During the first hour of Dennis Prager's Monday, August 19, 2019 show, toward the end of that first hour, he said he "doesn't understand" waiting to marry until establishing or gaining success in your career (succeeding professionally/financially). He claims it isn't rational, and it isn't what people did in history. "Why can't you work on your career while married?" he asked. [This entry is bumped up, and some details of my life might have changed since.]
He says things like this because he is a marriage-seller and because he has no idea what it is like to be a young person today, trying to make their way in this world. He's made it clear that he buys into the idea that man isn't really a man unless he takes on the burden of supporting a wife and children, as if women still don't have access to employment, property ownership, and personal finance.
1) If someone is working on career success, marriage, especially with children, is an enormous disadvantage. Even putting aside the emotional drama and turmoil a wife and family can bring, a spouse and children put a demand on time; there will be days you'll be late for work, or have to leave early, or not be able to work at all due to family matters. You'll get calls and texts that demand your immediate attention, taking you away from whatever you're supposed to be doing. Also, these days, establishing yourself in a career often means long and odd hours, extra days, networking at lunch and happy hours, business travel, moving, and changing employers. None of these are friendly to family.
"But you'll have her there to iron your clothes, do your laundry, make your breakfast, pack your lunch, make your dinner, and help you relax when you get home," say people like Prager. To which people who know better laugh to the point of pain. She's either going to have her own job, or most likely, she's going to say something like "You have two hands. Do it yourself!" I'm no longer young, but my wife, who isn't employed, 1) doesn't make my breakfast or even get up to see me off in the morning; 2) doesn't pack my lunch; 3) doesn't make my dinner; 4) doesn't do my laundry. In fact, when I get home, I'm usually making her and the kids something to eat. Help me relax?!? HA!!! It's far more relaxing when she's somewhere else. 2) We don't live in the past. We don't live on family farms or above our shop in town, destined to be in that same place doing the same thing until we die. In those days, it made sense to snag the best person in town (you often had little choice; age might have pretty much determined it for you) you were able to get and marry them young. Today, we can look for a spouse all over the world, and we can move all over the world. [Better yet, we can thrive without ever being married! - October 2022] 3) It is rational. First marriages entered into in the late 20s have a lower divorce rate. Apparently Dennis' two divorces weren't rough enough, or he's simply having a disconnect, because that doesn't seem to be a big deal to him, but most thoughtful people who want to marry (I suppose there are some) would prefer to minimize their risks of divorce. Money is one of the main reasons people divorce. If someone is already financially comfortable or the career is taking them in that direction, there will be less stress and less reason to fight. There are also important distinctions between men and women in these matters, but Dennis knows that most women need a man to marry, so he glosses over that. Dennis must know that the better off a man is professionally/financially, the more attractive the women he can attract. This is a fact of life. I didn't make the facts. Most women do want a man who can "provide" for her, who will earn more than her. The best way for a woman to know this is to observe that he can. He's more likely to be demonstrating that in his late 20 or his 30s than his early 20s. So, if a man does want to sacrifice himself for what will probably be a lost cause and marry, he should wait until he's achieved success and his dream. Women are dream killers. Again, I didn't make the facts of life. Don't blame the messenger. Unless your dream is to marry and have children, a woman is far more likely to kill your dream than help you make it happen, whether she's trying to or not. As for women who want to marry, they have to pick a strategy. They'll never be surrounded by more available men with potential than when they're in college. But if they marry in or immediately after college, they'll have a harder time establishing their own careers and financial standing, and if a man doesn't live up to his potential or she misjudged it, she'll be dealing with a mess, and losing precious time as far as attractiveness and fertility. Most women are at their peak attractiveness in their early 20s, and the more attractive a woman is, the more ability she has to attract wealthier and/or more powerful men. So, the less attractive a woman is, the better it would be for her to ensure she can take care of herself, acquire property and investments she can keep separate from marital community property; this might mean avoiding spending time pursuing marriage while doing those things. Meanwhile, the hottest women can snag trust fund guys who are going to have money no matter what. Early marriage is most beneficial to a hot-but-lazy woman who has little going for her other than her attractiveness, especially if she's likely to hit the wall hard. Looking at her mother, grandmother, maternal aunts, and older sisters might give her a clue as to how hard the wall is going to hit her. Such a woman should cash in her chips, marry the wealthiest guy she can attract, and birth some annuities before the guy knows what hit him. But early marriage is a terrible strategy for men who are likely to grow their wealth and/or power significantly by their late 30s. Such a man is going to have hotter and hotter women throwing themselves at him. If he really wants to raise children and do so in the best environment for those children, then when he reaches his mid or late 30s, he should go with the woman who has the best combination of attractiveness and health who is compatible and willing to sign an iron-clad prenup. If he doesn't want kids he shouldn't legally marry at all, let alone early. [Most men shouldn't marry at all. October 2022: My thinking has evolved on this.] I wrote before on the topic of whether or not Christians should marry at a young age.
"But you'll have her there to iron your clothes, do your laundry, make your breakfast, pack your lunch, make your dinner, and help you relax when you get home," say people like Prager. To which people who know better laugh to the point of pain. She's either going to have her own job, or most likely, she's going to say something like "You have two hands. Do it yourself!" I'm no longer young, but my wife, who isn't employed, 1) doesn't make my breakfast or even get up to see me off in the morning; 2) doesn't pack my lunch; 3) doesn't make my dinner; 4) doesn't do my laundry. In fact, when I get home, I'm usually making her and the kids something to eat. Help me relax?!? HA!!! It's far more relaxing when she's somewhere else. 2) We don't live in the past. We don't live on family farms or above our shop in town, destined to be in that same place doing the same thing until we die. In those days, it made sense to snag the best person in town (you often had little choice; age might have pretty much determined it for you) you were able to get and marry them young. Today, we can look for a spouse all over the world, and we can move all over the world. [Better yet, we can thrive without ever being married! - October 2022] 3) It is rational. First marriages entered into in the late 20s have a lower divorce rate. Apparently Dennis' two divorces weren't rough enough, or he's simply having a disconnect, because that doesn't seem to be a big deal to him, but most thoughtful people who want to marry (I suppose there are some) would prefer to minimize their risks of divorce. Money is one of the main reasons people divorce. If someone is already financially comfortable or the career is taking them in that direction, there will be less stress and less reason to fight. There are also important distinctions between men and women in these matters, but Dennis knows that most women need a man to marry, so he glosses over that. Dennis must know that the better off a man is professionally/financially, the more attractive the women he can attract. This is a fact of life. I didn't make the facts. Most women do want a man who can "provide" for her, who will earn more than her. The best way for a woman to know this is to observe that he can. He's more likely to be demonstrating that in his late 20 or his 30s than his early 20s. So, if a man does want to sacrifice himself for what will probably be a lost cause and marry, he should wait until he's achieved success and his dream. Women are dream killers. Again, I didn't make the facts of life. Don't blame the messenger. Unless your dream is to marry and have children, a woman is far more likely to kill your dream than help you make it happen, whether she's trying to or not. As for women who want to marry, they have to pick a strategy. They'll never be surrounded by more available men with potential than when they're in college. But if they marry in or immediately after college, they'll have a harder time establishing their own careers and financial standing, and if a man doesn't live up to his potential or she misjudged it, she'll be dealing with a mess, and losing precious time as far as attractiveness and fertility. Most women are at their peak attractiveness in their early 20s, and the more attractive a woman is, the more ability she has to attract wealthier and/or more powerful men. So, the less attractive a woman is, the better it would be for her to ensure she can take care of herself, acquire property and investments she can keep separate from marital community property; this might mean avoiding spending time pursuing marriage while doing those things. Meanwhile, the hottest women can snag trust fund guys who are going to have money no matter what. Early marriage is most beneficial to a hot-but-lazy woman who has little going for her other than her attractiveness, especially if she's likely to hit the wall hard. Looking at her mother, grandmother, maternal aunts, and older sisters might give her a clue as to how hard the wall is going to hit her. Such a woman should cash in her chips, marry the wealthiest guy she can attract, and birth some annuities before the guy knows what hit him. But early marriage is a terrible strategy for men who are likely to grow their wealth and/or power significantly by their late 30s. Such a man is going to have hotter and hotter women throwing themselves at him. If he really wants to raise children and do so in the best environment for those children, then when he reaches his mid or late 30s, he should go with the woman who has the best combination of attractiveness and health who is compatible and willing to sign an iron-clad prenup. If he doesn't want kids he shouldn't legally marry at all, let alone early. [Most men shouldn't marry at all. October 2022: My thinking has evolved on this.] I wrote before on the topic of whether or not Christians should marry at a young age.
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