Unpaid?

"When someone is selling something, they don't like it when other people sell the same or similar product or service for much less." - Me [This entry has been bumped up.]

On Dr. Laura's Thursday, June 18, 2020 show, she took a call from a woman who has had a boyfriend for three years and she called about the possibility of talking marriage. Dr. Laura asked her if they were having sex. Of course the answer was yes. Dr. Laura called her an unpaid whore, which is a term she tends to apply to shackups, which the caller noted because they weren't living together. Dr. Laura went on to say that women like the caller are "giving men sex for nothing."  (I may be conflating the call with another one from the same episode, during which a man challenged the wisdom of marrying without having lived together.)

Aren't they giving each other company and sex? What exactly is he getting out of the relationship that she is isn't?

Again, we see the principle that men are expected to pay for sex, or that women don't enjoy sex.

And, we have no idea what bills of hers he's paying, or what gifts he's giving her. If he's taking her to nice dinners and paying for her vacations, entertainment, recreation, etc., then she is getting paid.

Dr. Laura brought up the white wedding dress and how it's not fair for women who aren't virgins to wear them. Except the truth about white wedding dresses says otherwise.


She made it sound like the relationship was doomed. I don't know the stats, but while most marriages fail (so, odds are, the relationship is doomed), I suspect most lasting, happy marriages involved sex before marriage. For sure, there are people who had sex with each other before marriage and have lasting, happy marriages. Some even had sex on the first date. I'm pretty sure most of the men she has proclaimed to be great husbands were men who had sex with their wives before marriage; it just wasn't the subject of the call or the letter. Most "good husbands" did not marry as virgins. (Remember she basically forbids marrying before you're in your late 20s.) So the relationship isn't necessarily doomed.

Given that relationships that last and are happy are in the minority, I have to wonder how many women there are, callers or listeners, who have let this "You're doomed, he doesn't have any respect for you" thinking ruin what they had, even dumping the guy they would have been happy with the rest of their lives? There is no guarantee they'll find someone better for them. If your disapproval of fornication is intense enough, you're going to say they're better off, and maybe in the spiritual sense they are, but in this life, they might not see it that way, and it would be much more honest to say that your concern is spiritual or about the dynamics of the relationship; citing statistics about the quality or length of such relationships can be misleading.

I'm sure most of these women who call stick with these guys, because agreeing with a prodding, scolding talk show host while on the phone with her is one thing, but when you're horny and feeling good with the guy to whom you're bonded, it's another matter. But there have to be some others who do dump the guys, even if through slow death to the relationship because of the nagging voice implanted during the call.

Dr. Laura went on to say that she wants to do a show about what guys think about women who have sex without marriage. That's highly convenient, because of course she can find 15-20 guys, listeners of hers or whose wives are listeners, who will say what she wants them to say, and she can use the screeners and the dump button to keep any contradicting or questioning statements from airing.

She acts as though supposed 1950s attitudes still apply. Notice I'm not talking about morality. I'm talking about attitudes and perceptions. "There are girls you fool around with, and there are girls you marry." But guess what? Most marriage-minded men these days do not have these as mutually exclusive categories. While most men will have sex with a woman they'd never marry, most will marry a woman they "fooled around with". Most marriage-minded men these days, if it was ever really the case, don't think, "Oh, no way am I going to marry her! She gave it up to me!" There are probably far more men who instead say, "No way am I going to marry her. She wouldn't give it up." And no, these aren't all bad men. For most marriage-minded men, having a sex with a woman doesn't eliminate her from being wife material. Quite the opposite. (Unless she is terrible in bed.)

Yes, there are men who don't want a woman with a "high body count". That is true. But many of those men are avoiding marriage. But there are plenty of other men who don't care at all how many men she's had sex with, as long as she's compatible with them. They might even like it that she's been with a lot of men because they want a wife who likes sex. Also, a woman who is only having sex with boyfriends in relationships that last three or more years isn't going to have a high body count, and, really, there is no way, other than gossip (a big no-no!) a man will even know how many men she's been with.

I know from personal experience a man can still respect a woman with whom he's had unmarried sex.

I know Dr. Laura has been married twice, at least that we know of. Did she marry either of those men without first having sex with them? Granted, her outlook on life has shifted drastically since then, as that was several decades ago, but the fact is, most women in long-term relationships are going to have sex. They enjoy having sex, they want to have sex, and they really don't see a good reason not to, or those reasons are outweighed by their desire to have sex or what sex brings to the relationship. It's a bit silly to act like these callers are outliers, being branded by society/men with a scarlet "S" (or UW), and doomed to fail in their relationship.

As I've said countless times before, I think the show is great and what Dr. Laura teaches in general is very good and helpful, but as you can see, I don't agree with absolutely everything she says or the tactics or tone. Then again, she's the successful broadcaster.