One Man's Tale of a Bad Marriage

"J." wrote in to Dr. Laura, prompted by having read one of her books, and explained that he'd just had his 36th wedding anniversary and he told his wife on that day that he was filing for divorce. He'll likely be paying her for the rest of his life.

About ten years ago, I spent a lot of time on the computer trying to bring my income back up due to some industry changes that had gutted my annual income. I was successful in my effort but I had neglected my wife during that time and made her what she called a computer widow. This was about a two year period. I saw my mistake and transferred ownership of the website to a colleague and spent time trying to repair my mistake.

He recognized his mistake; his intentions were good, but his priorities were off - and decided to fix the situation.

My wife did not respond. She shut down and punished me for seven years. Seven years I tried and tried to get her into therapy, to read your books or anything that would break new ice queen persona. According to her she just closed up shop. I pleaded with her telling her a man can only go so long with no intimacy and I resisted every day the urge to respond to "offers" from women who had no problem with wanting to be intimate.

Most women do not grasp that the average man has to muster a lot more to repress his natural desire to respond to adulterous sexual invitation, especially if he's not getting enough lovin' from the wife, than the average woman has to muster to turn down such offers. In general, this is a huge natural difference between the sexes. There are many reasons why this is true – everything from the general nature of male sexuality to the fact that men, in general, want sex more than women, and the fact that women are accustomed to being pursued and rejecting offers, while men normally have to pursue a woman and win her over.

I told her one day I would likely not resist and to please respond. She refused. That day came and then she wanted to get help. It was too late. I had waited seven long years to get her to open up and it was too long. Sex was not the only area I lacked, it was a lack of intimacy that killed me. Finally, sex got down to three times in a year.

Three times a year. What a waste of life.

We are now headed for divorce and she has moved in with some really abusive and nutty guy and thinks he loves her.

Yeah, that sounds better.

I held off the divorce for almost three years so she could stay on my insurance and now I am getting bad mouthed for finally filing.

Looks like you're too much of a nice guy. Notice she went to an abuser. She's probably turned on by him and having sex with him often.