Volunteering for Abuse

BRUISED AND ABUSED BOYFRIEND wrote in to Dear Abby:

I have been dating "Carmen" for a few years, but in the last year she has started becoming violent when we are having an argument.

First of all, why has the dating been going on for "a few years"? Do you have no intention of marrying?

I think this is domestic abuse, but she claims it isn't because I'm a man.

WRONG! Geez, so much for equality. The first time she got violent, you should have left immediately, and only returned to her if you were convinced, for good reason, that it was an aberration. The second time should have meant it was over. I'd say "call the cops" but you'd probably be the one arrested, so you should have 1) left, telling her never to contact you again, and 2) if she did contact you, filed a restraining order.

So far, I have restrained my instincts -- but eventually I know Carmen will cross the line and I'm going to snap. I have the potential to hurt her badly.

And then there would be a Lifetime Original Movie about how evil you are.

I have tried everything to make Carmen understand how I feel, but she continues to insist it doesn't matter because I'm so much bigger and stronger than she is.

WRONG! And there's no getting her to understand.

When she hits me, it doesn't hurt physically, but the anger I feel is indescribable.

What she does now doesn't hurt you, but she might do something worse later, or when you’re sleeping. And were you planning to have kids with her? Children are easier to injure, and they don't need to see their father abused anyway.

Stop rationalizing and LEAVE!!!

I'm at the end of my rope and considering breaking up with her before I hurt her.

Considering? It is bad enough you are still there.

I don't want to end the relationship, but I think it's the only way to make her see things from my perspective.

Who cares if she sees things from your perspective?!? I’m sorry, I know it isn’t a Biblical word, but this guy is a p---y. My guess is that he's rationalizing it because crazy chicks give wild sex. And that's all good, but only until she cuts it off and puts it into a garbage disposal.

Or should I call the cops the next time she hits me?

While that is exactly what a woman should do (call the cops), it isn't advisable for men, unfortunately.

Dear Abby told him to end it.

Please think ahead -- if Carmen resorts to violence when she becomes upset with you, then she very likely will with any children you would have together.

Yup!

Some experts are now saying men are more likely to be subject to dometic violence than women. I don't know if there is a way of knowing for sure, but we do know who is more likely to be arrested, and who has the shelters and assistance programs waiting for them, etc.

The sex of the perp and the sex of the victim doesn't matter. Do NOT tolerate abuse. It is better to be alone than to be in a bad relationship, but there are billions of fish in the sea anyway, so chances are, you'll find someone a lot better.