Her Husband Gave Jewelry to a "Dancer"

WOUNDED HEART IN OKLAHOMA wrote in to Dear Abby:

My husband had an affair with a stripper.

You married a dummy. Out of all of the things I have done wrong, I've never witnessed a live performance of a stripper. I've never darkened the door of a strip club. I believe I have mentioned before that I made it clear during my "bachelor party" night out that I didn't want a stripper, and I turned down my own father's suggestion during said festivities that we go to one of those clubs. I had to repeat myself. And my father is a generally decent man - it is just that going to these sorts of clubs has become so commonplace, especially for bachelor parties.

Aside from the morality, the fact is, strippers are experts at extracting money from men and giving those men less than they can get from a date or a hooker. They are hookers that (usually) don't put out. They take the money, and usually just frustrate men. These days, women get naked and have casual sex with strangers for free. Why pay?

I guess some guys pay to see strippers because they reason that it is more acceptable to do that than have a mistress or hire a hooker. But still... when I'm hungry, I don't pay to watch someone cook a hamburger. I eat. And this guy apparently got involved enough to buy jewelry.

I found out about it because he bought her some jewelry and was stupid enough to have the bill sent to our home.

See what I mean about the money? She's getting jewelry from him, and he's a dummy for buying jewelry for a stripper, and possibly a dummy for not covering his track. He may have wanted to be found out.

We have been married more than 20 years and I love him, but this haunts me every day. I am heartbroken, but I'm trying to make our marriage work. He never admitted to any of it and says nothing happened between them.

It is possible that nothing happened between them. Remember – she's a stripper. She's used to getting money from men without actually doing things with them.

I don't know whether to keep on trying or leave him and hope to get on with my life.

To figure that out, ask yourself honestly - why did he do this? Is he generally a bad guy, or have things gone sour in the marriage? He might have been desperate for what appeared to be affection, attention, and admiration from a woman. I don't know of a healthy husband who is going to choose watching a stripper over sex with his wife. Is he getting enough sex?

Dear Abby responded:

It takes effort on the part of both husband and wife, plus honest communication and often professional counseling to heal a relationship when there has been infidelity.

He might need a financial counselor most of all.

Even though you love your husband, it's time to start taking care of yourself. And the place to start is by insisting on professional counseling. If he won't go, go without him.

That could work. Or she may find a bad counselor who tells her that it is wrong for a husband to be horny.