BROKEN-HEARTED IN OREGON wrote to Dear Abby:
For the past three years I've been with a man I believe is the love of my life.
Your belief is probably delusional.
Early on, he admitted to a porn addiction that has plagued him his entire life and sabotaged past relationships.
That should have been your clue to run. Not because he has the NATURAL enjoyment of seeing depictions of erotic situations, but because he called it an addiction.
But you didn't run, did you? Of course not!
"I can HELP him! I have the magic vagina!!!"
With my support, he began his first real attempt at recovery, which included a team of mental health practitioners.
What a waste of resources. And what exactly was her support? Nagging? Did she pay for this team?
His progress over the past three years, while not linear, has been tremendous. He's an entirely different person.
Right. Because the problem wasn't porn. Excessive viewing, if it was excessive, was a symptom.
I would describe our relationship as 90% joyful, 10% agony (he has had four brief relapses, during which he has said incredibly hurtful things to me).
Pixels are not booze or LSD. Whatever he said to you was likely the truth about how he feels or thinks.
A week ago, he had a difficult relapse and ended our relationship.
Sounds like he has more sense than you.
His therapist feels he needs to be on his own to focus on recovery.
That's two votes.
While I am devastated, I agree.
Case closed, then, right???
But I can't understand why he's giving up on us forever and making big decisions like getting off the mortgage on the house we bought less than two years ago.
Because he never should have been on that mortgage and he doesn't want to be with you. NEVER take out a mortgage with someone else.
He swears it has nothing to do with me, and that if it weren't for this addiction, he would spend the rest of his life with me.
He's trying to let you down easy. He doesn't want to be with you.
If his plan is to live alone, be single or celibate, and focus on recovery, why wouldn't he also pause on major financial decisions?
Because his plan is to do other women without having to hide it from you.
Why is he so completely done when there is clearly hope for recovery and reconciliation?
What are YOU addicted to? It's clouding your brain.
Yet another example of how supposedly exclusive relationships don't work out.
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