Wednesday, January 17, 2018

Marriage Material Men

As anyone who has skimmed through this blog can tell, I'm a huge fan of the Dr. Laura Show and the hostess herself. As such, I listen to every minute of the show and thus I think I've discerned what she would consider the basic requirements of marriage-material men; in other words, what she tells her female callers to look for when it comes to finding a husband.

In no particular order, here they are:

1) He is 28-35 years of age. That might slip down to 27 and slip up to 38 or so, but guys in their earlier 20s are not considered marriage material and men in their 40s or older who have never been married (see below) aren't married because either they really don't want to be or there is some serious flaw with them. Now, she doesn't oppose people remarrying when their children are grown and there is a prenup to protect those adult children and they meet all of the other criteria. However, the focus of this entry is on first marriages.

2) He is the same age or slightly older than the woman.

3) He has no minor children and has never been married before (with the possible exception of widowers). Even if he doesn't have kids, having been married before makes things more complicated and can make divorce more likely. Remember, we're talking about guys in their late 20s and early 30s.

4) He is done with his education and training.

5) He is not in debt.

6) He doesn't abuse substances and is physically and mentally healthy.

7) He doesn't play video games and has no Facebook account.

8) He is Alpha, not weak, and not a momma's boy nor does he allow a problematic mother (or anyone else) to control or negatively impact his life.

9) He earns enough to be the sole support of wife and children in a nuclear family home without others (and he wants to) and to pay lawyers to "go to war".

10) He has a job that pays as much as described in #9 and is steady,  and yet it doesn't require moves, frequent travel, semi/pseudo-social situations with women, working/commuting long or odd hours or extra/odd days that would intrude into family time, or dangerous conditions.

11) He has a compatible religious background to the woman. Saying "neither one of us is very religious" doesn't count if the religions are in conflict. For example, Jewish (non-Messianic) and Catholic. This is only a must if there is a possibility, however slight, of having children.

12) He is otherwise fundamentally compatible with the woman (major goals, raising children, personalities, etc.)

13) He is willing and able to be completely monogamous for life
(no threesomes, swinging, swapping, group sex, polyamory) and would never ask the wife to have sex where others might see nor to watch others have sex in-person.

14) The woman is strongly attracted to him, including physically.

15) There are no red flags in addition to anything covered above, including things that would be red flags if they happened more often or on a larger scale. (You can't come back later say, "It wasn't this bad!"

I personally disagree with #7. I think it is simply something she didn't grow up with and she has an unreasonable bias against such technology. Otherwise, I think these are very good rules for a woman looking for a husband.

In today's world, the combination of #9 and #10 is increasingly rare, especially fitting into the criteria of #1. However, since the priority is family and children, these are necessary things. This is why she frequently gets female callers who say that they "have to" work, or whose husbands aren't home enough or the right hours/days, or whose (potential) husband is older. But remember - "everyone", deep down, wants to be with someone.


  1. DarthW7:35 PM

    #1 makes me laugh. I love the assumption that a man who is "too old" must have something "wrong" with him if he has never gotten himself locked into an unhappy marriage with a woman who is essentially taking everything he has while getting nothing from wifey in return. Baloney. I once had a DIVORCED woman chastise me for still being single in my late 30s, mind you at that time I still naively and foolishly believed marriage had some merit. I had expressed an interest in her, but in her reply to me she stated something like "I'm concerned that at you're age since you've never been married that you wouldn't be committed to a serious relationship". I laughed at her, and replied, "Interesting. I've never been married, so that leaves some mystery as to whether or not I would be committed to a long-term marriage. You, however, are divorced, and so have already proven to me that you won't be capable of such." She was speechless. She assumed the fact that she had managed to be married for a few years, that somehow, ironically, that proved any type of ability on her part. What a joke.

    I once like Dr. Laura, too. No way I'd bother with her now. She promotes marriage to men, and that is the worst advice in the world.

  2. DarthW, thanks for your excellent comments! And yeah, the thing about #1 is that people like Dr. Laura figure either he's immature/noncommittal, or that he's RIGHTLY cautious about getting married at all. Meanwhile, I'm worried about men who AREN'T that cautious. Are they risk takers? People who don't pay attention or don't care about their lives? Any man who ISN'T extremely cautious is either extremely ignorant/delusional or has some sort of mental problem.

  3. DarthW6:36 PM

    Thanks Ken. Love the blog. I've had plenty of ex-GFs think of me as "noncommittal" as that's the female "go to" when I guy refuses to get locked into a marriage. Most women don't think about the risks that men face in the modern age, because many are too self-centered and deluded. For example, I'm far from non-committal: I've committed to mortgages, car payments, jobs, family relationships, friendships, pets etc. where I follow through with obligations for years and years that I committed to do, and in those commitments I saw things for me to gain from. No phobia about it at all. However, when I see a scenario where I will likely lose, as in marriage, I am wise not to make a commitment when there is no return on an investment for me.


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