SAHMs, Dr. Laura, and the Today Show

As was entirely predictable, Dr. Laura's appearance on the Today Show this morning has already prompted fits in the blogosphere. She's promoting her new book, which simply praises "stay at home" moms. But of course, she's not a perfect person, so other imperfect people can automatically ignore the merits of her statements as they blog away by citing some past mess-up on her part. There are some people out there who actually deal with the substance of her statements. You can find one here, and I left a comment.

Over at the Pursuit of Harpyness, there is an extensive analysis (and some vicious reader comments), but I wanted to deal with a few statements here. My analysis is based on what I have heard and read from Dr. Laura – I can’t actually speak for her, of course.

There it is again, the old trope that working mother = neglectful mother. Obviously if you worked and did not neglect your child, then logic dictates that other women can do the same thing.

Yes, that's true. Dr. Laura does say it is possible for women to earn income in some way and still give their child the attention they need. This is not in conflict with her ideal, however, that a husband earn the income, a mother tend to the young'uns as the pimary caretaker, and that through that division of labor, the children will get time with both parents and the husband and wife will have enough time and energy for each other.

You can't do something if you are not there. In Dr. Laura's case, she worked in a capacity where she could have her son with her.

Part of a marriage! I see! So single moms need not apply to your hallowed world filled with SAHMs? Because it’s kind of hard to leave the workplace if you don’t have a partner with their own income.

And who chose to make a baby without a committed and capable man? You see, Dr. Laura's encouraging of mothering does not come in a vacuum. She also advises that women save babymaking for marriage, that they choose their husband wisely, and that men not propose marriage until they are financially able to take care of a wife and any kids they want to have. That includes earning enough to save, invest, and insure – in case the husband gets killed by a robber (who are more likely to be guys raised without their own father). Choosing wisely and treating kindly, as Dr. Laura advises, greatly reduces the chances of divorce. Even so, there is something called... alimony and child support. And I strongly recommend pre-nups to make sure that the person who puts a career on hold will be provided for in the event the other person leaves.

And those gay folk? They can get married in a few places, but my guess is Schlessinger wouldn’t be in favor of any lesbian SAHMs.

Whether two women or two men can get a marriage license or not, she advises that children should have both a mother and a father (you know, the kind of coupling it takes to conceive a child in the first place), living together in a peaceful, stable marriage. A homosexual man can be a great person, but he can't be a mother, even with another homosexual man.

Underpinning all of this is this assumption that men are always the principal breadwinner,

Most women marry men who earn more than they do, and want him to continue to do so. Many of these women do not respect a husband who doesn't.

and that he has enough of an income that the wife doesn't need to take a job,

Yes, you see getting married and conceiving children are almost always voluntary actions, and Dr. Laura advises men to only marry and make babies if they are capable of providing financially.

never mind whether or not she wants one.

We all have choices to make. A man who wants a career that will keep him on the move from city to city and working 6-7 days a week, 14 hours a day, should not get married and have kids. If a woman wants a career and children, unless it is the kind of career where she can have her kids with her and interacting with her, she should be willing to let her husband stay home and still be able to respect him.

Why bother having kids if you are going to have strangers raise them? It's not like we are living in the days where you had them so you could have help on your farm. It's not like we don't have many contraceptive options, including tubal ligation.

From what I can tell, Dr. Laura esteems the ability of women to mother and the importance of her doing so more than a lot of other women in media today. It is a shame so many women think they are easily replaceable as caregivers to their own children.