Thursday, October 14, 2010

One of Those Calls You Don't Want

I'm probably going to take a few days off from blogging. There are plenty of recent entries to check out if you haven't done so already.

My father called me today to tell me that he and his wife were back home early from a trip out of the country. Their trip had been for a happy occasion, but the memories will be forever marred.

My father went on to explain that they came home early because his wife's firsrtborn, who is my age, had been reported missing. He was subsequently found dead with a gunshot wound that was apparently self-inflicted. The coroner isn't done. Jay, I'll call him, left a long note that expressed his depression. But I say apparently because I really don't know enough about his girlfriend (who struck me as a strange pick for him when I met her), his business dealings (not always stable), or anything else to rule out foul play. That's the corononer's job, isn't it?

I was not close to Jay; I didn't dislike him, it was just that when my dad met his mother, we were both adults who had our own lives apart from our parents.

It is not difficult to believe that he would kill himself; at one family event (the occasions I spent with him and his siblings), he opened up to one of my siblings about all of the pain (emotional, especially) he'd been through in his life. Of course, many other people would look at his life and see a darn good one, despite his parents' divorce. He was a handsome guy, far from poor, who had his health.

My dad, and more so his wife, has had to deal with a lot of deaths and other sad life events lately, but it doesn't get much worse than this. I wish there was more I could do for them.

Before I truly found my faith, an accidental death of another child during my childhood instilled in me a sense that life was short enough as it is, and fragile, and that it should not be taken for granted or thrown away. As depressed as I have ever gotten in my life, that thought has stuck with me, and I hope you and your loved ones also know that life is short enough as it is. There are people with terminal illnesses who struggle for just one more day, and none of the rest of us should take our days for granted, or throw them away.

When I gained my faith, I came to know that my life is not my own.

Furthermore, since then, I made vows to a wife and made babies who depend on me, and so I have more obligation and reason than ever to stick around as long as I can.

And now you're trembling on a rocky ledge
Staring down into a heartless sea
Done with life on a razor's edge
Nothing's what you thought it would be

No hero in your tragedy
No daring in your escape
No salutes for your surrender
Nothing noble in your fate

-"The Pass" by Neil Peart

1 comment:

  1. Curiepoint8:20 PM

    Let me express my sympathies for the fallen, for you, and the grief of your stepmother. I have been on that razor's edge many times myself, most recently for the last four months. I guess the only thing that must be remembered that when someone feels that much pain, it makes it impossible to see the far-reaching impact on others. At that moment, the pain obscures all reasonable vision. I only hope that some measure of peace may be found in the aftermath. It may or may not come as a surprise when it happens, but really there are no reasons that satisfy those left behind.

    Take comfort in the Lord, and know that others are thinking of you and your extended family.



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