Childfree People Are Happy

Guess what? There's a study showing that childfree people are happy.

Thank you to Dennis Prager, whose angry ranting about this alerted me to its existence. [This entry has been bumped up from June 2021.]

New research from Michigan State University psychologists examines characteristics and satisfaction of adults who don’t want children.

That really bothers Dennis Prager and others, for various reasons - that there are so many childfree people and they are happy.

As more people acknowledge they simply don’t want to have kids, Jennifer Watling Neal and Zachary Neal, both associate professors in MSU’s department of psychology, are among the first to dive deeper into how these “child-free” individuals differ from others.

Thank you to the Neals!

“Most studies haven’t asked the questions necessary to distinguish ‘child-free’ individuals — those who choose not to have children — from other types of nonparents,” Jennifer Watling Neal said. “Nonparents can also include the ‘not-yet-parents’ who are planning to have kids, and ‘childless’ people who couldn’t have kids due to infertility or circumstance. Previous studies simply lumped all nonparents into a single category to compare them to parents.”

That's SO important!!! The same thing happens when all "unmarried" people are lumped together. Find out how men who intentionally avoid marriage are doing.

“We were most surprised by how many child-free people there are,” Jennifer Watling Neal said. “We found that more than one in four people in Michigan identified as child-free, which is much higher than the estimated prevalence rate in previous studies that relied on fertility to identify child-free individuals. These previous studies placed the rate at only 2% to 9%. We think our improved measurement may have been able to better capture individuals who identify as child-free.”

More people are going to opt to be childfree.

Given the large number of child-free adults in Michigan, more attention needs to be paid to this group, the researchers said. For example, the researchers explained that their study only included one time point, so didn’t examine when people decided to be child-free — however, they hope forthcoming research will help the public understand both when people start identifying as child-free as well as the factors that lead to this choice.

A trip to the mall or supermarket can be enough, or any public restroom where a kid who's being potty trained is being resistant.

Here's the link they want included.

Oh No! Men Enjoying Technology!

I'd probably like most of what Barak Lurie has to say on his weekly radio show. I've never heard it. I'm thinking the vast majority of people in the greater Los Angeles radio market haven't either. That's not a knock on him, but it's just the reality of weekend AM talk radio, especially any English station in this market not named KFI. He was fortunate enough to get on Dennis Prager's national daily show today (Wednesday, October 2, 2019), during the Male-Female Hour, to promote his book Rise of the Sex Machines. [This entry has been bumped up.]

Like Prager, Lurie sells marriage and parenting. These guys want you to get married and crank out babies. They see doing those things as an obligation. Doesn't that sound appealing?

So they are worried about "sex machines", meaning sexbots or sex robots, as if the only choice a man has is being in a marriage with a woman, or having a sexbot, and if we warn against the latter, men will be forced into the former.

Right off of the bat, Lurie said it's much easier not to have a relationship. Exactly! Why make life more difficult if you don't have to???

Prager, for his part, started off saying he was worried about sexbots and he mentioned incels. Again, incels are involuntarily celibate (unmarried). Robots/dolls could disappear and incels would still exist. Most incels don't have one. Very few do.

Prager went to say that loneliness is an epidemic and that the only cures are traditional. However, it is possible to be unmarried and childfree, and not be lonely. As Dr. Laura tells the children of older adults who are worried about those older adults being lonely: Loneliness is a choice.

They didn't ignore the part women are playing in this. Prager said that feminism today means disdain for men. But he quickly went back to saying that he was raised to believe that "being a man" meant taking care of a family, and that getting married was the most important thing to do.

That was a long time ago, sir. And just because someone raised you that way doesn't make it right, especially today.

Lurie did cite that relationships today are considered minefields, false allegations of rape, me too, and all of that. He lamented that the Japanese view children (realistically, I note) as liabilities and that it makes no sense to have children, but Lurie thinks having children is a duty. How nice!

Closer to the end of the hour, Prager said that "winner men" will still seek women instead of sex machines. Sure, if he defines winners as those who seek marriage, but that's circular. The fact is, there are men who are successful, healthy, attractive, and having great lives who are not seeking women, at least not to marry, live with, or to join in an exclusive relationship. Winner men have the most to lose by signing that terrible state contract and engaging in that conflated cultural train wreck.

It says a lot that these guys think men might eschew women because of the availability of sex dolls, including that they think men will perceive that women have less to offer as overall positives in a man's life than a robot. They can't stop progress, so if they're worried, perhaps the answer is working on changing the things that are getting men to avoid marriage (and no, it isn't dolls, robots, or pixels).

Having Someone or Something Check On You

If you’re a Free Man or otherwise living alone, especially if you work alone/from home or are retired, it’s generally a good idea to have someone checking on you regularly to make sure you’re functional.

It could be a friend or neighbor you see every day, either because they come to your place or you go to them or communicate (text, call, video chat) every day.

It could be someone you interact with online.

Accidents happen, there are robberies and break-ins that can result in assault, and there are health events like heart attacks, strokes, aneurysms, falls, etc. Don’t think it can’t happen to you because you’re not older or because you’re in good health.

Depending on your wishes and your conditions, you may not want to be rescued and recussitsted if something happens to you, but you should at least be recovered. It wouldn’t be good to be rotting way for a long period of time, especially if you have paperwork that should be executed.

But being rescued, depending, can also lead to treatment, recovery, and additional good times.

We are rapidly approaching the ability, and may already be there, to have machines handle checking in on you every day to protect your life and health. There’s probably an app for it. You can also hire a live human being to do it, if you don’t want a friend to do it.

Marriage sellers say married men live longer. We’ve covered that before. One of the reasons the data can show that is that a husband who has a fall or a health episode can have his wife call for help. So, the guy might get to live a few more months in convalescence.

That isn’t a compelling reason to marry.

Free men can, and should, set things up in a way so that if something happens to them, someone will know and act.

Marriage Transfers Wealth and Power

Guys, marriage transfers your wealth and power to a woman.

That's the primary thing it does when it comes to legalities and social realities.

It doesn't provide you with sex, love, affection, companionship, loyalty, exclusivity, respect, domestic services, or children from a woman. Those are things she can provide without a state marriage license, without a ceremony, without a ring, and getting married will not mean she will be legally or socially obligated to provide those things to you. She can stop providing them at any time, kick you out of your own home, and alienate your children from you. You, however, can be compelled by the force of law to keep paying her way through life, even for things you didn't want her to buy and didn't use, even things that benefit her other lovers.

What we now call marriage is emasculating.

A Free Man runs his own life, decides what to do with his earnings, and retains his power.

A married man only has power and control over his own life and earnings in so much as his wife allows.

Being in an "exclusive" relationship, living together unmarried, having children together is almost being married, when it comes to freedom and control over your life, with the biggest difference being the absence of the official state financial contract.

The best way to run your own life and control your own wealth is to stay free.

Do you think it would be a good thing to transfer your wealth and power to a particular woman, because you think she'd handle them better than you? Well, the fatal flaw in our current legal and social marriage is that most women are turned off by that. Despite what many self-identified feminists say, most women who marry want the man to take charge, even if those women don't say so or can't even articulate that to themselves. Most women who want a husband are turned off by emasculated men, and marriage emasculates men. These realities have killed many marriages.

Don't play that game.

Get your act together and keep your act together.

Stay free.

Yes, I’d Date A Transgender Person

PragerU has asked “Would you date a transgender person?”

We have to remember what makes someone transgender.

If someone claims to be transgender, we have to accept that they are.

If someone who has XX chromosomes, developed breasts, a clitoris, vulva, vagina, no penis/testicles/facial hair, appears feminine, hasn’t undergone surgery or hormone treatment to reduce femininity and gain masculinity, is attracted to men including me; basically, “assigned female at birth,” and had been living life entirely as a girl/woman until now, and was now claiming to be a trans man… sure, I’d date that person.

It also helps to remember that even if I found myself unmarried, I wouldn’t be looking for a wife or even an exclusive girlfriend, so it wouldn’t matter much to me what the person would say or think, as long as I found them attractive, they weren’t a threat, and they were willing to do what I’d want to do on a date.

I have zero interest in being with someone whose “vagina” was surgically constructed. Natural vaginas have certain qualities I desire. I have a classmate who posts on social media pictures of where their penis used to be, and describes the problems with what’s there now. No thanks!

The brains of women are different than the brains of men.

I’m into women. Women who were “AFAB.” And yes, If I was free I’d date a transgender person who is as I described early in this post.

Why Dr. Laura Should Go on Howard Stern and Why She Won’t

Recently, Dr. Laura relented on her avoidance of virtually all interviews. It was because she was trying to get people to buy tickets to her two live, in-person shows in a theater.

She had trouble selling seats.

It must have been a wake up call to her that she doesn’t command the same audience interest and response as she used to.

Until she “stooped” (my word) to the publicity appearances, she had been abiding by a self-imposed avoidance of interviews. There was only one exception I can think of during her avoidance: she’d talk with Megyn Kelly, who is on the same SiriusXM channel. She’s done that twice, I think.

But, to sell seats she had to go on other shows. She has avoided that because she wants people to have the impression of her she crafts and tightly controls on her program, and the related podcasts, website, videos, and social media posts.

Indeed, on at least one show during this promotional stint, she was asked about her first (as far as we know) marriage. She did her best to quickly get away from that topic.

Both she and Howard Stern are primarily connected to SiriusXM. Both she and Stern are in far different places than they were at the height of their fame, with smaller audiences. Her program has changed a bit; his much more so.

Stern, for all of his flaws and all of his changes, can still do a great interview. But Dr. Laura doesn’t want a great interview, at least not one that is truly great in pulling up explanations of things she’d otherwise not discuss on-air, like her first marriage, getting pregnant out of wedlock (apparently twice, at least), her affair with Bill Ballance and his later revenge after his perception she unduly snubbed him, her relationship with her mother and her mother’s death, her affair and shacking up with married father Lew and interactions with his children, her sister, and the state of her relationship with her son.

There’s a lot she doesn’t want to talk about.

Stern was vicious to Schlessinger when she was a target of activist groups and revenge nudes.

There are also serious political differences, and she doesn’t want to debate.

But if she’d go on Stern’s show, it would be memorable, and she might possibly gain some listeners, especially since they already use SiriusXM. If she humanizes herself, and dispels misconceptions, it would be positive. She could say something along the lines of, “Yes, I’ve been there and done some of those things. And I learned better, which is why I preach against those things now. And I’m trying to help people, especially to make life better for children, and the feedback I get says my program is helping people. My personal life has never been perfect. Whose personal life is? Life is complicated. But I have important experience, insights, and skills that help people.”

She and Stern could also commiserate about growing up in NYC when they did, dealing with radio station program directors and syndicators, television executives, activist groups, writing books, and book tours.

I’m fairly certain from what she’s said on-air that people around her have recommended she go on Stern’s show. She didn’t say his name so there’s still a bit of doubt, but if I had to wager I’d assume it was Stern being referenced. But she was emphatic that she wouldn’t and she’s always been negative at the mention of his name, like when a caller says he listens to both on SiriusXM.

She should do his show. But she won’t. 

Why Do Men Like Lingerie?

Why do men like lingerie?

For men who like women to wear lingerie, there are two basic reasons:

1) It looks more revealing and sexier than baggy sweatpants, granny panties, or just about anything else a woman would wear other than skimpy swimsuits or revealing yoga pants.

2) It signals she's feeling sexual or is willing to get sexual. There are swimsuits more revealing than some lingerie, but the swimsuit signals she's going to hang out by the pool, on the beach, or sun herself. There are yoga pants more revealing than some lingerie, but again, yoga pants don't signal "Let's get sexual."

Most men prefer women to be entirely naked rather than in lingerie. But most men do prefer lingerie to regular clothing or pajamas that don't reveal much.

Some women find lingerie figure-flattering, accentuating certain parts of their body and hiding things about which they are unhappy or self-conscious. We get that. But women do tend to be far more critical of their own bodies than men, especially a man who is with them. But if it helps her feel more confident and helps her to be more enthusiastic, that's definitely a plus.

When a wife surprises her husband with wearing lingerie, especially if he normally has to persuade her to agree to sex, it can be a nice surprise to him.

I plan to write more about why men like certain things when it comes to women. I fully get it that some women, even some women who claim to be heterosexual, don't give a rat's behind about what men like. But there may be a few women who are curious, and I can be honest. Maybe you can put what I tell you to good use?

Also, as with anything else, especially anything sexual, "men like" is a generalization. There will ALWAYS be outliers or a minority of men who think/feel differently. In this case, that means a few men will find lingerie a turn off, or will prefer it to nudity.

I Keep Showing Reality

I'm active on X/Twitter.

You can write to me there, you can follow along as I examine posts that deal with topics I address on this blog.

I have some ongoing "tweet threads" there that are especially relevant as the marriage-selling push ramps up for the mid-February's horror scene.

Here's a thread on dead marital bedrooms and some other marriage "joys."

Here's a thread featuring marriages that ended, but not in divorce. Remember, divorce is only one way a marriage can end badly.

Here's a thread about the "joys" of parenting.

Signing a terrible state contract doesn't benefit men.

Get a vasectomy.

Don't marry.

Don't live with a woman.

Don't get financially entangled with a woman.

Stay free, men!

Stay Strong, Unmarried Men

For all of you men who are not currently married, this is one of those times of the year family and certain cultural elements push you to marry.

One way is trying to make it seem like everybody gets married, that marriage should be your goal, and that only losers don’t marry. 

Jewelry companies run ads promoting the ridiculous notion that engagement rings make perfect holiday gifts. There are legal reasons why that’s a terrible idea.

Don’t fall for the trap.

If you’re engaged, don’t let the manipulations during this time of year push you into signing a terrible state contract (marrying).

Nor should you make any large purchases for, or with a woman. Want to buy something for your mother? Go ahead. But not a fiancée, not a girlfriend, or any other woman you’ve been seeing.

Don’t propose. Don’t co-sign a lease or mortgage or anything. Don’t move in with a woman or let her move in with you.

Stay free.

Follow the tags for this post, like “Free Men” and “Marriage Strike” and “Running Game” to be reminded why you should stay free and how to make the most of this time of year.

As always, feel free to comment. 

When Someone Regrets Being a Parent

Duncan Jones recently issued a couple of controversial tweets: [This entry is bumped up from January 2019.]

I have 2 kids. 2 1/2 years and 9 months old respectively. I’ll tell you something I never see anyone admit... they are exhausting, frustrating and life-destabilizing. They are rarely fun. Sure, smiles are great, hugs are lovely, but it’s HARD and not obviously a good choice in life.

This is where people feel compelled to say “i wouldn’t change it for the world!” But you know... Of course I’d reconsider! It’s exhausting! Its banal! It’s like looking after a dog you can’t housetrain. What it is, is that it is. and they are mine. Hopefully they turn out ok.

Columnist Matt Walsh, conservative Catholic hubby and dad that he is, lit into Jones and those who responded in solidarity.

What's most concerning is the reaction these tweets provoked. In the 24 hours or so immediately after they were published, a sizable portion of the responses were entirely supportive and sympathetic. A bunch of parents decided to join the fray and register public complaints about their own children. Until saner voices joined the discussion, the thread was a long litany of unseemly parental bellyaching. And not just vague "parenting can be tough" type complaints, but much more specific and personal "my life is miserable and my kids are awful" type complaints.

Those are their experiences. Yes, they shouldn't say these things if they are using their true identity and thus their kids can find out about it. In some cases, it won't matter because the kids are already too far gone, but in most cases, sure. But let's be honest. Walsh isn't just upset that their kids might see this. People like Walsh don't want people speaking the truth about parenthood: that for some people, it brings misery. Some people aren't suited to it.

Let's not deflect from the fact that many people regret having children. Many of them aren't being great parents as a result. Let's encourage people to think very carefully about becoming parents, instead  of saying "Oh, it will all work out! You'll love it! Don't worry, just do it!"

Women who do this are told they're ignoring their motherly instincts. Men are told they're just immature.

Is Divorcing Over Infertility Justified?

On X, I saw a screenshot of what appeared to be a Reddit post from a wife whose husband is divorcing her over infertility.

The X account was appalled at what the man was doing.

If you say that marriage is for procreation, indeed multiplying (and you mean by that creating three or more children), then isn’t their marriage invalid? Isn’t he right to end it and seek another bride?

Adoption isn’t multiplying. Someone else has already had the child. Adoption can be a beautiful thing, but it’s not multiplying.

Multiplying is conceiving more children, and according to a popular pastor I’ve heard, it’s having three or more children, presumably those children living long enough to repeat the cycle.

If you’re a philosophical naturalist or have any other overarching beliefs about reality that indicate the “point” of life is to perpetuate your genes, then of course he should do what it takes to spread his genes. Most Western women aren’t going to support or even tolerate him doing that with another woman while still married to her. Would this man’s wife support using “third party” reproduction so ensure his genes continue?

Worldview matters here. If the point of life/marrying is multiplying or perpetuating genes, he’s justified in seeking someone else.

If someone is going to say he’s obligated to stay married to this woman and NOT spread his genes through other women or “third party” reproduction, then they are admitting that multiplying is not mandatory and not a highest priority. They should also explain under what conditions divorce is permitted and hold women to those standards, not only men.

If the point of marrying is simply companionship, why involve the government?

Whatever your position on these matters, consistency will make your claims more serious to your audience.

It’s OK To Be Free

Marriage sellers and people who simply haven’t thought through marriage being an actual choice often start with a presumed default that marrying is the normal thing to do, and that everyone, or at least most people, should plan on marrying and seek to do it.

But it’s not the default.

Marriage doesn’t just happen.

Our default state is being free. To marry, we at least have to agree to enter into marriage. Usually, especially for men, it involves much more than that.

Simply don’t do those things - don’t agree to marry - and you won’t marry. (Note that in some places, you’re considered legally married in at least some aspects if you live together long enough - avoid that!)

Stop accepting marriage as a default, a goal, or as inevitable.

Instead, embrace being free. Plan life and set goals with the mindset of being and staying free.

Most people who sell or accept marriage as the goal for all start with thinking marriage is a given. “Of course I did. My parents were married,” they might say. Yet they still expect someone who had unmarried parents to seek to marry. Or, if their parents weren’t married, they might think the problems they have were caused by their parents not being married. But that might not be true.

When people reorient their thinking away from “Who should I marry?” to, “Why marry?”, they’re much more likely to stay free.

Do that. Teach yourself and others to ask, “Why marry?” For most men, there’s nothing good they get from legally marrying that they can’t for less cost, risk, and hassle otherwise.

Embrace and share the fact that it’s OK to stay free.

When you reorient your thinking to plan to live free and to permit yourself to be happy as a free man, it’s more likely you will be happy.

Reject the notion that you’re somehow a loser, failure, or sinner simply because you’re free. You’re not.

We often hear unmarried people are unhappy. But that’s including people who want to be married or think they’re supposed to be married. It also includes people who aren’t married BECAUSE they are miserable people to be around. There are very happy free men, and you can be one of them. Maybe you already are!

It’s OK to be free. And when you evaluate your life and live truly embracing that, you can be so much better off, so much happier.

Most Marriages Fail

Here are some facts about marriage:

• A smaller percentage of the population in the USA is married than at any time in the country's history
• Absent an extensive and upheld prenuptial agreement specifying otherwise, legal marriage is a wealth transfer mechanism through which the wealthier/higher-earning spouse will pay the other
• Most women who marry will marry men who do, or will, earn more income than they will
• Legal marriage usually assigns paternity (which means two decades or more of financial obligation) to the husband, regardless of how the wife conceived the child, thereby using the force of law to perpetuate paternity fraud in the case of adultery
• Wives are far more likely to file for divorce than husbands
• Most marriages fail. 

That's right. MOST MARRIAGES FAIL.

If by success we mean "lasting and generally happy", which most people do, most marriages fail.

1) 33-40% of first marriages end in divorce. Subsequent marriages have a much higher divorce rate.

2) Of the marriages that don't legally divorce, easily at least 20% (and probably much higher) fall under one or more of the following categories:
  a) legal separation
  b) physical separation (some people stay legally married for decades after they've split, even if they haven't seen each other in years)
  c) sexual separation (ongoing infidelity, whether or not the spouses are still having sex with each other)
  d) emotionally dead (they are roommates, perhaps with shared financial accounts, largely indifferent to each other)
  e) hostile/abusive
  f) quiet desperation on the part of one or both spouses
  g) miserable (whether or not a-f is involved)

The reason the marriages in category 2 don't end in divorce are a varied: 1. One spouse murders the other, whether or not they then kill themselves (other than the person who claims to have found the body, the default suspect in the murder of a married person is their spouse... what does that tell you???) 2. Before divorce can take place, one or both spouses die (whether suicide, overdose, illness, accident, disaster, violent crime, etc.) 3. They were too chicken, masochistic or otherwise mentally ill, or too much creatures of habit to bother divorcing.

So, 33 (which is a lowball) and 20 (which is also lowball) add up to 53% of marriages being "failed" marriages. 

A failed marriage isn't just a problem emotionally/psychologically/socially/spiritually, for a breadwinnining man it can be financially devastating:

• Wives make 80% of the purchasing decisions in a marriage, meaning the earnings of a breadwinning man usually go to buying goods and services he'll never use and maybe never wanted. If she incurs debts, those debts are also his.
• In a divorce, he can be compelled to pay for her legal team as well as his own.
• She can get 50% or more of the marital assets, meaning anything he earned during the marriage, no matter how bad of a spouse she was.
• In some places, like where I live, ten years means she gets lifetime alimony. In the UK, a husband divorced for many years started earning much more income, only to have the courts compel him to pay even more alimony!
• She is more likely to get (more) custody of children, thus getting child support through college.
• Even if the husband didn't want another child and his wife conceived one with the neighbor, the husband can be compelled to pay child support for that child through college.

Since most marriages fail, and the state marriage contract punishes breadwinning men, what is wrong with warning men that most of them should avoid getting legally married? Shouldn't they be warned before they spend large sums of money, time, and emotional labor and capital on an engagement and wedding, and subsequent anniversary gifts, and arguing and counseling/therapy/retreats and all of the other things they don't want to do, and divorce lawyers? Given the statistics, isn't it a responsible thing to strongly caution men?

Some marriage sellers, even if they sometimes claim marriage will make men happier, dismiss happiness as a measurement of success. Catch them while they're in the right mood, and you'll find them saying that marriage is a duty or obligation and your happiness doesn't matter a hill of beans. They want people to marry because:

• They think it will mean more children, and more children raised in good conditions, because studies have shown that children raised in legally intact marriages have done/behaved better than children raised in other conditions.
• They don't want people fornicating.
• They don't want men doing other things they like to do, like play video games or hang out in bars, so it is better to have them running errands at the behest of a woman.
• Women and children are less likely to be on the dole if there is a father/husband in the home.

That's right, men. You are supposed to stop doing what you want to do, and pay for other people and do what they want you to do. "But women don't want to do family-generated chores and errands either!" All the more reason not to marry!!!

Marriage is extremely expensive for a breadwinning man, and most marriages fail. Bemoan these facts if you want, but they are facts, and we have to deal with reality.

Having a Family Doesn't Guarantee Happiness

Men Going Their Own Way

You Don't Need a Wife

To What Should Males Aspire?

Why You Don't Want to Get Married

Don't Let the Holidays Lead to Less Freedom, Guys

 

Free Men, hopefully you didn't spend your Thanksgiving catering to a woman, her family, her friends, or having some woman along with you as you visited your family. If you're not in the USA and not American, you probably didn't have to deal with anything like that.

But wherever you are, if you're somewhere Hanukah, Christmas, or January 1 are celebrated, you need to implement or continue your holiday game plan.

There are two main considerations for you:

1) Dealing with family and "friends" who will be asking you (or pestering you) about your status as a free man. You now how it goes. "When are you going to get married?" Questions like that.

2) Avoiding spending those special days with a woman who wants to take away your status as Free Man, or will be expecting you to spend a lot of time, money, and effort on her.

Don't do something foolish and start thinking there is "the one" to whom you should hand over your freedom. Don't be so ignorant, delusional, or masochistic that you're thinking you want to be exclusive with a woman.