Friday, August 27, 2010

Taking Your Daddy Issues Out on Men

So many of these letters come from people who apparently don’t have fathers in their lives. Well, that’s not the case this time. DAUGHTER OF A CHEATER wrote in to Dear Abby:

My father is having an affair -- another one. It is not the first time I have found evidence of it. I was using his computer to work on my grandmother's memorial and an IM popped up from a woman telling him to meet her at a family event my mother was not supposed to attend. Her message to Dad was extremely sexual and very upsetting.
What's with these guys who aren’t more careful about getting caught? Or did he reach the point where he wanted to get caught?

The "other woman" is an old high school friend of my parents' and a friend of the family.
Does that matter? Would it be okay if she was some unknown woman?

My heart breaks for Mama, but she loves Dad so much she will stand by him through anything.
Does she love him the way he needs to be loved? If so, and he's still cheating, then your mother picked a bad man. If your mother is neglecting him, though, then he could be a good man who is doing a bad thing. Or, they could have an arrangement.

Somehow, I always manage to get stuck in the middle of their marital problems, and I was even blamed for their separation five years ago.
You did write that you’ve confronted hime before. If you're sticking your nose where it doesn't belong, you should be told that. But you can't be blamed for the problems your parents have with themselves and each other. If you don't want to be stuck in the middle, then stay out of the sex lives of both of them, and don’t let them drag you into their fights.

This has affected my relationship with my boyfriend because I have extreme trust issues.
I can sympathize with your boyfriend, unfortunately.

Your boyfriend is not your father. But frankly, unless you two have made promises to each other to be exclusive, which I wouldn’t advise unless engagement is about to happen – and I wouldn't do at all if you’re under 25 – then both of you should be seeing other people.

Dear Abby replied:

For your own emotional well-being you must remove yourself from the drama and dysfunction in your parents' marriage.
Definitely.

Not all men are like your father. Many men respect women and are capable of having loving, monogamous marriages. You need professional help, and with good reason, and I urge you to get it.
Good advice!

1 comment:

  1. Curiepoint4:59 PM

    "Abby" says many men are capable of loving, monogamous marriages.

    Rubbish.

    Most men are capable of it. As you have already noted, men who have the love of good women and still cheat are bad men, and give the rest of us a bad name.

    On the other hand, married women who cheat are encouraged to do so, because they "deserve" to be happy and fulfilled, and if hubby isn't meeting her arbitrary standards of contentment, then wives should just go ahead and take lovers.

    ...and, there are far more women doing this than is admitted.

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