Don't Fall For the Fundraising Ploy

Let's look at the legal/political and cultural track record of the "religious right," shall we? Mind you, I'm in agreement with Evangelical Protestants when it comes to theology, and, in a lot of respects, how to live. The "religious right" tends to be comprised of people who identify as some variation of Christian or what are seen as related faiths, including Mormonism, and some Jews, mostly Orthodox and some Conservatives, who are politically active and try to align their political positions with their faith.

They've had a little success with restrictions on abortion, but essentially elective abortion has been broadly legal for 47 years, and many ardent pro-life religious conservatives are saying they just want it to go back to the states, which means just about anyone who wants an abortion will still be able to get one even if it is taken away from the federal level.

They've also had some success with limiting sex ed in public schools. That's a battle that continues.

I don't know if there is any area where they've had more success than religious freedom, but they haven't gotten everything they've wanted and, if we're honest, this wasn't just their cause; there has been broad public support, including from many people who aren't religious, for some basic religious freedom; it's an enumerated Constitutional right.

That's a small list of victories. The list of legislative and cultural failures is far longer.

As much noise as they made about these things, these people were not able to stop:

• Sex, violence, raunchiness, and anti-Christian themes in music, video games, and media in general


• Widespread acceptance and use of sexual toys and aids (and yes, they did try)


• Mainstreaming of sexy lingerie (Victoria's Secret shops in malls, complete with easily visible ads and displays?)


• Decriminalization and widespread acceptance/destigmatization of fornication


• Decriminalization and widespread acceptance/destigmatization of unmarried cohabitation


• Legitimizing and widespread acceptance of out-of-wedlock parenting


• Widespread acceptance and practicing of casual sex, booty calls, hooking up, friends-with-benefits


• Women in more military roles


• "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" for LGBTQ people in the military


• Replacement of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" with further acceptance


• Adoption of domestic partnership laws for same-sex couples


• Legalization and widespread acceptance of same-sex marriage


• Adoptions by same-sex couples


• Reproductive technologies and programs such as surrogate gestation, in vitro fertilization, sperm donation, egg donation, freezing embryos
  
  
• "Death with dignity" options for assisted suicide


• Increasing acceptance of transgenderism, genderfluidity, nonbinary identity, gender nonconforming, and increasing legal protections thereof


• Gay-Straight Alliances and similar organizations in schools


• Sex week at colleges


• LGBTQ representation in media and theme park events


• LGBTQ pride representation by large companies with prominent brands


• Gambling (lotteries, casinos, etc.)


• Increasing marijuana legalization


• Barring of creationism/intelligent design in public schools


• Denial of public education vouchers

Try as they did, they also weren't able to prevent Bill Clinton from getting elected (defeating Reagan's former VP and incumbent President George H. W. Bush) and re-elected, prevent Obama from getting elected (defeating a ticket with Sarah Palin) and re-elected, prevent Trump from getting the GOP nomination, nor the election of Joe Biden, nor have they been able to stop the House and Senate, over the recent decades, from going Democratic some of the time. 

So what makes them think their latest push will work?

The push I'm talking about is a recent call by a few elected Republicans followed by dutiful columnists, to try to "fight" "porn". It's especially ridiculous considering there is very little agreement on what would constitute victory (what does fight really mean) and what counts as the kind of porn that must be fought.

Thanks to This Anonymous Commenter

I wrote here about how marrying was the biggest mistake I've ever made. There are great comments at the bottom of the entry.

A new anonymous comment was left recently, and I want you to see it.

You might as well put no date on this - it's timeless and true. Insane custody battle with ex-wife and final focus on my kids took a chunk out of me. Fast forward, haven't talked to my youngest for 2 years (she lives with mom and her 72 year old boyfriend (she's 57)) and just reconnected with my oldest. Almost remarried last year until the shrieking started and I ended it, narrowly escaping another lifetime of torment.

Anonymous, I'm so sorry about all that crap you've been through. I hope your comments and my postings can help prevent someone else from going through such awful stuff, and I'm glad you did avoid making another serious mistake.

Don't get married if you're a man. Just don't.

Excellent advice.

Most men can have full, happy, worthwhile, productive lives without legally marrying. Marriage is NOT to a man's benefit if he's a breadwinner. Most marriages fail. There's simply no compelling reason to take the risks and obligations, and many reasons not to.

He also provided two great links. Read them, especially if you are man who is planning to marry or ever just open to marrying.

Here they are:

https://philip.greenspun.com/blog/2015/09/21/burning-man-attitudes-toward-marriage-and-children/

https://web.archive.org/web/20120310135102/http://themenscenter.com/busterb/dont_get_married.htm

Dennis Prager Show on College Dating

Recently, Dennis Prager covered the topic of how college students/young people interact when it comes to sex or attempted romance. He has an intern from Harvard on-air weekly during this summer. She described that most of her peers haven't been on actual dates in the last year or two (even before lockdowns).

What they would do is talk with a prospect at a party, and then go somewhere somewhat private for a hookup. (Please note, she wasn't saying she did these things, but that is was common with her peers.)

She pointed out, including with actual texts, that women her age think is is creepy for a man to ask a woman out on a date.

Of course this bothers Dennis Prager, who wants men to ask women out, romance them, marry them, and make babies with them.

But this is the world as it is now.

Decent men who are willing to ask a woman out and pay her way through an evening of dinner and entertainment and conversation are seen as creepy.

Meanwhile, men can get sex easily, without spending any money at all, without having to plan and execute a date.

Learn from this, guys.

Don't be creepy!!! Do NOT take her out to dinner and a movie. Do NOT ask to meet for lunch of coffee. Don't send her gifts.

If you want to meet up, ask her what time she's having dinner. Then, add 90 minutes to the time she gives you and tell her you'll meet her for drinks at that time, or you'll bring some wine to her place, depending.

If there isn't an available woman in your contacts that you haven't seen already in the last week, try hanging out in a hotel bar. DO NOT approach women. That would be creepy! Rather, look like you are waiting for a buddy or watching the game the have on the screen. Hot women hate to be ignored. If one approaches you, take it from there.

Long live equality and liberation!

Marriage Sellers Try to Fool Husbands Again

The marriage sellers at Institute for Family Studies are trying to fool husbands into telling their wife about their porn viewing preferences.

“One day when my husband left the house, I built up the courage to search our Internet history. What I found was a stark reality. I felt sick and numb, until the pain and the anger finally rolled in. I can handle a lot of things—but lying isn’t one of them.”

So she'd still be happy if she hadn't snooped, right? How about how violated he feels?

What have we learned from this, guys?

1) Don't marry or even live with a woman.

2) If you're going to ignore that first point, cover your tracks.

In a nationally representative study of couples in committed relationships, 37% of men reported more pornography use than their partner believed was occurring.

Emphases mine.

What that tells us is when the men know how often then can expect sex, 63 percent are viewing porn less or the same amount as their partner believes. Basically, 2/3rds. A significant majority.

In casually dating relationships, 43% of the men reported using pornography daily or every other day, while none of their partners reported awareness of that level of use.

One thing this tells us is that avoiding a "committed" relationship allows men much more privacy. It also tells us 57 percent of men who are in causal relationships aren't even viewing porn as often as every other day.

Notice we aren't told how often the men in supposedly committed relationships are viewing porn. Just that a minority of them are doing it more often than their partner thinks.

Viewers may reason that their private behavior concerns only themselves or hide their activity to prevent negative reactions from their partner.

And they are right.

However, openness and honesty in a relationship—transparency—is about more than pornography itself.

Oh?

You look terrible in that.

It's not what you're wearing that makes you look fat.

You look like crap in general these days.

We don't want to watch your stupid shows.

We don't want to deal with your parents or siblings.

We don't want to deal with your friends.

We're tired of making a big deal about February 14 and our anniversary.

We mind a lot that you stopped doing that thing in bed.

How's that for honesty? And don't think I'm unaware that most women have terrible truths to say to men, too. We know you think you settled.

One of the vital elements of relational well-being is secure attachment, or a partner’s ability to view the relationship as safe and dependable.

How is that possible when most relationships end?

Besides being a matter of relationship ethics, keeping intimate information and behavior from one’s romantic partner, especially when it touches upon the sexual realm, can erode relationship trust and couple intimacy, jeopardizing secure attachment.

Oh, that's a hoot. Like she's really told him everything about her sexual experiences.

Sustaining secure attachment requires openness, honesty, fidelity, and trust.

OK, then most people aren't going to have sustained secure attachment. Most don't.

With men three to four times more likely to view pornography alone and leave their partners in the dark about it, pornography use is known to specifically impact the attachment trust of female partners.

Men are visual creatures. Women are far more likely to use a vibrator alone. Is it wrong for women to use vibrators alone and not volunteer to their partner how often they do?

Pornography’s scripts of eroticism, objectification, promiscuity, and misogyny combined with secrecy can significantly impair attachment for both partners.

Oh, yes, it's the secrecy that makes it bad. It would all be fine with this folks if men watched porn but were upfront transparent about it, right?

Give me a break.

There's nothing wrong with eroticism. It's the whole point of porn!

"Objectification" is one of those words most people don't even really know the meaning of. All media objectifies.

Promiscuity? Ah, so, they'd be just fine with porn if the characters were all married to each other? Again, give me a break.

Misogyny? Sure, if you define that as women doing things men like.

As many as one-half of women in romantic relationships disapprove of pornography to some degree

Some because of articles like this. All the more reason to stay a Free Man.

A Review of the Dr. Laura Show Podcast - UPDATED

I've been a listener of talk radio for a long time. Currently, there are three radio talk radio shows for which I listen via their paid subscription podcast of the shows. These are supposed to be their regular daily (weekday) shows, minus the breaks.

All of these shows air Monday through Friday. This time, I'm reviewing the Dr. Laura Schlessinger Show podcast.

Overview

The show runs live on SiriusXM 111 from 11am-2pm Pacific Time. It's a call-in talk show, although Dr. Laura will often read letters on the air. Less frequently, she will monologue, and when she does, it is usually to start the show and won't last more than 20 minutes, usually a lot less. It might be about the news or a movie she watched or competitive sailing or her dog, or a list of tips or just about anything. The bulk and core of the show, however, are the calls.

With very few exceptions, the calls are about morals, values, ethics, dealing with anxiety or other unwanted feelings, and behaving better and more effectively when it comes to dating, relationships, marriage, parenting, work, family, neighbors, staying healthy, etc. Dr. Laura's priority is what's best for children. The calls are NOT about politics or the news, other than "How do I deal with anxiety over what's happening in the news?" or "My brother hates me because of my politics." Callers are also not allow to address or reference another caller other than to say "Their call prompted me to call in." Dr. Laura WILL NOT debate or argue - about anything. The show is there for her to get her messages out, and as she admits, sometimes she can't help the caller at all, but rather the caller serves as a warning to listeners about what NOT to do.

Are You A Free Man? Celebrate and Cherish Your Independence

Independence Day is upon us in the USA.

If you are a Free Man, celebrate and cherish your independence.

Whether you are a Free Man or not, encourage other men to stay free.

What Is MGTOW?

MGTOW is Men Going Their Own Way.

It is a classification or description of a diverse spectrum of men who have consciously decided to avoid legally marrying, depending on a woman, or having a woman depend on them. 

Men take this approach out of self defense; for preservation and protection. They see legal marriage or relationships in general in today's culture as too risky for men, laden with obligations and sacrifices with little to nothing to be gained by them. MGTOW seek to disengage or minimize involvement in systems and situations in which they think men are at a disadvantage.

Just about anyone who would consider himself as MGTOW would also not cohabitate with a woman. Most would avoid exclusive relationships entirely. And many avoid any ongoing interdependent interaction with woman. (This isn't to say such men necessarily shun their mothers, sisters, etc. This is mostly about romantic/social relationships and often professional relationships.)

It is too simplistic to say it is a reaction to feminism. Many MGTOW fully support equality for women under the law, in as much as it is possible. MGTOW a reaction to what is seen as misandry in our common systems and culture, especially our family laws and courts. In fact, some MGTOW could claim also to be feminists is that they support women being equal under the law, strong, and independent.

MGTOW isn't an organization. There are online forums, bloggers, and vloggers who identify as MGTOW, but there isn't a formal movement. Individualism is common among MGTOW. Men who identify as MGTOW might date or not, might be promiscuous or virgins, might have a religion or not, might be politically affiliated or not, might espouse an overall political philosophy or not, might believe in conspiracy theories or not. Some have previously been married, some are fathers. Some have never been through the wringer of family courts, but you don't have to be hit by a bus yourself to know you don't want to stand in the street.

There are no identifying qualities of a MGTOW man, aside from his self-identification as such, other than a rejection of current marriage laws and dominant cultural expectations for romantic relationships.

Why Are They Surprised?

On Monday, December 30, Michael Medved sounded like he was baffled as to why more and more Americans are placing having (more) children on a much lower place on their list of priorities. Or, at least, he sounded upset. [This entry has been bumped up from 1/1/2020.]

He really needs to have someone who is proudly child-free on the show; someone who can articulate well why they don't see a need for themselves to have children or to encourage others to have children. I'm not talking about an abortion advocate or a population hysteric. Just someone who recognizes that the world has changed and children do not fit into their plans.

Being an observant Jew (of the more conservative - small "c" bent), Medved has no doubt been steeped in a subculture that encourages members to produce as many new congregants as they can (though perhaps not as strongly as Roman Catholicism or Mormonism). More individually, he's a grandpa. The days of struggling to actually raise children is a distant memory for him. Experiences as a  non-custodial grandfather are very different than those of a parent.

Children change EVERYTHING.

Are Pixels to Blame For a Decline in Marriage Rates?

That favorite villain of so many, "porn", is implied in recent news reporting to be a culprit in the marriage rate decline. [This post has been bumped up from earlier publication.] See the headline of Paul Bedard's article at The Washington Examiner for one example: Shock study: Marriage rate declines with porn use, threatening economy, society

Yes, yes, out of everything that has happened, let's blame pixels.

Pornography is replacing the desire among young men for marriage, according to a new study that finds males are chasing “low-cost sexual gratification” on the web over a wife and family.

Once again we see that people think men are supposed to pay a lot of money to have orgasms.

There's so much to be said, and so little time. 

1) Are there some men who say, "Hey, who needs marriage when I can watch porn?" There probably are a few - a very few. Let's think about those men for a moment. If a man who would and could otherwise marry is looking at porn as a replacement for marriage, that means the only thing he thinks women bring to marriage is visual/auditory sexual stimulation, or he thinks the other things women bring to marriage do not outweigh his costs for getting and being married. Do you think it would be a good idea for such a man to get married?

2) However, there are other men who use porn because they haven't married (yet). They want the stimulation, they're not getting it from a wife, so they view porn.

3) There are unmarried men who do not view porn, or at least only incidentally view it. Some of these men never want to marry (again).

4) There are married men who view porn. Some of those men are satisfied with their sex life with their wife, some of the wives are happy with their sex life, and in other cases, he's viewing porn because his wife is sexually rejecting.

5) There are men who marry, and marry at the same age they would have with or without porn, who viewed porn all along.

6) Men can get sexual gratification without viewing porn and without being married. Whether it is masturbation or a girlfriend, or a shack-up, or a booty call, or a friend-with-benefits, it is very easy for an unmarried man to get sexual gratification these days without viewing porn and with little time, money, emotion, or effort spent.

What's Going on With PornHub?

Have you heard that PornHub (and parent company MindGeek) are in trouble or that the company is uniquely problematic? Check out this Twitter thread for a crash-course on what's going on.

Welcome Reddit People

Thanks to the person who linked to this popular entry of the blog in the MGTOW Reddit.

I'm a married father. Marrying was the biggest mistake I've ever made. I encourage men to remain what I call Free Men, and be responsible, productive citizens, and to avoid being used and abused. If you agree, consider spreading the word.

Bookmark my blog. Comment on posts. I hope you find some useful posts here. Share them as much as you want. I'm not getting ad money, nor do I have tip jar. I'm just trying to help men, and when I see that I have, that's reward enough for me.

The Marriage Strike Really Bothers Prager

Dennis Prager again used his "Male-Female Hour" today to advocate people marry, or as I put it, enter into a Mexican Standoff with the state. The way he did this was asking people who'd been together for a while without being married to call, including if they had eventually married and to say whether or not it made a difference. The "funny" thing is he wanted to know if it felt different, he said, but later he dismissed the feelings of people in long term relationships who didn't feel like marrying. [This entry has been bumped up.]

I've previously discussed his rejection of the "I was burned by marriage before" reason for not marrying (again). Very similar to that, he derided the feelings of people who say they don't want to marry because their parents had a bad marriage. He again compared marriage to driving, saying that if your parents had been in a bad car accident, would that mean you'd never drive? Well, for some people, yes! But does he really want to equate marriage with driving?

There's a big difference. People grow up under their parents' marriage. The live in it. They see other people driving all of the time. They don't see the marriages of other people as intimately as they see their marriage of their own parents. Their parents' marriage is the most prominent experience with marriage, by far. It's completely understandable that they don't want to marry if their parents had a horrible marriage.

What if every summer while growing up, the family vacationed for two months in the same vacation home, and the kid hated those two months? How likely would they be to want to go the trouble of buying a similar vacation home in the same neighborhood to live there as an adult? And that's just two months a year. Their parents' marriage was something that had an effect on them every day.

When Prager says he doesn't have any respect for someone who says they don't want to marry because of their parents marriage, I am prompted to give a reply Prager previously found to be lifechanging:

SO WHAT?

So what if you don't respect them? Your respect and five dollars can get them a decent hamburger.


There's another difference between driving and marrying.

Driving gets someone to someplace they want to go. It can help them earn a living, visit their doctor, and do all sorts of practical and enjoyable things.

Especially for a man who is already getting everything he wants from a relationship, marriage gets him nothing. It doesn't take him anywhere he wants to go.

Growing up under a bad marriage can be very damaging to someone. Does Prager deny the impact marriage has on children?

Prager has clearly felt compelled to marry, so much so that he's in his third marriage. And it bothers him that are so many other men who don't feel like they have the same obligation.

Is this a matter of misery loves company? Is this a matter of Prager feeling like men should pay for sex and it isn'r fair that there are men who aren't, or are paying less?

The Radio Industry is Strange

Earlier I posted, and a few moments ago I deleted, a rant about how I had wanted to listen to the debut of the Dan Bongino Show as a replacement for the Rush Limbaugh Show and I missed it, blaming neglect of the website/app for iHeartRadio.

I had expected it to hear it yesterday on AM 1150 The Patriot KEIB, which was literally formatted around the Rush Limbaugh Show. But when I listened yesterday morning, it was a (repeated, I assume) guest host on the late Rush Limbaugh's show. I couldn't figure out why the website wasn't streaming Dan Bongino, and why the Twitter account for KEIB, an iHeartRadio station, didn't explain what was happening.

Turns out even though Bongino is replacing Limbaugh pretty much using the infrastructure Limbaugh built, in the Los Angeles market, his show is running on AM 790 KABC, a Cumulus station. So yesterday, KABC listeners tuned in and heard Bongino speaking fondly of Rush Limbaugh, who didn't air on KABC. I realize the show is national, but it still seems strange it wouldn't air on 1150.

So now I have to wonder what's going to happen to The Patriot, which airs Hannity in the afternoon. How much longer will they run "Rush Limbaugh"? Is the entire format going to flip soon? Or will they try to fill that slot with a local show? Some other national show? Maybe they'll just give up and run paid infomercials.

UPDATE May 27, 2021: OK, it makes sense now. I fell for some radio marketing hype BS that said Dan Bongino was replacing Rush Limbaugh. That wasn't true, at least not literally. Bongino's show might be replacing the Rush Limbaugh Show in some markets, but he's not taking over Limbaugh's actual show or even his place (as we've seen in the Los Angeles market).

Today, the news broke that Premiere Networks, which is an iHeartMedia subsidiary, announced Clay Travis and Buck Sexton will be the actual replacements of Rush Limbaugh.

There may be some markets which carried Limbaugh which are opting to go with Bongino instead of Travis and Sexton, but Travis and Sexton are the actual heirs to the Rush Limbaugh Show.

If You Get Emails When This Blog Is Updated...

Blogger says they're going to stop emailing you for new posts. So, bookmark this blog and make a point of checking it at least once per week. Make it a habit!!!

A Comment Worth Reading

I hate it when I get a great comment, especially one that obviously took some time to write, and one "profanity" is included. I'm trying to keep profanity off of this blog. If there wasn't much to a comment with profanity, I simply don't publish it. When the comment actually had worthwhile stuff to read, I might do what I'm doing with this comment: make a new post out of it.

"Unknown" left a comment on an entry about one of those articles that tried to get men to sacrifice themselves.

I can’t tell you how much guilt I’ve been shouldering from people on why I am single. I am single at 34 while many of my friends are married. Parents aside I understand they want grandchildren and so do I but NOT now maybe when I’m 45. But this whole shaming from my friends wives to co-workers to relatives to just about any person in a relationship is so ridiculous.

It should be considered sexual harassment when done by coworkers. Seriously. If we're going to have sexual harassment laws and policies, people should get busted for that. It creates just as much of a hostile work environment as an unwanted request for a date.

June Is Coming

Sorry, I'm late getting this message out this year, with the lockdowns and all. But some places are opening up, so this message is once again relevant.

Wedding season, gentlemen. Maybe you’re scheduled to be the groom.

Maybe a man you care about is scheduled to be a groom.

Maybe a woman you’re "seeing" or "with" is expecting you to be her date for a wedding or weddings.

Obviously, the first situation is the most dire.

Woman Is Surprised by Modern Dating

Let's check in on Dear Abby and see what's happening there.

NOT CONNECTING IN MISSOURI wrote:

I am a 48-year-old woman, divorced for 10 years.

Let's see... Missouri... middle aged... yeah, not going to be able to get a very high bid.

During that time, I have been in two serious relationships.

I'm wondering what that means? Most likely that she had tha feelz for them.

I'm no prude, but it seems like everyone I date, and who my friends and I talk to, and articles I see are all about sex, having sex, rushing to sex.

Yep. Because sex is fun.

It's like there's no emphasis on actually getting to know a person anymore.

Don't you get to know someone better when you have sex with them?

Let's translate this into English: "I want a man to spend more money on me before I'll have sex with him."

If she TRULY wanted to get to know a guy more, they'd write back and forth and talk on the phone or video chat. She can ask all the questions she wants that way to get to know him better. It doesn't need to be over a dinner at a restaurant.

A Stupid Statment About Adult Media

"Porn is abuse of women."

While there is adult media in which the characters (and, let's assume also in which the performers) are abused, when someone makes a statement like the one above, they lose credibility. I see "serious" accounts on Twitter making statements like this.

One way to test statements like this is to consider that there is porn that features no women whatsoever. How could it be abuse of women if two or more guys make a video? Or one guy?

Also, consider this:

A woman asks her boyfriend (or, if you prefer, husband) to appear in a video with her. They get stark naked, and at her urging, he performs cunnilingus on her. They both enjoy it. She uploads the video to charge money from people who access it.

Either,,,

1) This is abuse.
2) This isn't porn.
3) Not all porn is abuse.

Which is it?

If someone is still going to argue that this is abuse, they have to maintain that her reception of cunnilingus at her own urging is somehow abusing her. Or that her doing so on-camera, per her own desire, is abuse.

Does anyone want to argue that nude people doing cunnilingus on video isn't porn?

Any reasonable person is going see that not all porn is abuse. Calling it abuse, though, probably seems more compelling than saying "muh religion" or "It bothers me that men can get erotic stimulation from women, especially without paying large sums of money and trading freedom to do so."

It's the same thing when someone uses the word "violence" in their argument instead of "abuse".

Like it or not, there are men and women who choose to bare their bodies for cameras, and choose to engage in sexual activity for cameras. Trying to force people to stop doing this or stop watching it is futile. People can make, sell, and distribute porn by themselves using their own handheld device. Anyone who claims they can abolish porn is playing on the gullible, probably for money or votes.

Stop Using Stupid Arguments Against Adult Media

It Is Important for Husbands to Speak Up Honestly

Married men are happier* than unmarried men.

That's what we hear all of the time.

Now, it may technically be true. If you group ALL married men and ALL unmarried men and compare them, the married men may report being happier than the unmarried men.

This doesn't mean that signing a legal contract with the state is what has made a man happy. There are many other possible explanations.

First, though, notice that when you group ALL unmarried men together, you are grouping in divorced men, widowed men, men who want to get married but haven't been able to find/win over the "right" woman (likely because they are financially struggling or ill or have some other condition that might make them unhappy), and generally unhappy men, who are less likely to attract and keep a wife. We need studies that compare intentionally unmarried men to married men. My guess is that intentionally unmarried men would report being as happy or even happier than married men. Also, notice that these are percentages about a population. You'll find individuals who are unmarried but happier than the average husband, and married men who are very unhappy in comparison to the average bachelor. Is there any way to guarantee you'll be in the higher levels of happiness? Not that I know of, but when a man is unmarried he has far more control over his own situation.

Would You Encourage Your Child to Gamble?

It's a sad, brutal fact of life that the odds are literally against the average/random person having a lasting, happy marriage. Put another way, most marriages are not successful, if your definition of success is that the marriages last until death and are generally happy ones.

Let's consider the specific facts:

1) 33-40% of first marriages end in divorce. Subsequent marriages have a much higher divorce rate.

2) Of the marriages that don't legally divorce, easily at least 20% (and probably much higher) fall under one of the following scenarios:
  a) legal separation
  b) physical separation (some people stay legally married for decades after they've split, even if they haven't seen each other in years)
  c) one spouse murders the other, whether or not they then kill themselves (other than the person who claims to have found the body, the default suspect in the murder of a married person is their spouse... what does that tell you???)
 d) the marriage would have ended in divorce, but before that could happen one or both spouses died (whether from suicide, overdose, illness, accident, disaster, violent crime, etc.)
 e) the spouses are miserable, but don't divorce for whatever reason (chicken, habit, masochism), and this might or might involve affairs and/or abuse

So, 33 (which is a lowball) and 20 (which is also lowball) add up to 53% of marriages being "failed" marriages. Add in...

3) A small (but I'm sure rapidly growing) percentage of people never marry.

Those facts all add up to mean that we can literally say most marriages are not lasting, happy marriages and most people will not get married and stay happily married for life.

A Report From the Front

Guys, if you're going to be foolish enough to marry (or even just to let a woman live with you), have a professional background check or private investigation into her. It will be worth it. Check out this comment left after one of my previous entries here.

I was dumb enough to marry a narcissistic, evil, moody, gold digging snake. I was lonely and she put on the fake charm. I did not realize how good I had it being single. I had it all.

That is very, very important. Don't fall for peer of family pressure. Don't fall for the Hollywood Hallmark or Focus on the Family or Dennis Prager marriage-selling pitches. There's nothing wrong with being free (unmarried), and for most men, you're better off.

She became meaner, fatter and more abusive by the day.

Believe it or not, especially in religious circles, there are people who read that and say those things are his fault. He should have been able to lead her in a way, or love her in a way, that she wouldn't have done those things. Or that he's some sort of misogynist for having those complaints. Don't fall for that.

After I filed, I had her investigated and found out, the beast had a criminal record and two previous divorces on her record. She expected to walk away with my house and my kids. I hired the best father’s rights attorney, custody experts and employment experts as she claimed she did not work and I was not an involved father. In the end, I won and kept not only my kids but my home, although it took over two years and over six figures to expose the lying old hag. The truth always comes out eventually. So glad the courts did see that she was the problem. Never again!

So sorry you went through all of that, Anonymous! Thanks for the warning. Please comment at any time.

Again, if you're going to be foolish enough to marry (or live with, or impregnate) a woman, there needs to be FULL DISCLOSURE of anything that could possibly be relevant. If there are red flags, including that she held anything back from you, DO NOT STAY!

Among other things, you need to know:

All of her prior residences and/or properties she's owned
Any prior marriages

Any children she's had, including any eggs or embryos she donated

Her entire medical history, including mental health and dental and her birth certificate

Any significant debts she has or has had

Her credit score and history

Her education record

Her driving record

Her arrest/criminal record
Significant assets she has

Judgments against her

Employment history

It's not romantic, but you know what else isn't romantics? Finding out after you've signed a state contract with her, or worse, had a child with her, things you should have known before.

Can You Give Just One Good Reason For a Man to Marry?

Remider: I've added a page making this challenge.

Comments are accepted on that page, so there's no need to make them here.

He's Doing It Right

Many of the people commenting on this letter to Dear Abby from ALMOST DONE IN NEW YORK think the letter writer is seeing a married man, but it reads to me like he's a pretty good Leykis 101 student or a Free Man.

I have been on and off with a man for two years.

He's been getting sex when he wants it with her for two years. But the relationship isn't "going" anywhere.

In all this time, he has never spent a holiday or Valentine's Day with me, or introduced me to his family or friends.

Perfect! He's not wasting money and effort, nor giving her real insight into his life, nor giving her the impression that he's going to marry her.

He told me to stay in the bathroom at his office when his friends showed up unexpectedly. When I objected, he said, "It's only for 20 minutes." I was horrified.

If that really was his office, it's the one mistake I've detected in this letter. But either way, keeping her from his associated and deflating her are Leykis 101 moves.

He accuses me of picking fights and says I will never be happy with anyone when I try to talk with him about it.

Yup. Keeping her from being complacent or for thinking she can do better than him.

Valentine's Day Aftermath

Are you an unmarried guy who just spent a lot of money and effort on Valentine's Day, only to get what you used to get all of the time? Or did you get less than that?

Did you even propose marriage and give her a ring?

If you're not married, and you just made a big deal about Valentine's Day, and especially if you proposed marriage, you need to step back and think about what you've done and you are doing. Are you regretful? Are you doubting? Are you asking yourself "Why did I do that?" If not, you probably should be.

Most men shouldn't be in exclusive relationships, and certainly not marriage!

Most unmarried men, if they play their cards right, can get everything they want without spending a lot of money and energy on Valentine's Day, birthdays, holidays, or anniversaries.

If there is a woman who is planning to marry you this June, or any other time this year, you probably need to put the brakes on the relationship, especially if there are any red flags. If you're shacking up and/or if she has kids, plan your escape!

You don't need to be married. And there's a good chance that, deep down, you don't really want to be.

So, get out. And learn to be scarce so that you won't get trapped into wasting money, effort, and time on things like Valentine's Day or meeting a woman's family or friends for holidays.

Be a Free Man.

Marriage Week

Every year, marriage sellers take this week for National Marriage Week or whatever, to try to fool men into getting married. 

As a married man who understands statistics and has closely observed the overall situation of marriage in America and other English-speaking countries, I beg you... I literally BEG YOU... DO NOT MARRY if you're a man. You may think you're the exception, but odds are remote that you are.

Please read through this tag to see why you shouldn't marry.

February 14 Will Be Here Soon, Guys!

Guys, if you're not married, you shouldn't be with a woman right now you've been seeing for more than a couple of months.

You're supposed to be scarce to such a woman until at least February 15 (or, until her the day after her birthday, or a day she considers an anniversary with you, if one or both occur soon after).

If you have a girlfriend right now, how were the holidays? How much time, money, and effort did you spend? Did you have to endure her family? Or bring her around your family? What a mess.

If you've been a free man through the holidays, keep up the good work. But if you've got a woman who thinks of you as her boyfriend or fiancé, you need to hit the eject button or get very scarce to her before we get too close to Valentine's Day.

Why?

1) So she doesn't get the idea that this is heading for a marital or live-in or even an exclusive situation;
and

2) To avoid spending money on gifts for her, an overpriced and crowded dinner, hotel rooms, or anything else she might expect.

Be scarce. Be busy, Be "working". Don't answer her calls, texts, etc. or only respond "late" to every third or fourth one, saying you're busy. (She shouldn't know where you really live, or what you're actual phone's number is - use Google Voice or something similar.)

This year, with COVID-19, you have more of an excuse to be scarce than ever before!

If she won't see you again come February 15 (or whichever day it ends up being), so be it. There are many other women, if you still want to see any.

During that time, it's fine to see women who aren't of the "commitment" or "exclusive" thinking, at least when it comes to you. or new women, and you can see a new woman who is alone and desperate on February 14, as long as you're picking her up out and about, on the fly.

Or, use that time to hang out with friends, family, catch up on hobbies, do those chores you've been putting off, etc.

You DO NOT want to be with a woman who is thinking that because you've been seeing her for a while, and you're with her on February 14, that you're going to be exclusive with her, or living with her, or heading towards marriage. You DO NOT want to have to buy her gifts, or pay her way to some party or event or overpriced dinner or hotel room. Whatever you do, do NOT get married!!! (Some people have a simple ceremony on February 14, like at a county office.)

Read more:

What Do I Mean By "Free Men"?

Stop! Don't Propose! Don't Marry!

You Don't Need A Girlfriend

Red Flags

It's One of Those Seasons

It's one of those times in which my my marriage is especially difficult. I'll probably fill you in later. I have so much content here. Take a look around. There's probably some great stuff you haven't read before.

Don't Be This Guy

This was painful to read. Today's Dear Abby has a letter from "TOO MUCH, TOO SOON":

My 25-year-old son has been dating a girl for two or three months. She seems very nice.

Your son doesn't really know her. Neither do you.

She has two children and is pregnant with her third child. She's due in three months. The child is not my son's.

What are the odds there are three different "fathers"?

I was told by some friends of my son that he's planning to sign the birth certificate as the father. He understands the implications.

No, he really doesn't. He's signing up for what could be 26 years of supporting some other guy's kid, and possibly almost as much and as long for the other kids, too. 

How do I convince him that, although he feels like he and this girl will be together for the long haul, this is a poor decision to make, especially because of the short length of time they have been dating?

So many questions.

Facebook is a Front Row Seat to a Train Wreck

[Bumped up.] Human memory is one thing.


Being able to have written/video/photographic evidence is another.

Yesterday, I noticed a couple of high school classmates of mine indicating on Facebook that they are each going through divorces. I thought back to previous updates from them and how I'd like to juxtapose them with their current updates. There's gotta be a blog or website that does this already, right? Feel free to leave the URL in the comments (always feel free to comment). And yes, I'm well aware the same could be said for this blog, in terms of comparing old entries to current entries.

Facebook can be a great chronicler to show men that present-day legal-social marriage is, in a majority* of cases, a disaster.


Thanks to Facebook and the tendency for some people to overshare, we can pull the "highlights" into a condensed timeline that depicts:


1) The lovey-dovey joint selfies. Aren't they such a cute couple?!?
2) The Very Important Engagement Photos
3) The Even More Important Wedding Date Announcement - be sure to save the date!!!
4) HER Big Day! Awwww, they're so happy!!! It's amazing what spending tens of thousands of dollars can look like.
5) The Honeymoon Period - we'll see memes posted about the profound nature of marriage and how he's her soul mate.
[There may be pregnancy test, ultrasound, and baby photos scattered throughout, but ideally they'd be here.]
6) The inevitable clear, explicit tweets disrespecting and badmouthing her husband --OR-- the cryptic vague use of memes that indicate all is not well.
7) She changes her name back and starts a seemingly endless series of jabs at her (now ex, or soon to be ex) husband, the man she couldn't wait to marry. She may also post pleas for help moving, a place to stay, etc., and may also share photos of her new boyfriend, who is either a bad-boy or is obviously wealthier than her husband.


Facebook is also handy to document that many women butch up and blimp up after getting him to sign that legal contract. Even my wife pointed out how, when a friend of mine married, it wasn't even 24 hours later before his new bride chopped off her hair. There will be fewer pictures that include her that she'll post, or fewer that include a good view of her whole body. She might post cartoons and memes about how hard it is for a married woman to avoid letting herself go.


*Guys, here are the facts:

The divorce rate for first marriages, which is much lower than second/third/etc. marriages, is 40%. Much more than 10% of the marriages that last until at least one of them dies are miserable marriages most, or a significant amount of the time. That means the odds are that getting married will mean either getting divorced or being miserable. Yes, there ARE people who beat those odds, but there's no way to guarantee you'll be one of them.

Very few of today's women are prepared and willing to be a good wife to a man who is looking for someone to take care of the home and raise children. Dr. Laura tells women to inform their husbands that, despite whatever agreements they had, they will be staying home to raise the children; that they will budget to do with less income and since they won't have the stress of working outside the home, they will have the time and energy to be attentive mothers who take the children for nice outings, prepare homemade meals, and have lots of great sex with their husbands. Now, don't get me wrong... I think children should be raised by a loving parent instead of hired help and I agree this is how things should be, but how many women actually end up behaving that way? The husband gets trashed because they can't buy things or take as nice vacations living on his income alone; the kid gets stuck in a corner with a TV and/or a tablet; the meals either don't get prepared ("You have two hands, do it yourself!") or are microwave fare; the sex isn't going to be often enough or be all that good, because she doesn't want it as much as he does and she no longer has an incentive to pretend to be as into it as he is. Again, there ARE exceptions. If you're a woman who truly does raise your own kids and you take care of the man who is providing you with a roof over your head and paying your bills, then you're awesome. You're also a very rare species.

December Is Here and That Requires Evasive Maneuvers

Unmarried men (whether you are single, in relationship, or engaged), how is your holiday game plan coming along?

Guys, December is here, and that means holidays, like Christmas, Hanukkah [now past], and the New Year. Those can be threats to free men. (If you're an American who celebrated Thanksgiving in November, you should have already taken steps to ensure your freedom won't be jeopardized, but if you haven't, you really need to act sooner rather than later.)

Now is the time, guys. It is time to become extremely scarce to any woman who considers you her fiancé or expects your relationship to head that way. If you're seeing a woman regularly, it is time to disrupt that. Don't end up spending a lot of money! Don't give her (or her family!) the impression that you're eager to marry. That is what she/they will think if you join her at events with her friends and family. You shouldn't even know any of her friends or family. You should only be seeing her when the Sun isn't visible, preferably at her place.

In taking evasive maneuvers, you're going to avoid seeing her until at least February 15. 

And whatever you do, if you haven't already, DO NOT PROPOSE!!! Don't be hoodwinked by those terrible jewelry ads!!!

There is a GREAT excuse this year to avoid her friends and family, and to keep her away from yours, and to be scarce! You "want to be responsible and need to avoid potentially spreading COVID-19."

In reality, you DO NOT want a woman seeing you as part of her family. You don't want her family members or friends or yours asking "When are you going to get married?" or "When are you going to get engaged?" Going to family gatherings with her is counterproductive since you do not want to get married. (You really, really don't.)

Don't be driving her places. Don't be getting her airline tickets or hotel rooms. I don 't care if you have points. Save those points for you!

If there is a woman who thinks of herself as your fiancée or the girlfriend, you need to become scarce NOW, and not resurface for her until February 15 at the earliest. If she breaks up with you, so be it. You're better off. If she has your ring and you never get it back (even though she's supposed to return it), consider it the price of freedom and learn the lesson that you should never ever buy jewelry for a woman who isn't your family member.

Need companionship from a woman? Now is the time to make new, casual connections. Even better, do the things you need and want to do so that when the pandemic is behind us, you'll be in an even better position.

Don't be the boyfriend or fiancé who is buying her gifts in December, kissing her at midnight at the turn of the year, spending all sorts of money and time on her to plan for February 14. Avoid all of that!!!

American Men, We Are Almost to Thanksgiving

Unmarried men (whether you are single, in relationship, or engaged), how is your holiday game plan coming along?

Thanksgiving Day is next week! It's the 26th!

You DO NOT want to go along with a woman to be with her friends or family, and you don't want her tagging along if you're going to be with yours. 

There is a GREAT excuse this year! You "want to be responsible and need to avoid potentially spreading COVID-19."

In reality, you DO NOT want a woman seeing you as part of her family. You don't want her family members or friends or yours asking "When are you going to get married?" or "When are you going to get engaged?" Going to family gatherings with her is counterproductive since you do not want to get married. (You really, really don't.) If you spend Thanksgiving with her, she's going to expect you to be getting her some expensive gifts in December, maybe even a diamond ring. AVOID THAT!

Don't be driving her places. Don't be getting her airline tickets or hotel rooms. I don 't care if you have points. Save those points for you!

If there is a woman who thinks of herself as your fiancée or the girlfriend, you need to become scarce NOW, and not resurface for her until February 15 at the earliest. If she breaks up with you, so be it. You're better off. If she has your ring and you never get it back (even though she's supposed to return it), consider it the price of freedom and learn the lesson that you should never ever buy jewelry for a woman who isn't your family member.

Need companionship from a woman? Now is the time to make new, casual connections. Even better, do the things you need and want to do so that when the pandemic is behind us, you'll be in an even better position.

Don't be the boyfriend or fiancé who is there at Thanksgiving, who is buying her gifts in December, kissing her at midnight at the turn of the year, spending all sorts of money and time on her to plan for February 14. Avoid all of that!!!

Especially Noteworthy Comments

I'm calling attention to three recent comments. The first agrees with me, but I didn't publish it in-place because it has "profanities" that I want to keep off of the blog. Yeah, I know it seems silly to a lot of people, but I'm convinced that more people will find the blog if I keep profanities off it. There are two disagreeing comments I will also include before even though I did publish them in their original place.

The first one was anonymous, left after this entry about how getting married was the biggest mistake in my life. 

F---in A, wish I thought to google this s--- before I lost my mind. You are 100% correct.

Before marriage = a complete regard for the fact that this can end anytime, therefore, regular upkeep and involvement with the day to day bulls--- while tending each others needs.

After marriage = a staggering shift in staying sexually satisfied. Can't be bothered to help upkeep the house or be bothered by anything other than what is directly an interest to her.

I become a walking ATM and start to be told how crappy of a husband I am. Even though I literally put a roof over our heads, take care of all the finances and house work. After Kids = sex is non-existent but, I better jump when she says how high because of the kid. Constantly reminded of what a dead beat dad I am, while finishing my college degree and upkeeping everything else in the mean time.

Moral of the story, marriage is a way for woman to s--- on men and not contribute jack to the relationship. Is she a good mom? Yes, she is an outstanding mom and I will never deny that. But I have been a far better husband than she has ever been a wife.

And now I don't want to divorce because I came from a single parent household and do not want do not want my daughter to grow up without a father like I did. Worse mistake of my life by far. Not saying it couldn't work, but I'd be 100% willing to bet that even if we had a kid, I would be happier had I never proposed. In my experience, most men just want the love of a good woman, and most women are willing to manipulate men to get whatever they want, and then shit on them as soon as they are no longer happy with him.

So sorry, man. 

DO NOT MARRY, GUYS!!!

Guys, You Need a Holiday Game Plan

[Bump up: NOW is the time, guys! Halloween is Saturday!]

Free Men, it's NOT to early to think about the holidays, and by that, I mean Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hanukah, Christmas, New Years, and Valentine's Day. 

There are two main considerations for you:

1) Dealing with family and "friends" who will be asking you (or pestering you) about your status as a free man. You now how it goes. "When are you going to get married?" Questions like that.

2) Avoiding spending those special days with a woman who wants to take away your status as Free Man, or will be expecting you to spend a lot of time, money, and effort on her.

This year has been different, due to the government-imposed lockdowns. 

It's possible you either have maintained a roster and bullpen of women. It's also possible you have acquired more, even if just through online communications.

Whatever is the case, don't let the temporary conditions of 2020 cause you to do something foolish and start thinking there is "the one" to whom you should hand over your freedom. 2020 is a bump in the road. Don't be so ignorant, delusional, or masochistic that you're thinking you want to be exclusive with a woman.

Dating Without Marriage in Sight

Good Catholic Husband Matt Walsh commanded people not to date if they don't want to get married. Dr. Laura has often told men they shouldn't be dating unless they're prepared to pay for a wife and kids. And she's also said people shouldn't marry until their late 20s. So I guess that means no dating for her followers until then. Here's Wash's column at Daily Wire. [This entry has been bumped up.]

It’s no secret that my generation is extremely delayed in the marriage department.

That's the first line. I wasn't aware there was a requirement to be married by a certain age.

The average age of marriage is now 27 for women and almost 30 for men.

That sounds about right.

My Ideal Wife?

If  you don't follow me on Twitter, you really should, or at least bookmark my account.

One of my mutual follows on there came into a back-and-forth I was having with someone else and asked me "What is your ideal wife?"

I now say most men shouldn't marry and that I shouldn't have married. But there was a time I drew up a profile of what I needed in a wife, to help me find my wife[1]. I thought I'd found her. I was wrong, and I should have known it. My wife PRESENTED herself as that person (in that earlier profile I compiled), but she was a fraud.

If my wife were to divorce me or die (Heaven forbid), I'd NEVER remarry, except maybe when I'm 85 years old. Aside from sex, just about everything I like to do is a solitary activity or I enjoy more solitary or with friends. So, I wouldn't remarry, and if I could go back in time, I wouldn't have married at all. 

But, as a thought exercise, knowing what I know now, what would be my ideal wife for me be if I was single, younger, and childfree? Here's the new profile I compiled.

Don't Be This Guy or His Brother

My most popular post on not dating single mothers continues to get a lot of views and comments. This one here (reposted below) is a doozy. Since that entry has so many comments, I recommend leaving your comment on the topic of dating (or not dating) women with minor children here, where it is more likely to be seen. 

I wish both my brother & I would have come up on this article sooner. My brother: Age 48 and has a 2 year old with a divorced mother of a pre-teen. Nothing but drama in that house; arguing over how to discipline the pre-teen to dealing with the bio dad and I'm not even going to reveal that he pays the $3500.00 mortgage on a house that is in her name and he has no claim in.

Oh no. Don't be that guy!

As for me: Age 47 and I'm in a relationship with a divorced mother of 2 pre teens and it sucks. No say what about the BS the kids cause and then dealing with the ex who is a felon. Always being disrespected and cleaning up around the house after them. Not to mention the boat loads of money that I have shelled out for trips and presents for these bastard rats all the while not getting so much as a thank you in return. It has now become the norm that I am no longer the man of the house, rather just a silent castrated financial source that they feel they can withdrawal funds from at any given time they wish to buy the latest stupid expensive thing trending on Tik Tok or FB or the internet; like social welfare, to be taken advantage of and to be abused with no accountability. Man O' man, I could go on for days and days about the crap that goes on here but from reading the previous posts, I think you got a clear picture of the crap that I have to deal with.

Yes! There are so many comments with horror stories from other guys.

As of last month, I'm planned on dumping soon and her nest of rats: I managed to stash away a few dollars and planned my escape, soon to an undisclosed location in another city about 35 miles away. I, at least, am able to escape and reclaim my dignity and reinsert my social status as a man once again in this twisted and deranged society that rewards reckless behavior and enables, better yet encourages the lower class to continue to have these parasitic children and at the same time promoting the view that these women are strong, brave and independent entities that have value and a wealth of knowledge to bring to the table.

Good luck! Keep us updated.

Don't believe me: Just look at all the state welfare programs out there that reward these type of people. Now as for my bother, well let's just say that he's not so lucky; going to have to take one for the team and we'll have to cut our losses. I'll remember him as the fun loving guy that he was once was and not that pansi mangina that waved the white flag and surrendered at the first sign of the enemy.

So, so sad. DON'T DATE WOMEN WITH MINOR OR DEPENDENT CHILDREN, guys! And do not marry, impregnate, live with, co-sign for anything with, or agree to exclusivity with ANY woman. 

Keep your independence. Learn to walk away, learn to say "NO!" Let HER walk away rather than giving up your autonomy or money.

Her Dreams Matter, His Dreams Don't

On the Tuesday, September 29, 2020 Dr. Laura show, during the third hour. Dr. Laura took a call from a married woman who wants to leave her position, which has six figures in pay, for something that will be close to minimum wage, at least for a while.

She said her husband was against doing that, mentioning the pay.

Dr. Laura said the caller's husband was "dismissive of her as a human being" and ignoring what would make her feel purposeful and satisfied, the "quality of your life," and it would be all about the money.

Dr. Laura said the marriage probably isn't going to survive. "So what if he things it is the wrong decision?"

Hmmm.

Partisan Politics

I haven't been using this blog as an outlet for my political (USA politics) views lately. If you don't care about my political opinions, especially if you can't handle disagreement, skip right over this.

Wife Is Itching to Tear Down Her Husband

Dear Abby can be a great column to check regularly to be reminded why you don't want to marry. DONE WITH IT IN MAINE wrote to tell the world how awful her husband is. 

I have been married for 14 years to a man a lot of people in our town think has no flaws.

That's how the letter starts. Everyone knows he has flaws. But he's respected. And that's driving his wife nuts!

He helps a lot of people, and he is also a pastor,

Pastors are supposed to help people, yes.

Not All SAHMs Are Made Equal

I do generally believe that married parenting should involve a division of labor in the sense that someone should raising the kids and someone should be considered the breadwinner.

When Dr. Laura paints a portrait of a "stay-at-home" mother, she actually doesn't want them to stay home. It's more like they are "stay-with-kids" mothers. She describes them taking their kids to parks, taking the kids along as they walk, run, or bike, and constantly playing with the kids.

And she tells women who have husbands who aren't convinced those women should quit their jobs to stay with the kids to tell the husbands that they'll be able to prepare more homecooked meals and there will be a lot more sex.

But how many of these women really live up to these things? I applaud those who do, but what about the rest?

[This entry was bumped up from late 2015. We no longer have the other two adults living with us - they were here for a couple of years or so. Most of what they did has reverted to me.]

My wife has been a SAHM since before our first child, who was planned, was conceived.

Today, the kids are in school. My wife is still a SAHM.

When Dr. Laura Tells Moms to Announce Their Switch to SAHM

Children being raised with attention, affection, a sense of security, and morality is one of Dr. Laura's top goals, which is why she condemns the use of day care and insists parents should raise their own children right up until Kindergarten, which is entered into at age 5 or 6 (boys should especially be started later, according to her). She's also big on homeschooling, but any form of daycare (including "preschool") from ages 0-4 is a no-no.

While she doesn't rule out "stay at home fathers", she says mothers are preferable from ages 0-3, and she notes that the "psychobiology" is that women prefer a man be a provider and they tend to lose respect for their husband if they earn more than him or he's home with the kids earning no income at all. Men also tend to like to provide.

So, she gets calls from employed women who are pregnant or have just given birth (again) or even have infants or toddlers who want to switch to being SAHMs, but have husbands who are opposed to that change or are at least reluctant to agree.

This is when Dr. Laura, who usually says big decisions, even getting a dog, have to have mutual agreement and if either spouse is a "no" then the change doesn't happen, leaves that principle aside. It is overruled by the importance of a mother's love. She tells the women to quit their jobs, come up with a one-income budget, to announce to their husband they will be staying home, and tell him that it will mean home-cooked meals, lots of great sex, and a more pleasant home.

That's all good, but only if the caller follows through. And only if the husband accepts the announcement. Will it be better if the family splits up than if they stay together with both parents working outside the home? Dr. Laura says men who aren't eager to be sole support for a wife and kids aren't real men, but would her opinion stop one man who is thinking along these lines from engaging in what he sees as self defense?

I'm Not Better Off From Marrying

Over and over again, men are told that marriage is good for men (by people who should admit they have ulterior motives). I maintain that more often than not, it is NOT good for a breadwinning man who has his act together. Most marriages are failures. While individual wives, through their voluntary decisions, can make a man’s life better, that is a minority and is despite, not because of, the general culture as well as family laws and courts; she can do these things without a state marriage license. Plus, you can’t be sure she actually will be net positive in a man’s life until everything has been said and done, but that man can tell if he’s living a miserable life at any given moment.

Recently I considered my own situation. [This entry is bumped up from August 2017. Significant stuff has happened since then, and not for the better.]

Am I better off because I’m married?

Another Round of Whining About Dr. Laura

A mob of "victims" is trying to cancel Dr. Laura again.

You see, ideally, according to Dr. Laura and tradcons and the like, a man and a woman marry and then make babies together and raise those babies to adulthood together.

That's not the controversial part this time.