Angry and Infected

OUTRAGED IN MISSOURI wrote in to Dear Abby:

I recently got genital herpes.

Congratulations.

I am very depressed over it and am experiencing a lot of difficulties, not to mention the expense.

Warn others.

The man I caught the virus from, "Jack," claims he didn't know he had herpes.

Maybe he didn't.

I don't know what to believe, except that I should be compensated.

Why? Where is there an expectation that someone to whom you're not married is free of sexually transmitted diseases/infections? Aren't STIs an inherent risk of fornication?

My life has been destroyed.

Destroyed? Really? But all of those folks in the Big Pharmaceutical ads for herpes meds look so happy. And look at Jack - he was still able to find someone with whom to have sex.

I hate the fact that this happened and, to top it off, Jack has changed his phone number!

Now we see what's really irking her.

Is this a criminal act?

Dumping you? No. Unknowingly infecting someone through consensual behavior? No. Knowingly and intentionally infecting someone else after denying you are a carrier of an STD can be a crime, and can be subject to a successful lawsuit.

Should I take action?

Yes - follow your doctor's advice. And if you're so concerned about STIs, insist on mutual testing with your potential sex partners before you do the dance. I think any couple planning to get married should do that, along with a lot of other fact-finding.

Dear Abby responded:

Please do not allow having herpes to define who you are. Your life has not been "destroyed." You contracted a virus, as millions of other Americans have.

Everyone is doing it.

There are support groups for people who have herpes -- just Google "herpes support groups-USA" and you'll find groups galore.

A dating group I could see. But a support group?

She advises against a lawsuit.

As far as I know, I never got anything from all of my bad behavior. I'm very fortunate to have avoided getting something, as I was mostly relying on the word of my partners.

The surest way to avoid STIs is to not have sex. The next surest way is to only have sex with someone who has never had sex with anyone else.