Childfree People Are Happy

Guess what? There's a study showing that childfree people are happy.

Thank you to Dennis Prager, whose angry ranting about this alerted me to its existence. [This entry has been bumped up from June 2021.]

New research from Michigan State University psychologists examines characteristics and satisfaction of adults who don’t want children.

That really bothers Dennis Prager and others, for various reasons - that there are so many childfree people and they are happy.

As more people acknowledge they simply don’t want to have kids, Jennifer Watling Neal and Zachary Neal, both associate professors in MSU’s department of psychology, are among the first to dive deeper into how these “child-free” individuals differ from others.

Thank you to the Neals!

“Most studies haven’t asked the questions necessary to distinguish ‘child-free’ individuals — those who choose not to have children — from other types of nonparents,” Jennifer Watling Neal said. “Nonparents can also include the ‘not-yet-parents’ who are planning to have kids, and ‘childless’ people who couldn’t have kids due to infertility or circumstance. Previous studies simply lumped all nonparents into a single category to compare them to parents.”

That's SO important!!! The same thing happens when all "unmarried" people are lumped together. Find out how men who intentionally avoid marriage are doing.

“We were most surprised by how many child-free people there are,” Jennifer Watling Neal said. “We found that more than one in four people in Michigan identified as child-free, which is much higher than the estimated prevalence rate in previous studies that relied on fertility to identify child-free individuals. These previous studies placed the rate at only 2% to 9%. We think our improved measurement may have been able to better capture individuals who identify as child-free.”

More people are going to opt to be childfree.

Given the large number of child-free adults in Michigan, more attention needs to be paid to this group, the researchers said. For example, the researchers explained that their study only included one time point, so didn’t examine when people decided to be child-free — however, they hope forthcoming research will help the public understand both when people start identifying as child-free as well as the factors that lead to this choice.

A trip to the mall or supermarket can be enough, or any public restroom where a kid who's being potty trained is being resistant.

Here's the link they want included.

Oh No! Men Enjoying Technology!

I'd probably like most of what Barak Lurie has to say on his weekly radio show. I've never heard it. I'm thinking the vast majority of people in the greater Los Angeles radio market haven't either. That's not a knock on him, but it's just the reality of weekend AM talk radio, especially any English station in this market not named KFI. He was fortunate enough to get on Dennis Prager's national daily show today (Wednesday, October 2, 2019), during the Male-Female Hour, to promote his book Rise of the Sex Machines. [This entry has been bumped up.]

Like Prager, Lurie sells marriage and parenting. These guys want you to get married and crank out babies. They see doing those things as an obligation. Doesn't that sound appealing?

So they are worried about "sex machines", meaning sexbots or sex robots, as if the only choice a man has is being in a marriage with a woman, or having a sexbot, and if we warn against the latter, men will be forced into the former.

Right off of the bat, Lurie said it's much easier not to have a relationship. Exactly! Why make life more difficult if you don't have to???

Prager, for his part, started off saying he was worried about sexbots and he mentioned incels. Again, incels are involuntarily celibate (unmarried). Robots/dolls could disappear and incels would still exist. Most incels don't have one. Very few do.

Prager went to say that loneliness is an epidemic and that the only cures are traditional. However, it is possible to be unmarried and childfree, and not be lonely. As Dr. Laura tells the children of older adults who are worried about those older adults being lonely: Loneliness is a choice.

They didn't ignore the part women are playing in this. Prager said that feminism today means disdain for men. But he quickly went back to saying that he was raised to believe that "being a man" meant taking care of a family, and that getting married was the most important thing to do.

That was a long time ago, sir. And just because someone raised you that way doesn't make it right, especially today.

Lurie did cite that relationships today are considered minefields, false allegations of rape, me too, and all of that. He lamented that the Japanese view children (realistically, I note) as liabilities and that it makes no sense to have children, but Lurie thinks having children is a duty. How nice!

Closer to the end of the hour, Prager said that "winner men" will still seek women instead of sex machines. Sure, if he defines winners as those who seek marriage, but that's circular. The fact is, there are men who are successful, healthy, attractive, and having great lives who are not seeking women, at least not to marry, live with, or to join in an exclusive relationship. Winner men have the most to lose by signing that terrible state contract and engaging in that conflated cultural train wreck.

It says a lot that these guys think men might eschew women because of the availability of sex dolls, including that they think men will perceive that women have less to offer as overall positives in a man's life than a robot. They can't stop progress, so if they're worried, perhaps the answer is working on changing the things that are getting men to avoid marriage (and no, it isn't dolls, robots, or pixels).

Having Someone or Something Check On You

If you’re a Free Man or otherwise living alone, especially if you work alone/from home or are retired, it’s generally a good idea to have someone checking on you regularly to make sure you’re functional.

It could be a friend or neighbor you see every day, either because they come to your place or you go to them or communicate (text, call, video chat) every day.

It could be someone you interact with online.

Accidents happen, there are robberies and break-ins that can result in assault, and there are health events like heart attacks, strokes, aneurysms, falls, etc. Don’t think it can’t happen to you because you’re not older or because you’re in good health.

Depending on your wishes and your conditions, you may not want to be rescued and recussitsted if something happens to you, but you should at least be recovered. It wouldn’t be good to be rotting way for a long period of time, especially if you have paperwork that should be executed.

But being rescued, depending, can also lead to treatment, recovery, and additional good times.

We are rapidly approaching the ability, and may already be there, to have machines handle checking in on you every day to protect your life and health. There’s probably an app for it. You can also hire a live human being to do it, if you don’t want a friend to do it.

Marriage sellers say married men live longer. We’ve covered that before. One of the reasons the data can show that is that a husband who has a fall or a health episode can have his wife call for help. So, the guy might get to live a few more months in convalescence.

That isn’t a compelling reason to marry.

Free men can, and should, set things up in a way so that if something happens to them, someone will know and act.

Marriage Transfers Wealth and Power

Guys, marriage transfers your wealth and power to a woman.

That's the primary thing it does when it comes to legalities and social realities.

It doesn't provide you with sex, love, affection, companionship, loyalty, exclusivity, respect, domestic services, or children from a woman. Those are things she can provide without a state marriage license, without a ceremony, without a ring, and getting married will not mean she will be legally or socially obligated to provide those things to you. She can stop providing them at any time, kick you out of your own home, and alienate your children from you. You, however, can be compelled by the force of law to keep paying her way through life, even for things you didn't want her to buy and didn't use, even things that benefit her other lovers.

What we now call marriage is emasculating.

A Free Man runs his own life, decides what to do with his earnings, and retains his power.

A married man only has power and control over his own life and earnings in so much as his wife allows.

Being in an "exclusive" relationship, living together unmarried, having children together is almost being married, when it comes to freedom and control over your life, with the biggest difference being the absence of the official state financial contract.

The best way to run your own life and control your own wealth is to stay free.

Do you think it would be a good thing to transfer your wealth and power to a particular woman, because you think she'd handle them better than you? Well, the fatal flaw in our current legal and social marriage is that most women are turned off by that. Despite what many self-identified feminists say, most women who marry want the man to take charge, even if those women don't say so or can't even articulate that to themselves. Most women who want a husband are turned off by emasculated men, and marriage emasculates men. These realities have killed many marriages.

Don't play that game.

Get your act together and keep your act together.

Stay free.

Yes, I’d Date A Transgender Person

PragerU has asked “Would you date a transgender person?”

We have to remember what makes someone transgender.

If someone claims to be transgender, we have to accept that they are.

If someone who has XX chromosomes, developed breasts, a clitoris, vulva, vagina, no penis/testicles/facial hair, appears feminine, hasn’t undergone surgery or hormone treatment to reduce femininity and gain masculinity, is attracted to men including me; basically, “assigned female at birth,” and had been living life entirely as a girl/woman until now, and was now claiming to be a trans man… sure, I’d date that person.

It also helps to remember that even if I found myself unmarried, I wouldn’t be looking for a wife or even an exclusive girlfriend, so it wouldn’t matter much to me what the person would say or think, as long as I found them attractive, they weren’t a threat, and they were willing to do what I’d want to do on a date.

I have zero interest in being with someone whose “vagina” was surgically constructed. Natural vaginas have certain qualities I desire. I have a classmate who posts on social media pictures of where their penis used to be, and describes the problems with what’s there now. No thanks!

The brains of women are different than the brains of men.

I’m into women. Women who were “AFAB.” And yes, If I was free I’d date a transgender person who is as I described early in this post.

Why Dr. Laura Should Go on Howard Stern and Why She Won’t

Recently, Dr. Laura relented on her avoidance of virtually all interviews. It was because she was trying to get people to buy tickets to her two live, in-person shows in a theater.

She had trouble selling seats.

It must have been a wake up call to her that she doesn’t command the same audience interest and response as she used to.

Until she “stooped” (my word) to the publicity appearances, she had been abiding by a self-imposed avoidance of interviews. There was only one exception I can think of during her avoidance: she’d talk with Megyn Kelly, who is on the same SiriusXM channel. She’s done that twice, I think.

But, to sell seats she had to go on other shows. She has avoided that because she wants people to have the impression of her she crafts and tightly controls on her program, and the related podcasts, website, videos, and social media posts.

Indeed, on at least one show during this promotional stint, she was asked about her first (as far as we know) marriage. She did her best to quickly get away from that topic.

Both she and Howard Stern are primarily connected to SiriusXM. Both she and Stern are in far different places than they were at the height of their fame, with smaller audiences. Her program has changed a bit; his much more so.

Stern, for all of his flaws and all of his changes, can still do a great interview. But Dr. Laura doesn’t want a great interview, at least not one that is truly great in pulling up explanations of things she’d otherwise not discuss on-air, like her first marriage, getting pregnant out of wedlock (apparently twice, at least), her affair with Bill Ballance and his later revenge after his perception she unduly snubbed him, her relationship with her mother and her mother’s death, her affair and shacking up with married father Lew and interactions with his children, her sister, and the state of her relationship with her son.

There’s a lot she doesn’t want to talk about.

Stern was vicious to Schlessinger when she was a target of activist groups and revenge nudes.

There are also serious political differences, and she doesn’t want to debate.

But if she’d go on Stern’s show, it would be memorable, and she might possibly gain some listeners, especially since they already use SiriusXM. If she humanizes herself, and dispels misconceptions, it would be positive. She could say something along the lines of, “Yes, I’ve been there and done some of those things. And I learned better, which is why I preach against those things now. And I’m trying to help people, especially to make life better for children, and the feedback I get says my program is helping people. My personal life has never been perfect. Whose personal life is? Life is complicated. But I have important experience, insights, and skills that help people.”

She and Stern could also commiserate about growing up in NYC when they did, dealing with radio station program directors and syndicators, television executives, activist groups, writing books, and book tours.

I’m fairly certain from what she’s said on-air that people around her have recommended she go on Stern’s show. She didn’t say his name so there’s still a bit of doubt, but if I had to wager I’d assume it was Stern being referenced. But she was emphatic that she wouldn’t and she’s always been negative at the mention of his name, like when a caller says he listens to both on SiriusXM.

She should do his show. But she won’t. 

Why Do Men Like Lingerie?

Why do men like lingerie?

For men who like women to wear lingerie, there are two basic reasons:

1) It looks more revealing and sexier than baggy sweatpants, granny panties, or just about anything else a woman would wear other than skimpy swimsuits or revealing yoga pants.

2) It signals she's feeling sexual or is willing to get sexual. There are swimsuits more revealing than some lingerie, but the swimsuit signals she's going to hang out by the pool, on the beach, or sun herself. There are yoga pants more revealing than some lingerie, but again, yoga pants don't signal "Let's get sexual."

Most men prefer women to be entirely naked rather than in lingerie. But most men do prefer lingerie to regular clothing or pajamas that don't reveal much.

Some women find lingerie figure-flattering, accentuating certain parts of their body and hiding things about which they are unhappy or self-conscious. We get that. But women do tend to be far more critical of their own bodies than men, especially a man who is with them. But if it helps her feel more confident and helps her to be more enthusiastic, that's definitely a plus.

When a wife surprises her husband with wearing lingerie, especially if he normally has to persuade her to agree to sex, it can be a nice surprise to him.

I plan to write more about why men like certain things when it comes to women. I fully get it that some women, even some women who claim to be heterosexual, don't give a rat's behind about what men like. But there may be a few women who are curious, and I can be honest. Maybe you can put what I tell you to good use?

Also, as with anything else, especially anything sexual, "men like" is a generalization. There will ALWAYS be outliers or a minority of men who think/feel differently. In this case, that means a few men will find lingerie a turn off, or will prefer it to nudity.

I Keep Showing Reality

I'm active on X/Twitter.

You can write to me there, you can follow along as I examine posts that deal with topics I address on this blog.

I have some ongoing "tweet threads" there that are especially relevant as the marriage-selling push ramps up for the mid-February's horror scene.

Here's a thread on dead marital bedrooms and some other marriage "joys."

Here's a thread featuring marriages that ended, but not in divorce. Remember, divorce is only one way a marriage can end badly.

Here's a thread about the "joys" of parenting.

Signing a terrible state contract doesn't benefit men.

Get a vasectomy.

Don't marry.

Don't live with a woman.

Don't get financially entangled with a woman.

Stay free, men!

Stay Strong, Unmarried Men

For all of you men who are not currently married, this is one of those times of the year family and certain cultural elements push you to marry.

One way is trying to make it seem like everybody gets married, that marriage should be your goal, and that only losers don’t marry. 

Jewelry companies run ads promoting the ridiculous notion that engagement rings make perfect holiday gifts. There are legal reasons why that’s a terrible idea.

Don’t fall for the trap.

If you’re engaged, don’t let the manipulations during this time of year push you into signing a terrible state contract (marrying).

Nor should you make any large purchases for, or with a woman. Want to buy something for your mother? Go ahead. But not a fiancée, not a girlfriend, or any other woman you’ve been seeing.

Don’t propose. Don’t co-sign a lease or mortgage or anything. Don’t move in with a woman or let her move in with you.

Stay free.

Follow the tags for this post, like “Free Men” and “Marriage Strike” and “Running Game” to be reminded why you should stay free and how to make the most of this time of year.

As always, feel free to comment. 

When Someone Regrets Being a Parent

Duncan Jones recently issued a couple of controversial tweets: [This entry is bumped up from January 2019.]

I have 2 kids. 2 1/2 years and 9 months old respectively. I’ll tell you something I never see anyone admit... they are exhausting, frustrating and life-destabilizing. They are rarely fun. Sure, smiles are great, hugs are lovely, but it’s HARD and not obviously a good choice in life.

This is where people feel compelled to say “i wouldn’t change it for the world!” But you know... Of course I’d reconsider! It’s exhausting! Its banal! It’s like looking after a dog you can’t housetrain. What it is, is that it is. and they are mine. Hopefully they turn out ok.

Columnist Matt Walsh, conservative Catholic hubby and dad that he is, lit into Jones and those who responded in solidarity.

What's most concerning is the reaction these tweets provoked. In the 24 hours or so immediately after they were published, a sizable portion of the responses were entirely supportive and sympathetic. A bunch of parents decided to join the fray and register public complaints about their own children. Until saner voices joined the discussion, the thread was a long litany of unseemly parental bellyaching. And not just vague "parenting can be tough" type complaints, but much more specific and personal "my life is miserable and my kids are awful" type complaints.

Those are their experiences. Yes, they shouldn't say these things if they are using their true identity and thus their kids can find out about it. In some cases, it won't matter because the kids are already too far gone, but in most cases, sure. But let's be honest. Walsh isn't just upset that their kids might see this. People like Walsh don't want people speaking the truth about parenthood: that for some people, it brings misery. Some people aren't suited to it.

Let's not deflect from the fact that many people regret having children. Many of them aren't being great parents as a result. Let's encourage people to think very carefully about becoming parents, instead  of saying "Oh, it will all work out! You'll love it! Don't worry, just do it!"

Women who do this are told they're ignoring their motherly instincts. Men are told they're just immature.

Is Divorcing Over Infertility Justified?

On X, I saw a screenshot of what appeared to be a Reddit post from a wife whose husband is divorcing her over infertility.

The X account was appalled at what the man was doing.

If you say that marriage is for procreation, indeed multiplying (and you mean by that creating three or more children), then isn’t their marriage invalid? Isn’t he right to end it and seek another bride?

Adoption isn’t multiplying. Someone else has already had the child. Adoption can be a beautiful thing, but it’s not multiplying.

Multiplying is conceiving more children, and according to a popular pastor I’ve heard, it’s having three or more children, presumably those children living long enough to repeat the cycle.

If you’re a philosophical naturalist or have any other overarching beliefs about reality that indicate the “point” of life is to perpetuate your genes, then of course he should do what it takes to spread his genes. Most Western women aren’t going to support or even tolerate him doing that with another woman while still married to her. Would this man’s wife support using “third party” reproduction so ensure his genes continue?

Worldview matters here. If the point of life/marrying is multiplying or perpetuating genes, he’s justified in seeking someone else.

If someone is going to say he’s obligated to stay married to this woman and NOT spread his genes through other women or “third party” reproduction, then they are admitting that multiplying is not mandatory and not a highest priority. They should also explain under what conditions divorce is permitted and hold women to those standards, not only men.

If the point of marrying is simply companionship, why involve the government?

Whatever your position on these matters, consistency will make your claims more serious to your audience.

It’s OK To Be Free

Marriage sellers and people who simply haven’t thought through marriage being an actual choice often start with a presumed default that marrying is the normal thing to do, and that everyone, or at least most people, should plan on marrying and seek to do it.

But it’s not the default.

Marriage doesn’t just happen.

Our default state is being free. To marry, we at least have to agree to enter into marriage. Usually, especially for men, it involves much more than that.

Simply don’t do those things - don’t agree to marry - and you won’t marry. (Note that in some places, you’re considered legally married in at least some aspects if you live together long enough - avoid that!)

Stop accepting marriage as a default, a goal, or as inevitable.

Instead, embrace being free. Plan life and set goals with the mindset of being and staying free.

Most people who sell or accept marriage as the goal for all start with thinking marriage is a given. “Of course I did. My parents were married,” they might say. Yet they still expect someone who had unmarried parents to seek to marry. Or, if their parents weren’t married, they might think the problems they have were caused by their parents not being married. But that might not be true.

When people reorient their thinking away from “Who should I marry?” to, “Why marry?”, they’re much more likely to stay free.

Do that. Teach yourself and others to ask, “Why marry?” For most men, there’s nothing good they get from legally marrying that they can’t for less cost, risk, and hassle otherwise.

Embrace and share the fact that it’s OK to stay free.

When you reorient your thinking to plan to live free and to permit yourself to be happy as a free man, it’s more likely you will be happy.

Reject the notion that you’re somehow a loser, failure, or sinner simply because you’re free. You’re not.

We often hear unmarried people are unhappy. But that’s including people who want to be married or think they’re supposed to be married. It also includes people who aren’t married BECAUSE they are miserable people to be around. There are very happy free men, and you can be one of them. Maybe you already are!

It’s OK to be free. And when you evaluate your life and live truly embracing that, you can be so much better off, so much happier.

Most Marriages Fail

Here are some facts about marriage:

• A smaller percentage of the population in the USA is married than at any time in the country's history
• Absent an extensive and upheld prenuptial agreement specifying otherwise, legal marriage is a wealth transfer mechanism through which the wealthier/higher-earning spouse will pay the other
• Most women who marry will marry men who do, or will, earn more income than they will
• Legal marriage usually assigns paternity (which means two decades or more of financial obligation) to the husband, regardless of how the wife conceived the child, thereby using the force of law to perpetuate paternity fraud in the case of adultery
• Wives are far more likely to file for divorce than husbands
• Most marriages fail. 

That's right. MOST MARRIAGES FAIL.

If by success we mean "lasting and generally happy", which most people do, most marriages fail.

1) 33-40% of first marriages end in divorce. Subsequent marriages have a much higher divorce rate.

2) Of the marriages that don't legally divorce, easily at least 20% (and probably much higher) fall under one or more of the following categories:
  a) legal separation
  b) physical separation (some people stay legally married for decades after they've split, even if they haven't seen each other in years)
  c) sexual separation (ongoing infidelity, whether or not the spouses are still having sex with each other)
  d) emotionally dead (they are roommates, perhaps with shared financial accounts, largely indifferent to each other)
  e) hostile/abusive
  f) quiet desperation on the part of one or both spouses
  g) miserable (whether or not a-f is involved)

The reason the marriages in category 2 don't end in divorce are a varied: 1. One spouse murders the other, whether or not they then kill themselves (other than the person who claims to have found the body, the default suspect in the murder of a married person is their spouse... what does that tell you???) 2. Before divorce can take place, one or both spouses die (whether suicide, overdose, illness, accident, disaster, violent crime, etc.) 3. They were too chicken, masochistic or otherwise mentally ill, or too much creatures of habit to bother divorcing.

So, 33 (which is a lowball) and 20 (which is also lowball) add up to 53% of marriages being "failed" marriages. 

A failed marriage isn't just a problem emotionally/psychologically/socially/spiritually, for a breadwinnining man it can be financially devastating:

• Wives make 80% of the purchasing decisions in a marriage, meaning the earnings of a breadwinning man usually go to buying goods and services he'll never use and maybe never wanted. If she incurs debts, those debts are also his.
• In a divorce, he can be compelled to pay for her legal team as well as his own.
• She can get 50% or more of the marital assets, meaning anything he earned during the marriage, no matter how bad of a spouse she was.
• In some places, like where I live, ten years means she gets lifetime alimony. In the UK, a husband divorced for many years started earning much more income, only to have the courts compel him to pay even more alimony!
• She is more likely to get (more) custody of children, thus getting child support through college.
• Even if the husband didn't want another child and his wife conceived one with the neighbor, the husband can be compelled to pay child support for that child through college.

Since most marriages fail, and the state marriage contract punishes breadwinning men, what is wrong with warning men that most of them should avoid getting legally married? Shouldn't they be warned before they spend large sums of money, time, and emotional labor and capital on an engagement and wedding, and subsequent anniversary gifts, and arguing and counseling/therapy/retreats and all of the other things they don't want to do, and divorce lawyers? Given the statistics, isn't it a responsible thing to strongly caution men?

Some marriage sellers, even if they sometimes claim marriage will make men happier, dismiss happiness as a measurement of success. Catch them while they're in the right mood, and you'll find them saying that marriage is a duty or obligation and your happiness doesn't matter a hill of beans. They want people to marry because:

• They think it will mean more children, and more children raised in good conditions, because studies have shown that children raised in legally intact marriages have done/behaved better than children raised in other conditions.
• They don't want people fornicating.
• They don't want men doing other things they like to do, like play video games or hang out in bars, so it is better to have them running errands at the behest of a woman.
• Women and children are less likely to be on the dole if there is a father/husband in the home.

That's right, men. You are supposed to stop doing what you want to do, and pay for other people and do what they want you to do. "But women don't want to do family-generated chores and errands either!" All the more reason not to marry!!!

Marriage is extremely expensive for a breadwinning man, and most marriages fail. Bemoan these facts if you want, but they are facts, and we have to deal with reality.

Having a Family Doesn't Guarantee Happiness

Men Going Their Own Way

You Don't Need a Wife

To What Should Males Aspire?

Why You Don't Want to Get Married

Don't Let the Holidays Lead to Less Freedom, Guys

 

Free Men, hopefully you didn't spend your Thanksgiving catering to a woman, her family, her friends, or having some woman along with you as you visited your family. If you're not in the USA and not American, you probably didn't have to deal with anything like that.

But wherever you are, if you're somewhere Hanukah, Christmas, or January 1 are celebrated, you need to implement or continue your holiday game plan.

There are two main considerations for you:

1) Dealing with family and "friends" who will be asking you (or pestering you) about your status as a free man. You now how it goes. "When are you going to get married?" Questions like that.

2) Avoiding spending those special days with a woman who wants to take away your status as Free Man, or will be expecting you to spend a lot of time, money, and effort on her.

Don't do something foolish and start thinking there is "the one" to whom you should hand over your freedom. Don't be so ignorant, delusional, or masochistic that you're thinking you want to be exclusive with a woman.

Should You Legally Marry If You Want Children?

One of the main points of this blog is to urge most men to avoid legally marrying.

But what if you want to be a father?

Do you REALLY want to BE a father?

Do you really want to be a father, or is it that you have your religion, your family and/or your friends, or a woman you're with pressuring you? Do you really want to be a father or do you want the mistaken FANTASY of fatherhood? Unless you use a bought egg and a rented womb, fatherhood will forever tie you to a woman, no matter how terribly she acts or treats you. Most women today don't have both the desire and understanding to truly be good mothers, and are even less prepared to be good partners.

We hear all of the time that statistics/studies indicate children of legally married parents are better off, and so you should legally marry if you want to raise children.

But this is misleading.

Why People Want You To Marry

Men are told to get married.

If it weren't for the constant drumbeat of marriage sellers, there would be even more men joining the marriage strike than have already.

Boys are sold marriage from the earliest ages. It's in the media we consume from the earliest ages.

Why? Why do people want you to get married?

There are many reasons.

Some might have bought into the flawed claims that men are better off if they marry. That's almost never the real reason someone will urge you marry. Let's consider some of the reasons.

Be Smart About Food Costs

As you know, food prices are significantly higher. It’s even worse if you live in certain “blue” states and cities. As I write this, fast food prices have just been driven up again in California by legislators micromanaging those places and the wages they pay.

If you’re a very high earner so that your time is expensive, it is relatively inexpensive to hire someone to prepare your home meals. They can even do it once per week for the whole week. It’s certainly less expensive than a wife!

For the rest of us…

While it can take some time, planning, and other effort, you can save money (and be healthier!) by eating more home meals.

You don’t need to be a chef, but you do need some basic kitchen safety habits. It’s never been easier to prepare your own meals. There’s an endless supply of free information online, there are books, there are free or inexpensive local classes, informing you of everything from tips to recipes. You can also recreate your favorite fast food tastes at home, if you really want to.

In general, unless you’re homesteading, the cheapest way to eat is getting your groceries from supermarkets, superstores (like the larger Walmarts), membership stores, and the like. Don’t dismiss places marketing to ethnicities different than your own. Yes, using their club card, app, or credit card will mean they will track everything you buy and keep it in a file about you. Do you really care? It will make your purchases cheaper (as long as you never carry over a balance on the credit card).

Pay attention to those ads and coupons that come to your physical mailbox. Just as you can find food prep and recipe tips online, you can find shopping tips online that will save you money.

In general, the more “raw” and less processed the food, the less expensive. Yes, you can buy frozen cheeseburgers complete with buns, but you’re probably saving money if you buy ground beef to cook yourself. But stores are increasingly offering prepared, “grab and go” meals that might save you over fast food joints and other restaurants.

Buying in bulk can also lower costs, providing what you’re buying doesn’t go bad before you consume it. Don’t buy more than you need.

If you’re not already doing it, you’d be surprised how tasty and filling it can be to simply eat a vegetable (like a carrot) or piece of fruit. You don’t even need to cut them up and process them.

You can have air fryers, slow cookers, blenders, bread makers, coffee makers, and other food processors at home. You can have a thermos and other containers to make it easy to take home prepared meals with you to work or wherever else you’re going. You can make most of your meals for an entire week in one afternoon or evening, especially if you’re willing to make more than one meal out of the same dish.

Pay attention to the drinks you’re buying when you’re out. Fancy coffees, shakes, booze, teas, sodas/pop ain’t cheap. Driving? Take water with you or whatever drink you make at home (no boozing and driving!) and if you must do a drive through, that alone will save you money. Getting table service? Nothing wrong with water.

Fast food prices have risen so much it can make sense to instead order pickup/takeout from a table service place instead. For example, if you want a burger or chicken sandwich, there are places like Red Robin and many others. Order it to go using an app, website, or phone call. Even better if you’re going to be out running errands in the area anyway. A minimal tip will suffice. The total cost won’t be much more than a lower quality fast food order.

And, finally, you’re saving a lot if you’re running game, because you’re not paying for the meals and drinks for a woman (and her kids or friends!). Even if you’re not running game, but just not dating at all, that saves you money, guys. 

I feel bad for small business owners suffering because of government interference and inflation. I feel bad for the people who won’t get jobs or enough hours because of these government-imposed labor costs. Automation will increase. But as a consumer, your priority needs to be your own finances. 

If you you will be enjoying fast food or other restaurants, consider local “mom and pop” places and be aware that some other places are corporate-owned, others are franchised. Franchisees can be large or small. Bottom line: Who owns the places you’re considering? A big business or a small business? It’s possible your local McDonald’s is actually a small business.

Stop! Don't Propose! Don't Marry!

Guys, if you're thinking about proposing as a holiday surprise or just because you think it is a romantic time of year to propose, DON'T DO IT. If you are thinking about getting married, like many people do on New Year's Eve, DON'T DO IT!!! Don't propose on Christmas Eve or Christmas. Don't propose or marry on December 31. Don't do either on Valentine's Day. DO NOT DO IT!!!

Odds are, proposing is/was a mistake. This is a statistical fact.

Consider:

1) 33-40% of first marriages end in divorce. It is well over 50% for second marriages (70% if stepchildren are involved).

2) Enough of the other marriages are problematic enough of the time that literally, between divorce and "bad" marriages (including marriages that effectively end but don't legally divorce, or in which one spouse dies or is killed by the other before divorce could take place) most marriages are a mistake.

3) On top of that, add in the engagements that don't make it to marriage that end with drama and/or bitterness.

So, statistically, proposing is a mistake, a very big mistake.

Success Sequence

Certain behaviors and accomplishments are associated with personal success, meaning that if you do these things, you are unlikely to officially be, or stay for long, in the designation of "poverty." Some of you, especially the older you are, haven't stuck to all of these things, but you can start. And if young people are able to adhere to these, they are likely to be successful.

Know Thyself - Knowing thyself will help you avoid wasting energy, money, or time, which is even more precious than money.

Avoid Crime - Serious crime puts you in touch with bad people, limits what you can do, subjects you to extortion, and makes it more likely you'll have to deal with expensive investigations, prosecutions, and lawsuits. It also tarnishes your reputation.

Avoid Substance Abuse - You've got one body. You've got one brain. Don't abuse it. That goes for alcohol, legal and illegal drugs, tobacco, and food. Substance abuse is costly financially as well as in limiting your choices.

Exercise - You don't need to join a gym. You can walk, swim, bike, play, lift heavy objects, do pushups and situps. Exercise may help you avoid or delay significant health problems. You don't need to exercise for two hours per day. But if you're not getting enough movement in while working, you need to do it on your own time. If you're not worried about being vulnerable, things like NOT looking for the closest parking spot, but rather parking far enough to get some brisk walking in, can help, as can taking stairs or steps instead of elevator or escalator.

Good Hygiene - Nobody wants to be around someone who smells bad or looks unkempt. Washing your body, keeping your hair and hands clean, taking care of your teeth are all important. Dental problems are expensive!

Build Friendships and Networks - Even if you're not religious, you should consider joining a religious congregation. Many don't require any formal process to get the benefits of networking, and with a wide variety (at least here in the USA), you can find something that doesn't turn you off. But that's just one way. Joining clubs, getting friendly with your neighbors, or any countless other ways to make friends can be help you.

Business Is Not Play - When it comes to things like employment, financial transactions, purchases, etc., get things in writing. Make sure you've read and understood anything to which you're agreeing. Know what's going on. Know your rights, entitlements, obligations, and options.

See Doctors - A lot of health problems will be much smaller if diagnosed early. Go to your doctors.

Develop Systems and Habits That Work For You - This goes for just about any area of life. Maybe getting your exercise when you first wake up is best for you. Maybe you're better off doing it just before you go to bed. Maybe you're not the kind of person to ever have a spotless house with nothing at all out of place, but as long as you have ways of meeting your obligations without undue waste (for example, wasting hours looking for one piece of mail), that's fine.

Get Educated/Trained/Mentored - Education may or may not involve college, depending on what you need. Maybe a trade school is what you need. Finding an older, experienced person, especially if they're planning to retire in the next five to ten years, to mentor you, can be an huge help. The goal here is to be able to earn (more) money. How you get there depends on what it is you're going to do.

Earn Income and Seek Better Paydays - Get a job, just about any legal job, if you're not getting the job you REALLY want. Getting a job or getting work doesn't mean you can coast. Seek jobs or work that will pay you better even as you already work a job. Do NOT feel badly that you will need to leave behind someone who hired you when you get a better offer. In this aspect of life, you need to do what is best for you. That's business.

Plan, Budget, Save, Invest, Insure - Until you're retired, you need to spend less than you're earning, and invest the surplus. You need to know how much you're spending on what. It's better to save up to make big purchases than it is to pay interest. Actual needs come before wants. You should have an emergency fund. Big purchases, like vehicles or a home, can only be done if you're going to be able to afford adequate insurance coverage. You should have growing retirement funds. If you want a home (meaning, your own building with dirt and a permanent foundation under it), you want to be able to put a big down payment on it if not buy it outright.

Stay Free - This is presented by marriage-and-family sellers as "Get married before having children." However, it's much easier to succeed financially if you don't ever legally sign away your earnings and don't knock anyone up. Do not co-sign for anything, do not have joint accounts or joint assets. Her name should not be on a mortgage, deed, lease, rental agreement, or loan for which you have paid or are making any payments. You can stay free either by running game or going to monk mode. When you run game, you keep dates to $40 or less. A free man can earn a lot less money and still be successful, because he only has to pay his own way through life. Do not marry.

Some economists and sociologists will tell you, or at least imply, that the items highlighted in green are enough for most people to rise/stay out of poverty. But the more of these one does, the better. 

As always, there's the "fine print." There ARE people who get a high school education, are continually employed thereafter, and don't have children outside of marriage and who stay in poverty. Also, correlation isn't causation. For example, the reason someone might not complete their high school education or equivalent is that they had a parent die or leave and they had to get a job to support the family. Or they got sick. And these things kept them poor. It wasn't that they didn't complete high school. Someone can do all of the things listed above, and some crime, some disaster, some illness, some injury can keep them in poverty.

Consider, though: Doesn't it ring true that if someone is able to do those things, it is likely they will stay, or rise, out of poverty? Or, to put it another way, aren't you more likely to be poor of you don't earn income, if you don't manage your finances with any awareness or planning, if you start cranking out kids with various women from an early age?

We have many examples of people who were in poverty but worked their way out of it. Their common behaviors can indicate how others can do it.

It’s Thanksgiving in the USA

I’ve got much for which to be thankful. Unfortunately, this time of year is forever tainted by a very unpleasant memory I have because I married.

Some of you Americans are trying to distract yourself online today to escape marital or family drama. I feel for you.

I hope you’re doing well overall, dear reader.

A special thanks to all of you who are hosting today or the next few days, and inviting people who don’t have a pleasant option elsewhere. And a special thanks to all of you who are working today. I’ve been there.

Get a Vasectomy

Hey, you... sir... yes, you.

Chances are, whatever your situation, getting a vasectomy will be one of the best things you can do for yourself (if you're not already shooting blanks.)

Why? Because children take a lot of time, money, and energy, and complicate your life. They also tie you to a woman for the rest of life (with the possible exception of using a donated egg and rented womb). And, chances are, you can't provide a new child with a stable, lasting, loving, healthy marital home in which that child will be raised.

Whether you have children or not, you should probably get a vasectomy.

If you are 50 or older, you're too old to raise kids from birth, regardless of your wife's age, and you should definitely get a vasectomy.

But you should probably get one if you're younger, too.

If you aren't eager to have a(nother) child, you should probably get a vasectomy.

If you can't come up with a logical, coherent, rational, unselfish reason why you should have a(nother) kid, don't make a new child. This would be another human being we're talking about. Doing it because she wants it isn't a good reason. And you definitely shouldn't have a child if you already have a child (who wasn't adopted away) with a different woman, or if you aren't sure 1) you're with a woman who is good mother material, 2) you want to be with her for the long haul, 3) you're compatible, and 4) there are no red flags. (That pretty much means you shouldn't have a kid.)

I can give you reasons NOT to have a(nother) kid.

As I always say, I can't address every religion. I know there are religions out there that tell men not to get vasectomies. What I can tell you is that there is no Biblical command to avoid getting a vasectomy.

Condoms and other methods of contraception aren't 100-percent effective. Pulling out is not effective. Condoms are not always effective, women have been known to poke holes in them or retrieve the contents, women have tried to get themselves pregnant via “outercourse”.

The surgery itself is easy to go through. Mine was virtually painless. After having it lab tested a couple of times, it removes so much worry and uncertainty and risk. It reduces the amount of power any woman will have over you. Remember that each sperm cell a woman gets from you is like you handing her a blank check.

Even if you think you'll never have intercourse or any other kind of sex again, at least not with a fertile woman, get a vasectomy. Things change. And as strange as it sounds, a woman can still get your sperm even if you don't choose to have sex with her, such as by retrieving some after you masturbate or have a nocturnal emission or by assaulting you while you sleep. So, get a vasectomy to ensure that can't happen.

If you're worried that you might change your mind, freeze some sperm. But NEVER allow that frozen sperm to be donated.

So, ask your general doctor for a referral to get a vasectomy. Do not let anyone talk you out of it. This should be YOUR decision, not anyone else's.

One of the most basic things a man can do to protect himself, protect his life, protect his finances, and prevent himself from having to deal with a bitter, irrational creature who hates his guts is to get a vasectomy.


Motivations for Going Child Free

What A Woman Can Do With Your DNA

You Can Persuade Rather Than Parent

To What Should Males Aspire?

Running Game Is LESS Work For Most Men

 

A comment was left after this post on how to present yourself when running game:

 

I don't know man. MGTOW seems less work. As they say, the juice is not worth the squeeze. After dating and having a few gals in bed, I just found out that Adult Movies were more easy and clean and less headache. At times I would just pay if I'm in a tough spot. Professionals don't talk about "feelings", they just do their job. So do I.

I understand.

Paying a pro, masturbation (especially with technology), sublimating sexual urges are all ways to deal.

MGTOW and Running Game aren't always mutually exclusive. Some MGTOW date. Others go into "monk mode" or whatever the individual calls it, giving up dating entirely.

Running Game is for men who want "amateur" female company, but do not want to spend a lot of money, effort, time, emotion, or give up their freedom or be mistreated by a woman.

It does take a little effort to set up your presentation, but many aspects of that - like having a Google Voice number or something similar - are probably good things to be doing anyway in order to protect your identity, even if not seeing amateurs. And once your presentation is set up, maintaining it isn't much effort.

One of the primary reasons to run game is to reduce effort and hassles, and once you get past the initial startup, it makes life so much easier. It's definitely easier than marriage or dating with marriage as a goal, or dating in the ways that are promoted by marriage sellers or most mainstream media. It's also not criminalized. It's not for everyone, but it does work for some.

Is That Really in the Good Book?

I added a link in the right column of this blog. It's for a website called Biblical Sex. Maybe you don't consider the Bible an authority on matter of sex, but you probably interact with people who do. Some people try to base laws on it. We often hear people appeal to what they think the Bible says about sex, erotic media, erotic fantasies, and looking at the bodies of other people.

The Biblical Sex website tries to clear up what the Bible actually commands and doesn't command, in doing so, the website often disagrees with that is taught in certain conservative religious organizations and movements. I'm not saying I agree with everything the website says, just that it is worth reading the articles there.

Continue to read this entry if you have any interest.

This Blog Helps Others and Me

[This post is being bumped up because it is still relevant.]

Someone left a comment after this post about how most men don't need a wife and explaining how men can manage life well without one:

I wonder if your therapist knows about this obsessive blog or your preoccupation with such negative views. I really don’t believe this blog is healthy for you or your peace of mind (or your children’s in the long run). I hope someday you will find peace and your way out of this cage you seem to be trapped in. I hope God gives you the tools you need to do this and you can be whole, happy and fulfilled again. I’m sorry if this seems presumptuous but you open your life to interpretation when you wrote a blog like this. 

It seems strange that comment was left on a post encouraging men to be responsible for themselves and manage life well.

I appreciate the well-wishes.

I probably mentioned that I do this to my therapist, perhaps years ago. At this point I go to him because it satisfies my wife. I wouldn't even call it therapy at this point. But, my insurer covers most of the cost and it is time I don't have to run around taking care of everyone else at home. I do find writing this blog helpful and therapeutic in and of itself.

The comment doesn't bother attempting to counter anything I've posted on this blog. Like many others I get here and on Twitter, it is pretty much just saying "You shouldn't say this."

Why not?

What am I primarily doing with this blog?

1. Warning, preparing, and encouraging men for dealing with the world as it is. (And the truth about the world is the truth regardless of my own personal experiences.)

2. Sharing my own personal experiences.

3. Letting women see how men think and experience life.

Why would someone be upset by any of those? They can argue about the first and third. They can present a different perspective, cite facts that might go against what I've written, etc. They can't really argue with my personal experiences. They can say they don't think they should be shared. OK. Why not?

It's fine for people to share their experiences that have been very different from mine. It's done all of the time.

For all three of those things above, mostly the first two, my perspective has shifted over time, so I am persuadable. I used to be a marriage seller. And I use to be deluded about my own marriage. The shift can be seen on this very blog. So if I have something wrong, show me.

There seems to be a segment of society that doesn't want the truth about these things discussed. Everything is supposed to be hidden. It's somehow wrong, according to some, for a man to be honest about his experiences or to point out the realities of today's world.

I don't agree. While not all truths need to be spoken in every place, at every time, to every person, the truths I present in this blog need to be shared, especially for men who are contemplating something that is going to significantly and negatively impact them for the rest of their lives.

The Risks of an "Ancestry" DNA Test

With Christmas upon on us [this entry has been bumped up but it still relevant], a lot of people are going to get the "gift" of a DNA test marketed for ancestry determination. "Oh! Look! I'm 5% Estonian!" Whether from "23AndMe" or Ancestry or whatever, these things have HUGE risks and even if you refuse to submit your DNA, your life can be ruined from someone in your family submitting theirs. 

Does it REALLY matter what your genetic ancestry is? I suppose you might be interested if it can get you a piece of casino profits or a scholarship to college.

But lets consider the risks, in no particular order:

1) A corporation and/or a totalitarian foreign government will have your DNA. Think of what they can do with information.

2) Wouldn't this make it easier for law enforcement to get your DNA?

3) Surprise! Your father isn't your biodad or your sibling is really your half sibling. Ain't that great? Wow, this certainly improves your life, right?

4) Surprise! Your dad has another kid out there who now finds you and your inheritance just got smaller. Oh, and now your sister has fallen in love with that guy (who is your half brother and hers) and they're having sex. (Yes, that happens.)

5) [KNOCK KNOCK] "Hi! I'm the child you never knew you had! Yeah, it turns out that one night stand you had with that girl from that one class in college got pregnant and never told you! Now you owe me 20 years of child support. PAY UP!!!"

An upside from taking a test like that is unlikely. The potential downsides are HUGE! Don't buy those tests for others, discourage your family from doing them, and don't do one yourself.

If you REALLY feel a DNA test is necessary, use a discreet service that doesn't advertise on television, doesn't post results online, and guarantees strict confidentiality.

Important Messages to Young Men - Know Thyself

The intro to this series is here.

Know thyself. Generally, the younger you are, the more about yourself you still have to discover. Also, things might change over time with experiences and with your determination to change something. Know yourself as you are now, and accept that you can and will change to some extent. 

Even though you’re young, what I advise here applies to you and is something you can do many times throughout your life. 

Knowing yourself will inform most of this series. For example, knowing yourself will help with your health and how you spend your time.

Use what you've got.

Develop or buy/rent what you need.

Own your flaws, faults, and shortcomings.

Know what you don't know. You can never know everything, but you can know where to find out or where to find someone who knows what you don't.

You can take calculated risks. What’s a good risk or bad risk might depend on who you are. 

Know what your goals are. For example, having children isn't for everyone, but if you want to truly want to be a father, then that should inform most of what you do. Do you want to work for yourself? Do you want to climb someone else’s ladder? Do you want live on a boat? Only you can figure out your goals. Leaving them up to a parent or partner isn’t good. 

One thing all of you should know is that if you’re an adult male, you ARE a real man. Don’t be manipulated by other people claiming you have to do what they like in order for you to be a real man.

Why Men Send Unsolicited Crotch Shots

There are two basic reasons men send unsolicited crotch shots, or "d--- pics".

1) Exhibitionism has long been a thing. The stereotype used to be of the guy wearing the hat and coat flashing women in a park. Now it can be done with a smart phone.

2) Much more commonly, the "average Joe" (whether he is average down there or not) does it because he has accepted the ridiculous notion that men and women are not different.

It's quite simple, really:

Most heterosexual men would be somewhat aroused by receiving an image of a woman's genitals, even unsolicited, even if he doesn't know her, even more so if he had reason to believe it was an image of the woman who is in contact with him, and she intentionally sent it to him. (We're not talking about injured or diseased genitals, although a few guys probably have a fetish that covers that.)

As these guys would want a woman to send a picture of her genitals, they reason that since women and men are pretty much the same except for certain exterior body parts, she's likely to want to see his genitals as much has he wants to see hers.

A lot of women can't believe men think this is a good way to attract or arouse women. "Don't these men know the truth?" No, they don't, because they've been told over and over again that women are just like men, including when it comes to sex.

But the truth is out there. Extremely, and I mean extremely rare is the woman who likes getting unsolicited crotch shots from men. Heck, most women don't want crotch shots from men they're in love with, and the ones who do are more about liking that they have, according to the picture, aroused a man they care about.

Guys, she's either disgusted or she's laughing at it, and, often, sharing it with her friends so they can make fun of you.

Men and women ARE different, and it isn't just a matter of socialization. Do you think society has socialized men to want to see the genitals of other men? No, but gay males tend to have the same reaction to unsolicited crotch shots of men as heterosexual males have when it comes to those of women.


[Edited to clean up typing mistakes.]

Pledging Marriage For Life Doesn't Make Sense

Life is very different than when our marriage laws where written. Life is very different than when our customs about marriage were solidified.

Most people used to live their entire lives in the same place, unless they got traded away in slavery or were sent off to war. Upward mobility wasn't much of a thing. You grew up working the family farm or in the family business, or you got an apprenticeship in someone else's family business. Usually, everyone in the area shared the same religion. Most people lived in farming villages but even if you lived in a city, your prospects for partners were minimal. If you got paired up with someone, either per your family or your own efforts, you stuck with them because there was a little other choice. If you were a woman, leaving was likely to mean destitution. A man could rape his wife and beat her without running afoul of the law or society, and he could beat his children into submission or kick them out of the home. But for anyone who needed to raise his own help, a fertile wife and resulting children were appreciated. Leisure and recreation were limited and retirement wasn't much of a thing.

Today, we can reach around the world instantly with our communications, and travel to anywhere in the world in a matter of hours. We have the potential to interact with millions of people over our lifetime. Education and career training can take decades, we can take promotions offered from the other side of the planet, and changing jobs, changing entire careers, and moving from one residence to another is quite common. Family law can reward a woman for divorcing her husband, and her friends and other cultural elements might urge her to do so. Leisure and recreation play a much larger role in the lives of most of us, and most people expect to retire with decades left to live.

Why Running Game Works

Running game helps you get what you want for as little cost (money, time, effort, freedom, etc.) as possible. It works.

But why does it work?

Running game works because of how women are.

Boys are often told they need to jump though all sorts of hoops, be successful, hard workers, good earners, romantic, generous, sensitive, sweet, strong, chivalrous... on and on and on... to get a woman. But it's just not true.

How do we know it's not true?

One extreme way of knowing it's not true is that there are women who are sexually attracted to men in prison for being serial killers or for raping children.

A far more common way of knowing it's not true is that we all know young, attractive women who are or were with unreliable jerks and deadbeats; many of them allowed those guys to knock them up. Ever hear women talk about their ex husbands, ex boyfriends, baby daddies, and what terrible guys they are? Those are the guys who turned them on so much, they were willing to have intercourse and do all sorts of other sex acts with them.

The proof is in what women do, not in what they say they want.

There's a very small percentage of men that many women will immediately want to have sex with based solely on his body and face. Many of those men are gay. Other than that, it's about how you carry yourself and what she thinks you can do for her.

Why Did I Get Married?

Why did I ever want to get married?

If you read this blog, you have to have noticed that I now warn most men against marrying. So why did I get married? Why did I want to?

Well, it can probably be explained by several things, including, in no particular order:

• being raised by middle-class married parents
• choosing Evangelicalism (which wasn't my parents doing), which was pushing marrying as one of the central, main goals in a good life
• virtually all media I was exposed to growing up and into my early adulthood portrayed marriage as the goal, as the default, as the happily ever after, and implied that only a loser or freak (or gay person) "couldn't" marry
• as far as I knew, my parents and all of their siblings got married and stay married
• likewise my grandparents stayed married until death
• my older sibling got married and, so far, stayed married
  
• being generally conservative, loyal, affectionate, and a "hopeless romantic" 
• wanting sex, and being hoodwinked into thinking that marriage meant lots of good sex, and I was of the belief that "unmarried" sex was wrong (What really constitutes marriage, from a Biblical perspective, is a whole different matter than I realized.)
• thinking I wanted to raise kids and that having and raising kids what something I was supposed to do, and that being legally married was the best way to do that 
• having had a great relationship with a girlfriend and thinking that it would be possible to have that same kind of relationship with a wife who, unlike the girlfriend, is religiously and politically compatible
• mistakenly thinking I'd found a woman who would be compatible, fit the profile of what I was looking for in a wife, and would be a pleasant, positive, productive influence on my life
  

Does any of that sound familiar to you?

That at least three neighbors and some friends and extended family had divorced parents and that my own parents ended up divorcing should have been a tip off, but it wasn't.

Over the years, my delusions slipped away and my ignorance was reduced. That's why I now realized I shouldn't have married, and most men shouldn't.

Our media, our religions, and often our families call much attention to weddings and marriage, but not to divorce, save for scandalous celebrity divorces. If we could see all the misery in marriages, if every divorce was given as much attention as every wedding, if we were to pile together all of the media that claims to help marriages, if we could line up every divorce lawyer out there in one place, and if more thriving free people were visible, fewer men would be so delusional or ignorant as to think as I did.

This is one reason why it is so important to let men and boys know that they don't have to marry; that they can be great men and live good lives without ever marrying.

I was doing well on my own. My finances were in great shape and I was on track to retire very well off and reach my career goals. I enjoyed my hobbies and friendships. I spent time with my parents (separately), siblings, etc. I traveled. I was healthy. I had a nice residence. That was all without being married.

That I enjoyed my time alone and so many of the activities I most enjoyed where solitary should have been a huge clue to me.

Now I know that:

-Most marriages fail. 

-Most men can get everything they want out of life without ever marrying. 

-Marriage is a bad deal for most men.
-Present-day Evangelical restrictions on sexuality aren't all from extant Biblical commands.

-Men can be great Christians without ever legally marrying.

-I had a great life when I was a Free Man.

Don't make the same mistake I did. Stay free.

Why Some Men Refuse to Interact With Women in the Workplace

In some places in America, sexual harassment laws and polices have gotten so absurd we may look back someday and laugh at our own stupidity. But it isn't funny for people who have to deal with the problems now. It isn't funny for grade school boys who get labeled harassers for hugging grade school girls. [This was posted here in May 2012. It is even more relevant than ever.]


As with so many other things that involve the government, the cure is worse than the problems.

Imagine three workplaces:

1) A workplace where interaction between coworkers is dull and strained, with little socialization; everyone is fearful of acting naturally.

2) A predominantly male workplace where men talk and bond freely about things like the latest leading lady in the movies and how hot she is, and where women get asked out for dates, and everyone jokes.

3) A predominantly female workplace where women talk and bond freely about things like the latest leading male in the movies, a star male athlete and his physique, PMS, a jerk of an ex, and everyone jokes.

Now, I know those are just three examples and do not exhaust the spectrum, but who really prefers the first option?

Here's where we are in the workplace in some states:

A regular customer comes in, chats with a favorite employee, and hugs that employee before leaving. A different employee, who was on the other side of the room, files a complaint for a "hostile work environment". The customer and the first employee are barred from hugging again.

That is the world that has been created. Normal, harmless (even beneficial) human behavior that has gone on forever in the workplace is now banned. It isn’t by employer choice, really. Since I believe in property rights and freedom of association, I think business owners should generally be able to hire, fire, promote, or demote anyone or any or no reason, and set the tone of the workplace to their liking. Under that policy, if they create a workplace someone finds hostile, that person can take their services or business elsewhere. Guess who loses? The business owner, if that was a good customer or employee. But employers have lost or are losing the freedom to set the terms and conditions and tone in their own workplace, due to laws and court decisions about sexual harassment.

It’s another way trial lawyers and stupid juries are doing some harm. It is another way the Left takes the fun and joy out of life. Yes, this is a Leftist issue. Sexual harassment is something that has been the drumbeat of Leftist feminists. Leftist feminism was, to borrow from El Rushbo, largely about getting less attractive women greater access to the mainstream, and “hostile environment” sexual harassment is their way of punishing men they find unattractive. That is evidenced by the fact that two people can say the exact same thing ("that's a nice blouse") to the same woman in the same tone, and the male who says it is punished while the lesbian who said it isn't. It is also about forcing all workplaces to cater to female sensitivities, even if there are 100 men there and 1 woman. The people who investigate allegations are usually, guess what, women. Leftist women. And men are more prone to violate restrictions because we're visual creatures, we want sex more than women, and we're expected to do the pursuing.

Policy and law about quid quo pro isn't as ridiculous, but even with that, I tend to prefer property rights and freedom of association. If your boss asks for sexual favors, it is time to find a new place to work, if you don’t want to do your boss.

The Left loves to convince people they are victims, and this is just one more way they can be victims.

I know that discrimination and a bad work environment do hurt some people. None of this is to say I think assault, exposure, stalking, or slander/libel should be legal, nor that I think quid pro quo or creating a hostile work environment is morally acceptable. I have a mother, a daughter, sisters, and a wife. I don't want them treated crudely and rudely. However, I'd like to think they all know how to hold their own against rude jerks. But I'm also a man and I have a father, a brother, and a son, and I don't want any of them screwed over with ridiculous laws and polices stacked against men.

Creating a workplace in which nobody will ever be offended in regards to their sex, body, love life, sexual orientation, or delusions about "gender identity" is not possible. I can only conclude that stringent laws and standards regarding "hostile work environment" in regards to sexual harassment are those that everyone knows will not be followed or met most of the time, and are meant to give women an edge over men and to punish employers and reward trial lawyers and government bureaucrats. Employers subject employees to laughable prevention training for the sake of liability issues, though sometimes it doesn’t matter if everyone's been through training – the employer will still get nailed and have to pay out large sums of money.

Why does sexual harassment get special status? If an employee eats bacon in a lunchroom, is that dietary harassment to someone trying to avoid pork products for weight loss, health, or religions reasons? What about if I eat a big, beefy hamburger in front of a devout Hindu? Or if a vegan tells me how wrong I am for eating meat?

Why has the workplace had to conform to female sensitivities, rather than how things used to be when a woman entered a male-dominated workplace or profession: the thickening of her skin, and often sharp wit on her part that disarmed rude men and charmed others? I've personally known women who broke glass ceilings with no help of quotas or sexual harassment polices – they succeeded because they were outstanding employees who knew how to deal with people as adults.

If I invite someone to my home and I want to be a good host, I’ll strive not to offend them. But since when has there been a right to never be offended anywhere, especially if you are a member of a group favored by the Left? (Nobody cares about offending heterosexual white Christian males.)

Why couldn't I run a workplace the way I’d like? As it happens, I would choose to have a policy against quid pro quo harassment and I would have a fairly high standard for decorum. But that should be my choice, not something determined externally and imposed upon me.

What say you?

*****

UPDATE: Post "#MeToo", some men are refusing to mentor or even hire women, or women who are at all attractive. It's sad, but it is an understandable reaction. Saying "Just don't be a jerk" expresses a nice sentiment, but one that doesn't deal with reality. Men could act within the rules of today, only to find in 10 or 20 years that they're being attacked because their behavior or the words they used have since been deemed problematic.