One of my best friends is dating this complete jerk.
You know, when I was a kid, I thought that the way to get a girl to date you was to be nice to her and be a winner. Little did I know. Like many other boys, I'd notice that these jerks and losers always seemed to have no shortage of girls to go out with. I didn't reconcile these notions until I got older and other men started pointing out that being a jerk will not only not scare women off, it will get you easier sex and more sex.
Some women try to deny that women like to be treated badly, but some women keep volunteering to be treated badly. It turns them on. They can't stand men who treat them well.
He is manipulative, condescending, emotionally abusive, and let’s not skip over the time he told me to bleep-off, unprovoked and without an apology afterward.
Are you paying attention boys? Those of you with mothers who aren't with your father anymore – how often have you heard your mother refer to your father as a jerk, or with the traits listed above? Yeah, that's the guy who turned your mother on so much that she got pregnant by him. You can't get pregnant without sex (assuming rape is not involved, or a sperm bank).
I feel like my friend is brainwashed.
This is what she has chosen for heself.
She used to be so confident, and now she has changed the way she acts and even eats! He’s told her she’s gained weight, guilted her about cheeseburgers and scolded her for her spending habits.
He knows this will make her more likely to stick around and have sex with him. He wants her to think so little of herself that she'll keeping having sex with him.
If she gets drunk with her girlfriends, he gets mad.
Well, duh. That is not jerky behavior. That is normal behavior. How is she getting drunk with her girlfriends? Most likely with drinks other men are buying. Now why would a man who doesn't know a woman buy her a drink, hmmmm?
What can I do to help her realize this guy is bad for her? She knows he is a jerk. She’s even said it. But then she says she “loves him” and wants to marry him. She deserves much better.
She deserves exactly what she sticks around to put up with. You can't do anything about it. Badmouthing him will only make her cling to him more.
Dear Margo responded:
The only thing I can say for this chap is that his unhappiness with his girlfriend getting smashed is understandable.
From what you report, he is a controlling hothead, but as is usually the case, your friend will have to arrive at that realization herself. Stop trying to change her mind — because you can’t. These situations are do-it-yourself projects.
Some of these guys are not naturally jerks. Some are guys that just want a girlfriend to have a lot of sex with and be best friends and have romance with, but they do not ever want to get married or have kids. These men would be nice guys if that is what got them what they want. But it doesn't, at least not without a lot of time, energy, money, and effort – and an expectation of getting married and having kids. Then these guys find that there are plenty of young, attractive women who will quickly get sexual with guys if they are jerks. They see it with their own eyes. So they become jerks, because that is what gets them the easy sex and with less pressure to get married, to boot.
If more women demanded better, these men would be better.