"Why Can't Men Be Upfront and Honest?" - Part 2

Part 1 of This Series

Short answer: Because that doesn't get them what they want. 

Longer answer:

Letting things go unspoken, letting women continue with their self-created delusions and misperceptions, engaging women by running game gets men what they want.

Let's consider a very familiar scenario.

Rick asks Jane out on a date. He's the perfect gentleman on this date. Opens doors for her, takes her coat, pulls out her seat for her, etc. He treats her to a movie, dinner at a very nice restaurant, and dessert. They talk and laugh a lot before, during, and after dinner. Rick opens up and shares a lot about himself and asks Jane a lot of questions that show he's very interested in her. Rick has a good job and seems to have his act together. He seems honest and upfront. He's a nice guy! A good guy! He's seems like the kind of man Jane might want to marry someday, maybe when she's a little older.

Rick drives Jane home, walks her to her door. Will she invite Rick in?

Jane says she had a great time and tells Rick she has to get up early tomorrow and had better call it a night. Rick says he'll give her a call tomorrow, hoping to set up another date. Maybe there's a kiss. Rick is sent home.

Jane gets inside her place and closes the door.

There's a text message from David: u up?

Jane texts back: Yes.

David: c u soon

David comes over, and he's hardly through the door before he's all over Jane. They bang like it's an Olympic sport. After, David gets dressed and shows himself out. He doesn't stick around to talk, cuddle, snuggle, or spoon.

David has never taken Jane to a nice restaurant. He's never bought her presents. David doesn't have long talks with Jane. When she texts him, it can be a while to get a response from him, if she ever does. He doesn't spend holidays with her. He's never met her family or friends. Jane has no idea what David really does for a living or where he really lives (even if she thinks she does).

Jane continues to go on dates with Rick for a couple of months. Rick and Jane have shared some kisses. But in the time she has been dating Rick, David has had sex with Jane nine times, never taking her anywhere. (By the way, David does the same thing with three other women, seeing them about once per week each.)

Ladies, this scenario, and essentially similar scenarios, have played out countless times. If you're not Jane, and even if you are, you might try to deny it, but you know full well this happens. Rick is upfront and honest. David is aloof and unavailable for anything other than sex. If they'd met at a party, David hooked up with Jane during or immediately after the party. Rick got her phone number to ask her out on dates. Rick is the kind of guy who ends up raising some other man's kids and picking up the debts Jane accumulated before even meeting him. If they marry, Jane might not try to hide her boredom with their lovemaking, as she thinks back to David and and the other guys like him.

Men who know about these scenarios, if they're going to be either Rick or David, want to be David.

If a man wants to be David instead of Rick or simply avoid being Rick, there are ways to do that, and those tactics and principles (and me passing along those facts of life) is of no concern to any woman who isn't Jane (unless you're trying to help your brother or son avoid being Rick). Maybe you're not Jane. Maybe you'd never do anything like this. But there are many young, hot women who do.

You might claim that David can be upfront and honest. But that rarely gets a man to where David is. Whether David and Jane first met in bar or on an app or at a party, if he said when that happened, "Look, all I want us to be to each other are booty calls," he likely wouldn't have gotten anywhere, even if that's what Jane really wanted, too. She might worry about that being slutty. So instead, David says "Where are you? I'll be right over." or "Let's go back your place." or "Let's find someplace with less noise." This gives Jane plausible deniability.

Do you think Jane is being upfront and honest with Rick?

You might say that a man shouldn't assume he's with a Jane. Right! But if a man wants to be David instead of Rick, he wants a woman who'll agree to booty calls by her behavior. (What women SAY they want, and what they actually do, are often two different things - it's what she will do that matters.) If you don't want to deal with a David, behave accordingly and your behavior will send him on his way to other women and he'll leave you alone.

Nobody should assume that by having sex or dating, either person is agreeing to anything more than that. If Rick can't assume he'll be having sex with Jane because he took her out to dinner, Jane can't assume David will take her out to dinner (or do anything else with her) because they had sex. David doesn't need to be upfront and honest about only wanting booty calls and nothing else. Rather, each individual can ask for a visit, and either individual can decline. If one individual wants to change the established relationship to make it romantic, girlfriend-boyfriend, meet friends and family, to spend holidays together, go on vacations together, be exclusive, live together, plan for marriage - whatever - both people are free to ask for that. You can ask David if he wants more.

Most Davids don't even have to lie. They simply let the women think whatever they want. By the time a woman finally asks "Where is this going?" or "What am I to you?" he might be direct, blunt, upfront, and honest. He might say, "We've got a great thing going here. Why would I want to change it?" THAT is honest! And even if she stops seeing him, he's already enjoyed the best time frame of a relationship and there's another Jane out there for him to bring into the rotation.

There's so much more to say about this, but this post is long enough already.

Part 1 of This Series

Part 3 of This Series

Part 4 of This Series