Need Hugs, Not Drugs wrote:
I married a good man less than a year ago, knowing that he had drug and alcohol problems.BZZZT! We’re done! This is a red flag that most people claim not to see, because they realize how stupid it is to marry someone knowing they have this problem.
These issues mostly stem from the fact that he self-medicates his severe anxiety, but they are also unfortunately prevalent in his No. 1 hobby (music), so they are around him all the time.None of that excuses it. It should have ADDED to your reason to RUN to the nearest exit.
Although this situation has improved drastically since we first met, the fact is that it’s still an issue.Look, I love vaginas. I love my wife's most of all (and it is the only one I love nowadays), and I fully expect it is the last vagina I will ever enjoy. But your vagina is not magical. You see improvement and think it is your doing. It is his responsibility, and you should not have taken it on, and you should not keep it on your back.
I want a family, and I'm getting tired of this being a problem.NO! PLEASE NO!!! Do not subject a kid to this situation. You should have been tired of this problem a long time ago. You signed up for this!
Is it fair to give him a "me or the drugs" ultimatum if I knew he was this way when I married him?You made a mistake in marrying him. Here are your reasonable options:
1) Leave him. No ultimatum. Simply tell him you made a mistake and you can't be married to a substance abusers. It is up to him to get clean or not, but I wouldn't wait around to see if he really does get clean. Move on with your life.
2) Get your tubes tied and stay with him and do not whine or nag about his substance abuse.
Dear Margo doesn't tell her to leave. She recommends counseling, essentially. Waste of time.