

Is he gay???

Very, very strange.

Hmm.

What's going on here?

A False Dichotomy About Society

We are frequently presented with a false dichotomy for society:

A) Husband and wife, blissfully and legally married, raising their well-behaved children, nicely maintaining a suburban or rural home, attending religious services multiple times per month, active in their community, law-abiding, building wealth. 

B) Miserable men abusing substances, eating mostly fast food, out of shape, playing video games and watching adult media all day, either living dependently in a parent’s basement and/or shacking up with a woman, or in squalor, conceiving children and then abandoning them, maybe living a life of crime. Women dependent on government, pining away for a good husband she’d lavish with her heart of gold. Children troubled because they weren’t raised in Situation A.

Those aren’t the only options. And we know they aren’t because there are examples of people living great lives who aren’t legally married. And there are people who are legally married who live terrible lives and/or are terrible parents.

There are never-married men who have lived great, honorable, productive lives.

There are never-married women who are thriving and happy.

There are children whose parents aren’t legally married who are being raised well and are thriving.

Most married people will either go through a divorce if they haven’t already or will be in a marriage with significant problems, such as separation, contempt, indifference, quiet desperation, abuse, dead bedrooms, affairs, and other miseries. Most divorced men didn’t file for the divorce. There are married women who complain frequently about their husband and reveal him to be a burden.

Let’s learn from, and hold up as positive examples, men and women who’ve done well unmarried. 

We can teach and encourage more people to:

• Take care of themselves through their own work and good habits, voluntary transactions, and voluntary associations
• Avoid aggressive violence 
• Have relationships they enjoy 
• Avoid conceiving children they won’t parent well

…without having them sign a terrible state contract.

Reject the false dichotomy. A terrible state contract is not what makes anything better overall.

Answering Marriage Seller Assertions, Talking Points, and Questions - Part 13

Read Part 1 here and Part 2 here and Part 3 here and Part 4 here and Part 5 here and Part 6 here and Part 7 here and Part 8 here and Part 9 here and Part 10 here. and Part 11 here and Part 12 here.


Don't you want to raise children in the best environment?

There is more than one way to answer this depending on your situation.

A) I don't want children.

B) I am willing to sacrifice my desire to have children to avoid burdening a woman.

C) I haven't found a compatible woman who is suitable to be a good mother.

D) The terrible state marriage contract does nothing to help my children other than making it less likely I will leave. Since I will not leave my children, the terrible state contract does nothing positive. This is one of those apparent correlations; people who get along well and live healthy lives are likely to be good co-parents AND get/stay married. However, we can be good co-parents without the terrible state contract. Behavior is what matters. She's either going to cooperate and be a good mother or she won't. A state contract that rewards her for divorcing and further encourages her to divorce by emasculating me certainly won't help.

Mind you, anyone who argued during the push to have two dudes be able to legally marry that "marriage isn't about children" shouldn't be attempting to use this argument. Plenty of other people will try to use it, because when all unmarried child raising is compared to all married child raising, children appear to be better off being raised within marriage. But of course that data never separates out parenting by people who intentionally avoided marriage even though they got along well and shared goals, including the goal of raising children together.

You do not need a terrible state contract to raise children well.

Dr. Laura Asked If Men Are Idiots for Marrying

On her Tuesday, March 22, 2022 program, Dr. Laura read part of something from Jordan Gray found at Good Men Project. It was titled "I Used To Think That Men Who Got Married Were Idiots."

I used to think that men who got married were idiots.

Or, if they weren’t idiots, they were at least undesirable enough that they just had to settle for whoever chose them… because why else would you tie yourself to someone for life if the reason weren’t that you didn’t have any other romantic options?

I mean, seriously… getting married??

Okay so… you get a couple of months of hot sex, in exchange for a lifetime of indentured servitude to someone who eventually takes you for granted and sees you as a walking wallet and then stops having sex with you and makes jokes with her friends about what a dumbass you are? And that’s if you even manage to stay together… because what’s even more likely is that she eventually leaves you, takes the kids, and steals half of your life savings in the process.

Who in their right mind would sign up for such a thing?

Didn’t these guys realize that, if you really break down the benefits of marriage into their fundamental components, you could hire out all of these needs for way less money than what your lifestyle of snotty nosed kids and inevitable divorce would cost you?

And I’m not speaking hyperbolically here!

Here, I’ll prove it to you…

You could hire someone to come to your house to do a deep clean every other week for, depending on the size of your house, let’s say $200/month.

You don’t want to cook for yourself? Okay, you could hire a meal prepping service who could make your lunches and dinners (you can fend for yourself with a super simple breakfast) for $2,000/month.

Okay, cooking and cleaning are taken care of for less than the cost of your mortgage payment… what’s left? Oh right, the big one. Sex!

Depending on how fancy you are and the legality of sex work in your local area, you could see a sex worker every week for the rest of your life and spend no more than $1-2,000 per month on that expense.

So if you tally up the monthly costs of outsourcing predictable, guaranteed, high-quality cooking, cleaning, and sex… you’re looking at no more than $50,000 per year in total expenses. Now, that might sound like a lot to some in the short-term… but if you compare that to the average cost of raising children, and the amount of money you’ll inevitably have to shell out in your divorce, this is an absolute bargain.

That's where she stopped reading. She took calls from men after that, asking them "Are men idiots for getting married?" At first, she wanted calls from married men, but she had trouble getting enough calls, so she took them from any men (who passed the screeners). The thing is, Dr. Laura promotes marriage. When she deviates from her program's usual format for things like this, she wants a specific answer. It isn't really her trying to give people time to say whatever they want. She will deny anything that goes against her point.

Gray's essay was pretty good up until that point. I waited for her to go back to finish reading the piece, but she never did. Let's see why.

What If Being Free Was Just as Visible as Marriage?

A smaller percentage of Americans are married now than any time in American history.

Marriage, however, is constantly visible and it is sold with gusto, more than anything through focusing on weddings. What if being free was just as visible as marriage?

• What if it was common to have jewelry, photography, gifts, announcements, a series of parties, meals, ceremonies, special attire, receptions, cards, and anniversary celebrations related to divorce?
• What if we celebrated the free status of never-married person every year they were free?
• What if it was common to change your name or title based on your status of having chosen not to marry?
  

Seriously. What if, every year a man (or a woman) has made it through life avoiding marriage, there was a celebration of it? What if, when a man (or a woman) decided they wanted to stay free, there was a series of parties and a ceremony and reception for it? What if we had "independence counselors" like we have marriage counselors? (There's probably far less money in that, because free people don't have to argue with someone who shares their residence and bank account!)

What if more media depicted freedom as something to which to aspire? What if we encouraged kids to dream about growing up to be free?

What if more people posted on social media things like, "I came home to peace and quiet, with everything the way I want it. So glad to be free!"?

Men, especially, need to let younger men and boys see that being free can be a great life, and there's no shame in it at all.

The Marriage Seller Pivot

 

 

 

 

 

 

People who try to convince men to marry (marriage sellers) quite often do a pivot.

They usually start their sales pitch appealing to your own self-interest. They say things like:

Married men earn more money

Married men are healthier

Married men live longer

Married men are happier

Married men have more and better sex

But when those of us who know better point out:

• Married men are also taller, meaning that marriage didn't cause men to be richer, healthier, live longer, be happier, have more and better sex, and get taller. Rather, women are far more likely to marry and stay married to men who earn more, are healthier, are happier, more sexually compatible, and taller.
  
• "Married" men are being compared as a group to all "unmarred" men, which consists of diverse groups, including divorced men and men who can't attract a wife (because they are sick, poor, unhappy, etc.) The stats marriage sellers are trying to use to show marrying benefits men never separate out intentionally unmarried men for comparison, many of whom are wealthier, healthier, happier, and having more, better, and more diverse sex than most husbands.
• Over half of everything a married man earns/owns legally belongs to his wife, who can take it away at any time for any reason, and 80 percent of spending decisions in a marriage are made by a wife, often to buy things a man doesn't want and won't use, so my unmarried counterpart only has to earn 51 percent of what I do to be better off than me.
  
• Men have often been conditioned to think they are losers, failures, or sinners if not married, or that complaining about their marriage is a sin or negative confession, and thus might say they are happy (if husbands) and unhappy (if still looking for a wife) as a result.

...marriage sellers will often pivot. They might try an ad hominem attack, call you bitter, ungrateful (if you're married), selfish, loser, immature, incel, misogynist, or even say marriage isn't a bed of roses for women either (which is an odd way to try to sell it).

The more careful ones, though, will pivot from "You'll be so much better off!" to "You have an obligation to get married." They don't lead with the obligation/duty approach because they know it isn't nearly as appealing as the first approach. With the "obligation" approach, they say things like:

Marriage is good for society
Marriage matures men
The Lord wants you to get married

Those are largely circular arguments or, like the first set, involve supposed correlation rather than demonstrable causation in the direction from marriage to positive outcome. If someone asserts something like "marriage is good for society," ask them to explain how. They'll probably say something about fatherless kids being a problem on society. But if you will not create children and then abandon them, where is the issue? They might say that it's better for a woman to have a husband than depend on government. But those aren't the only options. How about teaching and encouraging women to be truly independent?

There simply is no general Biblical command to marry that applies to every man today, especially not to get a bad contract from a secular state or engage in the common behaviors of today's social concept of marriage. Yes, the Lord, according to the Bible, doesn't want you trying to steal away another man's wife from him, so don't do that. Getting married certainly doesn't stop that! Notice the Bible doesn't tell you what steps to take to be married, as in "Do X, Y, and Z, and then you'll be married." That seems kind of like an important thing to be left out if everyone is supposed to marry.

Prager University even tried to teach viewers that married men are sexier.

Pay attention if you hear someone who effectively dismantles the claims of a marriage seller that married men are better off, and you might notice the marriage seller try a pivot.

Stay free, men.

Weddings Are Highly Visible But Marriage Isn't A Wedding

Weddings are highly visible. They are often prominent in both fictional media and "reality" media, including news and gossip outlets. They are announced all over, there are save the date notices, formal invites, and thank-yous. There are wedding registries. There are special dresses. There are entire websites/shops dedicated to weddings. There are wedding rings. There are bridal showers, wedding showers, bachelor parties, bachelorette parties, rehearsal dinners, receptions, anniversary celebrations, elaborate proposals, engagement announcements, engagement rings, wedding photographers, wedding planners, cakes and cake tasting, flowers, on and on it goes.

If the people getting married are happy through those things, that's fortunate.

But marriage isn't a wedding.

Here are some of the things about marriage and its aftermath that are hidden or far less visible:

• One spouse having to pick up after another
• The spouse who has/earns more money having to pay for bills generated by the other, especially for things the paying spouse didn't want or couldn't enjoy
• One spouse feeling stifled by the other
• Abandoned dreams
• Alienation from family of origin
• Alienation from friends
  
• Arguments, disputes, conflicts
  
• Cruel words
• Mood swings
  
• Loneliness
• Disappointment 
• One spouse not being able to sleep or relax because of the other
  
• Walking on eggshells
  
• Nagging
• Frustration
• Disrespect
  
• Irritation and annoyance
• Emotional rejection
  
• Sexual rejection
• Boredom and monotony
  
• Affairs
  
• Marriage counseling
• Indifference
  
• Contempt
  
• Visits by law enforcement due to reports of possible domestic violence
• Actual domestic violence
  
• One spouse murdering the other
• One spouse subjecting the other to their substance abuse
• Abandonment
• Physical separation
• Legal separation
• Consulting divorce lawyers
• Paying divorce lawyers
• Court battles over divorce
• Dividing assets
• Ongoing payments, such as alimony
  

What if those things were as visible as weddings? What if people were to tell you and put on their social media "We're going through a really crappy time in our marriage right now" whenever that was the case? Do you think there might be fewer weddings?

There are many people who have an interest, especially a financial interest, in other people getting married. People have been selling marriage. They emphasize the good and keep the bad quiet. Talking about the bad is "tacky" or a "sin" or a "betrayal" or a "negative confession."

But what if reality wasn't hushed up so much?

Yet Another Example of Why Men Should Avoid Marrying

Every once in a while, the mask slips.

Yesterday (January 4, 2022), this, screencapped below in case it disappears, was posted on the Dr. Laura Program official Facebook page. [This entry has been bumped up.]



Many women commented on it, about how men need to jump through more hoops in order to get sex from their woman.

Typical right? We hear and read that all of the time.

About 24 hours later, this was posted on the very same Facebook page, again, screencapped below in case it goes away.



How can this be reconciled with the first post? Simple! Tell the boyfriends to stop doing so much for her. Right??? I mean, then her sexual desire will be reduced. Right???

The men had fun with this one, commenting on this second posting:




Dr. Laura does monitor and comment on her program's official Facebook page (unlike Twitter, which she doesn't personally check), so it will be interesting to see if she responds to this, deletes something (including some comments from men), or what.

There is a larger point here than two apparently contradictory posts on the same page in about a 24-hour span.

It is that many (most?) women DO NOT need ANYTHING in order to be sexual. The proof is in how women behave, often from first dates (or hookups without even going on a date), all the way until their wedding or the birth of a child. The proof is in affairs. The woman in the second post doesn't need her boyfriend to jump through hoops. She wants sex with them.

A BIG tell is single mothers. If she was able to have sex with him plenty when they were dating, even though she had LESS help around the house, and then he marries her and thus is doing more than before they were married, and the sex dwindles, that shows "he needs to do more" is dung. (Don't date or marry single mothers, though, guys.)

The only way "Hey, husband, you need to jump through more hoops" is true is if he needs to do more because she is now less attracted to him because of age and/or marriage, and if that is common, then it is all the more reason for men to STAY FREE and date women who are more attracted, or go into monk mode.

None of this is to say men who've been ignorant, delusional, desperate, or masochistic enough to marry shouldn't contribute around the home or shouldn't romance their wife. Rather, this is to again demonstrate an inconsistency between what woman (and marriage sellers) say, and how women actually behave.

See something I wrote before about this topic.

Another Reason For Men to Avoid the Marriage Track

 

Guys, there are many reasons almost none of you are husband material and you should reorient your thinking and efforts away from finding a wife.

I’m adding another one I just heard Dr. Laura give. She has long said men shouldn’t use social media. But recently, relevant to when I’m writing this, she has also said “liking” pictures of women in swimsuits disqualifies you. That’s what she told a young woman who was dating a guy for about half a year.

Heed what she says, guys.

Spend your time, money, and energy doing other than looking for a wife. Want female companionship? Run game.