I have been in a relationship with a lady for the past few months. How do I tell her that I want out without hurting her badly?You can't. Other than getting out of the draft, who ever likes being rejected?
"It's not you, it's me. You see, I don't like you." – Adam Carolla
I have tried a couple of times to end things, but she gets hysterical, starts crying and accuses me of wanting someone else, which is not true.It really doesn't matter why you want out. If you want out, you want out. You're not obligated to justify yourself to a girlfriend. What, if she doesn't like your reason you can't leave? It is nice if you tell her something constructive, or let her know (if it is true) that there's nothing she did wrong.
Don't be a hostage to her breakdowns. This is one of those areas there Tom Leykis helped me. Sometimes, you need to think like a selfish jerk and stop trying to be so sensitive and accommodating, because it is the best way to deal with how a someone else behaves. This is one of those times.
If she threatens to kill herself, or you otherwise think it would be helpful, schedule a session at a licensed therapist/shrink’s office, letting your girlfriend believe that it is couples counseling. Then, when the first session starts, explain that you are leaving and that she had previously threatened suicide, and then get up and leave. She'll be the responsibility of the therapist.
If she threatens to harm you, then file a police report and get a restraining order, and avoid her completely.