Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

With the holidays here, I might not be posting much. We'll see. I plan to resume my recent pace of posting new entries and bumping up relevant past ones after the holidays are behind us. Every week, I like to have at least a couple of new entries and bump up a few classic entries, but I might not have time to resume that pace until the 3rd or 4th of the New Year.

I do plan to keep active on Twitter through the holidays. Follow me there, if you don't already. Send me Direct Messages there, if you'd like.

I hope the holidays are going well for you, and that you have a blessed New Year.

Why Do You Read This Blog?

I'd  like to "hear" from you, especially if you're a returning reader. Leave a comment below. You can post anonymously. If you don't want your comment published, say so in the comment and I will delete it after reading it. Comments have to be approved before they can be published.

You don't have to be supportive. Maybe you come here because you hate what I write. Maybe you like it when I write about being miserable (when I do). That's fine, too. Just let me know why you read this blog. If you want more of something or less or something, say so. I might not adjust in a way you like, but maybe I will.

So... tell me. 

Thanks.

(I've asked this question before.)

Does Dr. Laura Need a Change?

Dr. Laura Schlessinger has had an amazing and unequaled career in media. Her long-running terrestrial radio program was nationally syndicated and was a top three program. She quit terrestrial radio and set up on satellite radio at SiriusXM. She has been there for many years now. She has many bestselling books, had a magazine, has done one-woman shows, a written column, and has popular videos, podcasts (excerpts from her program), and posts on social media.

She could retire today with her head held high. There will likely never be another woman in terrestrial radio as successful as she was.

However, she has repeatedly said on her program she doesn't want to retire. It isn't hard to see why. She works from home on a Monday-Friday three hour, mid-day program. She doesn't have to deal with multiple program directors across the country. She doesn't have to make appearances or do interviews. She has complete control over her program. It's entirely audio, so she doesn't have to dress any specific way or get made up, or worry about her appearance or what she's silently doing.

Yet there are four things that indicate to me that if she's not going to retire, she needs a change.

1. She is into her mid-70s

2. Crosstalk severely frustrates her.

3. Society has changed.

4. Talk programs specifically are changing.

This is going to be a long post. I didn't want to divide it into a series.

Jumping to Conclusions

Man kills self, woman most affected. (Consider that a trigger warning.)

I posted about this on Twitter but I wanted to write more about it here.

More Relationship Joy From Dear Abby Column

Both letters in a recent Dear Abby column caught my eye.

BEWILDERED IN CANADA wrote:

I married for the second time two years ago to a younger woman.

BIG MISTAKE. Canada is NOT a place a man should want to get legally married, let alone for a second time.

Seven months after our wedding, she announced she didn't like my dominating personality, which is why she was stepping out of the marriage. She then went back to her deadbeat ex-boyfriend for six months.

That should have been the end of it.

Dear Abby Letter Writer Better Off as a Free Man

Men are told to communicate what they want, but when they do, they're ridiculed as controlling, arrogant, shallow, perverted, callous, and inflexible. [This was originally posted in January 2019 and still holds up.]

Check out this recent letter to Dear Abby from DATING IN 2019 and click through to read the comments:

Lately I have become perplexed at the vanity and immoral behavior now associated with the task of dating.

I wish the printed letter would have explained what he meant by those terms.

I'm a single man living by myself with no responsibilities but my own.

What a great life! Why screw that up with a woman? Anyway, if he's also gainfully employed, not in debt, and not short or hideous, then he should have his pick of women. The thing is, he's picky.

I am looking for someone who will fit into my lifestyle.

Well, pal, very few, if any, women will be like that, although some might pretend to be until they get the keys to your place, or your signature on the dotted line, or your child. They're going to want to change things about your life. And even if they don't want to, there are things about just about any woman that would disrupt your lifestyle. Critical information is left out: his age.

It's Not Too Early to Form Your Holiday Game Plan

Free Men, and men who want to be, it's NOT to early to think about the holidays, and by that, I mean Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hanukah, Christmas, New Years, and Valentine's Day. 

There are two main considerations for you:

1) Dealing with family and "friends" who will be asking you (or pestering you) about your status as a free man. You now how it goes. "When are you going to get married?" Questions like that.

2) Avoiding spending those special days with a woman who wants to take away your status as Free Man, or will be expecting you to spend a lot of time, money, and effort on her.

Don't do something something foolish and start thinking there is "the one" to whom you should hand over your freedom. Don't be so ignorant, delusional, or masochistic that you're thinking you want to be exclusive with a woman.

Do I Have A Moral Obligation To Warn My Wife About Divorce?

Let's assume that I decide that, once our youngest child is 18, which should be after they are done with high school, I'm going to file for divorce.

That's still years away.

In general, do husbands have a moral obligation to give advanced notice? How much in advance?

Do I have a moral obligation in particular?

Please note that I'm not talking about financial or legal strategy. I would talk to an accountant and an attorney about those things.

I'm talking about morality. Would I be morally obligated to tell her I'm going to file for divorce, and how far in advance would that obligation exist?

Keep in mind:

Mark of the Day

Here's the fool, sucker, or mark of the day. In the September 22, 2022 Dear Abby column, RANKING LOW IN NORTH CAROLINA wrote:

My wife died two years ago. I met a woman shortly afterward.

Guys married for a long time who are widowed often make the mistake of quickly jumping into another marriage, not realizing that it is possible to thrive while free and if they had a good wife in their prior marriage, that's a rare thing.

We dated for a year, shared the same hobbies and were very intimate. We were inseparable.

Ah yes, that's what she wanted you to think.

Now, after a year of marriage, we don't do anything together, and she has put on 30 pounds.

That's bad enough, but it gets worse. So much worse.

Her three girls, who I was led to believe were independent at ages 20, 22 and 24, are actually supported in part by her.

NOPE NOPE NOPE! This is why FULL disclosure and customized prenups are  MUST if you're going to be foolish enough to legally marry.

Her 15-year-old son lives with us and just stays in his room playing on his computer. He gets food delivered and does no chores.

NEVER be with a woman who has minor children!!!

I make $250k a year. She works and earns about $50k, and I give her an allowance to help pay for her son's private school and whatever else she wants.

SUCKER!!! With that salary, he could have attracted childfree, younger, hotter women!

It's obvious that I'm not No. 1 in her life.

You won't be number one with any mother.

Since she just returned from a girls weekend (that I funded), I may not even be No. 2.

You're the walking ATM. She probably doesn't even like you.

My friends say I should run, that she's a gold digger who took advantage of me.

Your friends are right. Life doesn't have to be this way.

Dear Abby's answer included:

If you have any desire to save this marriage, tell your wife you are unhappy and offer her the option of counseling.

WRONG! There's no point to counseling. Consult an attorney NOW. If the place is your place, you're at risk of losing it. A good family law attorney can help you get out of this marriage with as little damage as possible. The laws are set up to SCREW YOU OVER. Every day that goes by without a separation or a divorce filed puts you further down a hole. What we have here is another woman who pretended as long as it took to get a sucker to sign on the dotted line (which wasn't long) and then she figured she had his balls and would live off of him, ignoring his needs. So there's no point to trying to make it work. We know what kind of woman she is.

Get free and STAY FREE. If you need female companionship, run game. Or, at least refuse to pay their way through life, and never let them move in with you.

What Did I Expect?

[This entry was initially published in April 2020. Things haven't changed much. The changes are mostly from the kids getting older and more able to take care of themselves.]

There is a school of thought that says if you don't have expectations, you won't be disappointed.

Well, sure. 

But expectations can be reasonable. I expect that if I smash my thumb with a hammer, it's going to hurt.

I expect that if someone employs me, they're going to compensate me as we agreed if I perform the work as agreed.

I expect that if I slow down and stop at a stop sign in a safe and reasonable, manner, any vehicle behind me will do the same.

We all have expectations, some more reasonable than others.

I make it clear on this blog and Twitter that marrying was the biggest mistake I've ever made. Marrying was voluntary. I married because of certain expectations. Without these expectations, I wouldn't have been motivated to marry.

What did I expect?

Based on things like my own parents, the people I've observed, church, media in general, Dr. Laura and Focus on the Family in particular, and based on what I knew about my now-wife, I expected that when my now-wife said she wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, that meant:

1) I was going to be the breadwinner for the family, working full-time and commuting.

2) My wife was going to be the homemaker, social calendar keeper, and primary nurturer of our children. This would entail her keeping the house from becoming a health code violation; handling most of the cooking/meal prep, laundry, and shopping; keeping us in contact with family (both hers and mine) and friends; engaging with the kids while they're home; and getting the kids to where they need to go for various activities and friend time, unless those activities are when I'm home from work.

3) As we discussed, we were either going to homeschool, or, as a backup, place the kids in private school. If that happened, she'd be able to work, at least part-time, and that would more than offset the cost of private school. I would handle more of the domestic responsibilities if she would be working outside the home.

4) We would be making love, or at least having sex, about three times per week. This would involve the occasional "the kids aren't home, lets go wild" time and us seeking, through practice and exploration and education, to pleasure each other intensely, perhaps in new ways, and to grow in our sexuality, almost like making it a hobby. It would involve some, perhaps rare, spontaneity. Making love would be a priority. Of course, during times of illness or extreme circumstances things would slow down or be on hold.

What A Terrible Existence

I'm on Twitter and I am there promoting the messages about relationships, dating, marriage, gender relations, etc. that I do here. I link to this blog in some of my tweets. [This entry has been bumped up.]

Some people who don't like what I say, instead of explaining why, call me an incel. That's short for involuntarily celibate. Celibate means unmarried, but people often use it to mean chaste, for some reason. Trying to insult me by calling me an incel shows that they don't know the first thing about me.

I'm married. I'm not an incel. I'm a regretmarried. And we do have sex. Just not nearly often enough and generally not as good as the sex I got when I wasn't married.

Another way someone tries to insult me instead of actually discussing what I write is by saying things like:

"I really pity your wife."

Hmmm. Let's consider my wife's situation.

Salem Trades In Medved For Gorka - UPDATED

I originally wrote and posted this at the end of 2018. I'll add some current [August 2022] thoughts at the end.

*****

I've long made a habit of listening to Michael Medved and I've often read his columns. I have a couple of this books.

While he seems to be personally very conservative (as in his personal life), he hasn't been a "the Republican way is the only way; screw Democrats" kind of guy when it comes to politics. He's tried to be fair to disagreeing callers Left of him, and to those Right of him (and there have been a lot of those lately!)

He has given his Democrat/Leftist friends plenty of air time and is generally very polite, trying to find common ground with just about anyone. He has always said he wants the President to succeed no matter who it has been, so that has included Obama.

I first thought things might change for him in 2016, when he refused to endorse or vote for Trump. Mind you, he didn't vote for this classmate, Hillary, either. Salem talkers who did endorse Trump were sent on a tour that year to try to get out the vote. Medved did participate in Salem townhalls, at which many in the audience were disappointed at his refusal to endorse Trump.

Since Trump was elected, Medved has praised the things the President has done that he likes and criticized (usually constructively) the things he hasn't liked, and there have been plenty of those.

The writing was on the wall once Sebastian Gorka, one of the many people with Trump Administration experience, started filling in for various Salem talkers when they were away from their own shows. Gorka is very much in Trump's corner, and not just because that's who happens to be the (Republican) President. Gorka has an accent and voice some listeners find appealing. I did often listen to his guest hosting stints, whereas I listen to very few guest hosts. Gorka expressed, on-air, his enjoyment of hosting.

Dennis Prager Looks At Marriage Like a Job

Dennis Prager looks at marriage like a job. He has said so on multiple occasions. As with actual jobs, he thinks everyone should get married and to do so as soon as they can, they should leave the marriage (fire their spouse) if the spouse doesn't do their duties, and then get married again to someone else. Thus, it isn't hypocritical for him to be in his third marriage.

Most people need actual jobs because they need the compensation (money, benefits, etc.) Most men don't need to be married. Certainly, the compensation provided doesn't warrant the "labor."

Men like Dennis Prager and his former fellow Salem host Michael Medved like to portray men as hapless without a wife. Maybe they were hapless without a wife. Plenty of men can do just fine without one. It's never been easier! I was doing GREAT without a wife. Also the solution to men having difficulty thriving as unmarried is to teach them how to thrive while unmarried, not tell them to sign a terrible state contract.

Dennis Prager and those who think like him on this subject will say men have an obligation to marry, because it does things like tames them, makes them grow, and it is the best way to raise children (and they also see raising children as an obligation). But men can be tamed and can grow without marriage. They also see it as man's obligation to pay a woman's way through life so she won't be dependent on government, or at least pay her for sex, and they see marriage as facilitating that. Again, how about teaching women how to be independent? You can still pay women for sex without a terrible state contract. These things have been addressed at length on this blog before.

Dennis Prager sees marriage as a tool to get people to behave how he wants them to behave. I say there are better ways to handle that, including persuasion.

He is emotionally tied into the idea that being a husband makes a man better, going back to when he'd see the married men in his childhood religious congregation wearing shawls that the unmarried men didn't. It is so ingrained in his emotions and memories that he is unlikely to accept the present day realities for most men.

I STILL Need A Vacation

I went back and read this entry from March 2018, titled "I Need A Vacation."

It's been over four years since that was posted.

The closest I've gotten to a true vacation since that was posted was about three days over a weekend that I spent helping a friend do something out of state. There were some relaxing hours, but it wasn't like the whole thing was relaxing. It was a lot of work. But at least I got to hang out with my friend.

My kids have, separately, spent time away with family, like a few days or a week at a time. My wife has taken one of the kids for a long weekend convention a couple of times. I took one of the kids to an event a couple hour's drive away that involved an overnight away. I also took one of the kids on an exhausting field trip that lasted multiple days. One of the kids has been away for camps lasting almost a week at longest.

We haven't had a family vacation.

We haven't had a couple's vacation.

I haven't had a vacation for me.

We've done some fun things as a family that haven't taken us away from home for the better part of a day. These excursions aren't relaxing for me because I have to handle my wife and keep track of the kids.

It's extremely rare for my wife and I to so much as go to dinner without the kids.

There are many reasons for all of this. It isn't that I haven't suggested more dates with the wife. It isn't that I wouldn't want to take family trips.

For one thing, It's the reality of having pets. I expressed reluctance about getting more pets as our previous pets neared the end of their lives, precisely because of the restrictions it would place on travel, the expense, and the mess. And I was right, but basically I was overruled.

More so, though, it's the reality of the family dynamics. We haven't been able to leave the kids with the same babysitter, meaning we have to make multiple arrangements to have the kids with others, and taking the kids along for things makes everything more expensive, of course.

And of course some of the time we were under lockdowns.

What has really helped the last couple of years is working from home, which has only been successful because I've been able to go into a home office and close the door, and only be interrupted with texts and knocks on the door. Fortunately, I can still work well even as I have to "put out fires" and handle interspersed chores and errands. It has been a help to NOT have to commute for work and attend in-person meetings that also required driving from one place to another. In that sense, the lockdowns and subsequent enabling of remote work have been a help to me.

Still, as the week goes along, I find myself getting exhausted and needing downtime. But I don't want my kids stuck at home all the time, so I take them places and that's tiring for me.

I STILL need a vacation. No vacations are planned.

This is the life of husband and father.

How Was Your Father's Day?

 
So, how was your Father's Day?

Comment below, whether you're a dad or know a dad you were with for Father's Day or you did something for a father you know.

Dennis Prager Gets a Call From A Clueless Woman, Pushes Marriage

During the open lines third hour of today's Dennis Prager Show (October 4, 2019), he got a call from  "Anne in Dallas". I really wish Anne would have called Dr. Laura instead. [This entry has been bumped up. I wonder how "Anne" is doing now?]

Anne was never asked, and never directly revealed, whether or not she has children, wants children, or her age. She did indicate that she's been looking for a traditional husband (= walking ATM) for many years. There was no indication she has ever been married before (sounds like she hasn't) or if she'd been riding the carousel until she got religion.

But she's dating a 48 year-old man "off and on" for two years who has been married three times already, the longest marriage being four years.

Right there, Dr. Laura probably would have laughed and her and then hung up.

Doesn't Take My Breath Away

 

 

 

Here's something that reinforces the point I made here.

 
A woman posted on Facebook bemoaning that Kelly McGillis wasn't in "Top Gun: Maverick."

Some people are responding by saying the McGillis hasn't had much of a movie career in years. But, really, she could have been brought back for this movie if the producers wanted to do that.

It would have been embarrassing, though. 

 

She played Tom Cruise's love interest in the original. Tom has aged very well, and has no doubt worked very hard at maintaining his appearance. He's recognizable as the same person from the original movie. These pictures of McGillis are how she looked in the original, and her looking her best now. Notice it's pretty much a head shot. You can search for pictures of what she looks like these days, if you want.

This isn't a Hollywood problem. This is reality.

The reality is, time is on the side of men.

McGillis, it turns out, doesn't care about attracting men in her personal life. But her personal life isn't the totality of the movie industry. The woman who wrote this said she wanted to see McGillis and thinks she's beautiful. Well, I don't think McGillis is ugly. But this movie isn't a chick flick. It's a movie targeted at men who like military movies and jets, and targeted at women who want to see Tom Cruise. Most of those women wouldn't want to see McGillis, at least not as Tom Cruise's current or past love interest.

McGillis may be a very decent and sweet person. I have no idea. I've never met her and I've never heard anything about her other than what's out there in the general public.

The writer of that lament wants people to stop noticing that most women hit the wall. Isn't going to happen. She might as well tell women they should marry poor men shorter than themselves (and yeah, I know Cruise is short). This is reality. Most men find younger women who aren't overweight most attractive. And most women won't agree to be exclusive with a man who isn't taller, stronger, and richer than she is. Older women, regardless of appearance, can be very significant members of society, great friends and neighbors, and all of that. But they're usually not going to be the main love interest in mainstream movies, even if men their age are.

Want McGillis featured on the big screen as a love interest or otherwise as attractive? Collaborate with  and produce something for her. "Top Gun" isn't it.

Big Thanks

A big thanks to the person or people who linked to this blog within the last few days. My visits shot way up. I'm not enough of a tech nerd to have anything in place that tells me exactly where the link was placed. If you want to let me know, comment below (you comment doesn't have to be published... let me know if you DON'T want it published. Thanks again!

Is He A Masochist?

Today's Dear Abby was a doozy. SCARED OF COURT IN CALIFORNIA wrote:

DEAR ABBY: I went through something that caused me a tremendous amount of pain and most of my wealth. I am still making monthly payments because of this, and will likely have to do so for the rest of my life. Also, about once a year, I go through a lot of additional expense and pain because of this thing I went through.

In addition to this, I am now paying for all the expenses of another able-bodied adult. This other person wants me to legally sign over half of my earnings to them. They also want me to do something that has over a 70-percent chance of resulting in a repeat of that original traumatic event.

What should I do?

OK, that's not the actual letter, but it might as well have been. See for yourself:

Shocker: People Who Will Stay Together Longer More Likely to Marry

Our "friends" at the Institute for Family Studies published another marriage-seller piece, this one by Harry Benson, who is Research Director of the UK-based Marriage Foundation.

After all, marriage rates have been falling across the developed world since the 1970s.

Good.

Cohabitation has become normalized.

Shacking up is almost as bad as marrying. Don't do it, guys.

People talk about long-term committed couples and relationships as the equivalent of marriage.

What makes something marriage, if not committing to be together?

Open Letter to Dennis Prager Regarding Encouraging Men to Marry

Dear Dennis Prager:

I'm a married father, and I earn my family's income. I wanted to get married, I was careful about who I sought as a spouse[1], and, statistically, we married at the right ages and were on track to have a successful marriage[2]. We both wanted to have children, and we did. Prior to having the children or even getting married, we agreed on how they'd be raised.

I've been gainfully employed since I was in high school, and even spent several years before I married working over seventy hours per week. I moved out of my parents' home for college shortly after graduating from high school and never moved back.

I haven't played video games since early adolescence. I have never abused alcohol or any mind-altering substances. I've read through the Bible multiple times and have studied it for decades. I have been a regular participant in adult fellowships at church that centered on marrieds and married parents, and I was steeped in the "Focus on the Family" outlook on family life. I have voted for conservative Republicans whenever I could since as soon as I could vote. I'm a longtime regular listener to your show (a P1, for sure), a reader of your columns, and have purchased and read through at least one of your books.

I've watched the Prager U videos dealing with marriage and male-female relations multiple times.

I say all of that to let you know where I'm coming from. I'm a supporter, not a hater.

Now, my point.

It's irresponsible and unfair for you to say men aren't real men unless they marry.

It is my position that most men shouldn't marry, and those who don't are still real men.

There are many men who marry because they are too weak, passive, desperate, or unwilling to be responsible for themselves. Almost all men who legally marry these days are ignorant, delusional, or masochists.[3]

Twitter Disclaimer

I'm on Twitter. Here is my disclaimer.

1) When I tweet my own statements, they are my own personal statements, whether sarcastic or ironic or not. They don't represent anyone or anything else, such as an employer.

Faith

This entry is about my faith. If you have no interest in reading about that, then ignore this entry and read whichever entries here look interesting to you. Or, go do something else entirely.

Unmarried Men, You Need to Get or Stay Scarce Until at Least February 15

Unmarried men, if you've been staying scarce for the last month or two when it comes to any woman who was thinking of you as husband material, keep up the good work!

For those of you who spent December and the holidays with such woman, you really need to get with the program NOW!!!

You DO NOT want a woman trying to make you her husband, and so you need to get or stay scarce. Be busy. Be "sick."

There are ads on television, radio, and websites/apps right now trying to get men to plan romantic evenings and buy expensive items because February 14 exists. NO NO NO!!!

Don't be so ignorant, delusional, or masochistic that you're thinking you want to be exclusive with a woman.

Shame on Him For Trying to Please His Wife

Dr. Laura usually gets it right and helps a lot of people, especially the people listening to her program.

Six minutes into the podcast of her program for Friday, February 4, 2022, her first caller was "Peggy."

Peggy sounded nervous, she said she was nervous, and when the call started she couldn't hear Dr. Laura well at first, but that was soon corrected.

PEGGY: I've been married for 25 years. I'm 66 years old, it's my second marriage. My husband is 72. In the beginning of our relationship we fell in love really fast[1], we had great sexual chemistry, and really will still do have great sexual chemistry. The problem is, when I was much younger, I could be multiorgasmic. Over the years that has waned, as I think is a normal type of thing. But my husband still thinks I'm multiorgasmic, and I've faked orgasms, because-

DR. LAURA INTERRUPTING: I don't really understand that. Both of you don't look as good as you used to look when you were younger, nor when you first met. [Dr. Laura continues to talk about looks, skin, etc., to try to make the point that they've "adapted" to that.] You've decided to play a game and not trust your man. You've not explained to him that "My sexuality has changed, one, on the outside, two, I'm good, I'm really good. I feel great. I don't need to have the 82 while you're still up. It just doesn't work that way anymore because I'm sixty-something." Tell the truth. You don't have to tell him you've been faking it. Just start telling him the truth from now on.

PEGGY: I've left this one little piece out. I-

DR. LAURA INTERRUPTING: WHY? Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! I KNOW you're hearing "shush." I know you're hearing that. Why should I listen to the thing you're going to drop in that you didn't think was important enough to put up front?[2]

PEGGY: [Apologizes]

DR. LAURA: Why did you hold it back? "I held it back because..."

PEGGY: I held it back because I should have started with that instead of trying to add it at the end. I should have started with what I was going to say to you. 

DR. LAURA: And the reason you didn't start with it is...?

PEGGY: Because I'm nervous-

[Eventually Peggy is allowed to continue.]

PEGGY: I'm going to say recently, without the last six to eight months, we just made a move. We moved from one state to another state and we're in the middle of building a house. Sometimes we don't have time for sex because we're very busy.[3] My husband started buying these toys for me, like vibrators and so on. Because I did tell him, you know "I am getting older, I'm tired, I'm good with one or two orgasms" and if we don't do it every night for him he seems so disappointed. And last week he was pushing pushing pushing- 

DR. LAURA INTERRUPTING: SHHHH SHHHHH SHHH "Honey, I love you. Pushing is not sexy. It's not romantic, and it's not loving. It's treating me like a prostitute.[4] You've decided you need a sexual release every day and I should do it no matter how I feel. That's not loving." It's called truth. [Dr. Laura repeats how it's not sexy, not romantic, the truth, etc. - PLEASE NOTE that it is her program and she can repeat as much as she wants, even though she tells callers not to repeat.] Is he taking pills or testosterone?

PEGGY: No, and he doesn't always take care himself. He wants to please me, because he thinks I need to be pleased that much. 

DR. LAURA: Then you need to tell him the truth. Your drop-in precludes him caring about you. It doesn't sound like he cares about you. If he doesn't do it every night he's disappointed. That's not caring about you. You've been misinterpreting that dear.[5]

Since Dr. Laura encouraged Peggy to say "the truth" to her husband, Peggy said he was on a business trip, apparently to indicate that she'd talk to him when she could do so face-to-face. Dr. Laura cut her off and said "and there's no such thing as a phone."[6] Then hung up on her before she could say more on the air, as she was trying.

Notes:

1. Dr. Laura will often stop callers and ask how fast things happened. She also usually asks what happened to the first marriage. It might be relevant. She wasn't interested enough to ask this time, probably because the marriage has lasted so long.

2. The real answer is that she didn't include that because Dr. Laura cut her off. The stuff Peggy had said was all necessary background. Dr. Laura had cut her off and didn't let her include everything. But Peggy can't say that because Dr. Laura will get irritated at least, and might hang up. So for a couple of minutes, the call is going to be critiquing HOW the caller has done the call so far and trying to get the caller to say WHY it happened that way, making the caller make something up.

3. Dr. Laura has told many other callers they have to make time and energy for sex. The have to drop something else, or get help with other things, to make their marriage their priority. That went unsaid this time.

4. Got that, guys? "Pushing" for sex is treating your wife like a prostitute. Prostitutes get paid for sex. Wives get paid, period.

5. This is Dr. Laura trying to save face. Peggy made it very clear, even though she was cut off more than once, that her husband isn't trying to get himself off, he's trying to make sure his wife, who apparently had a high drive and has previously enjoyed multiple orgasms each time, is satisfied. That's why he bought vibrators. What Peggy was looking for was how to tell him she is no longer able to orgasm as much and that there's nothing wrong with that and he's not letting her down.

6. Dr. Laura has, in other situations, urged people to talk face-to-face.

It's possible there was something on her screen or Peggy had sent an email and Dr. Laura was taking that into account, but we can only evaluate the call based on what was said on the program.

Guys, avoid these problems. Stay free!!!

Annual Marriage Sellers Propaganda Week

It's the week that marriage sellers have picked to be their annual publicizing of more propaganda than usual.

DO NOT FALL FOR IT GUYS! Certainly, DO NOT PROPOSE OR MARRY on Valentine's Day!

If you're not currently married, DO NOT let these people fool you.

There is no benefit to you to get legally married (or married again) that you can't get for less cost without legally marrying.

Marriage is a terrible state contract for most men.

Most marriages fail.

You can have an honorable, happy, fulfilled, full, productive, good life without ever legally marrying.

Something I've seen already today:

"Married people are happier."

For the purposes of this blog, I'm more concerned about men. Not "people." Our marriage laws and culture are gynocentric. Women get materially rewarded for marrying. Of course marriage can make women happy. (Don't be fooled, though. Women might like getting married, but many despise and resent their husbands, and don't really want to be wives.)

Briefly, because I've detailed this elsewhere, here's why you shouldn't infer what they are outright saying or trying to imply; getting married will make you happy.

1. Married men aren't always being honest or reality-based when reporting that they are happy. If they aren't assured their answers are anonymous and that their wife won't see their answer, if they don't want to admit "failure," if they think saying they are anything less than thrilled with their marriage would be a sin or a negative confession, they're not going to be honest. Most people in my life, including my wife, think I'm happily married. I'm not. But I don't let on (weekly therapy helps me keep the ruse going) because it would make my life worse if I did. I was VERY happy before I married. Unfortunately, I was ignorant and delusional enough to think I should marry.

2. Many of these husbands have no idea how much happier they'd be if unmarried.

3. Men told by their family, their religion, culture, etc. that they're losers if they're not married are going to be happy that they got married.

4. Happier people are more likely to attract and keep a spouse. It isn't that marriage made them happy. They were already happy. If unhappy, they are more likely to get divorced and thus be counted as "unmarried."

5. Studies about this never separate out intentionally unmarried men. Rather, all unmarried men (divorced, widowed, shacking up, hoping to get married, unable to attract a wife, etc.) are lumped together. Men who have decided to be Free Men or have otherwise joined the marriage strike can be much happier than the average husband.

Feel free to link to, copy and paste, or steal shamelessly from this blog to counter the narratives you'll be seeing this week.

Here are just a few other posts on this blog that might help:

My Core Advice to Men

Why You Don't Want to Do That

Reasons For Men to Stay Unmarried

How to Just Say No to Giving Up Your Freedom

How to Keep Your Friends Free

You Don't Need a Wife

Don't Waste Your Life Arguing With a Woman

Guys, unless you're in constant pain and sitting around doing nothing, life is short. Very short. If you're young, it may not seem like it, but it really is.

You can minimize the amount of time you spend arguing with women by making some simple choices:

1) Do not have kids. Do not give women your sperm. Get a vasectomy. Even if you plan on being chaste, or you plan to use condoms, or whatever you're thinking. It would be best, for most of you, if you got a vasectomy and got it tested at least twice. If you think you want to have children, can you give an unselfish, rational explanation why? Children need a mother and father in a loving, happy, stable marriage, and, chances are, you can't provide that.

2) Do not live with a woman. There's no reason to live with a woman. Everything you think you can get from living with a woman, you can get otherwise, for less risk and usually less cost. Living with a woman is costly and very risky, and reduces your freedom significantly. Women shouldn't even know where you really live.

3) Do not marry. Obviously, if you're not going to live with a woman you shouldn't marry one.  What we now call marriage is one of the worst things a man can do to himself if he has his act together. When a man marries, he loses, to a woman, just about any power he has.

4) Keep dating minimal. I'm not necessarily talking about frequency, but rather how involved the dates themselves get. There are still women who'll date you even if they know you won't marry them and you won't have children. However, there's really no need to even get to the point of that discussion. If you really do want to date, you can date women for three-to-sixth months each, mostly, which is the best time for a guy in a relationship anyway. You can keep dating them after sixth months if they're willing; just don't give them the idea that you want them to move in or marry you or have your baby. As I said above, they shouldn't know where you live. All "dating" should either be at their place, or an overnight rental or, if need be, somewhere out. If she starts to argue, leave. You don't need that crap. Really, try to say as little as possible on a date. Encourage her to keep talking, because anything you say can and will be used against you. Use Google Voice or some similar service to prevent her having your real phone number. If she texts or calls you to argue or complain or make demands, block her.

5) Do not sign paperwork with women. You're not going to live with a woman, so there's no need to sign a lease or mortgage or deed with a woman; certainly not to help her out. No way! Likewise, never co-sign on a loan with woman, or any kind of lease, or any contract (see below regarding work contracts). Don't form businesses partnerships with women.

6) Avoid working with women. Granted, for some lines of work, working with women is unavoidable. But if you have your own small business, you can more easily avoid working with women. Be sure to get everything in writing so that if you have clients who are women, everything is clear. Avoid being alone with a woman. If you must work where women are, keep all interaction with them to the most minimal professionally possible.

There's no need to waste your time and energy arguing with a woman, or listening to a woman complain or nag. If you don't give a woman control over your life, if you don't give her access to your stuff, if you're willing to and able to walk away or tell her "If I'm so bad, you should leave right now. There's the door.", it's amazing how much less arguing there will be in your life.

Life is short. Don't waste it arguing with a woman. Enjoy your life. And don't argue with people about your choice not to argue with women. Simply refuse to continue the discussion. If "that's private and personal, and I'm not going to discuss it anymore" won't suffice, walk away, hang up, block, whatever you have to do.

You Might Not Find a Better Relationship

Most relationships are NOT "happily ever after". They end or experience significant misery. Not all relationships are anything close to ideal or healthy. Some are abusive.

That all being said, we should never promise someone they will find a better relationship if they leave the one they're in.

They might not.

Does Marriage Help Some People Delude Themselves?

On Monday, January 17, 2022, Dr. Laura opened her program with a prepared monologue. Back in the day, the text of this would have been on her website, perhaps in a blog, but apparently she or her staff or contractor have decided not to do that anymore.

 

But I am able to listen and type, so I did.

Dr. Laura addressed one of her pet topics: Shacking up vs. Marriage. At least this time, she acknowledged how prevalent and "normative" shacking up is.

"Shacking up does not compare to marriage."

That really depends. I like to say that shacking up is terrible; almost as bad as marriage.

She went on to cite the Census Bureau to point out that shacking up has increased for 25-34 year-olds (that's too bad), and marriage has declined for the same age group (yay!).

She mentioned people seeing shacking up as  "a step towards marriage or the equivalent".

For some, it IS s step towards marriage. Some of them won't marry someone they don't first shack up with. For some, it really is the equivalent of marriage, or the closest they will get to marriage. And yes, some others are mistaken when they see it as tied to marriage. Different people, different situations.

"Shotgun shacking up is overtaking shotgun marriage."

Is it though? For any given couple it might be either shotgun shacking up or the kid having two homes to visit from the very start. I'd prefer, in most cases, the kid have both parents there.

"This is shocking and horrendous for kids."

Not if the parents behave well. Getting legally married will not make terrible partners/parents better.

She went on to try to impress upon listeners "the relationship quality gap between shacking up and marriage."

1. Married adults are more likely than shacking up adults to report... satisfaction

 

Dear Abby Prints Letter Misusing The Word "Addiction"

BROKEN-HEARTED IN OREGON wrote to Dear Abby:

For the past three years I've been with a man I believe is the love of my life.

Your belief is probably delusional.

Early on, he admitted to a porn addiction that has plagued him his entire life and sabotaged past relationships.

That should have been your clue to run. Not because he has the NATURAL enjoyment of seeing depictions of erotic situations, but because he called it an addiction.

But you didn't run, did you? Of course not!

"I can HELP him! I have the magic vagina!!!"

With my support, he began his first real attempt at recovery, which included a team of mental health practitioners.

What a waste of resources. And what exactly was her support? Nagging? Did she pay for this team?

His progress over the past three years, while not linear, has been tremendous. He's an entirely different person.

Right. Because the problem wasn't porn. Excessive viewing, if it was excessive, was a symptom.

I would describe our relationship as 90% joyful, 10% agony (he has had four brief relapses, during which he has said incredibly hurtful things to me).

Pixels are not booze or LSD. Whatever he said to you was likely the truth about how he feels or thinks.

A week ago, he had a difficult relapse and ended our relationship.

Sounds like he has more sense than you.

His therapist feels he needs to be on his own to focus on recovery.

That's two votes.

While I am devastated, I agree.

Case closed, then, right???

But I can't understand why he's giving up on us forever and making big decisions like getting off the mortgage on the house we bought less than two years ago.

Because he never should have been on that mortgage and he doesn't want to be with you. NEVER take out a mortgage with someone else.

He swears it has nothing to do with me, and that if it weren't for this addiction, he would spend the rest of his life with me.

He's trying to let you down easy. He doesn't want to be with you.

If his plan is to live alone, be single or celibate, and focus on recovery, why wouldn't he also pause on major financial decisions?

Because his plan is to do other women without having to hide it from you.

Why is he so completely done when there is clearly hope for recovery and reconciliation?

What are YOU addicted to? It's clouding your brain.

Yet another example of how supposedly exclusive relationships don't work out.

Is It Now Irresponsible to Have Children?

I'm not talking about overpopulation or carbon emissions or any of that dung. I'm also not talking about the world being a scary place. It has always been a scary place to some extent, at least since The Fall, if you believe in that sort of thing. In many ways, life is actually a lot better than at any time in (fallen) human history.

I ask if it is now irresponsible to have children because we're apparently unable to raise children within intact homes, with decent mothers and fathers.

My parents had twice as many children as my wife and I do, my father was highly dedicated to his career, and yet I think I hit the jackpot as far as having a good father. I compare myself to him and I find myself lacking as a father. I never got the feeling my father didn't want to spend time with me. Granted, I was very good at entertaining myself. Maybe my memory is skewed but I think he was far more likely to seek me out for shared activities than I was to seek him out.

That has carried over to being an adult. I like being alone. Just about everything I want to do at home is solitary. I know my kids need attention and want to do things with me, and if they ask me to do something with them I almost always agree and drop whatever else I'm doing.  But other than trying to get one to go along with me on errands so as to make brawls less likely, I don't ever seek them out just to play or interact for the sake of it.

I certainly don't feel like a good father. I see what other dads, some of them my friends, are doing and I just don't have the energy, time, or real desire to do it.

So I think I never should have had kids in the first place, between who I am and the reality of who my wife is.

If any one of the following is true, it is irresponsible to have children:

She Feels Differently Than You

Men and women are different. Even people still in utero can tell there's a difference. Only people who buy into the dung being shoveled by activists, including certain college and workplace programs, will deny this reality.

This blog and other sources have tried to explain to women that men literally think differently than them. We experience things differently from them in that our senses and nervous system and brain literally process things differently. But I've neglected to reinforce to men that, necessarily, the other side of that coin is that women think and feel and experience differently from men. Very few men truly grasp that and what it means.

A simple way of demonstrating this is unsolicited "crotch shots." I won't rehash that now. Click the link to see what I had to say about those.

But it is applicable to so much more of life.

Naive young men think, "I crave sex all of the time. I like everything about a woman's body. I like the look, feel, and taste of a vulva/vagina. I care about giving a woman intense orgasms and making sure she's satisfied. If she lets me know what turns her on and drives her wild, I'll do that.

"I like having her around. I like her approval. I like doing things for her in general. I like looking after her needs. I like solving problems for her and making her life better. Women probably feel the same way about men."

WRONG!!!

Women Despise Husbands

Women despise husbands. Not all, sure, but most. Actually, women despise men, but a Free Man is at least not paying a woman directly so that she can loathe him in particular, so that's why I am focusing on husbands.

Yet more proof of this was displayed for the world to see on Twitter recently (December 24, 2021).

Someone with the handle "TF1o1" with the Twitter address @NotThe12GAF asked:

Serious question: Where did this notion come from that all our grandmas & great grandmas was married and miserable?

Where did this notion come from they were diminished and oppressed by their husbands?

 

There were so many replies and quote tweets I can't take the time to quote more than a tiny fraction of them here, but scrolling through, these are typical:

Guys Need to Be Scarce NYE Through February 14

Guys, especially if you made the mistake of spending the November and/or December holidays with a woman you've been seeing for a while, you must get scarce RIGHT NOW, and do NOT resurface until February 15 at least. Do not spend New Years Eve with any woman who is thinking of you as potential marriage material.

Be "busy."

Be "sick."

However you do it, be scarce.

Spend your time with your parents, siblings, friends, hobbies, reading, watching movies and shows, whatever. See new women.

Avoid that marriage track. STAY FREE!

Riddle Me This

Explicit sexual discussion ahead. Skip this very brief entry if you don't want to read about sex.

A Guy Whose Marriage Had Even Less Sex Than Mine Does

There was a great call during the second hour of the Dr. Laura Program on Friday, December 17, 2021 (the last new broadcast/podcast of the year).

A man called up to talk about his current relationship, but as she often does, Dr. Laura asked him about his prior marriage.

He was raised a Jehovah's Witness (JW) and married at 18. Of course he did. That's how you can make lots of new JWs (start having kids early) and avoid having sex outside of marriage. However, there wasn't any sex. They never had sex. For five years. He never really got any reason to as to why (although, being raised with the idea that sex is dirty except when you're married can really do a number on people, especially women.)

This poor fellow was indoctrinated that divorce was a severe no-no, so he held on. Doctors said it wasn't a medical problem.

Of course he consulted his cult leadership about this. They told him to stick with his marriage and suffer. Of course they did.

Caller left his marriage. He ended up getting an annulment, but not before his (ex) wife tried to really stick it to him via alimony, but things turned out well in that regard (lucky man!!!) Even better, he left the cult through the ordeal.

Dr. Laura could have explored more about how the cult leaders handled things and how his family has reacted (not a word about that), and other fallout from leaving the cult. If his family members are still JWs, they are probably shunning him, unless the cult policy has changed. I'm pretty sure Dr. Laura didn't ask him because she has a friend who is a JW.

Dr. Laura did get to the caller's current relationship, and told him to leave it. Great! Hopefully the man will stay free. He should join the marriage strike.

DO NOT MARRY, GUYS!!!

The only way you can be sure not to choose unwisely is to not choose a wife at all.

Reminder For Men: GET SCARCE!

December and January are the months you should be avoiding any woman who is thinking of you as marriage material, is hoping to get a ring from you,is hoping to move in with you, expects you to buy her gifts or pay her bills, wants to introduce you to her family, expects to spend Christmas Eve or Day or New Year's Eve with you, or has asked, "Where is this relationship going? What am I to you?"

See other women, see new women, or don't see any women, but "be busy" rather than spending time with any woman who is trying to lock you in and lock you up. If she won't see you when we reach the second half of February, that's not as bad as having her planning your wedding or spending your money.

STAY FREE!!!

A Glimpse Into Married Romance

My wife and I take turns arranging for romantic evenings/days. These aren't very frequent, but we alternate anyway. Either way, I'm the breadwinner so it's paid for from my earnings.

This time it was her turn to plan.

Letter to Dear Abby Is Another Example of Why Not to Marry

Many women put in their dating profiles that they've "had their fun." Now they're ready for some sucker to who will be "dependable" and won't get the excitement her past lovers did. Consider what "CORNERED IN LOUISIANA" wrote to Dear Abby.

I am a 44-year-old woman who has been married for three years. We all have a past. Unfortunately, I made mistakes in mine that I foolishly mentioned to my husband when he asked.

I'd be interested in know how and when he asked.

I had a threesome in my early 20s, which I didn't think was a big deal because I was young and experimenting with my sexuality.

But it was a "mistake"?

He's now insisting on my having one with him.

Well, yeah. Nowhere is religion or morality mentioned in this letter. Threesomes are an extremely common fantasy for men, and this is widely known. Absent a shared religion or moral code that prohibits it, OF COURSE he wants a threesome.

He thinks I cheated on him because when we met nine years ago, I was still friends with the people involved.

Did he REALLY say it that way? If so that's ridiculous, but really... would you be OK if he was still friends with people he'd had sex with but he didn't tell you? And note guys, please note that when a woman say's "He's just a friend" it could mean that she's had sex with him.

Now, what he might mean is that he feels cheated because you were willing to do things (that he wants) with others that you won't do with him, the guy who signed on the dotted line and "layed down his life" for you, as Dr. Laura puts it.

I love him, but I feel like he wants to have his cake and eat it too. What should I do?

What does that even mean? Did you not enjoy the threesome? If you handled it right, it wouldn't be just about him. You'd enjoy it, too.

What should you do? Don't do anything you don't want to do. And he shouldn't do anything he doesn't want to do.

Men Need to Help Each Other But Are Allegedly Doing It Wrong

The Institute for Family Studies published an article by Canadian-based journalist, Ari David Blaff. It is headlined "Saving Men from the Men’s Rights Movement."

For most in North America, the word “Men’s Rights Advocate” (MRA) is synonymous with sexism and hatred. Members are seen as resentful guys projecting their poisonous hatred at a changing world that’s left them behind. That judgement is not entirely misplaced.

To me, "MRA" is almost as useless without clarification, as "feminist." What matters is what people MEAN when they use the term. But of course, the USA is misandrist and Canada appears to be even more so, so things that focus on men, other than to tell them to die in war, fund government schemes, sacrifice themselves in marriage, back up women in parenting, or otherwise serve women is seen as bad. What I call Free Men can be, and often are, happy, not wallowing in hatred at all.

December is Upon Us

Guy's it's here. This is the month that you must become (or stay) scarce to any woman who is thinking of you as a future husband. This is especially true if you're an American who didn't evade before Thanksgiving.

There are ads on television, radio, and websites/apps right now trying to get men to buy jewelry and automobiles for women. NO NO NO!!!

If you haven't done so already, you need to start implementing your holiday game plan. Hanukah, Christmas, New Years, and Valentine's Day are on their way.

There are two main considerations for you:

1) Dealing with family and "friends" who will be asking you (or pestering you) about your status as a free man. You now how it goes. "When are you going to get married?" Questions like that.

2) Avoiding spending those special days with a woman who wants to take away your status as Free Man, or will be expecting you to spend a lot of time, money, and effort on her.

This year has been different, due to pandemic limitations.

It's possible you either have maintained a roster and bullpen of women. It's also possible you have acquired more, even if just through online communications.

Whatever is the case, don't let the pandemic conditions cause you to do something foolish and start thinking there is "the one" to whom you should hand over your freedom. As much tragedy as there has been, the pandemic will ultimately be a bump in the road of life. Don't be so ignorant, delusional, or masochistic that you're thinking you want to be exclusive with a woman.

Be Thankful For Being Free

If' you're a Free Man, count that as one of the thing for which to be thankful as we Americans celebrate Thanksgiving Day.

All over the country, men, many of whom are beaten dogs, are spending a day or multiple days with people they can't stand because they were foolish enough to marry, propose marriage, live with a woman, or be "in a relationship" with a woman. In addition, many of these men have even paid for flights, hotel rooms, and other expenses to facilitate this.

Don't let that happen to you!

If you're in the USA, you should have already taken evasive action. If you're not in the USA, take evasive action before the next holiday!

Be thankful for being a Free Man, and stay a Free Man, and help other men stay free.

Are you free? Are you a beaten dog? Or, are you still blissfully delusional in your marriage, relationship, or desire to be in one? Whichever is the case, feel free to comment below to tell us about it.

They Can't Put Him Back Together Again

The jig is up, The horse is out of the barn. Marriage is dead.

Some people haven't accepted that, and desperately want to turn back the clock.

It can't be done.

There has been such a shift in our culture and it's not going to shift back.

What Marriages Does My Son See?

Over and over again, we are told that our sons will see how to be a husband by how we behave towards our wife.

What does my son see?

He sees that I work, I also do almost all of the chores and errands, and that his mother mostly sits around watching television and playing games, and spends a little time on a hobby. He sees that I get up every day, often early. He sees that his mom usually sleeps in. He sees us kiss, but he doesn't see his mother seeing me off, welcoming me back, or doing just about anything for me. When she asks him to do something for her that I would do if I was there, he sometimes tells her that she's capable of doing it herself.

So what about other marriages?

November Means American Men Must Get Scarce

Free Men, hopefully you didn't spend your Halloween weekend catering to a woman.

If you haven't done so already, you need to start implementing your holiday game plan. Thanksgiving, Hanukah, Christmas, New Years, and Valentine's Day are on their way.

There are two main considerations for you:

1) Dealing with family and "friends" who will be asking you (or pestering you) about your status as a free man. You now how it goes. "When are you going to get married?" Questions like that.

2) Avoiding spending those special days with a woman who wants to take away your status as Free Man, or will be expecting you to spend a lot of time, money, and effort on her.

This year has been different, due to pandemic limitations.

It's possible you either have maintained a roster and bullpen of women. It's also possible you have acquired more, even if just through online communications.

Whatever is the case, don't let the pandemic conditions cause you to do something foolish and start thinking there is "the one" to whom you should hand over your freedom. As much tragedy as there has been, the pandemic will ultimately be a bump in the road of life. Don't be so ignorant, delusional, or masochistic that you're thinking you want to be exclusive with a woman.

Dr. Laura is Wrong About Prenups For First Marriages - GET ONE!

Well, it happened again. [This entry has been bumped up from May 2018.] While I agree with Dr. Laura on so much, one thing I definitely disagree with her on is the issue of prenuptial agreements for first marriages. While she urges prenups for "second" marriages when at least one potential spouse has children, she is vehemently against prenups for childless people entering into a first marriage (people shouldn't be marrying if they have minor children).

A woman called in on yesterday's show (April 30, 2018) who sounded happy with her boyfriend, but when the topic of marriage came up, he stated he'd want a prenup. Dr. Laura told the caller (and, as a result, listeners in the same situation) to dump the boyfriend.

This is rare bad advice from her that she gives consistently.

Finding a match for marriage is difficult. The caller (or a listener) could be throwing away a perfectly good match and will now seek out a man who will be willing to sign really bad contracts. Is it really a good idea to enter into a financial partnership (marriage) with someone willing to sign bad financial contracts???

The fact is, the courts already have a prenup for you. It is based on family law in your state. You might as well be encouraged to come up with your own customized one before a marriage license is issued.

Getting a prenup is no more a sign that someone is planning for divorce than homeowner's insurance is planning for your house to burn down. We buy insurance and prepare in other ways for all sorts of things we hope don’t happen or we plan the avoid. Why let the state, which doesn't care at all about morality or how either spouse behaved, decide for you, when you can decide – somewhat – for yourself?

"Ah, but this is different because you can resolve to not leave your spouse and treat them well so they won't leave you."

Let's be real.

It's Not Just Divorce

Comments continue to be left at YouTube on the two worst Prager University videos (most of their videos are great). We've already analyzed the two videos, "Be a Man, Get Married" here, here, and here, and "The Sexiest Man Alive" here. But you can go check out the comments for yourself.

The misleading "married men are better off" stuff is still being left in the comments, between the comments that expose the serious flaws in the videos.

It's not just divorce, or if she cheats. It's today's "marriage" itself as offered by our laws and culture, and most of today's women, that are problematic to the point that marriage is a bad deal for men. The sacrifices, compromises, obligations, and risks are too significant without any guaranteed benefit. This is especially so for a man who doesn't want children, but even a man who wants children has to consider whether it is worth it to have children under such conditions, with a woman who'll have parental rights as opposed to a surrogate.

And if we're honest, most men aren't in a position to be good husbands and fathers.

But yes, on top of that, the possibility of divorce can't be left out of consideration.

Dr. Laura likes asking a similar question about possible marriages with minor stepchildren involved, so I'm going to ask one. If you had the choice to board an airplane or not for a VOLUNTARY trip that isn't necessary and will have little or no benefit, and there was a 33% chance (that's a 1 in 3 chance) the airplane was going to crash and kill you in a painful way, would you get on that airplane? What if, by getting on that airplane, it was MORE LIKELY THAN NOT you'd either be painfully killed or seriously injured? Would you get on that airplane?

No rational person would say yes. But that's what men are doing when they marry into a first marriage with no child of his own to a childless woman. It's even worse if one or both of you has been married before and/or have at least one child.

Grampa might have been married for life, and claimed to be happy, but he married in a different era.

Ask yourself...

Why do I need someone else living in my house and messing it up?
Why do I need more and larger bills?
Why do I need someone around yapping, nagging me, complaining to me, and arguing with me?
Why do I need someone else's problems?
Why do I need someone else's annoying family and cackling friends in my life?
Why do I need to invite the government into my home and financial accounts?
Why do I need someone else around that I constantly have to entertain and take care of?
Why do I need someone else passing judgment on my family and friends and causing problems between me and them?
Why do I need to make a woman my default medical decision maker when I'm not able to communicate AND simultaneously make her my default beneficiary?
Why do I need someone who is going to hinder my ability to earn?
Why do I need someone who isn't as successful at increasing wealth having an equal say in what happens with my income?

You don't. So don't do it.

It's Not Too Early to Form Your Holiday Game Plan

Free Men, it's NOT to early to think about the holidays, and by that, I mean Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hanukah, Christmas, New Years, and Valentine's Day. 

There are two main considerations for you:

1) Dealing with family and "friends" who will be asking you (or pestering you) about your status as a free man. You now how it goes. "When are you going to get married?" Questions like that.

2) Avoiding spending those special days with a woman who wants to take away your status as Free Man, or will be expecting you to spend a lot of time, money, and effort on her.

This year has been different, due to pandemic limitations.

It's possible you either have maintained a roster and bullpen of women. It's also possible you have acquired more, even if just through online communications.

Whatever is the case, don't let the pandemic conditions cause you to do something foolish and start thinking there is "the one" to whom you should hand over your freedom. As much tragedy as there has been, the pandemic will ultimately be a bump in the road of life. Don't be so ignorant, delusional, or masochistic that you're thinking you want to be exclusive with a woman.