Tuesday, August 09, 2016

It Costs Too Much to Have Sex With My Wife

I'm not talking about money, although that can certainly apply, too. (You're paying half of your salary, guys. For fun, divide that by the number of times you have sex to figure out how much you're paying per session, especially if she doesn't do anything around the home.) [This entry is being bumped up.]

You are warned that the rest of this entry is about sex, and some of it gets a little detailed.

I never thought I would ever think or feel that I'd rather not have sex with my wife.

You know the saying that guys like sex even when it is bad sex. It's like pizza. Even cheap, bad, leftover pizza is good.

So I figured that I'd always want to have sex with my wife, even if she gained a lot of weight, absent something like her having an affair.

But the other day I realized that I'm at the point where I'm not even wanting it because it is costing me too much.

This isn't a lack of testosterone thing. I still want sex. I still get aroused. It is just that I'm increasingly losing my desire to have sex with her due to the costs.

Both inside and outside of bed, she consistently treats sex like it is some sort of favor for me, as if it is a chore for her. I have to jump through hoops – the right hoops, the right way, at the right time – or I get punished with sexual rejection. She actually spells it out for me, texting me that we're not going to be having sex later because she thinks I did something wrong or didn't do something the way she wanted me to do it.

She holds it over me. This reminds me she doesn't like sex, or she thinks I enjoy it a lot more than she does. You know why she thinks that? Because I behave like it's more enjoyable for me than it is, because I'm trying to make her feel desirable and want and to give her a better experience. That is one of the costs.

I do enjoy doing everything I can to give her pleasurable physical sensations. There's nothing I won't do for her with my body – literally no part of her body I won't touch with any part of my body, with enthusiasm, and she knows it. I'll cuddle, I'll spoon, I'll hold her hand. I like bringing pleasure to her so much I'll keep going until she stops me. If I’m lucky, she’ll let me continue until she orgasms, which she has been able to do again since switching medication. She claims to want and enjoy missionary intercourse and ejaculation, but I suspect that this is only so because it almost always means the end of the session. Once any part of my body (lips, fingers, penis) touch her vagina, they won’t be getting near her mouth, and once I've ejaculated, she doesn't indicate wanting any other interaction.  If she were to ask me to return to cunnilingus, I would.

Since I know it will be the end, my enthusiasm declines when she indicates it is time for me do it, especially if there hasn't been much foreplay.

I usually have to somehow ask her to touch me, even though when she does, I tell her how good it feels and try to encourage her. Her lackluster and half-hearted involvement is a turn-off. If it weren't for my prior experiences, I'd be distraught, thinking I must be a horribly deficient lover.

So what does it cost me to have sex (again, aside from the money)?

It costs me ego/pride/esteem or whatever you want to call it. I feel like I am imposing on her and giving her another chore.

It costs me sleep. The only time we're going to have sex is when the kids are asleep, since whenever we're both home and the kids are both gone and she's actually awake, she insists we do chores and errands. Due to work and to having to rise with the earliest riser in the house, having sex means I have to give up more of what is already too-little time to sleep, usually at the end of a very long day.

It costs me speaking my mind. I can't speak my mind or I can forget about even having a chance at sex.

It costs me the freedom to decline catering to her whims.

It's not like I’d go commit adultery. So it might be getting to a point where I’ll think is better to simply go without.

Someone reading this might be thinking, "But you have a Biblical obligation to continue pursuing, seducing, and making love to her."

Do I really? I mean, given everything that's going on, do I really have that obligation? The entire marriage is based on a fraud. My sperm count is now zero. Either one of those, in the minds of some, would mean this isn't a real marriage.

If I was a single man (or not even a single man, but putting myself out there) there would be plenty of women who'd enthusiastically fornicate with me, and I wouldn't have to do much to get to that point other than show up.


  1. Anonymous2:31 PM

    If you just omitted the part about earliest to rise, it sounds EXACTLY like my life.

  2. DarthW8:20 PM

    Ugh. Thank you for your blog. Reading about how "wonderful" (sarcasm) marriage is, makes me so, so glad I never bothered. I get more sex than most married guys...and without all the costs - money and otherwise - that a married guy has to deal with.

    A married buddy of mine has many times expressed similarly about his sex life. He typically doesn't want to even bother because of all the hoops.

    No thanks!


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