Don't Let Her Move In

Another example of how shacking up is bad. REASONABLE GUY IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA wrote in to Dear Abby, proving that he's not so reasonable.

I have been dating "Kate" for a year. She's caring and down-to-earth. We have so much in common, and time goes by quickly when we're together.

So far, so good.

That's why, when a new job brought Kate closer to my place, I told her she could stay with me, so her commute would be less stressful while she gets used to the job and learns her way around.

Bad idea.

After being single and living alone for six years, I want a relationship.

But are you desperate?

Maybe in the future I'll want her to move in with me.

Buddy, she already has moved in. Your lack of perception is part of the problem.

We spend weeknights together and go out as a couple every weekend.

So you have your relationship.

But I also like "my time" and "my night out."

I like my time and time with friends, too. But I rarely get a moment these days.

I am a part-time publicist for an entertainer and try to keep up with the local music and club scene. Two nights out alone during the month work for me…But I feel a distinct "chill" from her when my night arrives.

Of course you do. There's no reason you can't take her along; in fact, it would give you a female perspective on what is going on and help your work. You could have your alone time in any number of ways that don’t involve hook-up spots. You've moved her in. She thinks you belong to her. Now, if she wants you to stay home rather than going with you, then you have to ask yourself if you want her more than your job.

I hope you're wearing condoms - ones to which she doesn't have access.

Guys, unless you're getting married any second now, never move her in with you. Don't even let her leave things at your place. If she "forgets" something at your place, throw it away. if she asks about it, say you haven't seen it. If it is expensive enough, she won't "forget" things at your place again. She's trying to move in by doing that, but more immediately, she's trying to signal other women. If her signal is gone, she will think another woman threw it out, and she will think she has competition.