Staking an Exclusive Claim

This appears to be advice from EHarmony.com. I found it here.

"Annie, MN" asked:

Is it foolish for me to continue dating a man who is still seeing another woman?

No. It is foolish to fornicate with him, but not date him per se. Unless people are engaged, they should be open to dating others.

He has been completely honest about his involvement with both of us.

Now how do you know that? He has told you he's seeing another woman. That doesn't mean he's being honest about what they are doing, what he's told her, what his feelings are for her, and whether or not there are yet others he is seeing.

He may be telling you the whole and complete truth, he may not. You don't know for sure. You are assuming, dreaming, hoping, or wishing.

We have only dated a few months but I am ready to date him exclusively.

Why? Do you mean to tell me that if another guy came around who seemed he could be everything you've been looking for, and he asked you out to do something you've always wanted to do, you'd tell him "no"?

You don't really know this guy, and he's not ready to date you exclusively, so why not date others and see what happens? Most men are more likely to ask for exclusivity when they have a reason to. Your lack of interest in dating others (or, perhaps, the lack of interest others have in dating you?) doesn't give him much reason to pledge exclusivity in order to get it.

Only stop dating others if you know you could marry him and he appears to be getting ready to propose marriage to you.

Of course, that's assuming you are looking for a husband, and are dating a man who is looking for a wife. We don't really have a lot of information to work with, though EHarmony does tend to be marriage-focused. We don't know your ages. I'm assuming you are both established and have no minor children. (If you are not established, you should not be seriously dating... just dating for fun.) If you are just looking for a sex partner, the answers may be different.

As I may have mentioned before, what I believe is the ideal (and what I will advise my kids) is that they focus on getting financially/professionally established (and learn who they are), and under the age of 25, their dating should be casual – a way to discover what kind of person they best interact with and enjoy. After that, if they are marriage-and-family-oriented, they should date more seriously, as in letting their dates know early on that they are dating to find a spouse. The moment they realize that someone they are dating would not be the right spouse for them, they should stop spending their time dating that person (and stop bonding that way with the person). Only when engagement is looming should all others be forsaken.

In the response:

It is also normal to expect that while you are getting to know someone and deciding if they are right for you, they will also be dating others and making decisions about who is right for them.

Like I said.

Part of the process of choosing a person to pursue is gauging their interest in you.

You want someone for whom you have passion, but you want them to have passion for you, too.

You mention in your letter that you've been dating this man for "several months." I believe this is more than enough time for him to decide if he wants to pursue you or the other woman he is seeing.

Maybe he enjoys spending time with both of them (and any others) and likes things the way they are?

I would suggest that you politely ask him whether he is ready to commit to an exclusive relationship with you.

I don't think it is been long enough. If neither one of them has seen any red flags and they are both attracted (in every sense of the word) to each other, they should keep seeing each other even if they are not ready for engagement yet. But if there is a red flag, or a fundamental incompatibility, stop seeing him.