What Did She Expect?

Why would a mom give a room to her unmarried daughter and the daughter's boyfriend for a weekend? MISERABLE MOM IN WISCONSIN wrote in to Dear Abby:

My adult daughter, "Suzie," spent the weekend at our home, bringing along her boyfriend of six months. This was "Liam's" first visit.

That was a mistake. He's not family and should not be staying in your home for the weekend if he is pursuing your daughter and you haven't met him before, or at least had him over before.

I allowed them to share Suzie's old bedroom, which we have converted into a family office.

That was a huge mistake on your part.

We keep a large futon in there for my daughter when she comes to visit. I didn't make a big deal out of where Liam and Suzie should sleep because I didn't want to embarrass them, and I was sure there would be no "hanky-panky" because our bedroom is right across the hall.

You're a wimp and a fool.

In the middle of the night I was awakened by Suzie's squeals and moans.

As my late grandmother once said, "I'm just glad you're having fun." I mean, what's the problem here? Do you object to your daughter fornicating, or is it okay for her to fornicate as long as she doesn't do it in your home... where you have given her a room with her boyfriend?

Fortunately, my husband is a sound sleeper.

He's a wimp, too, for allowing the sleeping arragements in the first place.

The next morning, while my husband was out on his daily run, I let the kids have it -- to the point of slapping Liam around a little. I told Suzie her actions were disrespectful and I was highly disappointed in her.

What did you expect after letting them share a room?

Do you think I overreacted?

Not really – you just reacted too late. Well, the slapping around is a bit much.

Did I silently give permission for such behavior by allowing them to share the same futon?

Yes.

And did Liam really think it would be OK to have sex in my home?

Your daughter did, and she knows you better than Liam. Maybe you are used to sharing a bed with a man and not having sex, but since your daughter is probably still trying to get this guy to buy her a ring, she isn't used to sharing a bed with him merely to sleep.

Dear Abby responded:

I will respond to your questions in reverse order. The answers are yes, yes and yes. And all of you owe each other an apology.

The writer owes them an apology for setting them up like that. Don’t let your unmarried children share a room on your dime, or in any other way that implies your consent.

I couldn't believe some of the things parents would do back in my wayward youth. With the girlfriend I was with the longest, there were multiple times her parents paid for us to have our own room on vacations.