1. Stick to the issue. If the problem is a certain behavior, attitude, hobby, etc, make that the issue of the discussion. Don't bring in every kind of ammo you can think of to whittle her down.
Sandbagging is not good. Although, it is easier for men to keep things distinct than women. That is one reason a man can have a crappy day at work and come home and make passionate love to his wife, while it is more likely that a woman who has had a rough day on the job is not going to feel like getting all lovey. Sometimes, her hubby can change her mind with a massage.
2. Try to work out a solution.
Yes. Whining and complaining and fighting that goes nowhere is destructive.
5. Determine to be on the same page and stand together. Don't let this stuff divide you.
My wife has brought into our marriage hand-holding during disagreements to foster that kind of thinking.
7. Take responsibility for your part and give the benefit of the doubt to your spouse.
Definitely. One of the red flags I saw in a past relationship was always assuming that other people had bad motives. I knew she would think the same thing about me if we married.
Read the rest and his explanations.