Monday, October 25, 2010

Some Best Friend

With best friends like this one, what wife needs enemies? TELL OR NOT TO TELL wrote in to Dear Abby:

I lived with my best friend and her husband for a few months after moving to a new state.
What could go wrong?

They recently went through a rough patch and she took a vacation to cool off. In her absence, and under the influence of a great deal of alcohol, her husband and I slept together.
We all know alcohol lowers inhibitions. That is why women who feel that they need and excuse to fornicate will drink, and why men will try to get them to drink. However, it is not an excuse for behavior, certainly not for this adultery.

We decided it happened only because we were drunk and decided never to speak of it again.
We'll see, now won't we?

The problem is -- it happened again, this time with almost no alcohol involved at all!
Ah-HA! I swear I didn't read ahead.

I'm reluctant to tell my friend about our trysts. I think telling her will do more harm than good. On the other hand, the guilt eats at me every day to the point that I cry over what I've done to her. Her husband doesn't want to tell her, ever. What should I do?
There was a time in which I would definitely say "Tell". But now my question is – do they have minor kids? If they do, shut up and deal with your guilt without bothering your friend (to whom you have not been much of a friend). If they don't have minor kids, tell her. She may not believe you, but at least she'll be warned and can decide whether or not to leave before making children (if she is in that age window) or counting on him to be there with her through retirement.

ALSO... never be alone with the guy again.

The kicker would be if the wife had sex on her vacation. In addition to alcohol, vacations are another way women rationalize fornication. "It doesn't count if it happens on vacation or out of the country." But if the letter writer and the wife are really best friends, the wife would have likely told the letter writer about the vacation sex or any other time she cheated on her hubby. And the writer would have mentioned that.


  1. Curiepoint4:01 AM

    I just love how alcohol is often blamed for bad behavior. Being drunk or high is no excuse for anything. These two people simply have no sense of self-control, or right and wrong for that matter. Witness how it happened again when neither was impaired.

    This is where the world is headed:

    "The first time we did something wrong, we were drunk. Therefore, it doesn't count. The second time it happened we weren't drunk. I don't understand how that second time could have happened."

    Here's a are both low forms of life.

  2. Now now, Curiepoint - there you go again, using logic to point out the common denominator.

    Thanks, as always!

  3. Curiepoint8:57 AM

    Yeah, I guess logic is not the province of people who confuse gonads with brain tissue.

    Truly, there any such thing as accountability anymore? It just seems too readily acceptable to consider one's bad behavior as being the result of impairment and victimization.

    Out of curiosity, what was Dear Abby's response to this?

    Didn't that column at one time have to field questions regarding the best way to whiten yellowed drapes and the best way to match doilies? How did we go from that to questions regarding infidelity and the best ways to conceal or reveal it?

    A strange and alien planet of freaks...that's what we've become.

  4. Right again, sir. Here was Dear Abby's response:

    "Own your guilt. You've earned it. And confess your sin to your religious adviser. But if you feel that telling your friend will do more harm than good, remain silent."

    Wasn't she writing to ask, essentially, if it would do more harm than good? Oh well.

    The culture has definitely changed. The syndicated radio show "Loveline" with Dr. Drew Pinsky started on a local radio station in the Los Angeles market. The show has the doctor and a DJ (and often celebrity guests) answering questions from callers, and I remember in the earlier days when the calls were high school kids asking how to handle their crushes, young adults with minor dating problems, etc. I haven't listened in a while, but over the years it to to be people as young as 13 calling in with questions about STIs, oral sex, anal sex, fetishes, how to choose between multiple sexual partners, and every kind of substance abuse... as well as problems with stepsiblings and stepparents and abuse at the hands of mother's boyfriends, so on and so forth.

  5. curiepoint7:46 AM

    I surmise that as long as there is one public figure or agency saying "It's okay to do this" that is what people are going to do. Once absolved of conscience and accountability, the very best of us can and do sink to unconscionable levels.

    And people wonder why I stay away from women entirely.


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