Something any adult needs to thrive and to protect themselves is to learn to be comfortable saying "No."
You do not need to, nor is it healthy, to try to satisfy every request that anyone brings to you. Some religious people mistakenly think that if someone comes to them with a request, they are supposed to say yes, or at least find a solution for them. But that's not what the Lord does. The Lord often tells people "No." If you're ever going to parent, and most of you shouldn't, you'll have to say "NO!" quite a bit.
Do you ever find yourself agreeing to someone else's request or demand, only to regret it later or even immediately, or looking for ways to back out, or simply not showing up?
There are two relationships a man can have that make saying "No" extremely difficult:
1. His relationship with his wife
2. His relationship with his boss
Both have to do with his financial well-being. His wife can take away over half of everything he's earned (and his children!). His boss can fire him.
Men can avoid or mitigate this problem by saying no to marriage in the first place, and by being self-employed or at least having an Emergency Fund.
It should be easier to say "No" to anyone else, whether the person at your door, on your phone, or in your inbox claiming to be a salesperson, the panhandler on the street, the traffic cop who asks to check inside your vehicle with no probable cause or warrant, relatives, neighbors, someone you're dating, and just about everyone else.
People do need cooperation, so of course there are times you should say "Yes" even if it wasn't your idea, or isn't exactly what you want to do right now, because it is the right thing to do or because it will help you reach your other goals. But there we be times when you'll need to say "No" to avoid people walking all over you, or overextending yourself, or moving further away from your goals, or giving up your dreams, or any number of other reasons.
The more self-sufficient and independent you are, the easier it will be for you to say no. If you can walk away from something and be happy or at least content or satisfied, or more than you'd be if you'd said yes, that's a great place to be.
Two Types of No: No as in "absolutely not," and no as in "sweeten this deal and maybe I'll say yes." Let's look at both of those.
1. "I'm not going to do that." That's probably not how you should word it, but what I mean is that you're not going to agree to that thing at all (as opposed to below, where you'd agree to different terms and conditions). There are various ways to word your no, depending on the situations.
"Let me think about that." (This also works for when someone expresses an opinion, makes a claim, offers a suggestion, or whatever that you disagree with, but you don't want to argue right now.) If they ask you what you have to think about, say you have to check a few things (calendar, commitments, funds, etc.) One of the good things about this way is that they might drop the matter entirely, because their needs or desires change, or they get someone else to do it. If they follow up with you, consider one of the other ways to say no below.
"I wish I could, but I can't. Sorry to disappoint you." This is Dr. Laura's go-to recommendation to callers.
"I won't be doing that, sorry."
"Thanks for the offer. Have a nice day." - or something similar that sounds polite but it no way says yes, but dismisses them.
Defer to your personal assistant. This is a tactic used by Michael Eisner, at least when he was CEO of Disney. Someone would pitch something to him, and he'd say it sounds interesting or some other non-committal statement, and then he'd refer them to his assistant. The person making the pitch would call the assistant, who'd be the one to say no. If you can credibly claim to have a personal assistant, you can use this tactic. You don't even have to have a real personal assistant. You and a buddy can play the parts for each other.
For this "no" don't say no in a way that invites questioning, argument, or them trying to persuade you, and don't entertain nagging, badgering, berating, or any abuse. If someone doesn't respect or honor your "no", it would be best for you to avoid them (walk away, block, etc.). That includes family members like a sibling or parent or a "friend." "That's private" or "That's my business" is all the explanation as to "why" you need to say, if anything.
Both have to do with his financial well-being. His wife can take away over half of everything he's earned (and his children!). His boss can fire him.
Men can avoid or mitigate this problem by saying no to marriage in the first place, and by being self-employed or at least having an Emergency Fund.
It should be easier to say "No" to anyone else, whether the person at your door, on your phone, or in your inbox claiming to be a salesperson, the panhandler on the street, the traffic cop who asks to check inside your vehicle with no probable cause or warrant, relatives, neighbors, someone you're dating, and just about everyone else.
People do need cooperation, so of course there are times you should say "Yes" even if it wasn't your idea, or isn't exactly what you want to do right now, because it is the right thing to do or because it will help you reach your other goals. But there we be times when you'll need to say "No" to avoid people walking all over you, or overextending yourself, or moving further away from your goals, or giving up your dreams, or any number of other reasons.
The more self-sufficient and independent you are, the easier it will be for you to say no. If you can walk away from something and be happy or at least content or satisfied, or more than you'd be if you'd said yes, that's a great place to be.
Two Types of No: No as in "absolutely not," and no as in "sweeten this deal and maybe I'll say yes." Let's look at both of those.
1. "I'm not going to do that." That's probably not how you should word it, but what I mean is that you're not going to agree to that thing at all (as opposed to below, where you'd agree to different terms and conditions). There are various ways to word your no, depending on the situations.
"Let me think about that." (This also works for when someone expresses an opinion, makes a claim, offers a suggestion, or whatever that you disagree with, but you don't want to argue right now.) If they ask you what you have to think about, say you have to check a few things (calendar, commitments, funds, etc.) One of the good things about this way is that they might drop the matter entirely, because their needs or desires change, or they get someone else to do it. If they follow up with you, consider one of the other ways to say no below.
"I wish I could, but I can't. Sorry to disappoint you." This is Dr. Laura's go-to recommendation to callers.
"I won't be doing that, sorry."
"Thanks for the offer. Have a nice day." - or something similar that sounds polite but it no way says yes, but dismisses them.
Defer to your personal assistant. This is a tactic used by Michael Eisner, at least when he was CEO of Disney. Someone would pitch something to him, and he'd say it sounds interesting or some other non-committal statement, and then he'd refer them to his assistant. The person making the pitch would call the assistant, who'd be the one to say no. If you can credibly claim to have a personal assistant, you can use this tactic. You don't even have to have a real personal assistant. You and a buddy can play the parts for each other.
For this "no" don't say no in a way that invites questioning, argument, or them trying to persuade you, and don't entertain nagging, badgering, berating, or any abuse. If someone doesn't respect or honor your "no", it would be best for you to avoid them (walk away, block, etc.). That includes family members like a sibling or parent or a "friend." "That's private" or "That's my business" is all the explanation as to "why" you need to say, if anything.
2. "I'm not going to do that, unless..." This is more of a negotiating tactic. It could even be that you really don't want to do what is being asked of you, but if they make the deal sweet enough, you'll find the tradeoff beneficial. If this is someone who is paying you or might pay you, like a potential or current client or a boss, in some situations it might be better said as a "Yes, if...". Example: Your boss says "Can you get me those reports by noon tomorrow?" You can reply with "Yes, if I'm allowed to put everything else on hold and you have Joe help me." In those situations, it's better to say "Yes, if..." rather than "No, because..." "No, because" leaves it up to the other person to name the "solution" and that puts them in control. "Yes, if..." puts you in control, and if they have a solution that is even better for you, they can say so.
So learn to say NO. Value your time. Your time is precious. It's limited. Each moment that passes means you have less of it. Most young people don't really grasp this. Those of us who've been around for a while, who've seen friends die, who've seen people we know dealing with diseases or injuries that are limiting their life, understand this. If you're someone who is dealing with those things yourself, you especially need to say NO.
So learn to say NO. Value your time. Your time is precious. It's limited. Each moment that passes means you have less of it. Most young people don't really grasp this. Those of us who've been around for a while, who've seen friends die, who've seen people we know dealing with diseases or injuries that are limiting their life, understand this. If you're someone who is dealing with those things yourself, you especially need to say NO.
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