Boyfriends are Not Husbands

Although husbands can act like boyfriends in certain nice ways. UNSURE IN THE MIDWEST wrote in to Dear Abby:

My boyfriend and I have reached an impasse. He says that breakfast, brunch or lunch is an acceptable time to spend with my girlfriends, but dinner is "family time" and should be spent at home with him.

Since he is your boyfriend, he's not family. But it sounds like you are shacking up, and he is asking you to act like family even though you aren't.

He also says that girlfriends who spend a weekend away together are "up to no good." I see no problem with it.

It is no problem as long as you are unmarried and not engaged. Ask him what he would expect of his wife. If he insists that this wife will be spending most dinners at home, and no weekends with the girlfriends, and that's not the way you want to live, don't marry him. If you don’t want to date under these conditions, dump him. There are men who won't mind a wife being away with the girlfriends on weekends or somewhere else for dinner. But would you want to be married to any of them?

Dear Abby's response:

Your boyfriend appears to be insecure, controlling and have a dim view of women. If you're smart, you will find someone who is less easily threatened by female bonding and let this one go.

Hmmmm, I agree in that he's only a boyfriend. Then again, if they are shacking up and he's paying her bills, then he expects her time in return. If she doesn't like that kind of a "controlling" boyfriend then she can pay her own bills. But what about if they were married? If he would never want his wife away with her friends for a weekend, that would be a problem, but wanting her with him most weekends and for dinner isn't. How controlling can be he if he says it is fine for her to be elsewhere for breakfast and lunch? I also wonder if Dear Abby would say the same thing to a man whose girlfriend wanted him to be with her for dinner every night and didn't want him away with his buddies on weekends?