Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Circling Around – Do You Go Back Again?

One of the things my wife learned along the way in something she read or some women's Bible study was that a woman should not try to go back to someone from her past unless whatever issues caused the breakup have been resolved. That makes sense.

I got to thinking about this because there has been some wild speculation between my siblings that in the wake of a recent tragedy, our dad might find himself unmarried again. I hope that isn't the case, and even if it happens, I think there's almost no way he'll end up back with our mother. It does seem that my mother still has feelings for him and they were not broken up by an affair, but other than that, there's not much that such a reunion would have going for it.

Too much has changed. Besides, my mother has let herself go somewhat, and my dad has gotten used to a wife who tries to keep her appearance up. Would her warmth and intelligence be enough to draw him back?

Have you kept up with some of your classmates or other acquaintances through Facebook? If you're in the latter half of your 30s or older, you may have noticed something. Most of the people don't look nearly as good as they did in their 20s or late teens. Some of the girls who were the objects of my crushes are looking a little… rough. I thought maybe my memories of them were flawed. But nope… I can go check the old pictures they've put online, and sure enough, they were as pretty back then as I remember today. But they sure look different now. Even my last serious girlfriend has chopped off her hair and gained weight.

This isn't to say that I haven't aged. Actually, I do tend to think my pictures are better now than the ones from high school or soon after, because I was such a nerd. Well, I am such a nerd. But back then, I really looked it. Thankfully, My First MILF gave me a makeover. But aging has made it harder form me to keep my weight down. I thought I was fat in my youth when I could pinch a couple of inches. Little did I know!

I'm sure that if I had entered into a loving marriage with these women that I would not be bothered by the aging, just as surely my wife is aging but I still think she's hot. My point is more that if I were looking for a wife now, I would likely be going for a younger woman; even more so if I was just looking for “companionship". The contrast between how these women looked back then compared to now is significant.

It is a brutal, cold fact of life that women are generally valued more for their youthful beauty than men, while men are generally valued more for their wealth, and that men can be considered highly attractive even as they age, while it is more difficult for women to age and still be considered highly attractive. These realities mean that generally, a woman's "stock" goes down as she ages, while a man's goes up. A man can attract more beautiful women as he gains more wealth, but a woman's ability to attract a man with wealth diminishes as she ages. So, from a financial standpoint, a woman is likely to get the "best" husband if she married him by the time she is 30, and from a beauty standpoint, a man is likely to get the "best" wife if he waits to marry until after he is 30. Provided he's not an old geezer, a man will be attracting his best when he's at the top of his career.

Some women object and try to deny this is true. But ask an attractive woman 25 or older if she would marry a handsome, nice man if he was working at a fast food counter and, because he was happy with his job, had no plans to leave the job. The honest answer is "no". She'll make excuses about him not having ambition or motivation, but the reality is, she wants a man who earns more, and she can get one. There are men who are wealthy who are wealthy primarily because they come from wealth, and they have no ambitions – they are happy living off of their inheritance or working in the same position the rest of their lives. And yet those guys without ambition sure do attract hot young women.

It isn't necessarily a bad thing that a woman won't marry the fast food guy. If she wants to be a "Stay at Home" mother, then she needs a husband who will be earning enough to support a family.

But I digressed. Even if past problems have been resolved, given the realities of aging, a man has more reason to avoid getting back together with a past girlfriend than a woman has to get back together with an old boyfriend. An old girlfriend is… older. An old boyfriend is likely earning more (present economy making a temporary exception).

There are two big exceptions. 1) If we're talking about just sex, then it isn't uncommon for past sexual partners to jump in the sack again, especially if they are both free. 2) Spouses who have separated or divorced may get back together because of everything they have in common and because they have so much familiarity with each other.

Have you ever gotten back together with an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend, or ex-spouse, whether for a relationship or just sex? Even if marriages and morality weren't a factor, I can't imagine getting back together with my past girlfriends or flings, for a variety of reasons, including that a couple of them have to be way too old at this point. If I was looking for a wife, none of them would be right.

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