Another Sexless Marriage

Again it is a husband neglecting his wife. WANTING MORE IN THE SOUTH wrote in to Dear Abby:

My husband of one year (at the time) was considered by everyone to be the most caring, good husband. But he never wanted to have relations with me.

Unacceptable. Divorce time. It shouldn't have taken a year to decide that. If all he wants to be a is a friend, then you shouldn't be married.

After several months of investigation, I learned he had been seeing prostitutes.

Female prostitutes?

He even admitted to me that when he did have sex with me he was thinking of them.

Wait, so you were having relations. Sounds like he has a fetish. Or, that you're really lousy in bed. It's probably the former. Solution: Make him pay you. If you earn less than he does and you're in a community property state, he's paying you anyway. So why not accept payments in cash conveniently timed with your marital lovemaking? I'm mostly kidding.

Fast-forward: I forgave him; we went to counseling.

Oh yeah, that will solve everything.

Abby, he still never wants to have sex with me! When we do, it's because I initiate it. My self-confidence is shot. He says he "doesn't have a sex drive," so I can either accept him for all the positives -- of which there are many -- and not have a sex life, or not.

Is there anything he’s done with the prostitutes that you will not do? As wrong as it is for him to go to prostitutes, that might be why he is. He should be able to ask you for what he needs, and you should be able to give it to him. Otherwise, you're not a match. That might not be your fault at all. It could be a fetish on his part.

I have considered fulfilling my needs outside the marriage, and giving him the green light to do the same, but he's against it.

He's breaking his vows, Why be married if you are at that point? Are you that dependent?

Here's a tip. If you buy a car, and you are never able to get it running, send it back to the dealer instead of taking it to the mechanic. Don't keep making payments and taking the bus.