What Do You Want to Be?

What do you want to be when you grow up?

HOPELESS IN CHANDLER, ARIZ wrote in to Dear Abby:

I am a 19-year-old guy who doesn't know what I want to do with my life.

A lot of people are in that boat. Even some people who are sure they know what they want to do with their life when they are 19 end up doing something else – and a lot of them are happy. Sure, some people know from age 10 and never waver and they realize that goal and they never change careers or family plans. But a lot of people do change their minds. A great many people do not end up doing the thing for which they thought they were getting their college degree.

I know I'm still young and shouldn't stress out about what my career in life will be, but nothing seems to interest me. I don't want to be a doctor or an astronomer like some do. I can't cook or play any instruments, and I'm not very good with numbers. I have thought of hundreds of careers -- and I hate them all.

Maybe you're depressed? Are you being drugged up? Some people (including some of our youth) are pessimistic or cynical or discouraged about life in general. To them, the world either doesn’t make any sense or seems prohibitively oppressive. But there are opportunities - so many things left to be done, discovered, and created.

You didn't mention people. How are you with people? Maybe you'll find yourself if you go on a mission or serve a charitable cause.

Dear Abby gives some good words, including this...

Although you have decided what jobs do not interest you, nowhere have you mentioned any areas in which you excel. For that reason I'm advising you to go to your nearest community college career counseling center and ask to take some aptitude tests. People usually enjoy doing something they're good at.

Here's what I would say to someone in his position (and some others):

Yes, take those aptitude tests.

Take general education courses and introductory courses at community college. You may find something you like, and you won't be blowing the money you would be at a college or university.

Is it possible you want to be "just" a father/househusband? If you want kids and are good with kids, then you can probably find a career-minded woman who would rather climb the corporate ladder and would benefit from having a husband at home raising her kids and taking care of her. If you can find one who can still respect you as a man and not resent you for staying home, then it could work out.

Leaving aside parenting, every person has something to offer their fellow human beings. We all have some talents, some aptitude, some resource. For some people it is the ability to think through complex things fast. For others it is artistry; others have physical strength; others are exceptionally beautiful; others are good as listening; for others it is a trust fund; etc. There are so many different aspects to us, and we all have something in abundance that we can trade to other human beings for things we lack and need or desire.

Think hard and come up with these lists... ask other people if you need to:

What are you good at? (There is something – probably many things.)

What do you like to do, even if you aren't the best at it?

What can you do that will get people to pay you money?

The lists are going to look different from each other. But there will likely be at least one thing that each list will have in common.

That is what you focus on.

One you find that, you find out how to make a life of it. Find others who have done it or something like it, and find out how they got to where they are.

This book might help.