FREEZING IN SOUTH CAROLINA wrote:
My wife, "Helene," refuses to speak to me for days or even weeks.Hmmm. Has it always been like this? Is this the way she is, or are you doing something to prompt this? Of course, with some people, this would be a relief!
When I try to find out why or talk to her, she ignores me.Once you have asked her what is wrong, and she doesn't respond, you have done your due diligence. Go about your business. Same goes for when women say "NOTHING!!!" when we ask them what is wrong. We know you are lying ladies, but it isn't worth playing the game. You'll either let us know eventually (very likely) or not.
She has moved into another bedroom, which has become her own little domain. She refuses to have sex or even watch TV with me.No! NOT THE JOINT TV VIEWING!!! How could she be so cruel???
Okay, well, she's breaking her marital vows. Are you earning all or most of the income? If so, is she refusing to accept your financial provisions? Does she stop you from doing chores around the house, like taking out the trash? Probably not. Interesting how that works. She's not disgusted or angry enough with you to stop you from holding up your vows to her.
I have no reason to believe Helene is cheating, and I am certainly not cheating on her.Unfaithfulness isn't just physically fornicating with a side-honey. It is failing to be faithful to your spouse. And that is what is going on here. The question is if it is two people who are being unfaithful, or one.
We are raising my son from a previous marriage, and sometimes I wonder if this is what is bugging her.Oh. Ooooooh. Yeah, could be. She probably thinks you pick him over her. She may see the woman you used to make love to every time she looks at him, mingled with your features. Another example of how it is best to wait until your children are grown before you get into another relationship.
Dear Abby responded:
As much as you love your wife, I hope you realize that her behavior is both passive-aggressive and abusive.Well, yes, assuming this guy isn't a maniac. In which case she should vacate the place and take the kid with her, or call the cops and have him removed.
But let's assume this guy is your regular husband and dad, and simply picked wrong, or she has suffered some trauma she doesn't want to reveal or deal with. In his letter, he says that his kid considers her to be a mom. So, he should try to keep them all together and the atmosphere as pleasant as possible until the kid is grown. It's rotten for him, but it would be best for the kid. Feel free to move on after that, though you'll have to pay dearly to do so. Such is marriage law in America.
On to the second letter.
DAD IN DISTRESS wrote:
Our 23-year-old daughter, "Kristy," lives at home.Why? Has she ever lived on her own?
She works full time and goes to school, but lives here with free room and board, cable TV, etc. She has been seeing a man for a month and now is spending two or three nights a week at "his place."Yes. The options are: live by your rules, or move out and support herself.
I am not unreasonable or naive, but I feel that because Kristy is living under my roof, she should live by my rules, which do not include sleeping over at some man's house after only one month of dating.
To top it off, we have never met him, although we have asked several times to be introduced.Do you really care to meet the guy who is fornicating with your daughter while she lives on your dime? It has only been a month. Chances are, they won't last. Why bother?
Am I being unreasonable?No.
My wife throws up her hands and says, "What can we do?"You can let her run her own life, which includes paying her own way and keeping her own place. Time for her to leave the nest.
Dear Abby pretty much agreed.
So, the husband, who should be getting some lovin' isn't... meanwhile, in another family, a grown child who should be respecting her parents' rules is gettin' some - outside of marriage. Not good.
I pray that if I ever have adult kids living in my home I will have the courage to make them follow the rules or kick them out. It's not too much to be respectful if you're still living at home. I left home basically the moment I graduated high school and started making my way. That's the thing, you take responsibility for yourself, then make any stupid decisions you want. If you're still at home, living like a child, you don't get to act like a grown-up yet.
ReplyDeleteIf the daughter is contributing positively to the living situation, then what is the problem coming and going? Perhaps that is the real problem.
ReplyDeleteJust because she dated someone for one month and stayed over at his house for a night does not mean anything happened.
Funny that the owner of this blog comes to a 'Christian judgement' presuming fornication (seems to be an obsession) but can not say for sure anything occurred. Regardless, they are consenting adults.
I go back to my Mom's home on the weekends and pretty much can come and go, but I do help out with some expenses and labors around the house. I give her money to buy groceries for both of us since she has the time to shop for bargains.
Regading 'Helen' I recall this behavior from my mother growing up with my Dad. It does not make for a happy family situation; I really hated coming home and would never want that kind of 'marriage'.
ReplyDeleteToo bad a kid is involved otherwise this man is wasting his life with a useless shrew.
Thanks for chiming in, Mrs. Roth and sth_txs.
ReplyDeleteIt isn't her home. She is a guest there, and so must abide by their rules. If she doesn't like their rules, she should move out.
Yes, I do write a lot about sex. And fornication falls under that umbrella. As it says at the top of the blog...
"Lately, this blog has been mostly about gender issues, dating, marriage, divorce, sex, and parenting"
I go on to cite my inspriations...
"via analyzing talk radio, advice columns, news stories, religion, and pop culture in general."
There's a lot of fornication in those. I use that term to refer to unmarried sex because I think they should be distinguished (married and unmarried sex).
I write more about other topics in other places.