Marriage sellers and people who simply haven’t thought through marriage being an actual choice often start with a presumed default that marrying is the normal thing to do, and that everyone, or at least most people, should plan on marrying and seek to do it.
But it’s not the default.
Marriage doesn’t just happen.
Our default state is being free. To marry, we at least have to agree to enter into marriage. Usually, especially for men, it involves much more than that.
Simply don’t do those things - don’t agree to marry - and you won’t marry. (Note that in some places, you’re considered legally married in at least some aspects if you live together long enough - avoid that!)
Stop accepting marriage as a default, a goal, or as inevitable.
Instead, embrace being free. Plan life and set goals with the mindset of being and staying free.
Most people who sell or accept marriage as the goal for all start with thinking marriage is a given. “Of course I did. My parents were married,” they might say. Yet they still expect someone who had unmarried parents to seek to marry. Or, if their parents weren’t married, they might think the problems they have were caused by their parents not being married. But that might not be true.
When people reorient their thinking away from “Who should I marry?” to, “Why marry?”, they’re much more likely to stay free.
Do that. Teach yourself and others to ask, “Why marry?” For most men, there’s nothing good they get from legally marrying that they can’t for less cost, risk, and hassle otherwise.
Embrace and share the fact that it’s OK to stay free.
When you reorient your thinking to plan to live free and to permit yourself to be happy as a free man, it’s more likely you will be happy.
Reject the notion that you’re somehow a loser, failure, or sinner simply because you’re free. You’re not.
We often hear unmarried people are unhappy. But that’s including people who want to be married or think they’re supposed to be married. It also includes people who aren’t married BECAUSE they are miserable people to be around. There are very happy free men, and you can be one of them. Maybe you already are!
It’s OK to be free. And when you evaluate your life and live truly embracing that, you can be so much better off, so much happier.
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