Long Distance Relationships From High School

This is the time of year that so many high school seniors face questions about the future of their relationships. COLLEGE-BOUND wrote in to Dear Abby:

I am an 18-year-old high school senior who will be leaving for college soon.

Congratulations.

My boyfriend, also a senior, will be leaving, too.

Good for him.

We have been going out for the past two years and trust each other completely.

I know there are exceptions, but generally, I think it is best that high schoolers don't have an exclusive boyfriend or girlfriend. I say that as someone who, at the time, thought it was supposed to be that way – that you found a girlfriend and stuck with that relationship as long as possible. Sixty, seventy years ago, living in a farm community, maybe. But really, I think it limits a teen more than it grows them. As a parent, I will be encouraging my own children to do things in groups. And no, I don’t mean group sex.

We attended different schools, so we are both fairly adapted to a "long-distance relationship."

Going to different high schools in the same or adjoining cities doesn't really count as distance.

The problem is I will be going to college in Florida while he will be staying in Michigan. Neither of us wants to break up, but we understand the enormous changes that will be taking place soon…What are the chances of a long-distance relationship like this working out?

Not good. Are you having sex regularly with this guy? If so, do you really think he'll stop having sex on a regular basis, especially with girls hooking up on campus these days with no strings attached? You see, he's not having sex because it is you. He's having sex because it is him. On the flip side, you're going to be meeting thousands of new guys your age – some from around the world, some a little older, who are going to be asking you out. Do you really want to turn down a nice dinner, or a concert, or some other date with a guy you find interesting and attractive because there's a guy in Michigan you'll see maybe three times a year?

Even if both of you are virgins and plan to wait for marriage, it won't be practical to keep an exclusive long term relationship. At that age, I don't recommend exclusivity even if you're on the next street over.

Sometimes, due to military service or some other occupation, married couples have to spend a long time apart. But they're married and established adults. A boyfriend at 18 or 19 is not a husband.

How about making an agreement that you'll go out with each other, if you still want to, when you are in the same place, whether that is Michigan, Florida, or home – and that you will not talk about your dates with other people?

Your priorities right now should be focusing on your studies and maybe getting a job to pay your bills or get your foot in the door of your chosen career. You'll be learning a lot about yourself and what you need in a spouse, or if you even want to get married.

Dear Abby's advice is pretty good. But that's what they pay her for, right?