In-Law Drama, Past Partner, and Role Reversal

All three letters in this edition of Dear Abby were interesting to me.

I don't have this problem with my mother-in-law. Do any of you have this problem or one like it with any of your in-laws?

IN LOVE WITH THE OLDER VERSION wrote:

I'm 25 and have been married to "Bob" for five years.

Oops. You married too young.

The problem is, I'm in love with his 53-year-old father. I have always been attracted to "Charlie," but my feelings have escalated since Bob's mother died last year.

It is not entirely surprising that you'd be attracted to him, especially if his son gets his looks and mannerisms from him.

At one family get-together, Charlie kissed me passionately in the kitchen when no one was around.

I don't know what to do.

Never let Charlie do that again. Take steps to end this. You can. There's no other solution – not carrying our behind your husband's back, not leaving your husband for his father. Leaving the entire situation is an option, if there are no minor children. But if you're going to stick around, don't mention this to your husband. How about introducing Charlie to a hot, unmarried friend of yours? The guy is lonely.

Dear Abby agreed. Well, she didn't suggest that last part.

My mother-in-law is not unattractive, though the years of alcohol abuse haven't been kind. But all of her beauty is present in my wife (who is a lot younger) and then some, and my wife doesn't get drunk. Plus, father-in-law is alive and well and still married to my MIL. Above above else, I am a loyal husband. Now, in my wayward youth, there was an instance when I was interested in a girl, but she wasn’t interested in me. Her mother, however, was interested in me.

GIVEN UP SO MUCH ALREADY IN PENNSYLVANIA wrote:

Two years ago I placed my second child for adoption. I was a single mom with a 3-year-old boy to raise and the father was in the military for an extended mission.

That had to be awfully frightening for your boy. At least you didn’t have the child butchered. Good for you for choosing adoption over abortion.

I am still in contact with the father. We speak often, comfort each other and just talk. Some people -- mainly men I have dated -- find this relationship disturbing. It has caused two relationships to end.

Abby, am I wrong to continue a friendship with the father of a child I gave up for adoption?

At first I was going to say, "Not if you plan on marrying him," but since it is obvious he's not the father of the child you kept and doesn't plan to be, your boy doesn't need to see this. On the other hand, since you do have a three year-old, you should not be doing anything with these guys except having light friendships, meeting up when your child is being watched by family to give you a break here and there. You should not be seriously dating. Your child needs your attention and energy.

Now, if you didn't have a child and you were out dating but keeping in contact with this other guy, you'd have to ask yourself – would you like it if a guy you were dating was still keeping in touch with a past sex partner?

BREADWINNER IN NEW YORK, N.Y. wrote:

I have been living with my boyfriend for three years.

Ugh. Shacking up.

We have often talked about a future together, complete with a house, kids, etc. I am the breadwinner while he is working hard to achieve success as an artist.

Oh boy. Most women deliberately marry men who earn more than they do. And you odds of having a long, lasting marriage were diminished by the shacking up.

The role reversal suits us just fine except for one thing. I would like to become engaged, but I feel I can't expect him to propose when I know he has very little money. Abby, should I propose to him?

Are you going to be happy okay if he never "makes it" – financially supporting him for the rest of your life? If so, then great. Why not just let him know you'd like to get married – to him – and that you don't need him to buy an expensive ring? Or, let him know if there is an heirloom ring that would work. If he doesn't take that hint and propose, then he doesn’t want to marry you.

Would any of you want a situation like this?