Friday, October 01, 2010

Don't Marry a Druggie

This Dear Margo column is titled "Women Are Not Reform Schools". Best. Title. EVER! Well, not really. But it is a very good thing to remember.

Need Hugs, Not Drugs wrote:

I married a good man less than a year ago, knowing that he had drug and alcohol problems.
BZZZT! We’re done! This is a red flag that most people claim not to see, because they realize how stupid it is to marry someone knowing they have this problem.

These issues mostly stem from the fact that he self-medicates his severe anxiety, but they are also unfortunately prevalent in his No. 1 hobby (music), so they are around him all the time.
None of that excuses it. It should have ADDED to your reason to RUN to the nearest exit.

Although this situation has improved drastically since we first met, the fact is that it’s still an issue.
Look, I love vaginas. I love my wife's most of all (and it is the only one I love nowadays), and I fully expect it is the last vagina I will ever enjoy. But your vagina is not magical. You see improvement and think it is your doing. It is his responsibility, and you should not have taken it on, and you should not keep it on your back.

I want a family, and I'm getting tired of this being a problem.
NO! PLEASE NO!!! Do not subject a kid to this situation. You should have been tired of this problem a long time ago. You signed up for this!

Is it fair to give him a "me or the drugs" ultimatum if I knew he was this way when I married him?
You made a mistake in marrying him. Here are your reasonable options:

1) Leave him. No ultimatum. Simply tell him you made a mistake and you can't be married to a substance abusers. It is up to him to get clean or not, but I wouldn't wait around to see if he really does get clean. Move on with your life.

2) Get your tubes tied and stay with him and do not whine or nag about his substance abuse.

Dear Margo doesn't tell her to leave. She recommends counseling, essentially. Waste of time.

1 comment:

  1. curiepoint11:30 PM

    Try as I might, I find it very hard to feel the merest sympathy for stupid women who marry druggies. The probable scenario is that she was one as well at one time, and she hooked up with this loser because he was always holding or knew where to get the dope.

    Now she's complaining?

    She made her choices, and you are right in that she has options. I doubt that any amount of counselling will help him kick. The recidivism rate for druggies is about 65%, especially if this idiot is under 30 years old.

    There are all kinds of excuses offered up for his addiction, but what it all boils down to is being stupid.

    It is likely that she will stay with this waste of oxygen and breed with him, hoping that having a baby around will inspire him to clean up his act. In truth, it will make things worse, and the kid will suffer. Of course, she can put herself back on the market again and troll the singles sites for a sucker to take on her baggage. And why the hell is she so desirous of making a baby with a loser like that?

    He will perhaps be a bigger idiot than her husband if he does.

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