June Is Coming

Sorry, I'm late getting this message out this year, with the lockdowns and all. But some places are opening up, so this message is once again relevant.

Wedding season, gentlemen. Maybe you’re scheduled to be the groom.

Maybe a man you care about is scheduled to be a groom.

Maybe a woman you’re "seeing" or "with" is expecting you to be her date for a wedding or weddings.

Obviously, the first situation is the most dire.

Woman Is Surprised by Modern Dating

Let's check in on Dear Abby and see what's happening there.

NOT CONNECTING IN MISSOURI wrote:

I am a 48-year-old woman, divorced for 10 years.

Let's see... Missouri... middle aged... yeah, not going to be able to get a very high bid.

During that time, I have been in two serious relationships.

I'm wondering what that means? Most likely that she had tha feelz for them.

I'm no prude, but it seems like everyone I date, and who my friends and I talk to, and articles I see are all about sex, having sex, rushing to sex.

Yep. Because sex is fun.

It's like there's no emphasis on actually getting to know a person anymore.

Don't you get to know someone better when you have sex with them?

Let's translate this into English: "I want a man to spend more money on me before I'll have sex with him."

If she TRULY wanted to get to know a guy more, they'd write back and forth and talk on the phone or video chat. She can ask all the questions she wants that way to get to know him better. It doesn't need to be over a dinner at a restaurant.

A Stupid Statment About Adult Media

"Porn is abuse of women."

While there is adult media in which the characters (and, let's assume also in which the performers) are abused, when someone makes a statement like the one above, they lose credibility. I see "serious" accounts on Twitter making statements like this.

One way to test statements like this is to consider that there is porn that features no women whatsoever. How could it be abuse of women if two or more guys make a video? Or one guy?

Also, consider this:

A woman asks her boyfriend (or, if you prefer, husband) to appear in a video with her. They get stark naked, and at her urging, he performs cunnilingus on her. They both enjoy it. She uploads the video to charge money from people who access it.

Either,,,

1) This is abuse.
2) This isn't porn.
3) Not all porn is abuse.

Which is it?

If someone is still going to argue that this is abuse, they have to maintain that her reception of cunnilingus at her own urging is somehow abusing her. Or that her doing so on-camera, per her own desire, is abuse.

Does anyone want to argue that nude people doing cunnilingus on video isn't porn?

Any reasonable person is going see that not all porn is abuse. Calling it abuse, though, probably seems more compelling than saying "muh religion" or "It bothers me that men can get erotic stimulation from women, especially without paying large sums of money and trading freedom to do so."

It's the same thing when someone uses the word "violence" in their argument instead of "abuse".

Like it or not, there are men and women who choose to bare their bodies for cameras, and choose to engage in sexual activity for cameras. Trying to force people to stop doing this or stop watching it is futile. People can make, sell, and distribute porn by themselves using their own handheld device. Anyone who claims they can abolish porn is playing on the gullible, probably for money or votes.

Stop Using Stupid Arguments Against Adult Media

It Is Important for Husbands to Speak Up Honestly

Married men are happier* than unmarried men.

That's what we hear all of the time.

Now, it may technically be true. If you group ALL married men and ALL unmarried men and compare them, the married men may report being happier than the unmarried men.

This doesn't mean that signing a legal contract with the state is what has made a man happy. There are many other possible explanations.

First, though, notice that when you group ALL unmarried men together, you are grouping in divorced men, widowed men, men who want to get married but haven't been able to find/win over the "right" woman (likely because they are financially struggling or ill or have some other condition that might make them unhappy), and generally unhappy men, who are less likely to attract and keep a wife. We need studies that compare intentionally unmarried men to married men. My guess is that intentionally unmarried men would report being as happy or even happier than married men. Also, notice that these are percentages about a population. You'll find individuals who are unmarried but happier than the average husband, and married men who are very unhappy in comparison to the average bachelor. Is there any way to guarantee you'll be in the higher levels of happiness? Not that I know of, but when a man is unmarried he has far more control over his own situation.

Would You Encourage Your Child to Gamble?

It's a sad, brutal fact of life that the odds are literally against the average/random person having a lasting, happy marriage. Put another way, most marriages are not successful, if your definition of success is that the marriages last until death and are generally happy ones.

Let's consider the specific facts:

1) 33-40% of first marriages end in divorce. Subsequent marriages have a much higher divorce rate.

2) Of the marriages that don't legally divorce, easily at least 20% (and probably much higher) fall under one of the following scenarios:
  a) legal separation
  b) physical separation (some people stay legally married for decades after they've split, even if they haven't seen each other in years)
  c) one spouse murders the other, whether or not they then kill themselves (other than the person who claims to have found the body, the default suspect in the murder of a married person is their spouse... what does that tell you???)
 d) the marriage would have ended in divorce, but before that could happen one or both spouses died (whether from suicide, overdose, illness, accident, disaster, violent crime, etc.)
 e) the spouses are miserable, but don't divorce for whatever reason (chicken, habit, masochism), and this might or might involve affairs and/or abuse

So, 33 (which is a lowball) and 20 (which is also lowball) add up to 53% of marriages being "failed" marriages. Add in...

3) A small (but I'm sure rapidly growing) percentage of people never marry.

Those facts all add up to mean that we can literally say most marriages are not lasting, happy marriages and most people will not get married and stay happily married for life.

A Report From the Front

Guys, if you're going to be foolish enough to marry (or even just to let a woman live with you), have a professional background check or private investigation into her. It will be worth it. Check out this comment left after one of my previous entries here.

I was dumb enough to marry a narcissistic, evil, moody, gold digging snake. I was lonely and she put on the fake charm. I did not realize how good I had it being single. I had it all.

That is very, very important. Don't fall for peer of family pressure. Don't fall for the Hollywood Hallmark or Focus on the Family or Dennis Prager marriage-selling pitches. There's nothing wrong with being free (unmarried), and for most men, you're better off.

She became meaner, fatter and more abusive by the day.

Believe it or not, especially in religious circles, there are people who read that and say those things are his fault. He should have been able to lead her in a way, or love her in a way, that she wouldn't have done those things. Or that he's some sort of misogynist for having those complaints. Don't fall for that.

After I filed, I had her investigated and found out, the beast had a criminal record and two previous divorces on her record. She expected to walk away with my house and my kids. I hired the best father’s rights attorney, custody experts and employment experts as she claimed she did not work and I was not an involved father. In the end, I won and kept not only my kids but my home, although it took over two years and over six figures to expose the lying old hag. The truth always comes out eventually. So glad the courts did see that she was the problem. Never again!

So sorry you went through all of that, Anonymous! Thanks for the warning. Please comment at any time.

Again, if you're going to be foolish enough to marry (or live with, or impregnate) a woman, there needs to be FULL DISCLOSURE of anything that could possibly be relevant. If there are red flags, including that she held anything back from you, DO NOT STAY!

Among other things, you need to know:

All of her prior residences and/or properties she's owned
Any prior marriages

Any children she's had, including any eggs or embryos she donated

Her entire medical history, including mental health and dental and her birth certificate

Any significant debts she has or has had

Her credit score and history

Her education record

Her driving record

Her arrest/criminal record
Significant assets she has

Judgments against her

Employment history

It's not romantic, but you know what else isn't romantics? Finding out after you've signed a state contract with her, or worse, had a child with her, things you should have known before.

Can You Give Just One Good Reason For a Man to Marry?

Remider: I've added a page making this challenge.

Comments are accepted on that page, so there's no need to make them here.

He's Doing It Right

Many of the people commenting on this letter to Dear Abby from ALMOST DONE IN NEW YORK think the letter writer is seeing a married man, but it reads to me like he's a pretty good Leykis 101 student or a Free Man.

I have been on and off with a man for two years.

He's been getting sex when he wants it with her for two years. But the relationship isn't "going" anywhere.

In all this time, he has never spent a holiday or Valentine's Day with me, or introduced me to his family or friends.

Perfect! He's not wasting money and effort, nor giving her real insight into his life, nor giving her the impression that he's going to marry her.

He told me to stay in the bathroom at his office when his friends showed up unexpectedly. When I objected, he said, "It's only for 20 minutes." I was horrified.

If that really was his office, it's the one mistake I've detected in this letter. But either way, keeping her from his associated and deflating her are Leykis 101 moves.

He accuses me of picking fights and says I will never be happy with anyone when I try to talk with him about it.

Yup. Keeping her from being complacent or for thinking she can do better than him.

Valentine's Day Aftermath

Are you an unmarried guy who just spent a lot of money and effort on Valentine's Day, only to get what you used to get all of the time? Or did you get less than that?

Did you even propose marriage and give her a ring?

If you're not married, and you just made a big deal about Valentine's Day, and especially if you proposed marriage, you need to step back and think about what you've done and you are doing. Are you regretful? Are you doubting? Are you asking yourself "Why did I do that?" If not, you probably should be.

Most men shouldn't be in exclusive relationships, and certainly not marriage!

Most unmarried men, if they play their cards right, can get everything they want without spending a lot of money and energy on Valentine's Day, birthdays, holidays, or anniversaries.

If there is a woman who is planning to marry you this June, or any other time this year, you probably need to put the brakes on the relationship, especially if there are any red flags. If you're shacking up and/or if she has kids, plan your escape!

You don't need to be married. And there's a good chance that, deep down, you don't really want to be.

So, get out. And learn to be scarce so that you won't get trapped into wasting money, effort, and time on things like Valentine's Day or meeting a woman's family or friends for holidays.

Be a Free Man.

Marriage Week

Every year, marriage sellers take this week for National Marriage Week or whatever, to try to fool men into getting married. 

As a married man who understands statistics and has closely observed the overall situation of marriage in America and other English-speaking countries, I beg you... I literally BEG YOU... DO NOT MARRY if you're a man. You may think you're the exception, but odds are remote that you are.

Please read through this tag to see why you shouldn't marry.

February 14 Will Be Here Soon, Guys!

Guys, if you're not married, you shouldn't be with a woman right now you've been seeing for more than a couple of months.

You're supposed to be scarce to such a woman until at least February 15 (or, until her the day after her birthday, or a day she considers an anniversary with you, if one or both occur soon after).

If you have a girlfriend right now, how were the holidays? How much time, money, and effort did you spend? Did you have to endure her family? Or bring her around your family? What a mess.

If you've been a free man through the holidays, keep up the good work. But if you've got a woman who thinks of you as her boyfriend or fiancé, you need to hit the eject button or get very scarce to her before we get too close to Valentine's Day.

Why?

1) So she doesn't get the idea that this is heading for a marital or live-in or even an exclusive situation;
and

2) To avoid spending money on gifts for her, an overpriced and crowded dinner, hotel rooms, or anything else she might expect.

Be scarce. Be busy, Be "working". Don't answer her calls, texts, etc. or only respond "late" to every third or fourth one, saying you're busy. (She shouldn't know where you really live, or what you're actual phone's number is - use Google Voice or something similar.)

This year, with COVID-19, you have more of an excuse to be scarce than ever before!

If she won't see you again come February 15 (or whichever day it ends up being), so be it. There are many other women, if you still want to see any.

During that time, it's fine to see women who aren't of the "commitment" or "exclusive" thinking, at least when it comes to you. or new women, and you can see a new woman who is alone and desperate on February 14, as long as you're picking her up out and about, on the fly.

Or, use that time to hang out with friends, family, catch up on hobbies, do those chores you've been putting off, etc.

You DO NOT want to be with a woman who is thinking that because you've been seeing her for a while, and you're with her on February 14, that you're going to be exclusive with her, or living with her, or heading towards marriage. You DO NOT want to have to buy her gifts, or pay her way to some party or event or overpriced dinner or hotel room. Whatever you do, do NOT get married!!! (Some people have a simple ceremony on February 14, like at a county office.)

Read more:

What Do I Mean By "Free Men"?

Stop! Don't Propose! Don't Marry!

You Don't Need A Girlfriend

Red Flags

It's One of Those Seasons

It's one of those times in which my my marriage is especially difficult. I'll probably fill you in later. I have so much content here. Take a look around. There's probably some great stuff you haven't read before.

Don't Be This Guy

This was painful to read. Today's Dear Abby has a letter from "TOO MUCH, TOO SOON":

My 25-year-old son has been dating a girl for two or three months. She seems very nice.

Your son doesn't really know her. Neither do you.

She has two children and is pregnant with her third child. She's due in three months. The child is not my son's.

What are the odds there are three different "fathers"?

I was told by some friends of my son that he's planning to sign the birth certificate as the father. He understands the implications.

No, he really doesn't. He's signing up for what could be 26 years of supporting some other guy's kid, and possibly almost as much and as long for the other kids, too. 

How do I convince him that, although he feels like he and this girl will be together for the long haul, this is a poor decision to make, especially because of the short length of time they have been dating?

So many questions.

Facebook is a Front Row Seat to a Train Wreck

[Bumped up.] Human memory is one thing.


Being able to have written/video/photographic evidence is another.

Yesterday, I noticed a couple of high school classmates of mine indicating on Facebook that they are each going through divorces. I thought back to previous updates from them and how I'd like to juxtapose them with their current updates. There's gotta be a blog or website that does this already, right? Feel free to leave the URL in the comments (always feel free to comment). And yes, I'm well aware the same could be said for this blog, in terms of comparing old entries to current entries.

Facebook can be a great chronicler to show men that present-day legal-social marriage is, in a majority* of cases, a disaster.


Thanks to Facebook and the tendency for some people to overshare, we can pull the "highlights" into a condensed timeline that depicts:


1) The lovey-dovey joint selfies. Aren't they such a cute couple?!?
2) The Very Important Engagement Photos
3) The Even More Important Wedding Date Announcement - be sure to save the date!!!
4) HER Big Day! Awwww, they're so happy!!! It's amazing what spending tens of thousands of dollars can look like.
5) The Honeymoon Period - we'll see memes posted about the profound nature of marriage and how he's her soul mate.
[There may be pregnancy test, ultrasound, and baby photos scattered throughout, but ideally they'd be here.]
6) The inevitable clear, explicit tweets disrespecting and badmouthing her husband --OR-- the cryptic vague use of memes that indicate all is not well.
7) She changes her name back and starts a seemingly endless series of jabs at her (now ex, or soon to be ex) husband, the man she couldn't wait to marry. She may also post pleas for help moving, a place to stay, etc., and may also share photos of her new boyfriend, who is either a bad-boy or is obviously wealthier than her husband.


Facebook is also handy to document that many women butch up and blimp up after getting him to sign that legal contract. Even my wife pointed out how, when a friend of mine married, it wasn't even 24 hours later before his new bride chopped off her hair. There will be fewer pictures that include her that she'll post, or fewer that include a good view of her whole body. She might post cartoons and memes about how hard it is for a married woman to avoid letting herself go.


*Guys, here are the facts:

The divorce rate for first marriages, which is much lower than second/third/etc. marriages, is 40%. Much more than 10% of the marriages that last until at least one of them dies are miserable marriages most, or a significant amount of the time. That means the odds are that getting married will mean either getting divorced or being miserable. Yes, there ARE people who beat those odds, but there's no way to guarantee you'll be one of them.

Very few of today's women are prepared and willing to be a good wife to a man who is looking for someone to take care of the home and raise children. Dr. Laura tells women to inform their husbands that, despite whatever agreements they had, they will be staying home to raise the children; that they will budget to do with less income and since they won't have the stress of working outside the home, they will have the time and energy to be attentive mothers who take the children for nice outings, prepare homemade meals, and have lots of great sex with their husbands. Now, don't get me wrong... I think children should be raised by a loving parent instead of hired help and I agree this is how things should be, but how many women actually end up behaving that way? The husband gets trashed because they can't buy things or take as nice vacations living on his income alone; the kid gets stuck in a corner with a TV and/or a tablet; the meals either don't get prepared ("You have two hands, do it yourself!") or are microwave fare; the sex isn't going to be often enough or be all that good, because she doesn't want it as much as he does and she no longer has an incentive to pretend to be as into it as he is. Again, there ARE exceptions. If you're a woman who truly does raise your own kids and you take care of the man who is providing you with a roof over your head and paying your bills, then you're awesome. You're also a very rare species.

December Is Here and That Requires Evasive Maneuvers

Unmarried men (whether you are single, in relationship, or engaged), how is your holiday game plan coming along?

Guys, December is here, and that means holidays, like Christmas, Hanukkah [now past], and the New Year. Those can be threats to free men. (If you're an American who celebrated Thanksgiving in November, you should have already taken steps to ensure your freedom won't be jeopardized, but if you haven't, you really need to act sooner rather than later.)

Now is the time, guys. It is time to become extremely scarce to any woman who considers you her fiancé or expects your relationship to head that way. If you're seeing a woman regularly, it is time to disrupt that. Don't end up spending a lot of money! Don't give her (or her family!) the impression that you're eager to marry. That is what she/they will think if you join her at events with her friends and family. You shouldn't even know any of her friends or family. You should only be seeing her when the Sun isn't visible, preferably at her place.

In taking evasive maneuvers, you're going to avoid seeing her until at least February 15. 

And whatever you do, if you haven't already, DO NOT PROPOSE!!! Don't be hoodwinked by those terrible jewelry ads!!!

There is a GREAT excuse this year to avoid her friends and family, and to keep her away from yours, and to be scarce! You "want to be responsible and need to avoid potentially spreading COVID-19."

In reality, you DO NOT want a woman seeing you as part of her family. You don't want her family members or friends or yours asking "When are you going to get married?" or "When are you going to get engaged?" Going to family gatherings with her is counterproductive since you do not want to get married. (You really, really don't.)

Don't be driving her places. Don't be getting her airline tickets or hotel rooms. I don 't care if you have points. Save those points for you!

If there is a woman who thinks of herself as your fiancée or the girlfriend, you need to become scarce NOW, and not resurface for her until February 15 at the earliest. If she breaks up with you, so be it. You're better off. If she has your ring and you never get it back (even though she's supposed to return it), consider it the price of freedom and learn the lesson that you should never ever buy jewelry for a woman who isn't your family member.

Need companionship from a woman? Now is the time to make new, casual connections. Even better, do the things you need and want to do so that when the pandemic is behind us, you'll be in an even better position.

Don't be the boyfriend or fiancé who is buying her gifts in December, kissing her at midnight at the turn of the year, spending all sorts of money and time on her to plan for February 14. Avoid all of that!!!

American Men, We Are Almost to Thanksgiving

Unmarried men (whether you are single, in relationship, or engaged), how is your holiday game plan coming along?

Thanksgiving Day is next week! It's the 26th!

You DO NOT want to go along with a woman to be with her friends or family, and you don't want her tagging along if you're going to be with yours. 

There is a GREAT excuse this year! You "want to be responsible and need to avoid potentially spreading COVID-19."

In reality, you DO NOT want a woman seeing you as part of her family. You don't want her family members or friends or yours asking "When are you going to get married?" or "When are you going to get engaged?" Going to family gatherings with her is counterproductive since you do not want to get married. (You really, really don't.) If you spend Thanksgiving with her, she's going to expect you to be getting her some expensive gifts in December, maybe even a diamond ring. AVOID THAT!

Don't be driving her places. Don't be getting her airline tickets or hotel rooms. I don 't care if you have points. Save those points for you!

If there is a woman who thinks of herself as your fiancée or the girlfriend, you need to become scarce NOW, and not resurface for her until February 15 at the earliest. If she breaks up with you, so be it. You're better off. If she has your ring and you never get it back (even though she's supposed to return it), consider it the price of freedom and learn the lesson that you should never ever buy jewelry for a woman who isn't your family member.

Need companionship from a woman? Now is the time to make new, casual connections. Even better, do the things you need and want to do so that when the pandemic is behind us, you'll be in an even better position.

Don't be the boyfriend or fiancé who is there at Thanksgiving, who is buying her gifts in December, kissing her at midnight at the turn of the year, spending all sorts of money and time on her to plan for February 14. Avoid all of that!!!

Especially Noteworthy Comments

I'm calling attention to three recent comments. The first agrees with me, but I didn't publish it in-place because it has "profanities" that I want to keep off of the blog. Yeah, I know it seems silly to a lot of people, but I'm convinced that more people will find the blog if I keep profanities off it. There are two disagreeing comments I will also include before even though I did publish them in their original place.

The first one was anonymous, left after this entry about how getting married was the biggest mistake in my life. 

F---in A, wish I thought to google this s--- before I lost my mind. You are 100% correct.

Before marriage = a complete regard for the fact that this can end anytime, therefore, regular upkeep and involvement with the day to day bulls--- while tending each others needs.

After marriage = a staggering shift in staying sexually satisfied. Can't be bothered to help upkeep the house or be bothered by anything other than what is directly an interest to her.

I become a walking ATM and start to be told how crappy of a husband I am. Even though I literally put a roof over our heads, take care of all the finances and house work. After Kids = sex is non-existent but, I better jump when she says how high because of the kid. Constantly reminded of what a dead beat dad I am, while finishing my college degree and upkeeping everything else in the mean time.

Moral of the story, marriage is a way for woman to s--- on men and not contribute jack to the relationship. Is she a good mom? Yes, she is an outstanding mom and I will never deny that. But I have been a far better husband than she has ever been a wife.

And now I don't want to divorce because I came from a single parent household and do not want do not want my daughter to grow up without a father like I did. Worse mistake of my life by far. Not saying it couldn't work, but I'd be 100% willing to bet that even if we had a kid, I would be happier had I never proposed. In my experience, most men just want the love of a good woman, and most women are willing to manipulate men to get whatever they want, and then shit on them as soon as they are no longer happy with him.

So sorry, man. 

DO NOT MARRY, GUYS!!!

Guys, You Need a Holiday Game Plan

[Bump up: NOW is the time, guys! Halloween is Saturday!]

Free Men, it's NOT to early to think about the holidays, and by that, I mean Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hanukah, Christmas, New Years, and Valentine's Day. 

There are two main considerations for you:

1) Dealing with family and "friends" who will be asking you (or pestering you) about your status as a free man. You now how it goes. "When are you going to get married?" Questions like that.

2) Avoiding spending those special days with a woman who wants to take away your status as Free Man, or will be expecting you to spend a lot of time, money, and effort on her.

This year has been different, due to the government-imposed lockdowns. 

It's possible you either have maintained a roster and bullpen of women. It's also possible you have acquired more, even if just through online communications.

Whatever is the case, don't let the temporary conditions of 2020 cause you to do something foolish and start thinking there is "the one" to whom you should hand over your freedom. 2020 is a bump in the road. Don't be so ignorant, delusional, or masochistic that you're thinking you want to be exclusive with a woman.

Dating Without Marriage in Sight

Good Catholic Husband Matt Walsh commanded people not to date if they don't want to get married. Dr. Laura has often told men they shouldn't be dating unless they're prepared to pay for a wife and kids. And she's also said people shouldn't marry until their late 20s. So I guess that means no dating for her followers until then. Here's Wash's column at Daily Wire. [This entry has been bumped up.]

It’s no secret that my generation is extremely delayed in the marriage department.

That's the first line. I wasn't aware there was a requirement to be married by a certain age.

The average age of marriage is now 27 for women and almost 30 for men.

That sounds about right.

My Ideal Wife?

If  you don't follow me on Twitter, you really should, or at least bookmark my account.

One of my mutual follows on there came into a back-and-forth I was having with someone else and asked me "What is your ideal wife?"

I now say most men shouldn't marry and that I shouldn't have married. But there was a time I drew up a profile of what I needed in a wife, to help me find my wife[1]. I thought I'd found her. I was wrong, and I should have known it. My wife PRESENTED herself as that person (in that earlier profile I compiled), but she was a fraud.

If my wife were to divorce me or die (Heaven forbid), I'd NEVER remarry, except maybe when I'm 85 years old. Aside from sex, just about everything I like to do is a solitary activity or I enjoy more solitary or with friends. So, I wouldn't remarry, and if I could go back in time, I wouldn't have married at all. 

But, as a thought exercise, knowing what I know now, what would be my ideal wife for me be if I was single, younger, and childfree? Here's the new profile I compiled.

Don't Be This Guy or His Brother

My most popular post on not dating single mothers continues to get a lot of views and comments. This one here (reposted below) is a doozy. Since that entry has so many comments, I recommend leaving your comment on the topic of dating (or not dating) women with minor children here, where it is more likely to be seen. 

I wish both my brother & I would have come up on this article sooner. My brother: Age 48 and has a 2 year old with a divorced mother of a pre-teen. Nothing but drama in that house; arguing over how to discipline the pre-teen to dealing with the bio dad and I'm not even going to reveal that he pays the $3500.00 mortgage on a house that is in her name and he has no claim in.

Oh no. Don't be that guy!

As for me: Age 47 and I'm in a relationship with a divorced mother of 2 pre teens and it sucks. No say what about the BS the kids cause and then dealing with the ex who is a felon. Always being disrespected and cleaning up around the house after them. Not to mention the boat loads of money that I have shelled out for trips and presents for these bastard rats all the while not getting so much as a thank you in return. It has now become the norm that I am no longer the man of the house, rather just a silent castrated financial source that they feel they can withdrawal funds from at any given time they wish to buy the latest stupid expensive thing trending on Tik Tok or FB or the internet; like social welfare, to be taken advantage of and to be abused with no accountability. Man O' man, I could go on for days and days about the crap that goes on here but from reading the previous posts, I think you got a clear picture of the crap that I have to deal with.

Yes! There are so many comments with horror stories from other guys.

As of last month, I'm planned on dumping soon and her nest of rats: I managed to stash away a few dollars and planned my escape, soon to an undisclosed location in another city about 35 miles away. I, at least, am able to escape and reclaim my dignity and reinsert my social status as a man once again in this twisted and deranged society that rewards reckless behavior and enables, better yet encourages the lower class to continue to have these parasitic children and at the same time promoting the view that these women are strong, brave and independent entities that have value and a wealth of knowledge to bring to the table.

Good luck! Keep us updated.

Don't believe me: Just look at all the state welfare programs out there that reward these type of people. Now as for my bother, well let's just say that he's not so lucky; going to have to take one for the team and we'll have to cut our losses. I'll remember him as the fun loving guy that he was once was and not that pansi mangina that waved the white flag and surrendered at the first sign of the enemy.

So, so sad. DON'T DATE WOMEN WITH MINOR OR DEPENDENT CHILDREN, guys! And do not marry, impregnate, live with, co-sign for anything with, or agree to exclusivity with ANY woman. 

Keep your independence. Learn to walk away, learn to say "NO!" Let HER walk away rather than giving up your autonomy or money.

Her Dreams Matter, His Dreams Don't

On the Tuesday, September 29, 2020 Dr. Laura show, during the third hour. Dr. Laura took a call from a married woman who wants to leave her position, which has six figures in pay, for something that will be close to minimum wage, at least for a while.

She said her husband was against doing that, mentioning the pay.

Dr. Laura said the caller's husband was "dismissive of her as a human being" and ignoring what would make her feel purposeful and satisfied, the "quality of your life," and it would be all about the money.

Dr. Laura said the marriage probably isn't going to survive. "So what if he things it is the wrong decision?"

Hmmm.

Partisan Politics

I haven't been using this blog as an outlet for my political (USA politics) views lately. If you don't care about my political opinions, especially if you can't handle disagreement, skip right over this.

Wife Is Itching to Tear Down Her Husband

Dear Abby can be a great column to check regularly to be reminded why you don't want to marry. DONE WITH IT IN MAINE wrote to tell the world how awful her husband is. 

I have been married for 14 years to a man a lot of people in our town think has no flaws.

That's how the letter starts. Everyone knows he has flaws. But he's respected. And that's driving his wife nuts!

He helps a lot of people, and he is also a pastor,

Pastors are supposed to help people, yes.

Not All SAHMs Are Made Equal

I do generally believe that married parenting should involve a division of labor in the sense that someone should raising the kids and someone should be considered the breadwinner.

When Dr. Laura paints a portrait of a "stay-at-home" mother, she actually doesn't want them to stay home. It's more like they are "stay-with-kids" mothers. She describes them taking their kids to parks, taking the kids along as they walk, run, or bike, and constantly playing with the kids.

And she tells women who have husbands who aren't convinced those women should quit their jobs to stay with the kids to tell the husbands that they'll be able to prepare more homecooked meals and there will be a lot more sex.

But how many of these women really live up to these things? I applaud those who do, but what about the rest?

[This entry was bumped up from late 2015. We no longer have the other two adults living with us - they were here for a couple of years or so. Most of what they did has reverted to me.]

My wife has been a SAHM since before our first child, who was planned, was conceived.

Today, the kids are in school. My wife is still a SAHM.

When Dr. Laura Tells Moms to Announce Their Switch to SAHM

Children being raised with attention, affection, a sense of security, and morality is one of Dr. Laura's top goals, which is why she condemns the use of day care and insists parents should raise their own children right up until Kindergarten, which is entered into at age 5 or 6 (boys should especially be started later, according to her). She's also big on homeschooling, but any form of daycare (including "preschool") from ages 0-4 is a no-no.

While she doesn't rule out "stay at home fathers", she says mothers are preferable from ages 0-3, and she notes that the "psychobiology" is that women prefer a man be a provider and they tend to lose respect for their husband if they earn more than him or he's home with the kids earning no income at all. Men also tend to like to provide.

So, she gets calls from employed women who are pregnant or have just given birth (again) or even have infants or toddlers who want to switch to being SAHMs, but have husbands who are opposed to that change or are at least reluctant to agree.

This is when Dr. Laura, who usually says big decisions, even getting a dog, have to have mutual agreement and if either spouse is a "no" then the change doesn't happen, leaves that principle aside. It is overruled by the importance of a mother's love. She tells the women to quit their jobs, come up with a one-income budget, to announce to their husband they will be staying home, and tell him that it will mean home-cooked meals, lots of great sex, and a more pleasant home.

That's all good, but only if the caller follows through. And only if the husband accepts the announcement. Will it be better if the family splits up than if they stay together with both parents working outside the home? Dr. Laura says men who aren't eager to be sole support for a wife and kids aren't real men, but would her opinion stop one man who is thinking along these lines from engaging in what he sees as self defense?

I'm Not Better Off From Marrying

Over and over again, men are told that marriage is good for men (by people who should admit they have ulterior motives). I maintain that more often than not, it is NOT good for a breadwinning man who has his act together. Most marriages are failures. While individual wives, through their voluntary decisions, can make a man’s life better, that is a minority and is despite, not because of, the general culture as well as family laws and courts; she can do these things without a state marriage license. Plus, you can’t be sure she actually will be net positive in a man’s life until everything has been said and done, but that man can tell if he’s living a miserable life at any given moment.

Recently I considered my own situation. [This entry is bumped up from August 2017. Significant stuff has happened since then, and not for the better.]

Am I better off because I’m married?

Another Round of Whining About Dr. Laura

A mob of "victims" is trying to cancel Dr. Laura again.

You see, ideally, according to Dr. Laura and tradcons and the like, a man and a woman marry and then make babies together and raise those babies to adulthood together.

That's not the controversial part this time.

People Dr. Laura Schlessinger Has Pissed Off

Dr. Laura has pissed off a lot of people. Here's a list that I do not claim to be exhaustive.

[UPDATE November 2019: Per my permission, this list appears in the latest book by Dr. Laura, under the title of something like "96 Kinds of People Who Hate Dr. Laura" or something like that. I'm honored.]

In no particular order:

A New Disqualifier For Wife Material

If you're a guy who is getting pressure to "settle down and marry" from anyone, I've previously told you how to get people off of your back by pointing out that there is no compatible woman for you who is wife material. Although you can eliminate all women already, there's now another disqualifier that will come in handy:

A woman can't be your wife and the mother of your children if she has nudes or sex videos out there. 

This will eliminate most women. Thanks to smart phones, most women in your "acceptable" age range for a wife have those out there. Either she has sent them to at least one person or someone else took such pictures or videos. Either way, once it is out there, it will never go away and it will always exist. Your kids might see them.

I picked this up from Dr. Laura. She warns young women and girls that good guys won't want them if they are sending such pics and videos, and let's prove Dr. Laura right!

"But shouldn't people be forgiven of their past?" Sure. But this isn't about forgiveness. It is about the environment created for your potential marriage and family created by something that will never go away. You have every right to say you don't want a wife who has nudes or sex videos out there. Just like women are free to declare they will never date a guy who watches porn. Standards are good things, right?

Honestly, I wouldn't give a crap if my wife had such media out there. Actually, if she had ever been that sexually adventurous things might be better. And you might not care either. But the important thing is that it is another valid way for you to continue to avoid marriage, so you can pretend to care.

Very, very few women are wife material.

Very few or none of them are compatible with you.

So don't marry.

That Boy Needs the Real Facts of Life

A recent Dear Abby letter from HEAVY-HEARTED MOM shows why parents need to give teen boys and young men the real facts of life.

My son, a high school senior, was in a relationship with a young woman who broke up with him and began dating his best friend.

There's your first problem. A high school guy shouldn't be in a "relationship".

He was heartbroken.

He needs to learn not to care. Seriously. I know he's young. But he should still strive to get to where I was at one point: I was dating a woman for a while... maybe a couple of months. One day she told me that she was going back to her ex-boyfriend. Didn't bother me in the least. Why? I hadn't expected it to last, I had already gotten what I wanted, and there were other women to date. Not dating her simply freed up my time for others. I hadn't made her the center of my world. He shouldn't have made this girl the center of his world.

Revisiting My Revisting of My Series on the Claim Married Men Get More Sex

In December 2016 I wrote:

It's been more like once every three weeks now, although my wife has just agreed to try to get it up to three times per week. The problem is, after everything that's happened and the things she's said repeatedly, including recently, and done, it is difficult for me to be turned on to her. Sex is a burden and chore for her and she deliberately avoids orgasms except for rare times. Yes, I'm still physically attracted to her and want to enjoy her body and treat her well, but treating her well seems to be leaving her alone, and emotionally it's a mess. Like just about every other plan to which she agrees, the plan to at least make out more often will probably be dropped quickly.

Yeah, that didn't even get off the ground. Once every three weeks or less, and usually it is one-sided, as in she will give me some relief while expending as little energy as she can, and that's it, or she will let me do what I can for her (which I enjoy a lot) and she will be "unable" to do anything to me.

I Don't Know Why Dennis Prager Has Been Divorced Twice

People occasionally find this blog because they want to know why talk show host, public speaker, author, and columnist Dennis Prager has been divorced twice.

I don't know why, other than the fact that he married.

You can't be divorced if you never marry.

These days, it sounds like he's happy in his third marriage, which, if it holds, will beat the odds.

You can read his columns mentioning marriage, view Prager University videos about marriage and female-male interactions, and listen to his weekly "male/female" hour to get some clues, but I've done those things and I really don't know why he's twice divorced. Maybe he wanted more sex. Maybe he was too kinky. Maybe his exes couldn't abide his honesty that husbands still enjoy looking at other women. Don't know.

If I recall correctly, he sees marriage as a contract (as does the law, by the way, but Prager thinks it has some different terms than the law), and if one spouse refuses to live up to the contract, divorce is not only acceptable, but often the right thing to do.

I don't know if he filed or his two ex-wives filed.

Maybe he doesn't think it is fair to talk about why his marriages ended, given that his ex-wives don't have the media soapboxes he does. Maybe he's ashamed or embarrassed. Or maybe he thinks he's entitled to a private life, which he is.

Still, I am curious and so are others. My curiosity is based on his consistent insistence that a guy must marry to be a man and his marriage-selling. It sure would be interesting to know why his two divorces happened and what the terms were.

As a bit of an aside, he maintains that divorce isn't really bad for the children, it is about how the spouses-then-ex-spouses behave that an be bad. But by the same logic, marriage doesn't make a man mature or better. It is how he behaves. So men can display all of the character traits he values without signing a bad state contract.

An Unique Escape Hatch For Engaged Men

Sir, are you engaged to be married?

The National Emergency and global pandemic we're dealing with right now gives you an unique escape hatch to avoid marriage, especially if your wedding is scheduled and rapidly approaching.

Service providers are shutting down. Venues are closing down. People aren't traveling.

How can you have or even plan a wedding in these circumstances?

Tell your fiancée that the wedding needs to be delayed. Most likely, she will agree, because she wants the big party, and the series of associated parties, and those just can't happen with things like this.

Now, there's a chance she'll say she wants to go to the courthouse or the county office and have a small legal ceremony, and she will probably include that the big formal wedding, or at least reception, can be later.

Try to convince her that it would be best to wait and keep the legal wedding as the same thing as the big ceremony.

Then, while the wedding is "delayed," you can plan your escape. No, you can't keep the relationship. She's going to want to get married.

Desperate situations call for desperate measures.

Congrats to the Guys Who Avoided the Prom and Promposals

If you were enjoying your time in high school, you might be bummed that it was abruptly ended for you, especially if you were a Senior.

But guys, at least you have avoided The Prom and, hopefully, an embarrassing Promposal.

You're better off.

Shut In

Today, Dennis Prager wondered on his radio program if the shutdown, and having to stay home, is causing unmarried guys to think they should've married.

I'm confident far more husbands are regretting that they married than there are unmarried guys wishing they were married.

I would be much better off right now if I was living alone.

Meanwhile, on yesterday's Dr. Laura show, there was a woman complaining that with the shutdown, her husband wanted too much sex.

Stay free, guys.

Valentine's Day Aftermath

Are you an unmarried guy who just spent a lot of money and effort on Valentine's Day, only to get what you used to get all of the time? Or did you get less than that?

Did you even propose marriage and give her a ring?

If you're not married, and you just made a big deal about Valentine's Day, and especially if you proposed marriage, you need to step back and think about what you've done and you are doing. Are you regretful? Are you doubting? Are you asking yourself "Why did I do that?" If not, you probably should be.

Most men shouldn't be in exclusive relationships, and certainly not marriage!

Most unmarried men, if they play their cards right, can get everything they want without spending a lot of money and energy on Valentine's Day, birthdays, holidays, or anniversaries.

If there is a woman who is planning to marry you this June, or any other time this year, you probably need to put the breaks on the relationship, especially if there are any red flags. If you're shacking up and/or if she has kids, plan your escape!

You don't need to be married. And there's a good chance that, deep down, you don't really want to be.

So, get out. And learn to be scarce so that you won't get trapped into wasting money, effort, and time on things like Valentine's Day or meeting a woman's family or friends for holidays.

Pay Attention, Free Men

All of you "single" men, you guys who aren't married, aren't engaged, aren't shacking up, and aren't in an "exclusive" relationship...

Are you paying attention this week (the one with Valentine's Day)? Are you hearing/seeing all of the ads telling men they need to buy the right things for Valentine's Day? Are you watching your buddies, male relatives, male coworkers who aren't free men stress out? Are they distracted?

They know that if they don't jump through all of the hoops the right way, there's going to be Hell to pay.

Some of them might be hoping (probably a futile hope) the woman to which they're attached will do things with and for them that those women used to do all of the time, without even being asked. Or, the guys are simply hoping not to be disparaged, not to be served with divorce papers in late February.

Do you want to put yourself through that? Of course you don't. Especially because it isn't worth it. It is NOT worth it. But these guys feel like they HAVE to do these things. Don't ever make yourself one them.

These poor beaten dogs are going to crawl, grovel, shell out way too much money for goods and services they can get for much less money mere days later.

Pay attention, you free men. And let it be a reminder of why you don't want to be in that position.

Enjoy February 14. Stay home, or hang out at a buddy's place. If you MUST have female interaction, there will be women out there, and they will be easy pickings. You can find them at night, when it is "too late" to take them to an expensive dinner.

February 14 Will Be Here Soon!

Guys, if you're not married, you shouldn't be with a woman right now you've been seeing for more than a couple of months.

You're supposed to be scarce to such a woman until at least February 15 (or, until her the day after her birthday, or a day she considers an anniversary with you, if one or both occur soon after).

If you have a girlfriend right now, how were the holidays? How much time, money, and effort did you spend? Did you have to endure her family? Or bring her around your family? What a mess.

If you've been a free man through the holidays, keep up the good work. But if you've got a woman who thinks of you as her boyfriend or fiancé, you need to hit the eject button or get very scarce to her before we get too close to Valentine's Day.

Why?

1) So she doesn't get the idea that this is heading for a marital or live-in or even an exclusive situation; and

2) To avoid spending money on gifts for her, an overpriced and crowded dinner, hotel rooms, or anything else she might expect.

Be scarce. Be busy, Be "working". Don't answer her calls, texts, etc. or only respond "late" to every third or fourth one, saying you're busy. (She shouldn't know where you really live, or what you're actual phone's number is - use Google Voice or something similar.)

If she won't see you again come February 15 (or whichever day it ends up being), so be it. There are many other women, if you still want to see any.

During that time, it's fine to see women who aren't of the "commitment" or "exclusive" thinking, at least when it comes to you. or new women, and you can see a new woman who is alone and desperate on February 14, as long as you're picking her up out and about, on the fly.

Or, use that time to hang out with friends, family, catch up on hobbies, do those chores you've been putting off, etc.

You DO NOT want to be with a woman who is thinking that because you've been seeing her for a while, and you're with her on February 14, that you're going to be exclusive with her, or living with her, or heading towards marriage. You DO NOT want to have to buy her gifts, or pay her way to some party or event or overpriced dinner or hotel room. Whatever you do, do NOT get married!!! (Some people have a simple ceremony on February 14, like at a county office.)

Read more:

We're Almost to February 14

Stop! Don't Propose! Don't Marry!

Now is the Time, Guys

How Have the Holidays Been So Far?

The end of the year is rapidly approaching. How have the holidays been for you so far?

If you're in a relationship (unmarried), how has that been going? Has it been stressful? How has it been, dealing with her, her family, her friends, etc.? How has she interacted with your family and friends? Remember, she's auditioning. This is the best it will ever be. If you marry her, she will likely think she doesn't have to try anymore. She doesn't have to pretend to like your family or friends. She doesn't have to hold back from whining, nagging, complaining, cajoling.

If you haven't hit the eject button yet, do it before the year closes out. You don't want to be with her at the stroke of midnight as 2019 becomes 2020.

Read this and follow the links.

I know.

I didn't see any of my original family or friends for Christmas. I spend the whole date with my wife's family.

Thinks were, comparatively, much better than some other Christmases I've spent with her family, but it was still mostly a day sitting around wishing I was with my parents and siblings or home, being tired and having to drive in bad conditions but having to wait for when she had had enough, meaning driving conditions were much worse than when I would have left. And again, this was comparatively good. There have been some awful Christmases with her family.

Stop! Don't Propose!

Guys, if you're thinking about proposing as a holiday surprise or just because you think it is a romantic time of year to propose, DON'T DO IT.

Odds are, proposing is a mistake. This is a statistical fact.

Consider:

1) 33-40% of first marriages end in divorce. It is well over 50% for second marriages (70% if stepchildren are involved).

2) Enough of the other marriages are problematic enough of the time that literally, between divorce and "bad" marriages (including marriages that effectively end but don't legally divorce, or in which one spouse dies or is killed by the other before divorce could take place) most marriages are a mistake.

3) On top of that, add in the engagements that don't make it to marriage that end with drama and/or bitterness.

So, statistically, proposing is a mistake, a very big mistake.

December Is Here and That Requires Evasive Maneuvers

Guys, December is here, and that means holidays, like Christmas, Hannukah, and the New Year. Those can be threats to free men. If you're an American who celebrates Thanksgiving in November, you should have already taken steps to ensure your freedom won't be jeopardized, but if you haven't, you really needs to act sooner rather than later.

Now is the time, guys. It is time to become extremely scarce to any woman who considers you her fiancé or expects your relationship to head that way. If you're seeing a woman regularly, it is time to disrupt that. Don't end up spending a lot of money! Don't give her (or her family!) the impression that you're eager to marry. That it what she/they will think if you join her at events with her friends and family. You shouldn't even know any of her friends or family. You should only be seeing her when the Sun isn't visible, preferrably at her place.

In taking evasive maneuvers, you're going to avoid seeing her until at least February 15. She might not agree to see you when that time comes. That's a small price to pay compared to having to spend the time and money that it would take if you were with her in-person through the holidays. 

Guys, It's Time to Go Ghost or Hit the Eject Button

Now is the time, guys, especially in the USA, where Thanksgiving is rapidly approaching. It is time to become extremely scarce to any woman who considers you her fiancé or expects your relationship to head that way. If you're seeing a woman regularly, it is time to disrupt that. Don't end up spending a lot of money!

[Bumped up! Procrastinators, ACT NOW!!!]

It's Not Too Early to Think About the Holidays

Guys in the USA (and some of this might apply to some of you men in other countries), Thanksgiving will be here before you know it. It's Thursday (of course), November 28. Unless you're so ignorant, delusional, or masochistic that you're thinking you want to be exclusive with a woman you've been seeing, perhaps you should set up a tickler on your phone for mid-November as a reminder that you're going to need to avoid any woman you've been seeing regularly. This is especially needed if you've made the mistake of letting her think of you as a potential husband, or a boyfriend, or committed - or you've met her family or friends.

You do NOT want to be with a woman you've been seeing regularly on Thanksgiving, on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, on New Year's Eve, on February 14, or on her birthday if it falls during that time or soon after. Same goes for any day during that time she considers an "anniversary" with you.

You need to avoid such a woman for that whole time: from at least November 28 through February 14.

Why?

1) So she doesn't get the idea that this is heading for a marital or live-in or even an exclusive situation; and

2) To avoid spending money on gifts for her, airfare, hotel rooms, parties, etc.

Be scarce. Be busy, Be "working". Don't answer her calls, texts, etc. or only respond "late" to every third or fourth one, saying you're busy. (She shouldn't know where you really live, or what you're actual phone's number is - use Google Voice or something similar.)

If she won't see you again come February 15, so be it. There are many other women, if you still want to see any.

During that time, as long as it isn't Thanksgiving Day, Christmas Eve/Day, or New Year's Eve, it's fine to see women who aren't of the "commitment" or "exclusive" thinking, at least when it comes to you. or new women, and you can see a new woman who is alone and desperate on February 14, as long as you're picking her up out and about, on the fly.

Or, use that time to hang out with friends, family, catch up on hobbies, do those chores you've been putting off, etc.

You DO NOT want to be with a woman who is thinking that because you've been seeing her for a while, and you're with her on those holidays and special days, that you're going to be exclusive with her, or living with her, or heading towards marriage. You DO NOT want to have to meet her friends and family. You DO NOT want to have to buy her gifts, or pay her way to some party or event or overpriced dinner or hotel room.

Read more:

We're Almost to February 14

Dealing With the Holidays

Stop! Don't Propose! Don't Marry!

Now is the Time, Guys

Who Am I? Why Am I Here?

Hey you. Yes, you. You might be wondering who I am and why this blog is here.

I'm a married middle-aged father living in the USA. I have steady career work and a four-year college degree. I'm the breadwinner for my family. I'm married to my first (and only) wife and I'm her first husband. Neither of us have children other than the ones we made together, after we married, and are raising. Neither of us shacked up with anyone before we married each other, nor did we live together before we married. We've been married well over the threshold of time that my state would order me to support her for life should we divorce.

I have opinions and experiences I want to share and questions I want to ask. These days, my main goal with this blog is to serve as a warning to other men that most of them should not sacrifice themselves for what our laws and culture now call marriage and fatherhood. For most men, it won't be worth it, even if your brain chemistry and your psychology try to cover up for making terrible decisions by trying to fool you into thinking that you really didn't do so badly by marrying and making children. Most men should be on a marriage strike.

Statistically, due the factors I mentioned in that second paragraph and other factors, my marriage is supposed to be a happy one. That's what "they" say anyway. And my wife probably would tell a pollster it IS a happy marriage, and if I was being polled in front of her, I'd have to agree. But the reality is, it isn't a happy marriage. Poke around the blog and you'll see why.

So, that's the brief overview.

I welcome comments on almost all the blog entries, whether you agree or disagree with me, but if yours looks like s-p-a-m or something from a b-o-t, it won't get published. Also, please watch your language as I try to avoid publishing profanity. You can also interact with me on Twitter.