A Detrimental Partnership

Some things in your life, you do well. You know a lot about those things, maybe from experience, maybe from formal education and training, maybe from educating yourself. You do those things well and will likely be able to do those things well until you die or unless you get serious dementia.

Imagine if someone came into your life who clearly, objectively, provably, wasn't very good at doing one of those things, or at least nowhere near as good as you, yet you now were compelled to partner with them in the matter, meaning they would get to make a lot of the decisions, or you were expected to clear every significant decision with them.

This is what can happen when a man who has his financial act together marries.

A Lack of Marriageable Women

Dr. Laura says everyone wants to be married, or at least be with someone, and in her world, that's the same thing. Something is wrong with people who don't. But she also has said the qualities a woman must have to be marriageable and has chastised men for marrying women who don't have these qualities.

This will especially help you if you call her up and she wants to know why you're not married, or not marrying the latest woman in your life.

These things disqualify a woman from being wife material according to Dr. Laura.

Out of the Age Range - If she is 27 or under, she's automatically not wife material yet. If she's more than ten years or more younger (or older... probably fewer years older) than you, she's out of the age range. A woman who is over 40 should not be having children.This will eliminate literally most women.

Has Minor Children - Single mothers, divorced mothers, and almost as much when it comes to widowed mothers, are to raise their children, who've already suffered a loss or a broken home. They shouldn't bring their new lovers around their children, and that precludes marriage until the children are grown. Many women 28 or older have children (though fewer than in the past). This will eliminate another significant percentage of women from consideration.

Why People Want You To Marry

Men are told to get married.

If it weren't for the constant drumbeat of marriage sellers, there would be even more men joining the marriage strike than have already.

Boys are sold marriage from the earliest ages. It's in the media we consume from the earliest ages.

Why? Why do people want you to get married?

There are many reasons.

Some might have bought into the flawed claims that men are better off if they marry. That's almost never the real reason someone will urge you marry. Let's consider some of the reasons.

What Timing!

How amazing is it that so many people manage to find THE One to marry in such a narrow sliver of time?

Most first marriages happen in the 25-35 age range.

Wow, out of eight billion people (OK, four billion if we narrow it down by sex), out of 60 years of adult life, so many people manage to find that ONE special someone in a narrow window of time. Sure, a few people marry someone they've known since their childhood or adolescence, but most people (where marriages aren't arranged) marry someone they met just a few years, at most, before the wedding.

Let's be real.

Not only are most of those people "settling," many of them think they are settling, no matter what they say.

Yes, some really do feel like they have actually found THE ONE and are blessed beyond expectations.

And yet... within five, ten, fifteen years, how many of them have demonstrated otherwise? Bitterness, resentment, abuse, affairs, separation, divorce, on and on it goes. Clearly they weren't THE ONE.

Some Christians (and I expect followers of some other religions) pray for their child's "future spouse" from the time they know they are expecting. The problem with Christian doing that is there is no guarantee in the Bible that everyone will find a spouse. Wanting your child to marry when they are adults and praying for the people they will interact with in their life is fine, but it is presumptuous to speak as though they will get married (and I wouldn't wish what's called marriage today on any son of mine.) I wonder what these people do when the marriage doesn't last, and their child is facing remarriage. The person they prayed for is an ex or dead, and now their child is potentially marrying someone they never prayed for all those years.

As unromantic as it is, chances are, there isn't THE ONE. There are two people settling for each other, because they are pressured or because they think it is how to get what they want or how to get to what they should do.

The Horse is Out of the Barn and the Robot is Out of the Box

Grab some popcorn and some tea and peruse the panicked, hysterical shrieking of the controlling women and their enablers who can't stand the idea that more and more men will be enjoying robots that essentially amount to advanced dolls and sex toys. [This entry is bumped up because it is as relevant as ever.]

Technology is always going to be applied to sex, if there is any way it can be. This is human nature.

Sex dolls and sex robots or whatever you want to call them will never be effectively banned. Aside from the fact that prohibiting the private ownership and use of personal objects isn't practical, how exactly do you ban these things without banning a bunch of other things? How do you define a sex robot or a sex doll? Some men will stick their penises in knotholes in a plank of wood. Are you going to ban planks of wood? No. So, are you going to ban all robots? All dolls? All sex toys or masturbation aids? Any three-dimensional representation of a person?

Despite the futility, some women (and the men who enable them) are trying to ban these elaborate masturbatory aids.

Don't Date Women With Minor Children

The most popular entry on this blog, and it's not even close, is this entry warning men against dating single mothers.

It gets a lot of traffic and has received hundreds of comments (including from widowed mothers, who really need to read THIS.)

As is to be expected, a lot of angry comments came from single mothers. Others admitted what I wrote was true, even if they didn't like it. Nobody, though, demonstrated what I wrote to be false. That's because it is reality, like it or not.

I want to revisit the issue. Guys: If you're going to bother dating (or seeing for personal reasons) women, don't date women with minor children or dependent adult children or grown children living at home. They could be divorced women, widowed women, women who never bothered to marry. And if they're married or in a relationship, no matter what they say about that relationship, it's not good to go there. So don't mess with mothers of minor or somehow dependent children. And if you're with one and don't have a kid with her, get out!

Maybe you think that eliminates too many women, but it really doesn't, especially if you're sticking to women in their twenties, which you can do no matter how old you are, if you play your cards right. Also, there are more and more women older than that who are childfree. "Fertility" rates are down.

The Dr. Laura Program Isn’t Therapy

Many people think of Dr. Laura as a psychologist or "shrink." She was a trained, licensed therapist with a private practice. But she has far, far more experience as a radio talk show host (and author, columnist, etc.)

Something both callers, to, and listeners of, The Dr. Laura Program should remember is that she's almost never doing therapy on the program.

Aside from selling advertising and subscriptions, the program primarily exists for Dr. Laura to teach her opinions to the audience. She has said so. The reason she's doing this on the radio rather than in private practice is that she is reaching a mass audience.

Sometimes - even often - callers are helped, but that’s not the top priority. Indeed, she often tells callers she can’t help them, even when she sometimes can. There are the rare occasions she leads the caller through something therapeutic, but otherwise the program is not therapy. Far more often, though, the callers are there to serve as a warning to listeners.

Listeners range from unquestioning sycophants to perpetual critics who “hate listen.” Somewhere in the mix are gawkers who do the audio equivalent of staring as if looking at a train wreck. Some consider Dr. Laura a shock jock: focusing on where she disagrees with the caller, yelling, constantly interrupting callers even after she asked them a question and they were starting to answer- and often chastising the caller for "talking over" her, repeatedly yelling “woo-hoo,” pounding on a desk with her gavel or fist while frequently employing words and phrases like “humping,” “unpaid whore,” "piece of s---," and “limp d—-.” But she insists what she’s doing is a program to help people, not a show.

She’s there to give her set of teachings I’ve collected together and called The Dr. Laura Plan, and make negative examples out of anyone who didn’t follow it. There's a lot about the plan that is great. But Dr. Laura, who often mentions it's better to start children in Kindergarten at age six, questions why someone is still living at home at age 18 (6 + 13 years of school = Age 19). Her advice about when to marry and saving sex for marriage means faithful followers will reach about age 30 before they first have sex. And the world would rapidly depopulate if people only married and had children under her blessing.

Something listeners must keep in mind is that it's one thing for callers to agree to her advice during their call, but it can be a far different thing for them to follow through and live it out, especially when it involves radically changing their life or stopping sex in a relationship that's been established as sexual. Also, Dr. Laura controls the microphone. Letters claiming her advice didn't work (or, that she didn't understand the caller but jumped to conclusions) aren't going to make it onto the program, and if a caller somehow manages to make it through and get a "bad review" onto the air, she can say they didn't actually follow her advice, and then prevent them from saying any more.

Control is very important to Dr. Laura, and she will control the program in order to deliver and reinforce her message. That extends to what kind of situation someone can call about. Notice that, as common as it is today for parents, grandparents, etc. to struggle with a teen or young adult claiming to be transgender or nonbinary, you will never hear a call on her program pertaining to that. Clearly, she doesn't allow such calls, and has told her screeners not to let them through. She hasn't mentioned this to the audience.

So, you're not going to get therapy on the Dr. Laura Program unless she has the time, wants to give it you, it can be done over the phone, and it would be applicable to your particular situation. You are far more likely to be cited as a positive or negative example to listeners, which is the real reason you can call her toll-free.

She can still help you about certain things if you call, though, and if you listen you can get much insight into human behavior and relationships.

Common Marital Mistakes

Let's look at an entry on the Dr. Laura Blog about "marriage mistakes all couples make", which I'd cynically say starts with getting married in the first place. [This entry bumped up from April 2017]

1. Screaming.There is absolutely no justification for yelling at your spouse. If you’re upset about something, count to 15, and then calmly express yourself.

Guilty, guilty, guilty. I am. It's one reason I'm in therapy. I don't want to scream. My my wife would scream at me if she could. She does the equivalent through texts. One time in particular I screamed at her was when the kids were away for the night and I'd jumped through all of the hoops and I was hoping for some long-overdue lovemaking, and she made it clear it wasn't going to happen, basically because she didn't feel motivated to do it.

Yes, I screamed at her. I screamed at her that I was tired of being crapped on and rejected. I screamed that there were women who'd actually wanted me and it was a rotten thing to do to marry me when she didn't. Yes, I'm guilty. [It has been a long time since I last screamed. I'm a beaten dog and realize that I just have to endure, at least for now. - August 2022]

2. Ignoring. If you’re actually too upset to talk, just say, “I’m not ignoring you. I just need to take a little time-out to pull myself together, and then I’ll be good to go.”

I've never, ever ignored my wife. She has ignored me many times, and you know what? The more she ignores me, the better! It means less stress for me, less work for me.

Well, let me qualify that. It's OK as long as she's not going to be home alone with the kids, because then her ignoring me could be an indication that she's having a psychotic break.

3. Trying to agree on everything. Coming to a complete consensus on every issue is not going to happen.

Are you paying attention, guys? There will be disagreements, including unresolved disagreements. Do you really want to legally and financially bind yourself to such a situation?

If you have a difference of opinion, ask yourselves who cares more or is impacted the most. Then let that person make the decision and take the responsibility. However, if you’re not willing to accept the responsibility for something, you can’t bitch about it later.

Yeah, here's what happens with us. My wife will announce or request something. If I disagree, well, that's too bad. She's going to go ahead anyway. I might ask her questions, especially about the possible problems that might result from her decision, and she'll usually accuse me of being pessimistic and raining on her parade. Then, later, when what I was concerned might happen does happen, I'm stuck dealing with it because my wife will say she can't and that she didn't know things would be that bad. The one exception is that she wanted to keep homeschooling, and has wanted to return to homeschooling, but we put the kids in private school and have kept them there, but it was because a couple of experts, including one we needed to sign off on the homeschooling, said my wife wouldn't be able to keep doing it.

4. Making assumptions. Don’t assume anything! If you want to know something, ASK.

Generally good advice, but it can also be helpful to think through what the likely possibilities are before or without asking. Sometimes you'll realize you don't really care all that much and so there is no point to asking.

5. Not communicating. A lot of problems can be avoided if you simply talk to each other.

In our case, the less communication, the better. If she's not communicating with me, then I'm not being given more tasks to do, hearing about how I'm wrong or insufficient in some area, or how much sex is a burden to her. Or I'll hear less about some inane TV show I don't care about. So it's good if she communicates less. And I'm better off if I communicate less, because talking with her rarely improves anything for me. Rather, anything I say can and will be used against me.

6. Lying. If you ever think, “Boy, I hope my spouse never finds out about this,” then don’t do it.

I'm generally for honesty, but really, not telling her things she doesn't need to know is fine, at least in our case.

Sometimes, a spouse has something wrong with them, so that if you tell them something innocuous they'll launch into a tirade and be in a bad mood for a couple of days. Sorry, honestly, especially volunteering something, isn't the best policy in that case.

7. Not making your spouse a priority. Your spouse needs to be adored and appreciated, and given affection, attention, and compliments. Get your pride and ego out of the way, and stop dwelling on what you should be getting.

Generally, yes. But at some point, when things are not right, mitigation is necessary. Let's take the example of a trauma center surgeon. She's there saving lives. And that's her priority. But if she never thinks about her own needs, as in "I really need to be relieved so that I can tinkle, then get something to eat," then she's eventually going to collapse. Making your spouse a priority without them doing the same thing can only last so long.

Why Isn't There Running Game Advice For Husbands?

You may have noticed that my series of posts here about Running Game are addressed to men who aren't married and aren't in supposedly exclusive relationships.

That's because running game explains how to have more fun for less cost and hassle, and is very much about using and retaining power and freedom.

Husbands don't have power.

Husbands don't have freedom.

Husbands have signed away more than half of their income.
Husbands can only have fun when the wife is willing.

The wedding is game over.

I mean, if your wife agrees to an open marriage (or, you cheat, which I generally think is a terrible idea) you can run game. Your wife can even help you do it. But what are the odds of that? Or it lasting? There are also wives who let their husband have some semblance of power and freedom, but that's entirely voluntary on her part and can be rescinded at any time. It's like allowing a dog to go to the ends of a very long leash. He's still on a leash.

There are self-styled gurus, usually authors and/or vloggers/bloggers, who purport to teach husbands how to lead their wife or get what they want from their wife. Ultimately, though, she doesn't have to go along with any of it, and unlike when a man is free, he’s either stuck with her or she’s going to destroy him using family law. If some wives choose to go along with the program, great! But legally/financially and socially, she has the power. This is one reason why most marriages fail. Most women find the reality a turn-off.

If you're not married, don't marry. But if you are married, the best you can hope for is your wife voluntarily letting you take charge and get what you want.

How to Prevent Domestic Violence, Cheating, and Divorce

This is how you can prevent domestic violence, cheating, and divorce:

Do not marry.

Do not live together.

Do not promise nor expect exclusivity.

Free Men who want to remain free men in good standing do not engage in rape, sexual harassment, domestic violence, stealthing, stalking, or revenge porn.

Free men, if they want sex, run game, which ensures that they don't waste time with women who do not want sex. Free men do not marry nor live with women. Free men do not agree to exclusivity. This prevents domestic violence, cheating, and divorce. It also prevents rape.

More men should be Free Men.

Don't Be This Guy

If they didn't have kids together, I'd call for someone to liberate this beaten dog of a man.

Emily Lefroy wrote this article that is somehow at nypost.com and not The Onion.

A mom-of-two has revealed how her husband’s addiction to porn almost ruined their marriage and tore their family apart — and is now desperately warning others to be careful of any secrets their partner may be hiding.

"Porn addiction" is a term used by grifters, charlatans, pushers of porn panic, and people whose partners are angry about them viewing porn. It is not a term used by serious mental health professionals.

Jourdan Kehr shared her story in an effort to warn others about the hidden secrets their spouses may be keeping from their wives, calling her own experience “truly unbearable.”

From the looks of it, she shared her story to try to humiliate at least one other person and to get herself attention.

Kehr had had a hunch something was off with her partner, but what she discovered on his phone, an old video of two people having sex open on his screen, she described, was “truly unbearable.”

“I couldn’t stop shaking and I felt like my soul had left my body,” the photographer, from West Virginia, US, told NeedToKnow.co.uk.

“I didn’t know how to go on and I didn’t know how it was possible for any human to survive being in this much pain,” she admitted. “It made me physically ill for months.”

There was a problem alright. She might be mentally ill or have a personality disorder.

She mistreated her husband.

While Kehr, who shared two children, aged five and one, with her husband of nine years, believes it’s normal to find other people attractive, she deems it “unfaithful” to lust and fantasize after them sexually.

Then just about every married person is unfaithful, by that definition. The only way a healthy man doesn't fantasize about other people is if he is actively, constantly trying to avoid it, and never screws up. Dr. Laura and Dennis Prager, both very strong about marriage, fidelity, and "traditional values" would both say this woman's behavior and standards are problematic.

Now, couples can set their own rules. If they mutually agree that using media can be "unfaithful," then that's up to them. Of course, I would tell a man to never ever agree to such relationships. If he does, however, he should specify what she isn't allowed to look at, too.

Five months after Kehr’s devastating discovery, the couple are now in a much better place, crediting copious sessions with therapists, support groups and sexaholics anonymous as helping them get through.

What a farce. That poor man. I hope he does a better job of hiding it until the kids are grown.

“The porn industry is corrupt and I hope that with time, more men will wake up to the very real dangers of porn on their mind, body and relationships,” she said.

Go ahead and name an industry that isn't "corrupt." The garment industry is "corrupt," but I bet she doesn't make all of her clothes from scratch.

“I don’t want to shame men or women for viewing pornography,” she continued.

"It's cheating and it's corrupt, but I don't want to shame people." Get out of here with that crap.

According to a study by The Recovery Village, 10% of U.S. adults admit to having an addiction to internet pornography. 20% of them are men and 17% women.

I couldn't believe that line was still in the article when I retrieved it. The implication is that 63% of porn "addicts" are not men nor women. They are genderless, or something.

It's too bad the article didn't include comments from some good therapists.

Unmarried ladies: If you can't handle the fact that a man is going to notice other women, depictions of other women, and fantasize about other women, don't marry a man.

Wives: If your reaction to normal male sexual nature in your husband who isn't having an affair is anything close to this woman's reaction, you need some serious help.

Men: Don't be this guy. If you haven't married, don't. If you're married with minor kids, and your wife hasn't indicated she'd be rational about this, hide it from her and don't be careless about it, at least until the kids are grown.

Do Married Men Get It More and Better?

Marriage sellers will often say married people have more and better sex than unmarried people.

Unmarried men should not fall for this.

Stop reading now if you don't want the brutal truth.

Another in a Long Line of Articles Confirming What We Already Knew

In the opening of her Tuesday, February 7, 2023 program, Dr. Laura opened up reading from and adding to an essay written by a "BJ Foster." Dr. Laura didn't want to say the initials "BJ," even though she says penis, vagina, ejaculate, whore, hump, orgasm throughout her programs. Anyway the essay is "Five Reasons Your Wife Doesn't Want Sex."

We already know why.

Either she doesn't want it or she wants to punish or manipulate us.

When I heard what the topic was, this is what I wrote:

-They already have you
-They aren't attracted to you
-They don't have the same drive
-Everything kills their moods
-Hormonal shifts

You'll see how right I got it.

Too Few Friends?

 

Supposedly, people today have fewer actual friends; too few.

Friends can be good for many reasons. They can keep you in check, give you feedback, back you up, keep tabs on you, give you perspective, open your mind, enable experiences, connect you to job opportunities, and so much more. Some people will say a spouse can do those things, too. I switch that around. A friend can do many things a spouse might do, so you don’t need a spouse, and unlike a legal spouse, you can get rid them without paying if they become harmful.

If you need (more) friends, there are many ways to find some. But first, who is friend material to you?

A friend should be someone you’re not ashamed or embarrassed to be associated with or seen with. They mean well for you and you for them. Your relationship isn’t based on one of you trying to get something from the other, other than companionship, emotional support, and good times. They are someone you can trust to a reasonable extent. They aren’t a bad person as people go. They are someone you might want to share a meal with, exchange gifts with, share experiences with, confide in, do favors for. While charity can be something one provides for a friend, a chronic charity case is just that, not a friend. Friends aren’t projects.

If they’re someone who aggressively assaults or abuses, steals, causes trouble for less than noble reasons, is a drain on your energy or finances, is a junkie or drunk, or is friendly with you because they’re trying to convert you to their cult or MLM scheme, that’s not friend material.

They don’t need to be the same race, ethnicity, religion, or political affiliation as you.

Think about what you’re hoping to find in a friend. Is it someone you can play games with? Watch sports with? Hunt with? Listen to music with? Try new restaurants with? Look for women with? Ride motorcycles with? Restore classic cars with?

This is assuming you truly want new friends. Maybe you’re already happy with how things are and you don’t have time for new friends. But if you do have time or can make it, and you think it would be good, then you can make it happen.

Think about that, and in another post I’ll write about where to find friends.