Tuesday, October 05, 2010

Follow Up on Public Infidelity

Recently, I looked at an advice column letter in which the writer asked what to do after seeing a married man on what looked like a date with a woman who wasn’t his wife. I noted the possibility that the wife could be aware and approving.

I found an example. This “polyamory” blog discusses this very issue. Polyamory is the term used to describe a situation in which people have more than one lover with the full knowledge and approval of all involved. Okay, well I’d argue that God is involved, definitely knows, and doesn’t approve. But nobody else is forced to believe as I do.

Here is the situation. . . Lucy who is married to Rickie was out on a lunch date with her SO, Fred, when a co-worker who doesn't know about her poly lifestyle saw them together. Now seeing Lucy and Fred together wouldn't have been hard to explain except the two did a bit of hand-holding at lunch.

The question is; What do you do when you are caught out on a date with your SO by someone who knows your primary partner (spouse)?
The blogger goes on to consider the possible approaches of the observer and how to respond to those approaches. So even if we think of this as infidelity, we can't assume that the spouse who isn't present is unaware or would be upset- rather, in thise case, the spouse might be flustered that they have been "caught" as being a polyamorist.

1 comment:

  1. curiepoint8:04 AM

    I guess that the meaning behind marriage has changed permanently, and not for the better. It boggles my mind inutterably that there is such widespread acceptance of the choices people make, rather than the promises. Marriages are not just between two people and God. There's a reason that others, like witnesses, are involved. A typical strain of words in any marriage ceremony involves the calling upon the people present to help preserve it and keep it alive. To ignore the things that destroy the intent and meaning of marriage by standing by and remaining silent in the face of polyamory is to renege on the promise of aid and assistance. In effect, it draws those poeple into the polyamorous lifestyle as tolerants, if not active participants.

    Is it so hard for people to just say "Sorry...this is just plain wrong"? It seems that we have all been rendered spineless and feckless by being so "understanding" of our friends' choices.

    If the spouse accepts polyamory, they are making just as big a mockery of marriage as their adulterous partner. Sure, it's possible that they are adulterers too, but claiming to be "okay" with it doesn't bestow license upon either one.

    The very institution is a joke now. It used to be a measure of one's character. Now, it's just a way to put on a show to hide the lack of it.


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