Tuesday, December 14, 2010

First Dates Should Not Be So Serious

I get a kick out of a lot of articles written for women about men and dating, especially in media like Cosmopolitan.com. This one was called "His Surprising First-Date Fears" and it says:

We got experts to spill on the little things that secretly stress him out.
But the guy they describe sounds like he’s in ninth grade.

1. That you'll be different from what he's expecting.
Well, yeah. Men are visual creatures. Deceptive pictures aren't appreciated, as is general false advertising about your personality.

We've all been there - you thought the date went perfectly, he acts fine the whole time, and afterwards, you wait for him to call and...zilch. The sudden blow-off could be because you ended up being different than you were when he first asked you out.
Or it could be because you weren't very good at making out. Or, depending on the guy, it could have been because you grabbed his penis and he's looking for a wife, not a booty call.

2. He won't be the only one you're interested in.

Guys feel like on the first date more than ever, there's insane pressure to really wow a girl. So he worries that his competition — aka every other hot guy in the room - could steal your attention.
Huh? Please. Most guys expect you to be dating others and not blind to the fact that there are other men around. What we don't tolerate is using your phone or "accidently" bumping into friends, especially "friends" (= another man whose penis you've has seen).

3. He'll touch you too soon.
Nope. If she's not ready when he goes for it, then she's not right for him, or she need more time before the next date.

4. You won't give him another date.
Nope. He doesn't know yet what a great person you are. There's plenty of other women to date. If you don't want another date, then it is on to the next possibility. I once had a date with a woman who subsequently told me she wasn't interested in going out again, probably because I was younger. But later, she changed her mind and told me she wanted to go out again, and we dated for a while. Then she decided to stop. Probably because I refused to stick it in her (although we were doing other things). I heard her biological clock ticking. I spent no time worring about any of this – whether or not there would be another date.

It is very important - whether one is dating for marriage, dating for sex, or whatever – to hold off on getting emotionally attached to someone in the first few dates. There are billions of people in the world. Not every date is going to be a perfect match. It is best not to waste time and emotion on someone who isn't right for you. Keeping that in mind saves a lot of trouble.

What are men really thinking about on a first date?

1. "I wonder what she looks like naked. I wonder if she'll be good in bed." Now, religious guys will usually try not to entertain these thoughts, but they're there.

2. "Please don't make this too expensive."

Now, if he's looking for a wife, he will be looking for things that would disqualify her as a good wife for him, and if he likes what he sees, he will be worrying about making sure she's having a good time. If he's just looking for sex, he's going to be thinking about how to get from here to there.

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